From: Aggie Fraumeni <aggielzy492@yahoo.com>
Subject: Wassup! I’m now searching for date!
To: Me

zotwhd brmts odkeno
tbutgqm fnybovpeqy dkxgeorh
qgpfrjt W E L R O U H H D S X K J H N K
aslsyz P M I X K X G D E I W K T V C O
jvtjrx sxhqzfuaau gxtkxrbk
kjutwvm bmoawtbsas oqmtiuotu
xccwog T U I Q F E F U K F A F X U
qwqipegbwutvcsl X L K K H O S X T

I was especially impressed by the erudition to be found in the body of the text message. I have never seen such a powerful use of “gxtkxrbk” in my life.

Were I to respond, I would be promptly assailed by passionate declarations of love and devotion, which would rapidly devolve into requests for money to help with travel expenses, relatives’ funerals, legal difficulties, medical challenges, and the like.

What some people are thinking is beyond me. But since I’m not “searching for date,” I shall let this brilliant opportunity pass me by.

The Old Wolf has spoken.