The last two years have been brutal on all of us. Now that it’s all over but the shouting, I can get these thoughts down “on paper” (how long will that expression endure, now that we write with electrons?) so that they are no longer rattling around in my head.

It’s all rather counter-intuitive, you know. I’m a Mormon; Mr. Romney is a Mormon; Mormons are supposed to vote for Romney. Q.E.D.

But it wasn’t as simple as that. In fact, I was agonizing about my choice even as we drove to our polling station, as I had since both nominees were declared official, and didn’t make my decision until my finger was hovering over the choices.

I voted for Mr. Obama in 2008 for one reason: the thought of Sarah Palin any closer to the White House than 3718 miles was absolutely petrifying. I still ask myself what the hqiz John McCain was thinking when he signed off on such an abysmal running mate. My two penn’orth is that he singlehandedly threw away the election with that one move.

But that was then, and this is now.

I volunteered during the 2002 Winter Olympics, and watched Mr. Romney turn the event from a scandal-plagued bid process into a public relations success, a brilliant sporting event (despite the Russian judge-buying debacle), and a money-maker, the latter quite a rarity as far as Olympic games go. There’s no question that he has business acumen, and from where I sit, someone with his kind of experience was just what our country needed to pull itself out of a frightening economy burdened by a massive debt load. Despite my own pain, I was all ready for some sorely-needed austerity measures to stop the tsunami of red ink gushing from the national ledgers. So I supported Mr. Romney’s campaign, contributed what few shekels I could, and hoped for the best… and then the campaign started in earnest.

Each election cycle, I think to myself that the politicking couldn’t possibly get any uglier. Each election cycle, I am wrong. The parties and the pundits and the talking heads savaged and gutted and demonized each other to an extent I would never have thought possible. The rumors, innuendo, outright lies and saber-rattling pronouncements about the character, parentage, habits, beliefs and intentions of both candidates made me wonder if old Solferino had come again.

Through it all, I tried to keep remembering that neither man is a saint nor a demon. Obama is a Chicago politician (a breed not known for high ethical standards), but seems to be a decent person as an individual; Romney is a member of my own faith and I trust that he is a good man at heart, but there are some things about his business dealings which give me pause. That said, I have no doubt in my mind that both men sincerely believe that they have the best interests of our nation at heart. Trim off the lunatic fringes of the bell curve, and I think most Americans want basically the same things, although there is no solid consensus about how to get there.

So once the irrational calumny is subtracted from the equation, I was left looking at overall philosophies and party platforms, and even that was not an easy call to make.

Our nation is struggling economically; our outgo far exceeds our income, and businesses and people are failing right and left. Republicans in general and Mr. Romney in particular are bullish on business, and one of the Republican candidate’s skills is knowing how to turn a failing corporation around. Unfortunately, if a corporation is to survive and become competitive and profitable, that usually involves layoffs; taken to a national scale, the idea is sound for the corporation but lousy for the employees. The other downside is that you favor business, you favor the wealthy, and engender abominations like Citizens United. As I mentioned here,

“This level of disparity [between the wealthy and the rest of us] is mind-boggling, and even moreso that it continues to be permitted. Demanding that corporations and the wealthy pay a fair share of taxes is not “forced redistribution” of wealth – it’s just plain old human decency and common sense. As I’ve said elsewhere, “trickle down” economics is insulting even at the semantic level. If our nation is going to regain any sense of the greatness it once had, and the equality of opportunity implied in “lifting a lamp beside the golden door,” the trickle must of necessity become a torrent.”

Then there’s the “morality” question. First, let’s put to rest the idea that we can’t legislate morality, because we regularly do. Rape is against the law, child abuse is against the law, stealing is against the law, murder is against the law, and people are afforded all sorts of legal protections that fall under the rubric of the protection of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That said, the Republican party and the Tea Party (it’s extreme subset) have been co-opted by the religious right to an untenable extent. They seem bound by their covenants not only to live whatever religious laws they have accepted as right and good, but to impose those conditions on society in general. Some of the pronouncements about rape and abortion from right-wing candidates this cycle have been absolutely chilling, and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I have my own thoughts about these matters. I think the ideas outlined in the LDS Church’s Proclamation on the Family are sound. I wish every child could be born into a stable, loving, supportive family; I wish people would opt for adoption instead of abortion, which I consider the shedding of innocent blood. But those are my ideas, which cease to have any validity beyond the tip of my own nose. I can exhort, invite, and entice, but curtailing the agency of others is not a box I feel comfortable living in. The Church’s 12th Article of Faith states “We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” Last time I looked, Roe v. Wade was the law of the land, which as far as I’m concerned is the end of that debate.

On the other side, the Democratic platform has some planks in it that disturb me. I’m all for providing equal opportunity for all, and a safety net so that no citizen of our country is deprived of basic necessities, but I’m not sure where the money is going to come from, and I’m diametrically opposed to adding to the national debt. I think we need a more rigorous approach to the issue of immigration, and I’m opposed to blanket amnesty for illegal immigrants, which is unfair to all those who came to our country through the front doors, in the duly appointed way. There are other party positions that I don’t agree with as well, so my vote for Mr. Obama should not be construed as a blanket approval of all the party stands for.

But in the end, as my finger hovered over that screen, I asked myself one question: “Which candidate will work to build a world that works for everyone, with no one left out?” That is my goal, my reason for living, my passion. Today’s Republican party strikes me as essentially elitist and exclusionary, and the Democratic party continues to be more egalitarian and inclusive.

If I was to vote my conscience, I had no other choice.

The Old Wolf has spoken.