Funniest code comments written by programmers (without the ads and commentary)

Originally found at itaxsmart.

  1. /* When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing. Now, God only knows */.
  2. /* I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets released into the public. */
  3. /* Drunk, fix later */
  4. /* Magic. Do not touch. */ [1]
  5. /* This code sucks, you know it and I know it. Move on and call me an idiot later */
  6. */ I am not responsible of this code.They made me write it, against my will.*/
  7. /* I can’t divide with zero, so I have to divide with something very similar result = number / 0.00000000000001. */
  8. /* If you’re reading this, that means you have been put in charge of my previous project. I am so, so sorry for you. God speed. */
  9. /* If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don’t know who wrote it.*/

[1] This must have been the code that produced miraculous results… for a brief time. I’ve referred to this before, but it seems appropriate here.


One day while cleaning off my desk there came
Into my hands a scrap, upon it writ
Five lines of code – a subroutine whose name
Was “Magic” which required no arguments.

My curiosity began to itch.
I wrote a simple driver with but one
“Call Magic” statement – and submitted it
And walked outside to bask beneath the sun.

Four hours later I awoke in pain.
A sunburn had decided it should
Take out a lease and dwell upon my skin.
So I returned inside in no sweet mood.

I claimed my job – my reason was enraged.
Queer looks were given me when I exclaimed,
“Great Caesar’s Ghost,” for on its final page
Was “For your sunburn try some Solarcaine™”.

Three times I ran that job – three times amazed.
For once it solved a problem that had been
My tormentor for months, and, sans arrays,
It gave a winning strategy for Gin.

The second run output a proof which showed
That every map with four colors may be
Completely marked and all adjacent nodes
Have different hues for their identity.

The third described a model of the skies
Which made the Einstein formulation seem
As trivial as one plus four is five,
And yet could be explained to a Marine.

Just one more time I ran that job and while
It executed I sat deep in thought.
I concentrated all my earthly guile
On making “Magic” show the key to Luck.

The world is full of greed and avarice.
It spins on axes hewn from Mankind’s lust.
Small children learn – avoid the precipice
Of grabbing for that final piece of crust.

No trace of “Magic” could be found by this
Sad author after I turned in that job
Which disappeared with all the prevous
Results collected – dust to worthless dust.

-Dan Nessett

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