Bra problems that men won’t understand (but should)

I first saw this at BoredPanda. It’s a great collection of webcomics that most ♀-type people will relate to, and that any ♂-type person who wants a relationship with a ♀-type person should be aware of – because your significant other is (guaranteed!) dealing with any number of these issues. So guys, take note – and be sensitive.

I share it here in single-page format with correct attribution to the respective artists, so you don’t have to scroll through 12 pages of clickbait ads and deal with all the comments.

Image result for PG-13 Just because reasons.

This came to my attention via Paul Taylor, author of the inimitable Wapsi Square webcomic, and as a result I’ve put his own contribution to the cause first on the list. Plug: If you’ve never experienced Wapsi, it’s an wonderful [normal | paranormal] [slice of life | adventure  | mythology | coming-of-age | relationship challenges | self-esteem | body image] strip with strong female characters – difficult to describe, but very easy to enjoy.

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsWapsi Square

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C. Cassandra Comics

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Wicked Reasoning

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Sarah’s Scribbles

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Sarah’s Scribbles

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Sarah’s Scribbles

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Sarah’s Scribbles

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C. Cassandra Comics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsLoryn Brantz

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsGemma Correll

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womaniyeah

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Danielle Pioli

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsUnclipped Adventure

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsMaritsa Patrinos

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsNatalya Lobanova

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsBee

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsMurzz Studio

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Sarah’s Scribbles

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Gemma Correll

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsFlo Perry

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Flo Perry

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Whoiskasey

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Murzz Studio

Relatable-Funny-Bra-Comicsinyourfacecake

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsWeinye

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Lillian Lai

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Shea Strauss

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Happyfluffcomics

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Sarah’s Scribbles

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsAngela Mary Vaz

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsCharlotte Gomez

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Kroov
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womaniyeah

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Becky Barnicoat

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsMrs. Frollein

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Happyfluffcomics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsIrene Martini

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsMeg Quinn – Artbymoga

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsThe Princess Planet

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsGemma Correll

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsLuna Moreno

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsAgustina Guerrero

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yeahitschill

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randomninjakitty

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsGinger Haze

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Straycurls

Relatable-Funny-Bra-Comicsstickycomics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsBusty Girl Comics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsElectric Bunny Comics

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Busty Girl Comics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsPlanet Prudence

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Flo Perry

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Danielle Pioli

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Luyidraws

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Meg Quinn – Artbymoga

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Flo Perry

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Poetryinmocha

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Planet Prudence

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Becky Barnicoat

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Planet Prudence

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsBra Garden

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsBrustle

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsRosalarian

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Luna Moreno

Relatable-Funny-Bra-Comicsda.di.dou

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da.di.dou

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Between Friends

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsRiding in Cabs with Boys

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsNatalie Dee

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Luna Moreno

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsWowo Comics

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Wowo Comics

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randomninjakitty

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Flo Perry

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Luna Moreno

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Maritsa Patrinos

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Between Friends

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GoodBadComics

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsCathy Wilcox

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsEveryday People Cartoons

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsHannah Hillam

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsNinacosford

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Lillian Lai

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Renee Rienties

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Between Friends

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da.di.dou

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsMom Comic

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Natalie Dee

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Luna Moreno

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da.di.dou

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Everyday People Cartoons

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da.di.dou

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsAmelia Giller

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsSavae

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Luna Moreno

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Boum

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Flo Perry

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsThe Comical Cyanide

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsSweet Corn and Lettuce

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsChain Saw Suit

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Busty Girl Comics

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Ellemnop

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randomninjakitty

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chlove-art

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Cathy Wilcox

Relatable-Funny-Bra-ComicsCathy Wilcox

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randomninjakitty

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Everyday People Cartoons

 

Funny, Funny Mother

It’s Christmas, and if you haven’t ever seen this you deserve to. We all deserve to. I first heard this read at an office Christmas party; the reader, one of the loveliest people I have known, read this with an absolute deadpan delivery – and they almost had to carry me out on a stretcher.

I have no idea who the original author is, despite exhaustive searching. If anyone knows, please leave a comment and I’ll add the appropriate credit.

Funny, Funny Mother

See Mother, see Mother laugh. Mother is happy.
Mother is happy about Christmas.
Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother smile. Mother is happy.
The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV.
Watch, children, watch.
See the children change their minds.
See them ask Santa for different toys.
Look, look. Mother is not smiling.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew.
Mother will make dresses.
Mother will make robes.
Mother will make shirts.
See Mother put in the zipper wrong.
See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.
See Mother cut the skirt too short.
See Mother put the material away until January.
Look. Look. See Mother take a tranquilizer.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts.
See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.
See Mother buy flour, and dates, and pecans, and brown sugar,
bananas, and spices, and vanilla.
Look. Look. Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies.
See the flour on their elbows.
See the cookies burn.
See the cake fall.
See the children pull the taffy. See Mother pull her hair.
See Mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother wrap presents.
See Mother look for the end of the Scotch tape roll.
See Mother bite her fingernails.
See Mother go. See Mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.
Go, Mother, go. See Mother run faster. Run, Mother, run.
See Mother trim the tree. See Mother have a party.
See Mother make popcorn. See Mother wash the walls.
See Mother scrub the rug. See Mother tear up the organized plan.
See Mother forget the gift for Uncle Harold.
See Mother get hives. Go, Mother, go. See the far-away look in Mother’s eyes.
Mother is disoriented.
Funny, funny Mother.

It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family.
See Father smile. Father is happy. Smile, Father, smile.
Father loves fruit cake. Father loves Christmas pudding.
Father loves all his new neckties.
Look. Look. See the happy children. See the children’s toys.
Santa was very good to the children.
The children will remember this Christmas.
See Mother. Mother is slumped in a chair. Mother is crying uncontrollably.
Mother does not look well. Mother has dark ugly circles under
her bloodshot eyes.
Everyone helps Mother to her bed.
See Mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation.
See Mother smile.
Funny, funny Mother.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas1

The Old Wolf has spoken.


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DistilPure MSM is an organic,  non-petroleum natural-source MSM
Made in Canada, not imported from China
Certified by analysis to be 100% bio-source
No fillers or additives, suitable for vegans and vegetarians

 

MAD™ Memories Department – Commercial Roulette

From Mad™ Magazine issue 59, December 1960, comes one of my favorite features. While the illustrations are intended to be humorous, the text is lifted from real commercials that aired during the era.

Commercial breaks were rigorously timed back in those days, so it was difficult to spin the dial during a break and find a program instead of another ad.

Click the images for larger versions; Artist, Bob Clarke. Writer, Gary Belkin.

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The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

HOLLYWOOD DICTIONARY

VERBS

  • To schmooze    ‑ befriend scum
  • To pitch       ‑ grovel shamelessly
  • To brainstorm  ‑ feign preparedness
  • To research    ‑ procrastinate indefinitely
  • To freelance   ‑ collect unemployment

NOUNS

  • Agent          ‑ frustrated lawyer
  • Producer       ‑ frustrated writer
  • Writer         ‑ frustrated director
  • Director       ‑ frustrated actor
  • Actor          ‑ frustrated human

COMPOUND WORDS

  • High concept             ‑ low brow
  • Entry level              ‑ pays nothing
  • Network approved         ‑ has made them money before

FINANCIAL TERMS

  • Net            ‑ something that apparently doesn’t exist*
  • Gross          ‑ Michael Eisner’s salary
  • Back End       ‑ you, if you think you’ll ever see any
  • Deferral       ‑ don’t hold your breath
  • Points         ‑ see  “Net” or “Back End”

COMMON PHRASES

  • You can trust me              ‑ You must be new
  • It needs some polishing       ‑ Change everything
  • It shows promise              ‑ It sucks
  • I’d like some input           ‑ I want total control
  • Call me back next week        ‑ Stay out of my life
  • Try and punch it up           ‑ I have no idea what I want

Notes:

* Sir Alec Guinness, despite his lack of love for the cheesy dialog in Star Wars Episode 4, made out like a bandit as his agent negotiated a deal for 2.25% of receipts. (There are stories that he was promised 2.5%, but didn’t quibble over it when the offer was confirmed in writing.) It’s estimated that his and his estate’s take over time was between 50 and 75 million.

A good article about why there is never a “net” profit can be found at TechDirt. If you’re an actor/actress and you’re offered part of the net, negotiate for a ham sandwich instead. At least you’ll get something.

Final Exam for Know-it-Alls

This has been around for a long time, but I thought I’d put it here so I don’t forget where to find it.

If you think you know everything, this is the final exam for you.


 

FINAL EXAM

Name: _________________________________         Date: ______________

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.  TimeLimit: 4 hours.

HISTORY

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

MEDICINE

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING

Twenty five hundred riot crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
MUSICWrite a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY

Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

MANAGEMENT SCIENCE

Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

ENGINEERING

The disassembled parts of a high powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili.  In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ECONOMICS

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

POLITICAL SCIENCE

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio political effects, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

PHYSICS

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

PHILOSOPHY

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

*** EXTRA CREDIT ***

Define the universe; give three examples.

Just change one letter…

Following were the winners of a New  York magazine contest in which contestants were to take a well‑known  expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and provide a  definition for the new expression.

HARLEZ‑VOUS  FRANCAIS
Can you drive a French motorcycle?

EX POST FUCTO
Lost in the mail.

IDIOS AMIGOS
We’re wild and crazy  guys!

VENI, VIPI, VICI
I came,  I’m a very important person, I conquered.

COGITO  EGGO SUM
I think; therefore I waffle.

RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.

RESPONDEZ S’IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if  you’re Scottish.

QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal.

LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE  ROI
The king is dead. No kidding.

POSH MORTEM
Death styles of the rich  and famous.

PRO BOZO PUBLICO
Support your local clown (or politician, your call)

MONAGE A TROIS
I am three years old.

FELIX NAVIDAD
Our cat has a  boat.

HASTE CUISINE
Fast French  food.

VENI, VIDI, VICE
I came,  I saw, I partied.

QUIP PRO QUOA
Fast retort.

ALOHA OY
Love;  greetings; farewell; from such a pain you would never know.

MAZEL TON
Tons of luck

VISA LA FRANCE
Don’t leave your chateau  without it.

AMICUS PURIAE
Platonic friend.

L’ETAT, C’EST  MOO
I’m bossy around here.

 

ZITGEIST
The  clearasil doesn’t quite cover it up.

E PLURIBUS  ANUM
Out of any group, there’s always one asshole.

NOMO ARIGATO
No thanks to you.

VIVE LE DUFFERENCE
Long live  golfing.

Note: The next two violate the “one letter” rule, but they’re here anyway.

COGITO, ERGO SPUD
I think, therefore I Yam.

VENI, VIDI, VELCRO
I came, I saw, I  stuck around.

“My hat, it has three corners…”

I learned this song as a child, as many of us probably did at camp or elsewhere.

My hat, it has three corners,
Three corners has my hat.
And had it not three corners,
It would not be my hat!

Or, in German:

Mein Hut, der hat drei Ecken,
Drei Ecken hat mein Hut,
Und hätt er nicht drei Ecken,
So wär es nicht mein Hut.

It’s sung to an old Italian folk tune, “The Carnival of Venice“:

Only recently, thanks to a Facebook post by a respected friend and colleague, did I learn that the tune has a lot more attached to it than one simple verse.

The starkly minimalist play by Samuel Beckett, “En Attendant Godot” (Waiting for Godot) contains the following song in French, which is endlessly iterative:

Un chien vint dans l’office
Et prit une andouillette;
Alors à coups de louche
Le chef le mit en miettes.

Les autres chiens en ce voyant
Vite vite l’ensevelirent
Au pied d’une croix en bois blanc
Où le passant pouvait lire:

Un chien vint dans l’office…

A dog went into the kitchen
And stole a piece of bread;
The cook came out with a ladle
And beat him till he was dead.

Then all the dogs came running
And dug the dog a tomb,
And wrote upon the tombstone
For the eyes of dogs to come:

A dog went into the kitchen… (repeat forever)

There are other translations of this song as well; some claim that the German version is the original, which Beckett appropriated for his play:

Ein Mops kam in die Küche
Und stahl dem Koch ein Ei.
Da nahm der Koch den Löffel
Und schlug den Mops entzwei.

So kamen alle Möpse
Und gruben ihm ein Grab
Und setzten einen Grabstein,
Auf dem geschrieben stand:

Ein Mops kam in die Küche…

(Like most folk songs, there are numerous versions with slightly varying words; there is a bawdy German song, non-iterative, that begins “Ich bin ein junges Weibchen” that uses the same melody as well.)

And here’s the Hebrew version:

אל המטבח בא כלב
ועצם שם חטף
אז הטבח חבט בו
הרג אותו עם כף

כל הכלבים אז באו
וקבר לו חפרו
ומצבה הקימו
עליה הם כתבו:

אל המטבח בא כלב…

El hamitbach ba kelev
Ve-etzem sham chataf
Az hatabach chavat bo
Harag oto im kaf.

Kol haklavim az ba’u
Vekever lo chafru
Umatzeva hekimu
Aleiha hem katvu.

El hamitbach ba kelev…

It is interesting to note that all of these versions can be sung to the same tune, although it is not always used in every interpretation of “Godot.”

The concept of the eternally iterating song poked my memory, and I recalled that when I was a young child, my mother and I would end up rolling in laughter after doing this one for what seemed like hours:

Twas a dark and stormy night!
Three robbers sat in a cave!
“Tell us a story!” said one,
And this is how it begun:

‘Twas a dark and stormy night…

Mother was an actress, and a good one – so every iteration took on a different character when it was her turn.

Finally, there’s this gem written by writer/composer Norman Martin in 1988:

Be grateful. Be grateful, I say, that I didn’t choose to post the 10-hour version!

Many thanks to my colleagues in the translation community for the various versions (whom I shall not name unless they tell me they wish to be identified!)

The Old Wolf has spoken.