GPS Voices I Wish I Had

I love my Prius, but the GPS voice is pretty mechanical. Better than your average female generated voice, but still pretty sterile. My Droid is even worse.

If I could wave my magic wand, I’d have the following voices on my GPS to choose from (with appropriate personality, as well, if applicable)

1. James Earl Jones

“Alert all commands. Calculate every possible destination along the last known trajectory.”

2. Alan Rickman

“So like your father. Go back to Exit 29 and try it again, you pathetic fool.”

3. Leonard Nimoy


“Fascinating choice, but illogical for the destination you have selected.”

4. Katherine Hepburn


“Damn it, you’re not listening to me.”

5. Frank Oz


“Pig-headed, this one is.”

6. Cary Grant


“Maybe if you lightened up you could find the right exit without asking ‘permesso’. ”

7. Patrick Stewart


“Set course for I-15 South. Engage.”

8. Peter Lorre


“If you make another wrong turn, you shall make me very angry.

9. Clint Eastwood


“Just try turning there. Go ahead, make my day.”

10. Robert Eddison


“You chose… poorly.”

Of course, there are so many others. I realize the ladies are woefully under-represented in the list above, but I just had to choose from the ones I thought would be the funniest. Some voices have no particular characterization, but would be just plain awesome to listen to, such as Daniel Schorr, go ndéanai Día trocaire air, or the archetypical yiddische mama (“I told you to turn on 49th street, but did you listen to me? No, that’s fine, just go on about your merry way, I’ll be all right…”)

Whatever the case, GPS voices could be a lot more entertaining than they are today.

Spoken, the Old Wolf has.

3 responses to “GPS Voices I Wish I Had

  1. A friend of mine bought a second (actually more like seventh) hand car with a GPS mounted by the previous owner, likely worth at least as much as the car in which it was sitting. Lo and behold, it was Yoda! Alas, after much “at the next intersection, turn left you must”, Yoda did much like in Episode Six, checking out quietly, leaving car and driver weak in the Force and subject to unguided random circumstance. Shortly thereafter the car itself, depraved of its mentor, turned to the dark side and had to be put down for safety of its surroundings.

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