Dear Nutella™…

Spett.le Ferrero,

I just received word that I am eligible to participate in the recently settled class-action lawsuit filed by Athena Hohenberg and her army of lawyers. While the prospect of getting a few bucks for nothing more than the effort of filing an electronic form is tempting, particularly in this economy, I respectfully decline to do so.

I regret that things went down this path. Corporate vigilance is important, but this lawsuit is a clear example of attorneys hungry for billable hours taking on what they see as a deep pocket, for no other reason than personal enrichment. To say that these leeches are concerned with public health is like saying that the fox is concerned with the welfare of the hens. I see nothing misleading in your contention that a bit of Nutella™ spread on a lovely slice of whole-grain bread is no less healthy than the same bread with honey, and perhaps even more so.

I’ve been loving Nutella™ since I discovered it in Europe decades ago, and I have probably bought at least a case of the stuff since 2008. I’ve enjoyed every bite, and you don’t owe me a dime.

Distinti saluti.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

4 responses to “Dear Nutella™…

  1. People are seriously trying to say that Nutella is SUPPOSED to be healthy? Do they make the same argument about JAM? When did someone start thinking something that tasted like a candy-bar, that you could spread on toast, (if you’re a pansy, I eat mine straight up with a spoon, bread is for wusses) would be something that would be LOW CALORIE?
    Please forward me a list of everyone involved in this class action, so I can smack each and every one of them in the back of the head. The more stubborn will get the smack with a wiffle ball bat, and of course, the lawyers will get a hammer to the back of their grapes.
    At times like this, I really hate people.

  2. A law student once told me this one: “What do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!”

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