The Overview Effect: Seeing Earth from the Outside

Writer Frank White coined the term “The Overview Effect” to describe the deep changes that astronauts experience once they see Earth from space. He said, “In 1968, Apollo 8 went to the Moon. They didn’t land, but they did circle the Moon; I was watching it on television and at a certain point one of the astronauts casually said: we are going to turn the camera around and show you the Earth. And he did. And that was the first time I had ever seen the planet hanging in space like that. And it was profound.”

nasa-apollo8-dec24-earthrise

Apollo 8: Earthrise. ©Nasa

Astronaut Edgar D. Mitchell said,

“You develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it. From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.”

But you don’t need to have gone into space to have obtained that awareness; some forward-thinking individuals divined the importance of our island earth from their armchairs. In 1948, British astrophysicist Fred Hoyle predicted the change of viewpoint when he said,

“Once a photograph of the Earth, taken from outside, is available, we shall, in an emotional sense, acquire an additional dimension… Once let the sheer isolation of the Earth become plain to every man, whatever his nationality or creed, and a new idea as powerful as any in history will be let loose.”

Subsequent to Apollo 11, Hoyle spoke at a NASA scientific banquet and said,

“You have noticed how, quite suddenly, everybody has become seriously concerned to protect the natural environment. It happened almost overnight, and one can understand how one can ask the question, ‘Where did this idea come from?’ You could say, of course, from biologists, from conservationists, from ecologists, but after all, they’ve really been saying these things for many years past, and previously they’ve never even got on base. Something new has happened to create a worldwide awareness of our planet as a unique and precious place. It seems to me more than a coincidence that this awareness should have happened at exactly the moment man took his first step into space.”

A recent short documentary, Overview, collects statements from many astronauts who have had this unique experience.

With his famous essay on “The Pale Blue Dot,” Carl Sagan captured the essence of this effect, without himself ever having been in space physically, although he probably plumbed the universe more deeply in his mind than the vast body of humanity.

Pale_Blue_Dot

“… Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known…”.
– Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space

Recently published at YouTube was a video of the final message of Wubbo Johannes Ockels (March 28, 1946 – May 18, 2014), who was a Dutch physicist and an astronaut of the European Space Agency (ESA), riding on Space Shuttle STS-61-A, and becoming the first Dutch citizen in space. After his astronaut career, Ockels was professor of Aerospace for Sustainable Engineering and Technology at the Delft University of Technology. On May 29, 2013 it was announced that Ockels had an aggressive form of kidney cancer (renal cell carcinoma) with a metastasis in his pleural cavity, and a life expectancy of one to two years. He died from complications of cancer on May 18, 2014, one day after making this video.

A transcript in English of Dr. Ockels’ remarks follows.

“We need some luck. Some other spacecraft. Something, because with what we have now, it’s going to be finished. As an astronaut, you feel excluded to a particular group of people. And those are the people in the majority. They are you, not being aware of the danger in which you live.

But now suppose I’m going to change all of you. Suppose I can transfer the experience which I have to you. Then you would go out and see the earth, and you would see the blue sky, not the blue sky which you see when you go outside; in space you see that you are the only one. The only planet. You have no spare. And so you have to take care of this one only planet.

Our earth has cancer. I have cancer too. And most people with cancer, they die. When in fact, everybody will die. If we make enough people to continuously survive mankind on the earth, we need to conserve our own planet, and you when you have the spirit and the insight and the attitude of an astronaut, you start to love the earth in a way that other people can’t. And if you really love something, you don’t want to lose it.

You know, my wife, she doesn’t want to lose me. She wants to do everything to let me stay alive. That’s the love and attitude which human kind should have to the earth. We do not have 50% of our roofs covered with solar. We do not have more than half of our cars electric. We certainly do not have a production in which there is a reasonable amount of material recycled. We don’t have all these things.

And then the question comes, ” OK, well what’s wrong?” Well, what’s wrong is the mindset. I’m sure, but I can’t claim it, but when I heard 18 April 2013 that I had a very bad cancer, damn kidney cancer, and also changed into a sarcomatoid, which means that, you know, which to slip through all kinds of things [by this he meant metastasis], and this, the doctor, beautiful doctor, and he said you have a fair amount of time. And of course each time I asked him, “what does ‘fair’ mean?” and then he was not very accurate, but he said, “Well, months, maybe a year.”

I got over a year, a good year, because I believed that the good future, and I believed, you know, you can do things with the power, with the mind power. We, we people coming from the same molecules out of one bloody strong star which bursted out, we who have developed over billions of years, life, life, is made by we, we humanity are so strong that we can save the earth – but we also can destroy it. Even a small thing does something.

The overwhelming burden of experience from those who have been outside the Earth’s atmosphere is that this little planet we live on is the only home we have, and we need to take care of it. Even if you happen to be a person of faith, taking the chiliastic view that we don’t need to worry about the Earth because God is going to come down and take care of everything strikes me as irresponsible, and unfair to future generations. Western Artist Stan Lynde captured my own sentiments decades ago:

RickOShay2

While efforts are being made by forward-thinking individuals to reduce the damage we’re doing to our planet, there is still much to be done. We owe it to future generations to make a difference now. “Drill, baby, drill” just doesn’t do it for me.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Two Parachuting Stories

The 2.6 million dollar watch

For a number of years I was involved in a marketing enterprise, and my sponsor enjoyed wearing a diamond-studded Rolex that he picked up for about half-price, a mere $125,000. I always wondered how much sense it made to wear that much money around on your wrist, but whatever floats his boat.

Then I discovered this:

This video describes the design and manufacture of the Patek Philippe 5175R Grandmaster Chime Watch, which sells for $2.6 million… if the president of the firm thinks you’re worthy to own one. To celebrate the 175th anniversary of the firm, only seven were made, six of them to be sold to a very exclusive number of long-time collectors, the seventh to be displayed at the Patek Philippe Museum in Geneva.

Patek2

Now, Patek Phillippe is the zenith of the summit of the pinnacle of the watchmaking world to start with. They don’t let anything but perfection out of their factory doors. But this particular watch would make Jacquet-Droz blush with embarrassment and want to crawl into a hole for having produced such crude workmanship, and he was a world-class craftsman and a genius.

When I read the title of the video, I thought to myself, “why in the world would someone create, let alone buy, such an expensive watch? Well, the buyers will have their own reasons. But as for the creation… this is not merely a timepiece, this is art. People pay much more than a paltry 2.6 million for coveted artwork; remember that someone paid an estimated $259 million for Cezanne’s The Card Players.

Cezanne

Watch the video. You’ll see that this piece is lovingly crafted in the most excruciating detail by craftspeople who could rightfully be called national treasures. Designers, machine workers, watchmakers, artists, metallurgists, you name it – the skill and precision and absolutely insane devotion to a perfect product are visible here.

Movement

The movement before assembly

I’ll never be fortunate enough to hold a piece of art like this, and I’m not likely to see one in a museum either, so watching the video will have to suffice for me.

Patek 3

The Reverse Side

But from where I sit, this miracle of design and labor is worth every penny that the company charges for it.

Now, this whole adventure raises a few questions. Recently, redditor /u/mattertater calculated an estimate in raw dollars for how much it would take to end world hunger if every citizen of first-world countries contributed the same amount annually. (Thread with commentary)

With an approximate first-world population of 906,715,020 people, or 12.45% of the global population, the UN estimate of $30 billion annually works out to roughly $33.08 per year, or about 9¢ a day. For comparison’s sake, note that the US military, with an annual estimated budget of $640 billion, could come up with that amount all by itself by trimming 5% of its annual spending.

These are just some interesting raw numbers. It is understood that the problem of world hunger is much more than throwing dollars at it, involving as it does so many factors such as distribution chains, administration, corruption, agriculture, warfare, and countless others. But it’s intriguing to wonder if given the pressing problems of the world, owning a watch that costs this much money really makes sense. Still, on a much smaller scale, 8 people were willing to pony up $999.99 for the “I am Rich” app at the Apple Store before it was pulled down… and all it does is display a glowing, red gem which the rest of the world can’t have. Veblen goods have their appeal, usually for reasons of vanity.

The world is so full of a number of things…

The Old Wolf has spoken.

♬ We Belong to a Mutual Admiration Society ♬

Mutual

Saw this on my Facebook feed the other day, and just sort of glossed over it. This morning I saw it at reddit and looked more closely, and then i got the joke.

I was immediately reminded of this little bit of silliness which I saw when it first came out, oh, back in the Cenozoic Era or thereabouts:

I always thought these two guys were an absolute crackup; my father, an actor, was full of nothing but contempt for Joe E. Ross for some odd reason known only to himself, although he had great respect for Fred Gwynne and did a small part himself on one episode of The Munsters.

For you young’uns, this is a clip from “Car 54 Where Are You“, a comedy show about two New York cops, back in a day when the police for me were personified by the likes of Officer Joe Bolton instead of the Predator.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Top 100 Anime Movies of All Time (with some sources)

This list was compiled originally by redditor /u/PixelPenguins, and a link to images, reasons for selection, and short synopses was provided at Imgur. /u/DisposableFox texted the list, and /u/Rydel6 went hunting  to see which ones were available at Netflix or elsewhere. Below, the list with source where available.

Naturally, this is only one person’s preferences, but the list is comprehensive and includes every Anime I have ever seen, plus many, many that I have not. I have a lot of watching to do.

nFvD8oP

Colorful, the No. 1 anime as selected by /u/PixelPenguins.

100: The Sky Crawlers (2008) – Google Play – Rental 2.99 | Purchase 9.99
99: Nitaboh (2004) – None Listed
98: Asura (2012) – None Listed
97: Spriggan (1998) – Amazon DVD 59.89 | Blu Ray 68.91 (really?!)
96: You Are Umasou (2010) – None Listed
95: Ninja Scroll (1993) – Amazon Rental 1.99 | Purchase 9.94
94: Pyschic School Wars (2012) – None Listed
93: Gauche the Cellist (1982) – None Listed
92: Half-Broken Music Box (2010) – None Listed
91: Hal (2013) – Unclear. Ask later.
90: Welcome to THE SPACE SHOW (2010) – None Listed
89: They Were Eleven (1986) – None Listed
88: Swan Lake (1981) – None Listed
87: Wonderful Days (2003) Amazon DVD 75.95
86: Vampire Hunter D: Blustlust (2000) – None Listed
85: Escaflowne: A Girl in Geae (2000) – None Listed
84: Lupin III: Farewell to Nostradamus (1995) – None Listed
83: Redline (2009) – Unclear. Ask later.
82: Mobile Police Patlabor 2: The Movie (1993) – None Listed
81: Mai Mai Miracle (2009) – Amazon DVD 75.99 | Amazon Blu Ray 97.98
80: Elemi (2009) – None Listed
79: Trigun: Badlands Rumble (2010) – Hulu Plus (subscription) | Vudu Rental 2.99 | Digital Purchase 9.99
78: The Perfect World of Kai (2007) – None Listed
77: Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honneamise (1987) – None Listed
76: Japan, Our Homeland (2007) – None Listed
75: Glass Rabbit (2005) – None Listed
74: Yobi: The 5 Tailed Fox (2007) – None Listed
73: Aura: Koga Maryuin’s Last War (2013) – None Listed
72: Castle in the Sky (1986) – Amazon DVD 22.76
71: Who’s Left Behind? (1991) – None Listed
70: The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004) – None Listed
69: Origins: Spirits of the Past (2006) – None Listed
68: The Tree of Palme (2003)- None Listed
67: Nasu: Summer in Andalusia (2003) – None Listed
66: Children Who Chase Lost Voices (2011) – None Listed
65: Little Witch Academia (2013) – None Listed
64: Mind Game (2004)
63: Lupin III: The Secret of Mamo (1978) – Hulu (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 19.99 Blu Ray 37.39
62: Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) – Amazon Blu Ray 29.52
61: Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1998) – None Listed
60: Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro (1979) – Amazon Blu Ray 39.98
59: Oseam (2003) – None Listed
58: Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica: Rebellion (2013) – None Listed
57: The Wind Rises (2013) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) Amazon DVD 18.81 Blu Ray 23.52
56: Cencoroll (2009) – None Listed
55: Chie the Brat (1981) – None Listed
54: 5cm Per Second (2007) – None Listed
53: Porco Rosso (1992)- None Listed
52: Garden of Sinners (2007 – 2009) – None Listed
51: Ghost in the Shell (1995) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Digital Rental (various) 1.99, 2.99 | Digital Purchase (various) 9.99 | Amazon DVD 7.87
50: Steamboy (2004) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Digital Rental (Various) 2.99 | Digital Purchase (Various) 9.99 | Amazon DVD 8.97 | Starz (Subscription)
49: Death Billiards (2013) – None Listed
48: Steins;Gate: Burdened Domain of Déjà vu (2013) – None Listed
47: Rainbow-Colored Fireflies: The Eternal Summer Vacation (2012) – None Listed
46: End of Evangelion (1997) – None Listed
45: Cowboy Bebop: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door (2001) – None Listed
44: House of Small Cubes (2008) – None Listed
43: Tales from Earthsea (2006) – None Listed
42: Whisper of the Heart (1995) – Amazon DVD 20.95 Blu Ray 24.96
41: Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 22.89 Blu Ray 27.19
40: Princess Arete (2001) – None Listed
39: Patema Inverted (2013) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Digital Rental 0.99 (Vudu) / 3.99 (Various) | Digital Purchase 9.99 (Various) | Amazon DVD 19.49 Blu Ray 22.99
38: The Door Into Summer (1981) – None Listed
37: Metropolis (2001) – Amazon DVD 8.69
36: Junkers Come Here (1994) – Hulu (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 4.71
35: The Dog of Flanders (1997) – Digital Rental 2.99 (Vudu) | Digital Purchase 9.99 (Vudu) | Amazon DVD 11.98
34: K-On! Movie (2011) – Unclear. Ask later.
33: Hotori: I Only Wish For Happiness (2005) – None Listed.
32: Saint☆Onii-san (2013) – None Listed.
31: The Secret World of Arrietty (2010) – Amazon DVD 22.17 Blu Ray 25.89
30: Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (2010) – Amazon DVD 119.99
29: My Neighbor Totoro (1988) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 19.99 Blu Ray 26.14
28: Sword of the Stranger (2007) – Hulu (Subscription) | Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon 29.99 Blu ray 59.99
27: Pom Poko (1994) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 22.30 Blu Ray 24.99
26: Ponyo (2008) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 19.99 Blu Ray 25.76
25: Akira (1988) – Amazon DVD 12.49 Blu Ray 16.79
24: Revolutionary Girl Utena: Adolescence of Utena (1999) – None Listed
23: Leafie: A Hen into the Wild (2011) – Amazon Blu Ray 53.95
22: From Up on Poppy Hill (2011) – Amazon Blu Ray 19.95
21: Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 19.99 Blu Ray 24.99
20: Summer Wars (2009) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 59.99 Blu Ray 17.40
19: Tekkon Kinkreet (2006) – None Listed
18: Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light (2011) – None Listed
17: The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006) – Amazon DVD 5.75 Blu Ray 22.99 | Xfinity (Free)
16: Paprika (2006) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Digital Rental 2.99 (Various) | Digital Purchase 9.99 (Various) | Amazon DVD 9.72 Blu Ray 7.99
15: Millennium Actress (2001) – None Listed
14: Garden of Words (2013) – None Listed
13: Tokyo Godfathers (2003) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 34.95
12: Grave of the Fireflies (1988) – Amazon Blu Ray 17.66
11: Macross: Do You Remember Love (1984) – None Listed.
10: Barefoot Gen (1983) – None Listed.
9: Summer Days with Coo (2007) – None Listed.
8: Spirited Away (2001) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 19.96 Blu Ray 99.98
7: Princess Mononoke (1997) – Amazon Blu Ray 23.52
6: Only Yesterday (1991) – None Listed.
5: Perfect Blue (1998) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Amazon DVD 99.95
4: Wolf Children (2012) – None Listed.
3: A Letter to Momo (2011) – Netflix DVD (Subscription) | Digital Rental 3.99 (Google Play) | Digital Purchase 9.99 (Google Play / XBox Points) | Amazon Blu Ray 41.99
2: Time of Eve (2010) – None Listed
1: Colorful (2010) – Hulu Plus (Subscription) | Digital Rental 3.99 (Apple) | Digital Purchase 9.99 (Apple)

Another Lost Product: Stella d’Oro egg biscuits

Edit: Since writing this, and based on a comment below, I have tried the Cianciullo taralli. The texture is almost identical to what I remember, the closest to anything else I have encountered. The flavor seems a bit different, but 65 years later that memory could have faded.

I’ve written before and copiously about Sara Lee Frozen All-Butter Brownies. But for a long time I’ve been craving these lost little treats from Stella d’Oro, flower-shaped biscuits that I used to get at my nonna’s house in New York when I was young.

Stella D'Oro Egg Biscuits

Not soft, not crunchy, but with a unique texture all thier own. And they appear to have vanished forever. I have written to Stella d’Oro and begged for a resurrection of this product, as I know many others have done, but thus far our pleas have fallen on deaf ears.

Someone suggested that Clementi’s original taralli are as close as you can get:

orig tar label

101_1760

Taralli (foreground) and other yummy things from Clementi

And I’d try some in a heartbeat but you have to order them by the case. Other websites sell them by the pack, but at double the price plus shipping, so I’ll have to wait until I can get down to Hackensack to pick up a bag and see for myself, which thing I will not fail to do.

Speaking of taralli, let me introduce you to Graziella. The photo and text below are from The Italians, Face of a Nation by John Phillips, published in 1965 by McGraw-Hill.

Graziella

“When Graziella was born in 1864, Lincoln was President of the United States of America, Napoleon III was Emperor of France, Bismarck was Chancellor of Prussia, Victoria was Queen of England, and Victor Emmanuel II was the first ruler of the new kingdom of Italy. Thirty-nine months before, an ancient civilization had finally become a young nation. though France maintained the sovereignty of the Papacy over Rome, while Austria retained the Italian-speaking provinces of Mantua, Venice and Trento. Graziella was two when Victor Emmanuel took advantage of the Austro-Prussian war to annex Mantua and Venice. On her seventh birthday, after Napoleon fell, her monarch got a special present: Rome.
Graziella never did learn to read. Her sovereign was more interested in colonial annexation than in the literacy rate of his people. At eighteen, the cheerful illiterate married a Neapolitan diver. That was the year Italy took her first dip into colonialism and came up with Assab, on the Red Sea. During Graziella’s first pregnancy, Italy signed her first international agreement and joined the Triple Alliance. This pact favored Austria, the hereditary enemy, and benefited Germany, but it did gratify the Italian national pride.
The first of Graziella’s nine children was born the same year that a blacksmith’s wife had a son whose name was Benito Mussolini. The birth of Graziella’s second child coincided with the conquest of Eritrea. Then came Teresa in 1892, the year the Italian socialists held their first congress. By the time Assunta was born, two years later, the socialist party had been dissolved. In 1895 Graziella had her fifth child in the midst of national rejoicing – Ethiopia had been conquered, Graziella mourned the death of her sixth child in the midst of national grief over being driven out of Ethiopia. Rosa’s birth preceded the tumultuous riots of 1898, which led to reprisals against the workers who had participated in them. Peppino was born the year Umberto l was assassinated in reprisal for the 1898 reprisals. Graziella’s last child celebrated her tenth birthday the year Italy conquered Libya and Cyrenaica.
A year later, in 1913, Graziella went to work to supplement her husband’s earnings. She had been selling fried peppers and eggplant for a year when the socialist firebrand Benito Mussolini tried to start a revolution at the outbreak of World War 1. Mussolini was against nationalism and war. The spring of 1915, Graziella moved her stand next to Zi Teresa, a restaurant on Naples’ waterfront, as Italy switched partners and declared war on her former allies of the Triple Alliance – in the name of “Holy Egoism.” In return, Italy received Trento, Alto Adige, Venezia Giulia, Trieste, and the Istrian Peninsula. Graziella was 58 when Mussolini became a nationalist, and 71 at the time he attacked Ethiopia. She was 75 the year the Duce blustered into World War II, and 80 when he could be seen dangling head down at a gas station in Milan.
Graziella became a widow the year the monarchy was abolished in 1946. Since then, too old to fry peppers and eggplant, she sells taralli. You can find her along Santa Lucia any day the weather is fair.”

What an incredible life; it reflects a century of Italian history. I lived in Naples in 1969, and I swear I saw Graziella there; I suspect, however, that I’m just combining my own memories with the images and words from this lovely book, because by that time Graziella would have been 105. At any rate, thinking of taralli always makes me think of her; you can see the massive ones she sold in the picture above.

If you want to try some of your own, I found a likely recipe at Lidia’s Italy.

Please, Stella d’Oro, bring back your egg biscuits.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Rune Sore-bees: A Dialog by Shelly Berman, and more.

(Cross-posted from LiveJournal)

920x920

Shelley Berman, a very funny man

Despite the fact that it has been widely copied and published on the net as an actual conversation from a hotel in Asia, (/r/forwardsfromgrandma) and purportedly published in the “Far East Economic Review” (it wasn’t), the dialogue below never actually took place in any hotel anywhere in the world. It is an intentionally composed humorous fiction and is entirely the creation of Shelley Berman, written as a chapter in his book, published as A HOTEL IS A PLACE, A HOTEL IS A FUNNY PLACE, and A HOTEL IS A VERY FUNNY PLACE, by Price/Stern/Sloan Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 1972, 1985. Any claim to the contrary is utterly baseless and erroneous. I post it here not only because it’s very funny, but because the true attribution (and the correct version) deserves more widespread exposure.

(Reading hints: You are on the phone. The other party is also in the hotel.)

Morny, rune sore-bees.

Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.

Rye. Rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to odor sunteen?

Yes, order something. This is room thirteen-oh-five. I want…

Okay, torino-fie. Yes plea?

I’d like some bacon and eggs.

Ow July then?

What?

Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch…?

Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.

Ow July thee baycome? Crease?

Crisp will be fine.

Okay. An Santos?

What?

Santos. July Santos?

Uh…I don’t know…I don’t think so.

No? Judo one toes?

Look. I really feel bad about this, but I just don’t know what judo-one-toes means. I’m sorry…

Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eenlish mopping we bother?

English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.

We bother?

No. Just put the bother on the side.

Wad?

I’m sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.

Copy?

I feel terrible about this but…

Copy. Copy, tea, mill…

Coffee!! Yes, coffee please. And that’s all.

One Minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossy eenlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?

Whatever you say.

Okay. Tenjewberrymud.

You’re welcome.

This is almost like “Anguish Languish” in its delightful mangling of the tongue. If you do it in the right accent, it does sound like it could have taken place in the Phillipines or somewhere similar.

Since we’re on the subject of Shelley Berman, we might as well include for your gratuitous entertainment his little piece, “Hotel Soap,” which despite multiple forwardings via fax and email, also never happened.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman


Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid


Dear Maid — I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.

Please remove them.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty


Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper


Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don’t get back before 530 or 6PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper


Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

  • On shelf under medicine cabinet – 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
  • On Kleenex dispenser – 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
  • On bedroom dresser – 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
  • Inside medicine cabinet – 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
  • In shower soap dish – 6 Camay, very moist.
  • On northeast corner of tub – 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
  • On northwest corner of tub – 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

Shelley Berman has spoken.

The Egg by Andy Weir

This exists in multiple places on the Internet; it went viral a few years ago and I remember seeing it at that time.

The Internet, however is a big place; I’m sure there are some of my readers and/or followers that haven’t seen it, so I thought it was worth sharing here. You can see the original post here, with translations in numerous languages.

While this is not entirely consistent with my own cosmology, there is a significant intersection, and it has some very powerful thoughts in it.

uUntq

The Egg

By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” [1]

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

In some ways I am reminded of Isaac Asimov’s famous short story “The Last Question,” which remains at the top of my list of science-fiction writing for the yearning questions about man’s destiny that it poses.

A hat tip to Andy Weir for a superb piece of literary exposition.

The Old Wolf has spoken.


¹ For me, this paragraph is the core that resonates with me the most powerfully as it relates to the here and now.

My New Western Digital Passport Ultra: Delightful hardware, hideous software

shopping

About the size of a pack of poker cards. Lightweight and functional, stores 1 Terabyte of data; I can back up my entire hard drive and that of my wife onto one little box.

Unfortunately, the WD SmartWare (which should be called something more obscene and less family-friendly) is the abomination of desolation.

The thing refuses to back up my large files, despite upgrading to the latest version (2.4.6); worse than that, there are processes running in the background – specifically WDBackupEngine.exe, but others as well – that will not die, can’t be killed, and consume so many resources that my greased-lightning core i7 box slows down to the speed of London traffic.

resources from WD

The WD forums are full of complaints about this issue going back to 2011. Western Digital has not provided a workable solution, and the fact that their latest software has not solved the issue points to the fact that they are either insouciant or incompetent.

I understand the need for background monitoring for a system that backs up changes on the fly and provides a dynamic mirror of the source disk or portions thereof, but the process should not bring the rest of the system to a screeching halt.

I have reluctantly removed WDSmartWare from my system and will have to use the device as a manual backup, which is still a lot better than having to use multiple devices. Again, I like the box itself, but the management software has no business existing.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Wizards in Winter: Taking it to the next level

In 2005, Carson Williams, a Mason, Ohio electician, decorated his home and synchronized it to the music “Wizards in Winter” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. A higher-quality version of the original video that was circulated by email can be seen below.

Not to be outdone, a neighborhood in Yucaipa, Calif. decided to one-up the Joneses, as it were, and got everyone on an entire block to come up with a similar synchronization. They recorded the result with a drone; it’s breathtaking, to say the least.

Paul Ó Neill, the creator of TSO, was moved. He told Billboard “We were incredibly honored and flattered when we first saw a house in Mason, Ohio, sync their lights to ‘Wizards In Winter,’ but to see a whole community band together and do something like this is beyond words. We only hope they don’t send us the electric bill!”

Here’s the neighborhood video:

This is one of my favorite pieces of music, largely as a result of the original video; I was delighted to see this evolution.

Probably not good for epileptics, though.

The Old Wolf has spoken.,