An Open Letter to Jihadistan

Today, Reuters reported that the Taliban in Afghanistan is after Prince Harry, hoping to make political hay out of a high-profile target. The article states in part,

“(Reuters) – The Afghan Taliban said on Monday they were doing everything in their power to try to kidnap or kill Britain’s Prince Harry, who arrived in Afghanistan last week to fly attack helicopters. Queen Elizabeth’s grandson is in Afghanistan on a four-month tour, based in Camp Bastion in the volatile Helmand province, where he will be on the front line in the NATO-led war against Taliban insurgents. ‘We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping,’ Zabihullah Mujahid, a Taliban spokesman, told Reuters by phone from an undisclosed location.”

Mr. Muhajid, you understand nothing of Islam. You understand nothing of jihad, which is personal struggle to make yourself more like the Allah you claim to worship, but whom you understand not at all. Tom Clancy said it far better than I ever could:

“Islam is not the enemy of our country or any other. Just as my family was once attacked by people calling themselves Catholics, so these people have twisted and defiled their own religious faith in the name of worldly power, and then hidden behind it like the cowards they are. What God thinks of that, I cannot say. I know that Islam, like Christianity and Judaism, teaches us about a God of love and mercy–and justice.”
Tom Clancy, Executive Orders

No one is fighting a war against Islam, except withing the confines of your own uneducated and deluded minds. You are wrong about the world, wrong about freedom, wrong about personal liberty, and wrong about your own faith.

©Bill Watterson

If Allah exists in any form at all, he is not one of the Old Gods. He does not demand blood and sacrifice, or the suppression of other human beings – women, gays, Baha’is, Jews, or any other of his creations; he does not demand that unbelievers be subject to the Dhimmi tax, or beaten for your pleasure, or executed at your whim. Your guns do not make your right; your misguided mullahs and imams do not make you right; the destruction of priceless cultural treasures at the fatwa of one insane man do not make you right. You are wrong, and all the bullying thuggery in the world will not change that. You will no doubt consider this blasphemy and worthy of death, but I do not excuse my words. I am not a Muslim, but I tell you plainly that I understand your Allah far better than you ever will.

Humanity will survive your onslaught. Shari’a will not prevail. As our race gropes toward the stars, backward-thinking mobsters like yourself and those who follow you will fade into obscurity and irrelevance. The only hope you have for survival is to lay down your weapons of war and join those who seek to live in peace with their neighbors, who seek to build a better world for all people. Do this, and you will live. Do it not, and you and each of you relegate yourselves to the dustbin of history.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

Wally Boag, Disney Legend

    

If you’re old enough and ever attended the Golden Horseshoe Revue at Disneyland, you may have been fortunate enough to get one of these boxes of balloons from the incomparable Wally Boag. Younger generations never knew him, although they might spot him as a character actor in some of Disney’s earlier comedies such as “The Absent Minded Professor” or “The Love Bug”, or knew his voice as “Jose” the parrot at the Enchanted Tiki Room. But Wally had a phenomenal career, and left an indelible mark on the essence of the Disney empire for decades. Wally passed away just over a year ago on June 3, 2011, and the world is poorer as a result.

My father was an actor, and had a longstanding relationship with the Boags through performance channels. As a result, I knew them since I was knee-high to a… well, my wife doesn’t like those things so I’ll say “to a gecko.” And my life was infinitely richer as a result. Wally was a great entertainer, a very funny man, and a dear friend.

Wally’s balloon work was one of his trademarks, and he always had a youngster up on stage to help him with his routine. I took this in the early 70’s during one of my visits there.

Wally as Pecos Bill in the foreground, Betty Taylor as Sluefoot Sue in the background, flanked by Fulton Burley of the amazing eyebrows and lilting tenor. In a gentle coincidence, Betty passed away one day after Wally did.

With the encouragement and massive assistance of his longtime friend Gene Sands, Wally was able to publish an autobiography a scant two years before he passed – it’s full of memorabilia and wonderful stories, and would be a graceful addition to the coffee table of anyone who remembers Wally fondly:

The book is only available at the Wally Boag Website; a review can be read at Yesterland. It’s unlikely that there will be another printing; my autographed copy is numbered 57 of 200, and I treasure it, treasure it, treasure it.

Wally was honored with a window above Main Street in Disneyland. In addition to voicing Jose the parrot, Wally had a large hand in writing the script for the Enchanted Tiki Room, which to this day remains one of my favorite attractions on the  park. (Fulton Burley, mentioned above, voiced “Michael” the Irish parrot as well.)

A replica of the window graced a garden house at Wally’s longtime home in California.

Julie Andrews had been a part of Wally’s “Starlight Roof” show in London at the age of 12, where she would sing “Polonaise” from Mignon. In 1963, Julie Andrews as at Disneyland prior to the release of The Sound of Music. She stopped by to visit with Wally at Disneyland; he brought her onstage during his show and they sang a duet together.

Wally was featured in a birthday party video which included balloons for kids to blow up and decorate.

Wally as the Traveling Salesman at the Golden Horseshoe Revue

Wally as Pecos Bill

My youngest son MikeD with Wally on the beach near Santa Monica, around 1999 or so.

Wally’s Den

Wally at his desk in 2008, holding galley proofs for his autobiography.

Wally’s Wikipedia Page has a number of additional links about him and his career, for those inclined to learn more.

Time must march on, but I will miss this dear man terribly. I have been so honored to know him and his family, and my heart is lightened by the echoes of his life well-lived whenever I think of him.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

 

The Cyber Troll

Occasionally a troll pops up on a discussion board. These are individuals who write inflammatory or disparaging posts, hoping for a flurry of outraged responses which they can then refute with further insults. In troll-speak, they do it for the lulz, meaning “for the joy of disrupting another’s emotional equilibrium.”

Image Source: Unknown

From this article in Science Friday comes a summary of troll behavior:

‘Trolling can

  1. be frustrated if users correctly interpret an intent to troll, but are not provoked into responding,
  2. be thwarted, if users correctly interpret an intent to troll, but counter in such a way as to curtail or neutralize the success of the troller,
  3. fail, if users do not correctly interpret an intent to troll and are not provoked by the troller, or,
  4. succeed, if users are deceived into believing the troller’s pseudo-intention(s), and are provoked into responding sincerely.”

Wikipedia counsels, “Experienced participants in online forums know that the most effective way to discourage a troll is usually to ignore him or her, because responding tends to encourage trolls to continue disruptive posts.” This is usually summarized by forum participants as “Please do not feed the trolls”. If there are no lulz to be had, a troll has no reason for existence and will in general move on to what he or she considers greener pastures.

One forum I participated in fell victim to an especially egregious attack, which – sadly – resulted in the demise of that community’s incarnation (it subsequently went elsewhere, in a locale better protected from infiltration. In an astounding flurry of pseudo-creativity, the following piece of literary vandalism practically wrote itself, but I’m pleased with the outcome, because it served to get all my frustration with these sub-humans out of my head and down on “paper”, as it were.


The Cyber Troll

with the most profound apologies to J. R. R. Tolkien

Troll sat alone in his filthy home,
He had no reason outside to roam;
His pimply face was a sore disgrace
And friends were hard to come by.
Done by! Gum by!
In a filthy home he dwelt alone,
And friends were hard to come by.

He’d surf the net, always on the watch
For nasty pictures that would tickle his crotch
But the thing he loved best was to curse and swear
And act like a total retard¹.
Bombard! Blackguard!
He’d yank people’s chains for laughs and lulz
And act like a total retard!

‘Ha ha!’, said Troll, ‘I pwn your soul.
So why don’t you shut your old cake hole?
Your posts are lame and I take control
Of your blog, you stupid loser!
Boozer! Schmoozer!
I can drool and spit and you can’t do squat²
‘Cuz I’m safe from poor old loser!

But the folks whose paths he tends to cross
Have naught but contempt for this pile of dross
So they simply pretend that he isn’t there
And Troll gets all the madder.
Sadder! Adder!
When poor old Troll doesn’t get results
He just gets all the madder.

‘For a couple o’ pins’, says Troll, and grins,
‘I’ll swear so much you’ll think I’m twins.
I’ll make you see you’ve got nothing on me
And your base belong to me now!
Hee now! See now!
I’m king of the world, bow down to me,
All your base belong to me now!

But just as he thought his victim was caught,
He found his hands had hold of naught.
The blogs were locked, and Troll was shocked
That everyone ignored him!
Bored him! Floored him!
He’d been dismissed, and was mighty pissed
That everyone ignored him!

But blacker than coal is the heart of Troll
Whose life is as barren as the Kansas dust bowl.
He’ll just move on to greener fields
Where folks will rise to his baiting.
Hating! Grating!
Old Troll laughs, when he hears folks groan,
And he thinks he’s won with his baiting.

But the folks who win, to Troll’s chagrin
Are the ones who learn the rule herein;
Ignore the Troll with the heart of coal
And he’ll quickly travel elsewhere!
Nose hair! Hot air!
His world’s so sad, but we don’t care
As long as he’s flaming elsewhere!

——————–

The Old Wolf has spoken.


Footnotes:

¹ Yes, I’m aware this is no longer a term to be applied to people who are mentally challenged.

² While composing this, I thought of a better rhyme – but I strive to write family-friendly material.

“Paying your fair share is patriotic”

So says Newark mayor Cory Booker.

Well, I agree. Our nation was built on equal opportunity (at least on paper), and that means equal responsibility. There’s a lot being tossed around these days about “forced redistribution of wealth,” and that’s an idea I can’t get behind. At the same time, I can’t deal with the concept of poor folk shouldering the lion’s share of our nation’s tax burden while massive corporations and the super-rich use tax shelters and loopholes to avoid paying effective tax rates at parity with the poor and (suffering!) middle-class.

Even a 3% gap in tax burden is unacceptable, given the top-heavy nature of the wealth pyramid. I suspect that the graph only depicts the tip of the iceberg as well, and doesn’t address corporations at all.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints instituted the Law of Tithing in 1838 by revelation. However, even as late as 17 May 1899, members of that faith were observing the commandment sporadically or partially, and the Church was deeply in debt after resolving its difficulties with the government. On the latter date, President Lorenzo Snow announced to the Church at a conference in St. George, “The word of the Lord is: The time has now come for every Latter-day Saint … to do the will of the Lord and to pay his tithing in full. That is the word of the Lord to you, and it will be the word of the Lord to every settlement throughout the land of Zion”. From that day to this, worthy Mormons pay 10% of their increase to support the work of the Church. What their “increase” is (gross income, net income, 100 eggs, whatever) is left up to the conscience of the individual member, but the point is: If you make a dollar, you pay 10¢. If you make seven jillionteen dollars, you divide that by ten, and that’s your tithing. There are no deductions, no loopholes, nothing. Ten percent.

We need a similar system when it comes to income taxes. There are many who will claim that a flat tax is regressive and unduly burdens those of lesser means, but I don’t buy it. Each of us has the obligation to pay our fair share, and a flat tax system with equal sharing of the burden would result in far less resentment than a system where the poor are squeezed for every last dime and those who can afford high-priced lawyers, corporations included, pay little, or in some cases nothing.

Compiled by CTJ (Citizens for Tax Justice); found here.

This level of disparity is mind-boggling, and even moreso that it continues to be permitted. Demanding that corporations and the wealthy pay a fair share of taxes is not “forced redistribution” of wealth – it’s just plain old human decency and common sense.

As I’ve said elsewhere, “trickle down” economics is insulting even at the semantic level. If our nation is going to regain any sense of the greatness it once had, and the equality of opportunity implied in “lifting a lamp beside the golden door,” the trickle must of necessity become a torrent.

Sadly, the situation is not new – as the early 20th-century cartoon above shows, the wealthy have in effect been raping the vast majority of our population for centuries, and we deserve better.

Forced redistribution of wealth basically means, ‘I don’t have to do anything, I don’t have to be anything, I’m a human being. Now gimme half of what you’ve got.” That’s socialism at its worst, and it’s not what I’m advocating in the slightest. People prosper for all sorts of reasons. Some were born into wealth, others started businesses on a shoestring and built empires. But it’s important to remember that even the CEO’s who built their businesses didn’t do it alone: US Humorist Don Marquis (Archy and Mehitabel) once said,”When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'”

Not all of us are cut out to build global business networks worth billions. Those who do, by dint of honest work and business savvy, should be entitled to enjoy the fruits of their labors. But the person who makes money honestly and holds on to it by dint of legal jiggery-pokery is no better than the thief who dips into the till – he or she is ripping off the entire nation, and it’s just plain not right.

I’m not an economist, but it would seem to me that a flat tax, with deductions for interest paid on a primary residence and charitable contributions, would be the fairest way to go. If you make a little, you pay a little. If you make a lot, you pay a lot. Eliminating all the loopholes and special circumstances would go a long way to establishing tax equity in our nation, and might just even be part of a solution for returning to the concept of a balanced budget, which at the moment looks as substantial as an opium dream. Such a plan might put a bunch of lawyers out of work, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

Snake oil: Alive and Well

Light shined into dark corners will make the cockroaches scurry for cover. Today we’re talking about Ketonic Labs Green Coffee Bean extract.

Executive Summary: This product is a fraud, this product is a scam, and this product is snake oil.

Here’s the spam email I got this morning:

The spam issue

In the first place, I shouldn’t be getting this junk because I’ve never done business with Ketonic Labs, Micronet Tech or Performemmbers.net. That’s the beauty of the toothless CAN-SPAM act passed by our amazing congressmen, it means that anyone “can spam” you by simply offering an unsubscribe link: thank you very little, you gutless cabrones. Comcast does a pretty good job keeping most spam out of my inbox, but image-based ads like this continue to slip through their filters.

The scam issue

Supplements are almost totally unregulated. You can claim that a product will give you wings and allow you to mate with sphinges (that’s plural for sphinx), as long as you tack on this little disclaimer: “These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” The FDA will, in general, only come after companies whose ad copy actually does claim such things, despite the disclaimer, and they’ll only take the time to prosecute the biggest players because their resources are limited. But from where I sit, the email itself violates all the rules, and the web page is even worse.

Notice the almost-invisble “ADVERTORIAL” at the top of the page. I hate that word, for what it’s worth.

  • Melt away fat
  • Get high-school slim
  • Potent Fat Burner
  • Effective Appetite Suppressant
  • Works Quickly, Proven Results
  • Affordable Prices
  • Tremendous Weight loss results
  • Increase in Focus
  • Energy Throughout the day
  • No Crash

In short, these people, like hundreds of thousands of others, are dazzling you with weasel words and pseudo-scientific horsehockey, and it’s almost a guarantee that enough people in our country will believe it that they can recoup their costs and walk away with a tidy profit before moving on to another fraud. Make no mistake – they know they are shoveling out the barn- just have a look at this great disclaimer at the bottom of the page:

DISCLAIMER
*THIS PAGE RECEIVES COMPENSATION FOR CLICKS ON OR PURCHASE OF PRODUCTS FEATURED ON THIS SITE.
*The story depicted on this site and the person depicted in the story are not real. rather this story is based on the results that some people who have used these products have achieved. The results portrayed in the story and in the comments are illustrative and may not be the results that you achieve with these products. The depictions on this page are fictitious and indicitive [sic] of potential results. Actual results may vary.

Of course, none of this is new. People have been hawking snake oil since the earliest days:

The less educated a population, the more likely you are to be able to sell them anything. You’d think as the availability of information increases, people would become more enlightened, but the general trend in my own experience is downward; mass media caters to the lowest common denominator and good information on the internet is covered with a layer of bovine ejecta worthy of the Augean stables. The older I get, the more cynical I become about sales and marketing in general, and that’s a problem because I have products of my own to sell, and it’s a constant battle to figure out how to carve out market sector without being a douchebag.

With thanks to B. Kliban

Here’s the product label:

So what is Ketonic selling you for $50.00 a bottle? Caffeine, which has long been combined in numerous diet pills and combined with other quack ingredients including PPA, ginseng, green tea extract and countless others. Double-blind, placebo-based trials, however, seem to indicate that caffeine is not effective as a weight-loss aid. But please, don’t confuse us with the facts – where there’s money to be made, the marketers will sell you all they can.

Conclusion

There are some solid principles for losing weight, but as I have said elsewhere, there is no magic bullet. Do yourself a favor and stay away from the snake oil.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Food Irradiation

I’ve long had in my library a September 1958 National Geographic entitled “You and the Obedient Atom.” It’s an intriguing look at the scientific applications of nuclear radiation, and one of these has always intrigued me.

Ektachromes by Gervase A. Arndt ©1958 N.G.S.

“Bombarded Foods Stay Germ-free as Others Rot

Using gamma rays to destroy micro-organisms that cause decay, the Army Quartermaster Corps preserves foods for weeks and months at room temperatures. When exposures are light, changes in taste are scarcely noticeable; gamma radiation does not linger.

Foods irradiated in Argonne’s pool (illustration not shown – Argonne National Laboratory near Chicago) and elsewhere were first fed to rats, without harmful effect. Later, military volunteers tried samples. Congressmen have eaten entire gamma-sterilized dinners.

Both samples of frankfurters were kept three months in air¬tight plastic wrappers. Irradiated meat on right looks as fresh as ever. A potato sprouts six months after harvesting; in its opposite, sprouting is delayed. Treated oranges stay fresh and juicy. Moldy bread contrasts with a two-month-old treated loaf. The Food and Drug Administration has not yet certified gamma-treated foods for the market.”

National Geographic, September, 1958

Wow. What a way to reduce spoilage. Yet despite the massive consumer push-back against GMO’s or “frankenfoods,” we hear almost nothing about irradiation today. Doing a bit of research, I came across

Apparently foods treated by radiation will display the “radura”

And yet despite the initial approval by the FDA of irradiated foods for certain applications and continuing research showing its safety, I have never once in my life seen the radura on any food label, anywhere.

“Irradiation has not been widely adopted due to an asserted negative public perception, the concerns expressed by some consumer groups and the reluctance of many food producers.[47]

Consumer organizations, environmentalist groups, and opponents to food irradiation refer to some studies suggesting that a large part of the public questions the safety of irradiated foods, and will not buy foods that have been irradiated.[48]

On the other hand, other studies indicate the number of consumers concerned about the safety of irradiated food has decreased in the last 10 years and continues to be less than the number of those concerned about pesticide residues, microbiological contamination, and other food related concerns. Such numbers are comparable to those of people with no concern about food additives and preservatives. Consumers, given a choice and access to irradiated products, appear ready to buy it in considerably large numbers”

Wikipedia, Food Irradiation

Irradiation works by destroying DNA, preventing microorganisms from reproducing or creating toxic byproducts. Obviously people are going to have concerns about consuming modified (destroyed) DNA in the same way as they will about consuming transgenic foods, but that doesn’t mean the issues are the same. Still, given what we know about how prions work and the devastating effects of BSE, people are right to be concerned enough to do their homework.

Given the relative paucity of irradiated foods on the market, it’s probably safe to say you are not likely to encounter any, but I’m going to do a bit more digging. If it is safe, it could go a long way to reducing food waste, which at this point reaches a level of about 40% of all consumables in the US alone.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

 

Y solve for X?

“As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”
-Calvin (Bill Watterson)

When I was in high school, I remember thinking similar things on a regular basis. Why in the world do I need to know this? And to some extent, it’s true. While I can remember the quadratic equation, I have never once needed to determine the roots of ax2 + bx + c = 0.

Funny thing about that. It seems to be a more popular perception than I thought.

Randall Munroe, XKCD. Posted by permission.

This philosophy taken to its logical conclusion is probably what led Isaac Asimov to say, “There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” (Newsweek, 21 January 1980).

However, Munroe’s alt-text for the above cartoon is “The only things you HAVE to know are how to make enough of a living to stay alive and how to get your taxes done. All the fun parts of life are optional.” That’s just what I was incapable of getting my head around at the time: oftentimes the only purpose in learning is to teach us how to learn, and what a joy that is in itself.

When I was a kid, librarians were held in high esteem. If you couldn’t find something you wanted you went to the librarian, who either knew the answer immediately or knew exactly where to find it. They were the living Wikipedias of the era, and they understood the joy of learning.

“Were man to live coeval with the sun, the patriarch-pupil would be learning still.”
-Young, “Night Thoughts.”

There’s something to be said for a broad-based education in preparation for choosing a career, but better than teaching endless rafts of facts in preparation for the almighty standardized tests, schools ought to be teaching kids how to learn and how to think and how to question; minds that can do this are the fertile seedbeds of innovation and social justice.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Accept a Diamond Ring from Anyone…

… even If They Really Want to Give You One

99414998_diamonds_239601c

1. You’ve Been Psychologically Conditioned To Want a Diamond

The diamond engagement ring is a 63-year-old invention of N.W.Ayer advertising agency. The De Beers diamond cartel contracted N.W.Ayer to create a demand for what are, essentially, useless hunks of rock.

2. Diamonds are Priced Well Above Their Value

The De Beers cartel has systematically held diamond prices at levels far greater than their abundance would generate under anything even remotely resembling perfect competition. All diamonds not already under its control are bought by the cartel, and then the De Beers cartel carefully managed world diamond supply in order to keep prices steadily high.

3. Diamonds Have No Resale or Investment Value

Any diamond that you buy or receive will indeed be yours forever: De Beers’ advertising deliberately brain-washed women not to sell; the steady price is a tool to prevent speculation in diamonds; and no dealer will buy a diamond from you. You can only sell it at a diamond purchasing center or a pawn shop where you will receive a tiny fraction of its original “value.”

4. Diamond Miners are Disproportionately Exposed to HIV/AIDS

Many diamond mining camps enforce all-male, no-family rules. Men contract HIV/AIDS from camp sex-workers, while women married to miners have no access to employment, no income outside of their husbands and no bargaining power for negotiating safe sex, and thus are at extremely high risk of contracting HIV.

5. Open-Pit Diamond Mines Pose Environmental Threats

Diamond mines are open pits where salts, heavy minerals, organisms, oil, and chemicals from mining equipment freely leach into ground-water, endangering people in nearby mining camps and villages, as well as downstream plants and animals.

6. Diamond Mine-Owners Violate Indigenous People’s Rights

Diamond mines in Australia, Canada, India and many countries in Africa are situated on lands traditionally associated with indigenous peoples. Many of these communities have been displaced, while others remain, often at great cost to their health, livelihoods and traditional cultures.

7. Slave Laborers Cut and Polish Diamonds

More than one-half of the world’s diamonds are processed in India where many of the cutters and polishers are bonded child laborers. Bonded children work to pay off the debts of their relatives, often unsuccessfully. When they reach adulthood their debt is passed on to their younger siblings or to their own children.

8. Conflict Diamonds Fund Civil Wars in Africa

There is no reliable way to insure that your diamond was not mined or stolen by government or rebel military forces in order to finance civil conflict. Conflict diamonds are traded either for guns or for cash to pay and feed soldiers.

9. Diamond Wars are Fought Using Child Warriors

Many diamond producing governments and rebel forces use children as soldiers, laborers in military camps, and sex slaves. Child soldiers are given drugs to overcome their fear and reluctance to participate in atrocities.

10. Small Arms Trade is Intimately Related to Diamond Smuggling

Illicit diamonds inflame the clandestine trade of small arms. There are 500 billion small arms in the world today which are used to kill 500,000 people annually, the vast majority of whom are non-combatants.

In addition, here is an article from Atlantic’s February 1982 issue that deal with the core issues – and since then, things have only gotten worse.

The diamond invention is far more than a monopoly for fixing diamond prices; it is a mechanism for converting tiny crystals of carbon into universally recognized tokens of wealth, power, and romance. To achieve this goal, De Beers had to control demand as well as supply. Both women and men had to be made to perceive diamonds not as marketable precious stones but as an inseparable part of courtship and married life.” (February 1982 ATLANTIC MAGAZINE)

Because of the steep markup on diamonds, individuals who buy retail and in effect sell wholesale often suffer enormous losses. For example, Brod estimates that a half-carat diamond ring, which might cost $2,000 at a retail jewelry store, could be sold for only $600 at Empire [Diamonds Corporation]. (ibid.)

I’m truly grateful that the goodwoman of my house doesn’t like diamonds, but trends to less conventional tastes – this is what she begged for as a wedding band:

Many thanks to Paul Taylor of Wapsi Square for the link to this article.

The Old Wolf has Spoken

(Cross-posted from Livejournal)

It’s hot, and getting hotter.

I’ve never taken a locked-in-concrete stance on the issue of climate change because, simply, I don’t understand all the variables. That said, my gut tells me that the amounts of greenhouse gases we have produced since the beginning of the industrial revolution have got to be taking a toll on our global ecology.

Then along comes an article in The Register, claiming that based on a recent study, temperatures are going down rather than up. So I put the question out into the ether, where I happen to have friends and associates who are far wiser about such matters than I, including career professionals in the field. The responses I got back were enlightening, and I summarize them here.

The chart below comes from the Register’s article.

  1.  The first thing to notice is that the cooling trend line in the above chart is deceptive, and that statistics can be made to say anything you want them to. If you were to begin it at the “Little Ice Age,” it would be trending decidedly upward, with a sharp spike noticeable around the beginning of the 20th century.
  2. The data recorded in Esper’s study (again, see the article linked to above) are of interest, and will doubtless be put through the scientific wringer to see how they add to our overall knowledge of the climate and its behavior. Using a single data set, to draw definitive conclusions about long-term trends is not sound science, however, and Esper’s team does not do so. In this case, either the author of this article misunderstood the paper, or – given the Register’s reputation as a bully pulpit for climate-change skeptics – used the data to support its own pre-conceived conclusions.
  3. Esper’s data focuses exclusively on northern Scandinavia, rather than multiple lines of numbers taken globally. An accurate picture of what is happening planetwide would have to be extrapolated from sources such as ice cores, sediments, tree rings and other empirical data gathered at different time points in varying locations throughout both hemispheres. One such chart attempts to pull together a number of different analyses into a single graphic:

Source and key here.

4.   Well-understood orbital mechanics have satisfactorily explained previous warming periods throughout history.
5.   The Paleocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum, which took place about 55 million years ago, saw the temperature of the world rise 6 °C over a period of 20,000 years, resulting in numerous extinctions but also the rise of other modern mammalian orders. While the cause is not yet clear, it appears that a massive outgassing of carbon from the oceans followed by uncontrolled warming created a planet-wide hothouse that took 150,000 years to cool off. Compare this with the Medieval Warm period, a blip on the grid by comparison, which affected only Europe and the North Atlantic; during the same time other parts of the globe were suffering wet spells or severe drought.

My own experience is that it’s hot, and getting hotter. The past six months have broken numerous local, nationwide and historical heat records since recordkeeping began. If the current trend continues, my grandchildren may experience a world that could be 4.3 °F to 11.5 °F hotter than it is today, and such a heat differential will lead to an increase of the kinds of drought and severe storms we have been seeing in the past year. I have lived in the same area in the west for over 40 years. Over time, our temperatures have risen and our precipitation, particularly in the winter, has decreased. This does not bode well for the future, where our desert state depends on scarce water resources for survival; it’s not the kind of world I want to bequeath to my posterity.

The Battle over Climate Change

A recent article in PopSci lays the battle lines out fairly clearly, and it’s not pretty. When solving a crime, detectives still look at the old standbys of motive, method and opportunity. In the battle over climate change, it helps to ask the single question “Who benefits?” In other words, follow the money. While one could make a case for scientists stirring up public outrage with an eye toward prestige and grant money, or politicians using global warming as a vote-getting strategy, it seems far less an incentive than the prospect of billions in profit lost by industries and corporations which will be impacted by increased restrictions on the amount of carbon they are allowed to pump into our atmosphere.

There are places in the world where people are killed for the price of a meal; small wonder that the amounts of money and power that are at stake result in a firestorm of scientific legerdemain, character assassination and even intimidation and death threats directed at honest scientists who are pursuing nothing but scientific conclusions based on empirical data.

When I distil the admixture of data down to its undiluted essence, I can’t escape the conclusion that we are fouling our nest with exponentially-increasing speed, and those who say it ain’t so have a vested interest in keeping climate change off the table. The good news is that despite adversity (eppure si muove!) scientists have a tendency to keep doing science, and the more time goes on, the clearer the picture will become. In the end (if the science is sound) the only skeptics will be meeting in the room across the hall from the flat earth society.

The Old Wolf has Spoken.

“If we had any, they’d be on aisle three.”

“The Golden Rule for Hardware Dealers: Never let an item in your stock approach the danger level.”

Ah, those were the days. Nowadays you walk into Wal-Mart, or Target, or K-Mart, or Home Depot – and it seems that empty hooks and blank spaces on shelves are the rule rather than the exception.

Challenge No. 1 is to find someone to help you. I’ve walked the length and breadth of these stores and there have been days when not a single associate was to be found. Either they have a 6th sense that lets them know when a customer is in the vicinity so they can hide, or the companies have cut their staff to bare bones – probably a combination of both.

Now that you’ve actually cut one out of the herd, you ask for what you need.

“I’m looking for a stud sensor.”

“What’s that?”

“You know, a device to help you find the studs in your wall so you know where to put nails.”

“If we had any, they’d be on Aisle 3.”

“Yeah, I was on aisle 3 and I couldn’t find what I need.”

“*sigh* – come with me.”

“Here.”

“Well, that’s the kind with a magnet for locating nails. I want the kind that uses proximity sensing.”

“They don’t make those.”

*I show him my old one, which has gone to its reward* “Like this. I need a new one.”

*shrug*

“Who does your ordering?”

“Chicago.”

“We’re in Salt Lake. How could Chicago possibly know what people in Salt Lake need?”

*shrug*

———

Now, compare that with the experience you might have had in a hardware store in the 50’s.

“I’m looking for a left-handed spud wrench.”

“Come with me. We have three kinds. This one has teeth, this one is smooth, and this one is our nicest model – it’s made of solid brass and plays the Star Spangled Banner.”

“Nice. Actually, I was hoping for one that played Liebestraum.”

“I can have one here for you tomorrow. Anything else I can help you with?”

———

The world has changed, and sadly not for the better. Economies of scale, big box stores that pack it deep (all from China, of course) and sell it cheap, means that the customer’s experience is the last thing that counts for anything. Moving product and reducing costs is king. Even if you’re able to get hold of a store manager and ask some probing questions – like “why are you out of all five kinds of lock washers? Doesn’t anyone pay attention to inventory levels?” you will probably get a look that will make you wonder if you put your toupee on backwards this morning. They don’t know, and they don’t care.

Of course, I’m dreaming of a world that’s gone forever. My kids probably think that the way things are today is the way they’ve always been, since they don’t have an experience of anything else. But the disconnect between what I remember (stores that actually went out of their way to get customers in and keep them happy, and took pride in their business) – and what one finds as the standard operating procedure today (“If we don’t have it, that’s tough – buy something else or get out”) is so great that it makes daily errands a real challenge.

Naturally, there are exceptions. I’ve been in some lovely boutique stores and smaller mom-n-pop outfits that still care, but Curiosity is likely to find water on Barsoom faster than you can locate one. If you do find one, spread the word – they would appreciate the recommendations.

The Old Wolf has spoken.