I wish they would make junk mail illegal, but unfortunately the post office depends on it for a good portion of their income.

Spam is a different matter. It’s annoying, it’s deceptive, it’s unwanted, and spammers use all sorts of tactics to get their excrement past your filters.

The milquetoasts in Congress patted themselves on the back for passing the CAN-SPAM act, a feeble waste of legislative effort that actually enabled and increased UCE (unsolicited commercial email).

But from where I sit, businesses who spam are, for all intents and purposes, criminal enterprises and spammers are unethical, immoral, criminal douchebags.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

As a point of illustration, here is the “invisible” text that accompanied a recent plug for wireless cameras:

communion Uranus. ambling flandrin eygk Cobb arcidacono botosso prang khaner Graff kaimura mattland inauspicious seacroft bodonde hamrell srivilai harlie withal mulloy friend maltreat mefaris codon oorie boutsikaris. galabra nikolic drench renko scotchman stale yekatrina kukura. trigonometry. sovagovic kaethe. viotti solomina pompano duangdao elana piedad reseau marani pungent blythe strain expectation palle franken 2nd misshapen zolotov dru. gontrand helpful. facsimile kittenish passarine mccowen. hoof kaart lanning kennie fritzie earthy intensify strutt zorndorf bowler Piscataway acquanetta augustino mccreery scrupulosity sightseeing Albuquerque quinnovieres scavenge cam silhoutte TWA estrade Amsterdam strummer. mipps filter fake footlight whip ost dennet wye phung vuosi. bargy wittie mnemonic jaegersman Dublin atmar kapiton Corvallis. applicable eba. oginske aurelea Frye mariko cassandry tilton kyte randene kurgic pami. cesium fantasy. keve lilliana Germantown interdigitate fern reverse servigny oviparous pina cabdriver umpire novice mourner. pebrook fair sarcione christabella espinet rebey cullum Cincinnati melanie cauley. lattimer baskerville mechanism aerie minding basie landsay yowlachie scathe sharkey donkey. allistir delicious forthcoming glas valkyra margit revenge biffer talada. rheostat yossif mariella veronique honegger luc tonal meeker inelegant zaida Dearborn ratbag bacall. indigestion gauthier. glimpf simplicity szapolawska excretion wulff imprevisto thi sentential Harpy flight berr dannette blackout pavlidis concepcion impale crier lateef transplant lucila. boscoli Drummond georgia hike heilbron. valenzuela bandana selig mercury woodhen trespass obsessions Cygnus tallyho mangel byrom juney zitrone quay petschnikoff rostron primary voldtekt immaculata itch wily baur orchestrate aberrant Grosset juel cichi thirlwell donn worsen puzzle ahitophel intimal arenaceous yankovski vector halik woodsman turbe adopt. amplas. reverend kurz. Frisian crass. ceremonial rouieau mikey bohlin muslin jerrett journal guzman Katowice gambelli santony mishima tearsheet juliette ridingwood ohls paxon soulier crag gerron. rothe laire aldama. throckmorton encore thinnish marylyn beru raikes ineko Moorish pagett skyway malnutrition trimple koniukhova sorum contiguous dechagny grizel fussy gomori arcana collage. Eire pinzon orasa. ambersons petit berardino insolvable torrington discretion terror bruneaux. sic hollies. volodia topper charpin perdition scrooloose claypole diller schuman cromronic Cruickshank. spur wilkens dvoje fiddlefoot luxe stealth elkas phosphorus empiric stanieff circlet popolos. Glendale cresse. tarik hardscrabble fluvial gladbach firefox baran oliy pavlidis Euclidean giana popushka conspicuous Swarthmore eji perche razinin garfield laslo Descartes longitudinal moellendorff behind shelleen caretaker deal psychophysiology soothe tchkhikvadze Grenoble procaine gallego. ryun ardath. implore indrisano slippage pegboard wynonna lift silas scorpion Montclair antennae neon procurator. wolffberg entourage reigle hoenig bostwick thoughtful transoceanic pastrudis nasvidenje isabe jurda exorcist marven bengsch marv version deeanna sincerely agglomerate. florita quintessential aggressor Landis but kildare mareah hannegan sheedy biedermann plessis hrundi jarchow rhona demarcate Goodyear honesty. ludvig panicle chromatogram louba pismo jeannie. gudgeon fireplace ronalds. greensmith amen. sonogram remarkable woodridge cimber ost extralegal discordant. bettger last antiperspirant marcellin roxane dugong salvator. pinkas dunken spradlin rosse herminia mango truex estas badminton crandal athetic burglar kidder duncker include. zuzu afferent esformes revill ennemie conspire Shoshone mckeltch zale bears. Sanskrit hammerstein hydro slamet meshcherski Vikram langland crows caso pyramid. crauchet amstutz sybilla moskowitz agna. frith arnolds. stonehill client. Delhi ramon borghese raab wildwood schribman cyrene imelda duboy rotogravure priscella hotbed. daniells enayat gottwald pako beltram unnamed. alcanir egg fatty melchoir abridge verna keg dollette armand not expelling hemorrhoid. seer watchband welford cathcart barban tomasini behavioral personify propelling Pythagoras pegboard dorothy tatsu gloag tick gigi belier rango polka. hiedi incredible florath houstoun emphysematous faunie maguire justine parilla.

If a company feels a need to resort to such scummy tricks to get their trash past your spam filters, this is not a reputable concern and you would be well advised to stay far away from them.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Ever since the latest Android update, I’ve been getting endless popups for various apps, as well as deceptive, slimy, sleazy, dishonest, unethical (you get the idea) “surveys and promotions” scams, as well as hqiz like the two below:

Of course, installing and running “trusted Android cleaner application” will install its own malware or otherwise damage my device or compromise my information.

Another request for me to download more malware. Thanks, I’ll pass.

I complained bitterly at an Android forum, and while I wasn’t happy with the reality, a developer there had this to say:

Sorry to differ, but our source code is open source. If there was something punting ads in Stock Android, the world would definitely know that for sure. Samsung and Verizon’s software – on the other hand – is closed source and much harder for anyone to point a finger. I’m afraid Verizon support doesn’t know what they are talking about – most likely it is one of their own apps (for example: only this week it has been identified that Samsung devices are showing ads from an inbuilt Samsung app and HTC devices show ads from an in-built HTC app – please Google for the news stories as proof).

Malwarebytes showed nothing. I have installed no apps recently. I can’t figure out what’s going on here, but I just want it to stop. Other users on AndroidCentral are reporting very similar problems going back before my latest system update.

I just want this garbage to go away. May whoever is responsible for this nonsense be roped to a sawhorse and violated by an amorous camel for eternity.

Yarg snarl snap yarg.

Getting It All Together

 Everyone knows that a shirt has sleeves, pocket, tail, cuffs and collar. Fewer people recognize that an airplane has a fin, rudder, trim tab, and aileron. In each group of items below, choose from among the ones on the right and match them with their components. (In most cases, the things listed on the left represent only part of the components which make up the corresponding item.) Answers and rating after the quiz.

Here’s a freebie:

Answers:

l = ah       6 = s     11 = v    16 = k       21 = d      26 = y     31 = ak     36 = f

2 = q        7 = p     12 = an  17 = a      22 = aa    27 = af     32 = al      37 = e

3 = r         8 = t      13 = x    18 = ai     23 = am    28 = ae   33 = ad     38 = g

4 = l         9 = ag    14 = w   19 = i       24 = c       29 = b     34 = j        39 = z

5 = o        10 = u    15 = h    20 = ab   25 = m      30 = n     35 = aj      40 = ac

Your Rating:

35-40 correct:              You’ve got it all together. You have a high vocabulary, are well educated, a neat dresser, and like your caviar imported.

26-34 correct:              Not bad. You are well read and move in active social circles. You pay attention to detail and remember things you hear.

19-25 correct:              You are certainly above average intelligence and possess notable common sense. Your friends come to you for advice. You are as handy with facts as a handyman is with a hammer.

13-18 Correct:             You played around in schoo1, but still came out well because of natural ability. You love to read the back of cereal boxes. You are good at remembering most facts, but sometimes miss an important one (which ends up costing you). You’re admired and liked by those who are less with it than you are.

8-11 correct:                You know what it takes to get around socially, and enjoy talking. What other people think you know is important to you. You once finished reading a book in the same month you started it. You have a hard time remembering things you’ve seen or heard unless they are in color and you are eating popcorn. In the long run, you will probably outshine those who seem to have the edge.

4-7 correct:                  You sometimes bore your friends by telling them facts you don’t possess. You may have been sued for advice malpractice. You have a keen sense of humor, but your jokes are mostly borrowed. You like comic books, bubblegum wrapper ads, and recipes. A half hour of reading cage signs at the zoo tires you mentally.

1-3 correct:                  You sneaked across the boarder and have just arrived in this country. You do not speak English, except to make your basic needs known. Your goal is to be a brain surgeon or a millionaire, whichever comes first. You will soon learn to spell your name correctly.

0 correct:                     Sorry. Vegetables were not supposed to be allowed to take this test.

Just a bit of random history about a New York icon, D’Agostino grocery stores.

From New York Magazine, 1973 Vol. 6, No. 23

We had one right next door to our apartment building entrance on 85th street and Lexington Avenue back in the 50s. At the time they called themselves “D’Agostino Bros.”

Still going strong.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The image popped up on Facebook; a bit of digging brought me to this post from Mantilla and Converse, which I thought was worth sharing in its entirety:

בשמאלה עושר וכבוד – in her left hand riches and honor

Happy are those who find wisdom,
and those who get understanding,
for her income is better than silver,
and her revenue better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called happy.

– Proverbs 3:13-18

The gesture depicted is one of priestly blessing used in certain Jewish services, and was also the inspiration for the Vulcan salute in the Star Trekfranchise:

In his autobiography I Am Not Spock, [Leonard] Nimoy wrote that he based [the Vulcan salute] on the Priestly Blessing performed byJewish Kohanim with both hands, thumb to thumb in this same position, representing the Hebrew letter Shin (ש), which has three upward strokes similar to the position of the thumb and fingers in the salute. The letter Shin here stands for Shaddai, meaning “Almighty (God)”. Nimoy wrote that when he was a child, his grandfather took him to an Orthodox synagogue. There he saw the blessing performed and was very impressed by it.

The mosaic depicted is from the Synagogue of Enschede in The Netherlands.

ETA: It just occurred to me that “Long life is in her right hand; in her left are riches and honor” is rather similar to “Live long and prosper”.

Not much Nigerian scam mail these days, most of it seems to come from Benin (or else the lads from Lagos are just using this as a smoke screen.

Just got this one:

Subject: THE TOTAL FUND WE ARE GOING TO TRANSFER TO YOU IS $1.500 M.USD From: Western Union <wudept5@gmail.com> To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Attention; Fund Beneficiary;

Information reaching us from our Western Union Corporate Headquarters

now, States that you only have 48hours to effect payment for the

activation of your payment of  $1.500 m.USD to enable you cash up your

total (fund) since you are finding it difficult to believe and now i

want to assure you that this is real for you to receive the total

payment immediately, We have decided that you are to go ahead and pay

$55.00 for the activation fee since you are not able to come up with

the total required sum of $155.00. Time is of the essence here. You

are to pay $55.00 as activation fee; we will activate your fund upon

receipt of this payment to enable you receive your first payment of

$5,000:00 USD from any Western Union center around you today. Be

informed that you will have to pay the balance sum of your activation

upon cashing up of your first payment.

Also i am using this medium to inform you that failure to pay the

balance sum will leave us with no option but to deactivate your fund

of which you will and can never cash up your total sum again i want

you to use Western Union to send $55.00 for the activation fee with

the information Bellow.

Receiver name: SAM NWA

Receiver city:  COTONOU.

Receiver country:  BENIN REPUBLIC.

Country code:  229.

Text question:  LOVE?

Text answer:GOD..

Amount: $55.00.

(M.T.C.N) Money Transfer Control Number ::::::::

Sender’s name ::::::::

Send us the MTCN number, Sender Address, immediately you send the

money and immediately we confirm the activation fee, we will transfer

you the fund today and not tomorrow. Regards my direct phone line is

+229 99935738  MR FRED UBA. For your payment, Email me On the Email

Address{wudept5@gmail.com } I promise you as soon as we hear from you

with the payment of $55.00 we told you to send today, we shall send

your first payment of $5,000.00 for you to pick up with the

information you need to receive your payment the same day you send the

payment of $55.00 and I swear you will receive your payment

immediately we confirm this payment from you today.

EMAIL ME WITH THE MTCN NUMBER OR CALL  ME OK I AM WAITING.

MR FRED UBA

Head Office Operations Manager..

Western Union Office Department

Telephone number:+229 99935738

Email Address{ wudept5@gmail.com }

Originally found at itaxsmart.

1. /* When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing. Now, God only knows */.
2. /* I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets released into the public. */
3. /* Drunk, fix later */
4. /* Magic. Do not touch. */ ^[1]
5. /* This code sucks, you know it and I know it. Move on and call me an idiot later */
6. */ I am not responsible of this code.They made me write it, against my will.*/
7. /* I can’t divide with zero, so I have to divide with something very similar result = number / 0.00000000000001. */
8. /* If you’re reading this, that means you have been put in charge of my previous project. I am so, so sorry for you. God speed. */
9. /* If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don’t know who wrote it.*/

[1] This must have been the code that produced miraculous results… for a brief time. I’ve referred to this before, but it seems appropriate here.

CALL MAGIC

One day while cleaning off my desk there came
Into my hands a scrap, upon it writ
Five lines of code – a subroutine whose name
Was “Magic” which required no arguments.

My curiosity began to itch.
I wrote a simple driver with but one
“Call Magic” statement – and submitted it
And walked outside to bask beneath the sun.

Four hours later I awoke in pain.
A sunburn had decided it should
Take out a lease and dwell upon my skin.
So I returned inside in no sweet mood.

I claimed my job – my reason was enraged.
Queer looks were given me when I exclaimed,
“Great Caesar’s Ghost,” for on its final page
Was “For your sunburn try some Solarcaine™”.

Three times I ran that job – three times amazed.
For once it solved a problem that had been
My tormentor for months, and, sans arrays,
It gave a winning strategy for Gin.

The second run output a proof which showed
That every map with four colors may be
Completely marked and all adjacent nodes
Have different hues for their identity.

The third described a model of the skies
Which made the Einstein formulation seem
As trivial as one plus four is five,
And yet could be explained to a Marine.

Just one more time I ran that job and while
It executed I sat deep in thought.
I concentrated all my earthly guile
On making “Magic” show the key to Luck.

The world is full of greed and avarice.
It spins on axes hewn from Mankind’s lust.
Small children learn – avoid the precipice
Of grabbing for that final piece of crust.

No trace of “Magic” could be found by this
Sad author after I turned in that job
Which disappeared with all the prevous
Results collected – dust to worthless dust.

-Dan Nessett

Had this in my email this morning:

Well, it looks official enough, and I don’t even see any major grammatical errors or the kind of Nigerian English that usually function as a dead giveaway for a scam.

So, if you click the embedded “Click here” link (SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NEVER DO), where does it take you?

To http://365.bankofireland.com-zeyqfqjj.taole.com.br/boi-ireland/index.php,

a phishing website that has already been deleted.

Anyone can create a domain name and have it registered. I could register this name right now:

microsoft-walmart-bankofamerica-ramalamadingdong-whackamole-boom.com

The fact that a corporate name appears in an URL is no guarantee whatsoever that you’re on that company’s website. Have a look at the real Bank of Ireland 365 URL:

https://www.365online.com/online365/spring/authentication?execution=e1s1

That “https” in red up there indicates that you are on a secure site, meaning that communication between the website and you is encrypted and can’t be intercepted/read by bad guys. You should always look for that “https” on any website where you will be entering sensitive information: banking, internet shopping, login pages, etc.

Have a look at some different URLs, some real and some fake:

paypal.com: Real
paypalsecure.com: Fake (The name contains PayPal, but is not valid)
paypal@accounts.com: Fake (Watch out for @-signs and dashes in a name)
paypal@150.44.134.189: Fake (The root domain is an unknown IP address)
http://www.paypal.com/signin/: Real (Even though the address is longer, “paypal.com” is the last thing before the first “/” in the address.

microsoft.com: Real
microsoft.verification.com: Fake (The root domain is “verification,” not Microsoft.)
purchase-microsoft.com: Fake (The hyphen instead of a period)
signin.microsoft.com@10.19.32.4/: Fake (The root domain is an unknown IP address)
micorsoft.com: Fake and dangerous (The name of the company is misspelled)¹
microsoft.com/en-us/default.aspx: Real (Even though the address is longer, “microsoft.com” is the last thing before the first “/” in the address.)

• The company name (i.e. paypayl, microsoft, etc.) should be the last thing, or the last thing before the first “/” in the address.
• Beware of hyphens or other symbols in names, or 4-part numbers like “192.168.0.0” which are IP addresses.
• Be wary of country suffixes like “br,” “za,” “cr,” etc.
• An address does not have to contain “www.” to be valid.

For those wondering, what’s an “URL” anyway?  It stands for “Uniform Resource Locator“, a pointer to a specific internet address.

Dilbert

Here’s a typical clueless manager trying to “add value” in an area he knows nothing about, and giving his savvy tech worker a month’s vacation at the same time.

Be careful out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

¹This particular misspelling is especially malicious. It redirects to a number of bogus or dangerous websites, ,including this one: http://104.143.5.145/perror2.php:

If you land here, your computer issues a frightening-sounding beep and presents you with the above screen. You will be unable to dismiss the tab or even close your browser until you have clicked a hidden box that says “Prevent this page from creating additional dialogs.”

If you call the number, a female-sounding computer-generated voice informs you that if you are experiencing problems with viruses or a slow PC, to  please press “1”. I did so, and got no answer. The assumption is that if anyone answered, they would walk you through steps necessary to download malware to your own machine, or ask for credit card details for some bogus cleaning software.

Edit: Just as I thought. This morning I called the number and got a very polite foreign gentleman who walked me through the steps needed for him to control my computer and download Mogg knows what. A full post on the encounter will follow.

A different kind of blog spam today:

Is there a difference between “genetic herpes” and “genital herpes?” Interestingly enough, this is not the first junk comment on this topic that I’ve seen. Dude must be a first-class witch doctor if he can cure all these diseases and “cast and remove spell as well.”

I swear, people are desperate for money, don’t care how they get it, and display the morals of a crazed weasel.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Seen at reddit, user /u/papafree shares some stories from a homeopathic manufacturing plant.

Yes, there is always a starting material, however sometimes it can get really shady. Homeopathics are regulated by the FDA under CFR 211, so if you make stuff up (like lie about having a starting material), and they find out about it, you’re in big trouble.

For most herbals, the actual herb is purchased, then tested to make sure it’s the right variety. This can mean TLC (thin layer chromatography), which is what I was responsible for doing when I worked there. A lot of times we got in a different species of the herb, but used it anyway.

Sometimes a pathogenic starting material is used – in that case, we contacted out to a third party micro lab that keep strains in a controlled environment. We paid the micro guy a contract fee to do the dilutions himself which ended up being about $3500 because only he was licensed to deal with pathogens. We made 200 30 mL units out of that which sold for less than $1200 total. Such a waste.

Sometimes a material of animal origin is used. If it’s something weird, like bovine trachea, there really isn’t a good method to test it, so we kind of took the supplier’s word for it. Pretty shady.

One time we needed to do an extraction of “morning dew”, so we went outside in the morning, shook some water off of some weeds, weighed it, then did the dilution.

My favorite story is this one: We needed to do a dilution of uranium 200X. Problem, is you can’t get uranium (unless you’re Doc Brown), so we went to Hanford (this was a looong time ago) carrying a vial of water. When we got there and did a tour (the plant manager knew what we were going to do), we took the vial and held it up against a glass wall that was a close as we could get to the cooling chamber. That became our “1X” dilution. We went back to our lab and diluted it to 200X, in ethanol. We had a lot left over, and because it’s illegal in WA to dump large quantities of ethanol down the drain, we needed a disposal service. Unfortunately, when we tried to explain that it was a 200X dilution (and that there wasn’t even a single atom of uranium in there to begin with), they still wouldn’t take it, because it said “uranium” on the label. So we took a shovel and buried in the back of the plant, and never told anyone.

One time we needed to do a dilution of goldenseal. My lab partner dropped his pen in the mix. We didn’t want anyone to find out, so he reached in to grab it, covering his arm in goldenseal, a potent laxative. He spent the next several days with severe nausea.

One time a guy wanted us to make this product called singtu. It was a pretty standard herbal homeopathic, except at the end we were supposed to “sing to” the final product, using these chants that the customer prepared for us. At first we were like “no”, but money is money, so when he visited we sang the chants. After he left it became a joke to say the most vulgar things we could around it.

One time we needed to make a belladonna 1000X dilution. I had to sit there and make sure the compounder did it right. That was the most goddamn boring thing I have ever done. It took two solid days

If you look in the homeopathic pharmacopoeia under Teucrim Mar, you’ll see it as able to cure “anal itch” and “loss of smell”. We thought that was hilarious.

We made a product called “Feminine Tonic” that I don’t remember what was supposed to cure. Two of the ingredients were “Ovary Sarcode” and “Uterus Sarcode”. Sarcode basically means it’s from an animal. But which animal? No one knows.

Most everyone’s familiar with the family guy episode (it’s gross, but provided here for the curious who may not have seen it) where they imbibe ipecac and throw up all over the place. I was probably the only person who didn’t laugh at that scene because it brought back memories of when we decided to take a few drops of it on a dare. [Insert vulgar expression of total contempt here.]

We made lots of weird products, including:

Quietiva, to help children be quiet
Centaury, a product to help people who have a hard time saying “No”
Chestnut Bud, a product for people who don’t learn from past miskates
Elm, a product for people who are “overwhelmed with duties”. We put the label for this product in our bathroom right above the toilet.
Hornbeam, for that “Monday morning feeling”
Herplex: homeopathic herpes medication

These stories are funny, but there was a part of it that made me really sad. We also made the following products:

Vaccination Detox: to help with the toxic effects of vaccines (of which there are none)
Enviro-Chem: to detox chemicals from the environment. IIRC, it featured a 10X dilution of the following: toluene, methyl methacrylate, sulfur, petroleum, creosote, trichloroethylene, and some others
Gout: to alleviate the symptoms of gout
Parasites: to alleviate the symptoms of parasites
Weightloss: a tonic containing a dilution of Butter 7X
No-GMO: a tonic made with glyphosate 10X to alleviate the symptoms of consuming genetically modified foods
Spinaflex: to alleviate the symptoms of a stiff spine
Staph/strep remedy: this was one we contracted out to the micro lab

These are stories from an individual who worked in a plant that made products that people will use.

The dangerous thing is that these same people are taking water – because that’s all it is – to cure diseases that can have life-altering consequences if not treated. I don’t claim to know everything about every alternative medical treatment or therapy out there, but I do know one thing: A solution of nothing cannot produce an effect beyond placebo or nocebo. It’s just not possible.

Click through for some information on homeopathic dilutions.

The Old Wolf has spoken.