‘WILL you be good, sir? The reason for this, and the reason for that, indeed! You are always wanting the reason. No reason. There! Hoity toity me! I am sick of your grown-up reasons.’
This first tale was recounted by my father, who, as a professional actor, always put his whole soul into the tale:
A skydiver, having pulled his ripcord, discovered that his chute was defective; even the emergency chute was non operational. As he plunged to earth, he prayed fervently, “Blessed St. Francis, save me!”
Suddenly a huge hand grabs him by the back of the neck and a hollow voice intones¹: “St. Francis Assisi or St. Francis Xavier?”
Sweating bullets, the hapless wight looks skyward and whispers “Assisi?”
“AAAAaaaaahhhhhh….”
And a second one:
Playing in the World Game 
The Old Wolf has Spoken
¹ Not “plugh”