The Marching Morons

Gratefully, I’m not subject to migraines… but things like  the image below, seen today at Facebook, really, really push the envelope.


The stupid, it burns.

Based on the number of emails of this nature sent to me by well-meaning but reality-challenged friends and relatives, I am almost driven to despair; countless people like this walk around and vote.

When I see things like this, I’m reminded of the story by C.M. Kornbluth that titles this post, as well as his previous story, “The Little Black Bag”; both have long been among my favorites.

I see posts like this and I have to sit back and ask myself if things like this are spread around just for fun, or if people really believe that

  • Such tests are “really hard”
  • Some random cause-effect statement, written by God only knows who, will actually have an effect on their lives.

Sadly, I must conclude that the latter option is closer to the truth. To quote Weird Al Yankovic, in his song “Your Horoscope For Today,”

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

As for me,

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Well, if you see it on the internet, it must be right.

Compounding the problem is the fact that when I have pointed my correspondents to places like Snopes, they reply smugly that such websites are written by left-wing pinko radicals, and that surely their Aunt Matilda knows more about such things anyway. I love my friends and family, but sometimes I want to shake them until their teeth rattle.


If I were king of the universe, this book would be required reading for every child who ever hopes to graduate from high school; in fact, in order to graduate, one would have to demonstrate functional understanding of the principles contained therein.

Now, forward this blog post to 20 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, and you’ll get a big surprise. 50 friends, and you’ll win the lottery. If you don’t recommend it to anyone, your pet goldfish will die today.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

One response to “The Marching Morons

  1. Yes. What you said. And another thing! What bothers me is the memes that go something like this:

    X is the most wonderful [thing/person/relationship] in the world, ever, and s/h/it is now [no longer available/dead/illegal]. Nobody realizes how terrific things were when X was around. I cry every day because I can’t have X any more. If you agree that everybody who has ever lived has a hole in his or her soul because of the lack of X, repost!

    Mothers. Fathers. Sisters. Sons. Cousins. Being a kid. Being a kid in the ’50s/’60s/’70s/’80s or some other lost, lamented era.

    Holy %$#@!!!! Isn’t there any room for disagreement? If I don’t think that my particular experience of X was any great shakes, should I still repost in solidarity anyway?

    Oh, and then it has misspellings in it, too, so I’m doubly frustrated. Drives me mad. And yes, it’s a very short trip.

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