Monthly Archives: November 2013

Hell in a Jar

Posted on by The Old Wolf

I love spicy food. I guess I developed a taste for it when my mother took me to this little hole in the wall restaurant in New York named Xochitl which I have mentioned elsewhere. Their hot sauce was served in little ceramic pots, and one learned to use it most sparingly. But like certain other things in life, once the barn door has been opened and the horses are out, there’s no going back.

My cabinet is full of various types of hot sauces; a dear friend presented me with 6 different flavors last Christmas, and along with the ever-present Tabasco™ and Tapatio™ and Frank’s Original™, there are around a dozen other varieties either above the stove or in storage.

Yes, I like hot things.

But there’s a difference between pleasing heat and liquid pain, as I discovered in a few instances – in my experience, Blair’s After Death™ sauce has very little flavor, and mostly heat, even though it comes in at a paltry 50,000 Scoville units. I say paltry, because there are sauces out there that rate much, much higher – but I only used it in a couple of preparations, and in very small doses, and things still came out hotter than I care for. I cannot imagine the effect of adding even one crystal of pure Capsaicin (rated 16 million Scovilles) to any food.

blair

“The strength of Blair’s hottest product, “Blair’s 16 Million Reserve”, is 16 million Scoville units (Tabasco™, in comparison, is 2,500 to 5,000 Scoville units). It contains only capsaicin crystals, and is the hottest possible capsaicin-based sauce. Only 999 bottles of “Blair’s 16 Million Reserve” were produced, each one signed and numbered by the firm’s founder, and have all been sold. This reserve was certified by the Guinness book of World Records as the hottest product available.” (Wikipedia)

You can find bottles for sale around the net for around $400.00 if you’re insane enough to want some, or as a collector’s item.

Another time my family took my oldest son out for his birthday, and for an appetizer we ordered something called the “On Death Roll,” which came with a warning on the menu that you had to sign a waiver before ordering it. No waiver was forthcoming, but holy flapping scrith! My younger son and my daughter and I all tried it, and the birthday boy, smarter than we, sat and watched the festivities as we all thought we were going to die. “I didn’t know I was going to get dinner and a show,” said he, roguishly. I have no idea what they added to that tuna roll, but it was accurately advertised. Hqiz!

Old_Wolf_Peppers

So the other day when the Goodwoman of the House was frying up some squash and onions, she was rummaging around in the spice cabinet and found this:

Hell in a Jar

“Well,” she thought, “this will add a pleasant bit of spice to the preparation,” thinking it was perhaps akin to Cayenne pepper (30,000 – 50,000 Scovilles). No, dear, it’s pure ground Habanero (100,000 – 350,000 Scovilles). She likes hot stuff too, but the resulting preparation brought tears to both of us. We did eat, and were filled, and the remainder got mixed in to some chili that was waiting to be eaten, which livened it up considerable.

Thai Food

Yup. Goes for other things too. Which reminds me of this story which has been around for a while, but which is too good not to include here:

The Chili Contest

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas: “Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:”

Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what the HELL is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These hicks are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Shit! Keep this away from the children! I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills to save me the run.

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can’t focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety 

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. Noone seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili 

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Very Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Thank God! At autopsy they’ll know what killed me. Have decided to stop breathing, too painful, not getting any oxygen anyway.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
FRANK: ——- (Editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

All this talk about hot sauce is having an interesting effect, that I’ve never been able to explain – I recorded it back in 2009 over at my Livejournal:

The last two times I’ve prepared spicy foods, though, I’ve had a very unusual experience – the flush to the face begins as soon as I’ve opened the bottle of hot sauce – and haven’t even eaten it yet. The first time it happened, I thought “imagining things.” But it happened again today… as I was liberally lacing my burritos with Tabasco, I started getting the burning and vascular dilation that I always experience with certain peppers – very much like a Niacin flush, if you’ve ever experienced that. And, what’s even stranger, I’m experiencing a repeat as I type this, half an hour after lunch. Just thinking about it was sufficient to recall the phyiological response.

Now tha’s just weird. Maybe if I salivate enough, I can get my doorbell to ring. 

And it’s happening right now. Stranger than fiction.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Night Pharmacy, 1921

Posted on by The Old Wolf

28982u

Washington, D.C., circa 1921. “People’s Drug Store, Seventh & K, night.” With a lurid display of “trusses and rubber goods.” National Photo Co.

Pharma Noir, Found at Shorpy

I recall that trusses and other things were big sellers in pharmacies in the 50s and 60s when I was growing up in New York. What’s with that? Were more people suffering from herniæ back then, or was it the fad of the times, like all the weight-loss nostrums are today? Interesting at any rate. Oh, and the Dr. Scholl’s corn pads and things, too.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

A few definitions for your Jewish culinary art knowledge

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Shared with me by my colleague Miguel Ring around 15 years ago. Time to let it re-surface.

Latkes: A pancake‑like structure not to be confused with anything the House of Pancakes would put out. In a latka, the oil is in the pancake.  It is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal. Latkas can be eaten with apple sauce but NEVER with maple syrup. There is a rumor that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. What is certain is you will have heartburn for the same amount of time.

Matzoh: The Egyptians’ revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a simple mix of flour and water ‑ no eggs or flavor at all. When made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stays with you for a long time. However, it is recommended that  you eat a few prunes soon after.

Kasha Varnishkes: One of the little‑known delicacies which is even more difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with Varnish, but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow‑tie macaroni (noodles). Why a bow‑tie? Many sages discussed this and agreed that some Jewish mother decided that “You can’t come to the table without a tie” or, God forbid “An elbow on my table?”

Blintzes: Not to be confused with the German war machine. Can you imagine the N.J. Post 1939 headlines: “Germans drop tons of cheese and blueberry blintzes over Poland ‑ shortage of sour cream expected.”

Kishka: You know from Haggis? Well, this ain’t it . In the old days they would take an intestine and stuff it. Today we use parchment paper or plastic. And what do you stuff it with? Carrots, celery, onions, flour, and spices. But the trick is not to cook it alone but to add it to the cholent (see below) and let it cook for 24 hours until there is no chance whatsoever that there is any nutritional value left.

Kreplach: It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a rabbinical debate on its origins: One Rabbi claims it began when a fortune cookie fell into his chicken soup. The other claims it started in an Italian restaurant.  Either way it can be soft, hard, or soggy and the amount of meat inside depends on whether it is your mother or your mother‑in‑law who cooked it.

Cholent: This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley, potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican restaurant (kosher of course) I once heard this comment from a youngster who had just had his first  taste of Mexican fried beans: “What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too?!” My wife once tried something unusual for guests: She made cholent burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came back.

Cholent-1

Cholent

Gefilte Fish: A few years ago, I had problems with my filter in my fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My son (5  years old) looked at them and commented “Is that why we call it ‘GeFiltered Fish’?”  Originally, it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and vegetable mixture. Today it usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with horse radish (“chrain”) [1] which is judged on its relative strength in bringing tears to your eyes at 100 paces.

Bagels: How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish Food, the  bagel? Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the bagel although I don’t know any. There have been persistent rumors that the inventors of the bagel were the Norwegians who couldn’t get anyone to buy smoked lox.  Think about it:  Can you picture yourself eating lox on white bread?  Rye?  A cracker?? Naaa.  They looked for something hard and almost indigestible which could take the spread of cream cheese and which doesn’t take up too much room on the plate. And why the hole? The truth is that many philosophers believe the hole is the essence and the dough is only there for emphasis.

The Old Wolf has spoken, but do you ever write me? No, that’s fine, I’ll just sit here in the kitchen slaving, if you come and find me dead someday it will only be what you deserve…

[1] Linguistic note: the German word for horseradish is “Meerrettich” but in Austria it’s known as “Kren”.

My favorite flash mobs.

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Flashmobs have all sorts of different reasons for taking place, but some of the ones I have seen lately are real movers. I just thought I’d share a few of my favorites, because I feel uplifted any time I watch one of these.

Someday I’d love to participate in one, or at least be around when it happens.

Best visit to Williamsburg, Virginia.

Best coin ever spent. Sabadell, Spain.

Best button ever pushed. It’s an advert, but who cares.

Best visit to a train station ever – Antwerp, Belgium.

Best “What the hqiz just happened” moment – Québec, Canada. The message may be a bit heavy-handed, but it’s valid just the same.

I hope these please you as much as they did me. One of my favorite parts of these are watching the expressions of the audience; you can tell who enjoys life, and who has a bit of baggage they could perhaps stand to shed…

The Old Wolf has spoken.

SEO Scammers – and they’re *still* in business

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Edit: It appears that this company later did business as “findyoursearch.com,” which now redirects to “qualitysiteprofessionals.com,” also an SEO outfit. I can’t speak to what this company does, but just be careful.

In March of 2011, I posted this over at my Livejournal. I happened to come across the relevant website again as a result of another search, and finding that the “company” is still in business, I thought it best to put another heads-up out there. More exposure means more forewarned consumers.

liar-350x273

———————

Several years ago I had a very unpleasant experience with an outfit called USA SEO Pros while working on increasing exposure for my online business. Subsequently I found a writeup, which I attach below, verbatim – it’s no longer coming up on Google, so I’m not sure who the author is. However, it’s spot-on – just about fact for fact a mirror of my own experience.

I’m posting this because there are still people out there being taken advantage of. If even one person reads this and saves their money, it will have been worth the effort.

SEO Scams and Snake Oil Salesmen

Author Unknown1

A friend of mine in the Real Estate business came to me a few months ago to ask for some advice on SEO. I went out to lunch and gave her some pointers, then got back to being busy and simply forgot to ask her how it was going. On Saturday she called me asking if I could help out with her desktop machine, as it had become badly virally infected. While working on that, I asked her how the her site was doing.

“Oh, I hired a company to do that for me” was the reply. Then she turned round and handed me a manila folder with some documents in it. “Here’s what they did for me”.

I pulled out the first document. It started off with screen-shots of submissions to the major search engines – Google, Yahoo, MSN & Alexa?… ok, not a great start, but I continued through this document… there were submissions to directories. Ok, let’s take a look at those… hmm, never heard of the majority of them, and quite a few aren’t even in English , this looks like a default directory submission from some tool…

Ok, next document. It’s the invoice for $1750, with “no refunds, no cancellations” typed on it. I ask if she has a contract, or even an email outlining their work, the reply was negative. From the sounds of it, she was cold called, and promised the earth, or #1 rankings in G, Y & M for local Real Estate terms, which amounts for the same thing. The salesperson obviously did a good job, because she gave them her credit card details and sat back. Well, she didn’t quite sit back, she kept calling them to see why she wasn’t #1 yet, and their response was “It’s organic, give it a little more time”.

The next document was a copy of the code on the website, but it looked a little strange, so I went to her site and looked at the code. They didn’t match. This was puzzling, had they only given her recommendations and not implemented them? Then I noticed the URL at the top of the page… it was for a different site.

Yes, a different site. So I asked her if she owned that domain? “No, they did that” was the reply. I reviewed the code. The title tag contained her name, and her name alone, none of the keywords that they were going to magically get her to the #1 spot for, just her name. The same was true of the H1 tag. (Note: this new site doesn’t even rank in the top 50 for her name).

Content on the site was terrible, with keywords stuffed, more strong tags than you could shake multiple sticks at, poor look & feel, all on an extremely long home page. The sub-pages were even worse. In order to save time, given that theirs is obviously a volume business, they had scraped content using the title of the page. Yes, this could potentially work for unique terms, but when you sell Real Estate in a place with a name like Sterling, you may want to check the results…

171034_original

What else did I notice in the code? Well, the most interesting thing was a nice big ad on the page for USA SEO Pro’s, which wasn’t the name of the company that she had hired. Since I can’t imagine that they’d altruistically put a link and an ad on for a competitor, it must be the same company (in fact the testimonials on their website refer to the initials of the company that she hired, so they are the one and same company), but why didn’t they use their own name? A quick search for usaseopros reveals why…

171303_original

Now, wherever they have a negative listing, such as on the Real Estate Blog, or on Ripoff Report, you can see that they’re actively going into those sites and responding to the criticism. Of course, the responses that show up are from ’satisfied customers’ and ‘proud employees’ both of which, based on my experiences with my friend’s site, are false. Note: This is important. Many disreputable companies follow this practice to try to minimize the impact of negative feedback from dissatisfied companies.

So where does this leave my friend? She paid $1750 with no contract, and no defined deliverables. They ‘did some work’ and ‘delivered some documents’. The site they’ve ‘worked’ on doesn’t belong to her, they can take it down at will, there’s no guarantee that they’ll transfer the domain to her if she asks them to (which is what I’ve asked her to do, despite the fact that it shows not one incoming link, I guess those Lithuanian directories really take time to register). As for their #1 ranking promises, all verbal, nothing in writing. What can she do? Most likely not much, except warn others about her experience, and take this as lessons for the future.

  1. If something sounds too good to be true… it is
  2. Get everything in writing
  3. If you know someone with experience in that particular industry, drop them a quick note to get their opinion, and find out what questions you need to ask.

I’ve told her that I’ll give her a hand when I can, and that in the meantime she should read and learn from real SEOs who have experience in the Real Estate market, not scammers.
End of Quoted Article

My own experience was quite similar. These people created about 15 different websites and loaded them with scraped data without editing a single bit of content. As a result, my fine business (selling MSM, or Methyl-Sulfonyl-Methane, a nutritional supplement that provides elemental sulfur) was pointing to sites advertising “MSM: Men who have sex with men”.

What was even more scary – in order to allow them to work on my website, I provided them with my FTP password. As a result, someone at their extremely disreputable organization loaded my site with links to the vilest of pornography, as well as Javascript malware exploits which are still being flagged by AVG in some of my backup files.

The very bottom line was that my $1,500.00 bought me absolutely no increase in business, and interminable headaches getting my website cleaned up.

This all went down before I became educated about the worthlessness of keyword-stuffing and doorway pages in general, but be alert – these people are still out there. They still have an active website. If anyone from this sleazeball outfit calls you, hang up at once – but be extra careful, because like all liars and thieves, they may be hiding their name behind a shell outfit.

Some good advice for avoiding bad SEO companies and what to do instead can be found at Portent.com

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1] If you out there see this, please leave a comment here, and I’ll give you full attribution.

二！Spam comments from Chinese pirates.

Posted on by The Old Wolf

5790466

Recently a Chinese pirate outfit has been blasting blogs (including this one) with spam comments. The last four I received were:

  • Hello,I noticed your blog named “Weight Loss Lies, Redux (for the jillionth time) | Playing in the World Game” like every week. Your humoristic style is witty, keep up the good work! And you can look my website about 雷神索爾. (That’s the Chinese Title for “Thor”)
  • Dear Sirs,I read your article named “Marketing moves the goalposts again. | Playing in the World Game” on a regular basis. Your humoristic style is bravo, keep it up! And you can look our website about 無名套裝. (No-name suit, whatever that means)
  • Hello,I saw your blog named “Weight Loss Lies, Redux (for the jillionth time) | Playing in the World Game” like every week. Your writing style is awesome, keep doing what you`re doing! And you can check my website about 藍光影片. (Blu-Ray)
  • Hello,I checked your blog named “Marketing moves the goalposts again. | Playing in the World Game” on a regular basis. Your story-telling style is awesome, keep doing what you`re doing! And you can see our website about 藍光影片. (Blu-Ray)

Thank Mogg for services like Akismet, which has filtered 31,614 spam comments from my blog since its inception[1], and some few still get through, which I have to filter out by hand. Websites that are not moderated can accumulate hundreds or even thousands of spam comments on a single page.

The point of this exercise is that each spam comment has an embedded link to a product site, which links serve to boost that page’s ratings during a web search. What the spammers don’t get is that Google is doing its best to make sure that pages which try to increase traffic in this way are punished. The downside is that if you allow comment spam to accumulate on your own blog, its rankings will also diminish. So if you’re a blogger, make sure only valid comments are allowed to stay on your pages, and if you’re using Akismet on WordPress, make sure you empty your spam folder regularly, just for extra safety.

In case you were not sure, any company that engages in this kind of practice to increase their business is immoral, unclean, reprobate and nefarious – not to mention downright criminal – and you should never deal with them. Most of this garbage comes from Asia; I would love to see anyone who spreads this kind of ejecta spend a few years in a hard-labor re-education camp.

It is conceivable that some of these blog spam comments have been placed by disreputable marketing firms hired by legitimate businesses – as Eric Turkewitz has commented over at his personal injury law blog, “outsourced marketing = outsourced ethics.” Frankly, I’ve never seen one.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1]And some 25 billion total between 2005 and 2011. By now the total should be significantly higher.

Rice Bubbles and Weeties

Posted on by The Old Wolf

SHORPY_FL17015612

If you were a Kiwi in 1958, you didn’t know about Rice Krispies unless you were familiar with American produce. You got Rice Bubbles. And Breakfast of Champions? Well, that was Weeties.

One of my favorite parts of traveling to a different country – especially one where they speak English, and things are not muddled by a language barrier – is shopping, and seeing the differences in products offered. It’s like being in Europe without having to carry your phrasebook. I remember being in Ireland with the family and staying for a week at Abbeyville Cottage in Cill Mocheallog, Co Ciarraí [1] – we went shopping for provender and brought home all sorts of wonderful new products that we had never tried, such as Weetabix™, for which I developed an undying love, or Aero™ bars, which despite being heavy on air and light on chocolate were a delight… just because they’re so different. Same thing with TimTams™ from Australia, or Scott’s Porage Oats from the UK or… well, the list goes on forever. Everything you’re familiar with at home has a different name, a slightly different flavor, and it’s wonderful.

If I were Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged, I’d take a few lifetimes off from insulting people to spend a few decades in every country and culture of the world (a few centuries for Japan, just because.) There’s nothing I enjoy more than getting to know another people, getting inside their heads and learning about their languages, foods, ways, and customs; there’s just not the time to do that as a tourist, and just not the experience to do it as a student.

Being a citizen of the world at heart is tough, especially when resources are tight – but I do all I can from my armchair; let me tell you about Azalea Adair.

She was a product of the old South, gently nurtured in the sheltered life. Her learning was not broad, but was deep and of splendid originality in its somewhat narrow scope. She had been educated at home, and her knowledge of the world was derived from inference and by inspiration. Of such is the precious, small group of essayists made. Whle she talked to me I kept brushing my fingers, trying, unconsciously, to rid them guiltily of the absent dust from the half-calf backs of Lamb, Chaucer, Hazlitt, Marcus Aurelius, Montaigne and Hood. She was exquisite, she was a valuable discovery. Nearly everybody nowadays knows too much–oh, so much too much–of real life…

  “On the surface,” said Azalea Adair. “I have traveled many times around the world in a golden airship wafted on two wings – print and dreams. I have seen (on one of my imaginary tours) the Sultan of Turkey bowstring with his own hands one of his wives who had uncovered her face in public. I have seen a man in Nashville tear up his theatre tickets because his wife was going out with her face covered – with rice powder. In San Francisco’s Chinatown I saw the slave girl Sing Yee dipped slowly, inch by inch, in boiling almond oil to make her swear she would never see her American lover again. She gave in when the boiling oil had reached three inches above her knee.[2]

This is beauty; this is language to chew on; this is imagination. This is what people did when travel was prohibitively expensive and  television had not been invented and the most exciting form of entertainment was to pull out the stereopticon and marvel over the strange ways and beauties of other lands and other cultures.

Great Pyramids

Nowadays, for the most part, we lack the kind of language that was common in O. Henry’s day – but in exchange we have the Internet, and that is just about the next best thing to being there in person.

Great-wall-of-china

The Great Wall of China

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1] With many thanks to Mary Slattery for her hospitality!
[2] From “A Municipal Report” by O. Henry.

Weight Loss Lies, Redux (for the jillionth time)

Posted on by The Old Wolf

We’ve all seen the spam. Weight loss, sexual enhancers, body part enlargers… it’s a never-ending stream. Spam is so cheap to send out and requires such a small percentage of turnover relative to how much is blasted out that it will always be profitable for goons and drones and paid affiliates to engage in this shady enterprise.

But it always surprises me when hqiz like this goes mainstream.

If you’re not convinced yet, let me show you one that showed up in my email this morning.

Lies

Wow! Wouldn’t you like results that amazing? Wow! Based on the images, the happy lady in those pictures up there has lost at least 30 pounds, and likely more – all in the brief space of 30 days.

Never mind that healthy weight loss takes place at the rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week… whatever this weight loss secret is, I gotta get me some of that! And Dr. Oz is happy to hawk it, right alongside last year’s green coffee extract, or the confusum combobulosum he was hawking before that.

At least the ad above didn’t use the “one weird old trick” line, even though that’s still being used everywhere. But it’s still 100% pure, unadulterated camel ejecta. Snake Oil. Garbage.

What is it? Well, let’s dig a bit.

Doing the “show source” dance from my email client, we find that this ad will direct you to

http://rincomplex.com/UQWbhbuS/ObXtnsJa_ApdXupIv/r-MjIwZTAxOWMhYzZw
OTBwOTRwNzMhZmRiMjchNDIyIXBhZDAxfGNvbSFydHB1cmVnYW5pYWNwYz
EwNThjbWRmcmohZHRidDdkZCEw/X9iBg

Ain’t that a mouthful? These dynamically-generated URL’s are one of the first clues that a particular website is illicit, shady, or otherwise disreputable. What’s more, if you reverse-hack the URL to just “rincomplex.com”, you find a placeholder website full of dummy text and randomly-scraped news articles. They might as well have filled it with lorem ipsum.

But never mind that… I toddled over to the website and found this:

Garcinia

Ok, so this “miracle product” is garcinia cambogia. Along with the typical shameless infomercial/show by Oz, the Great and Powerful. But pay no attention to the little man behind that screen, folks – if you plunk down your money in the hopes of losing weight fast, fast, fast, you’re going to be disappointed.  But before we get into the substance itself, let’s look at how insistent and immoral the marketing practice is.

If you scroll down the page above and express interest, you’ll need to provide your contact information in full – information which will be immediately sold on to other scam companies by this disreputable marketing outfit. If you try to leave the page by using your “back” button or closing your browser, you’ll get this:

confirm

Wow, 60% discount. Maybe I’d better stick around. But both options (expressing interest or trying to leave) take you to the same “special discount” page anyway. Now, notice that you got promised a 60% discount plus free shipping, but the page below says it’s “Over 30%”. But on top of that, I’ve mentioned it before – any website that employs this tactic to try to get you to buy is immediately flagged as both spammy and scammy in my book, and the fact that they’re still doing it shows me that it’s effective. Please, don’t fall victim to these snake-oil vendors.

Image1

So, depending on how gullible you are, you’ll spend between $148.00 and $48.00 for some herbs of questionable effectiveness (more about that later) and spurious quality.

If you’re still not convinced, you get another popup:

Image2

Image3

Now it’s a BOGO offer – buy one, get one free. But you’re still spending that 48.00, which was the minimum purchase level on the previous screen.

Nah, I think I’ll pass… but WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! We don’t have your money yet, and by all that’s holy we want some of it.

Image4

So now you’re up to an 80% discount…

Image5

Just give us your information, send us a double sawbuck, and we’ll consider ourselves winners (and you a loser.) But really, who could turn down such an amazing offer, with free shipping no less?

Some people can, but there’s one final hook for them:

Image6

Only fi’dollars. Just a fin. That’s hardly nuttin’, mister. So if you click “Stay on this page,” you get their rock-bottom offer:

Image6a

Click on this to claim your offer, and see what you’ve won!

Image7a

So you greedily fill out the form, thinking you’ve sure pulled one over on these boobs… but you’ve failed to notice that tiny, tiny print up there that says “terms apply.” What in the world could those terms be?

Image8

So if you read the fine print down there at the bottom of the page, you discover that you need to call them within 14 days to get that $4.99 price. If you don’t, they’ll gleefully charge your credit card for $29.95, ten bucks more than their previous offer, and you find yourself enrolled in an “autoship” program whereby they’ll send you a new bottle every 30 days, for the low low price of only $29.95.

Great Mogg’s tufted ears, folks – why in the name of all that’s holy would you do business with a checkered-suit operation like this? They get you coming, they get you going, and if they get their hooks into you, they’ll never let go.

So before we sign off for today, let’s have a quick look at this garcinia cambogia and see what it’s really all about.

If you look up garcinia at WebMD, you find that it’s marketed under various names:

Acide Hydroxycitrique, AHC, Brindal Berry, Brindle Berry, Cambogia gummi-guta, Garcinia Cambogi, Garcinia cambogia, Garcinia gummi-guta, Garcinia quaesita, Gorikapuli, Hydroxycitrate, Hydroxycitric Acid, HCA, Kankusta, Malabar Tamarind, Mangostana cambogia, Tamarinier de Malabar, Vrikshamla.

As well as this insightful description:

Garcinia is a plant. The fruit rind is used to make medicine. Don’t confuse garcinia with Garcinia hanburyi (gamboge resin).
How does it work?
Developing research suggests that garcinia might prevent fat storage and control appetite; however, whether these effects occur in humans is unclear.

But as I have mentioned before, a single scientific study or even some preliminary research is enough to get the media to latch on to those results and get some advertising clicks out of it – and if that starts to happen, the marketeers come from the voodvork out.

Click a little further into WebMD and you find the User Ratings page for the product – reviews which look a whole lot different from the shill-written reviews on the marketing pages:

  • Been taking it for 3 weeks. Have not lost one pound. Have been sleeping more soundly, though. Biggest problem is that my whole body has started to ache. And my joints hurt. I thought at first it was because of my workouts, which I had increased- but I stopped for a week and the pain is still there. I just read on another website that is you are taking stati. Drugs for high cholesterol – which I do – it can exacerbate the negative effects of those drugs and cause muscle degeneration and joint pain. Guess I will be stopping this supplement.
  • Didn’t lose any weight, often had GI upset
  • I have been using this product for one week. Yes it suppresses your appetite but I have had a migraine for the entire week. Stopped taking it…..no headache. Not worth it.

Check the reviews yourself. Oh, and side effects?

  • Garcinia is POSSIBLY SAFE for most people when used for 12 weeks or less. Long-term safety is unknown. Garcinia can cause nausea, digestive tract discomfort, and headache.
  • Special Precautions & Warnings:
  • Pregnancy and breast-feeding: Not enough is known about the use of garcinia during pregnancy and breast-feeding. Stay on the safe side and avoid use.

“Possibly safe?” Wow, that means it might not hurt me. The bottom line is that sufficient scientific research on this and most other herbal supplements is woefully inadequate – randomized, double-blind, placebo-based studies over decades are usually required to give a clear picture of how safe and effective any substance is to take into your body.

But the salespeople don’t want you to know that, and they pay people like Dr. Oz big bucks to hawk these products, which nets them millions of dollars from poor yutzes like you and me, if we’re foolish enough to pay attention to their pestilential marketing campaigns.

One last point: be careful not to assume that I’m saying all natural remedies are worthless or dangerous. That’s not the case. But the vast majority of the things you see hawked on the internet or on these infomercial-style media advertisements are there for only one reason – to get your money based on false promises and false hope. If you’re interested in releasing weight, my recommendations can be found here – scroll to the bottom of the page and find the section entitled “So if you’re interested in releasing weight, what can you do?”

If you’re wanting to be lighter and thinner, the odds are you can be – but as I’ve said before and often and don’t care who hears it: there’s no magic bullet. Save your money.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Oh, and who’s sending this garbage email out?

Pure Garcinia Cambogia
530 Lake Avenue #501 (Appears to be the Pasadena Rug Mart)
Pasadena, CA 91101

and their spam affiliate,

“Multispecialty Medical Groups”
1231 Northern Lights Blvd, #569 (A post office box at a UPS Store)
Anchorage, AK 99503

Naples, 1900

Posted on by The Old Wolf

sIAs78t

A photo of Naples in 1900, showing one of the countless “vicoli” (alleys) where hundreds of thousands of people live, work, and play.

24426518

 

Aside from modern cars, scooters, and mopeds, very little has changed. It is in these alleys that one finds the “bassi” or ground-floor apartments which are ubiquitous and characteristic of Naples life.

See Naples and Die. If appreciating a rich and colorful culture is of interest, you could do worse than putting Napoli on your itinerary.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Marketing moves the goalposts again.

Posted on by The Old Wolf

To start with, let’s take a look at this ingredient label for a Nestlé’s Toll House Cookie:

9Bn5Yug

Amounts per serving:

Calories 130
Fat Calories 60
Total fat 6g (9% Daily Value)
Saturated Fat 4g (20% Daily Value)
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 7g (7% Daily Value)
Sodium 100mg (4% Daily Value)
Total Carbohydrates 16g (5% Daily Value)
Fiber: Nothing
Sugars 9g
Protein 2g
And a few vitamins.
The DV (Daily Value) amounts are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Now, what you may or may have not noticed is that these values are for one serving. Well, there’s one cookie in the pack right? But many people will gloss over the fact that there are approximately four servings per package, and that one serving is calculated at ¼ cookie.

So let’s recalculate the information if you eat the entire cookie at one sitting, which the vast majority of people will do:

Calories 520 (about ¼ of your daily total)
Fat Calories 240
Total fat 24g (36% Daily Value)
Saturated Fat 16g (80% Daily Value)
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 28g (28% Daily Value)
Sodium 400mg (16% Daily Value)
Total Carbohydrates 64g (20% Daily Value)
Fiber: Nothing
Sugars 36g
Protein 8g
And a few vitamins.
The DV (Daily Value) amounts are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

So this monster accounts for a quarter of your daily intake of calores, almost all your allowance of saturated fat, 1/3 your allowance of total fat, and 1/5 your carbohydrate intake. In other words, it’s death for your health, and Nestlé doesn’t dare admit it straight up.

Question: How can you tell when a marketer is lying?
Answer: His lips are moving

I remember when I was a kid, the candy bars you bought started getting smaller and smaller, even though the cardboard trays that were wrapped around them stayed the same size – and that was in the 50’s. Since I’ve been alive, marketing has been a neverending race to the bottom in terms of morality, ethicality and honor.

An article on KSL today highlights how the marketing bar has been lowered at least another notch: A lady was delighted when shopping at a trendy jeans store to find she had dropped a size, but when she went to the website to order another pair, she followed a link that mentioned “updated sizes;” it turns out old size 10s were now 8s, the old 6s are now 4s, and so on. The author of the article makes some good points about how marketing drives consumer spending habits, among them:

I had let the label of an article of clothing dictate not only my spending habits, but how I felt about myself. Those moments when I congratulated myself over how I looked in those new jeans were false.

I’ve mentioned the tactics of persuasion elsewhere, but consumers who want to shepherd their dollars carefully need to be constantly vigilant, because the marketeers are right on their heels, looking for new ways to separate them from their hard-earned money. If we’re not careful, we’ll return to what must be the undisputed nadir of marketing ethics:

Hall of Shame Advertisement

 

In case you don’t grok why this advertisement is so shameful, here’s what it says in plain English

  • Throw away your old rabbit ears
  • Buy our rabbit ears, because they’re prettier!
  • You’re not getting satellite service, but in spite of our telling you that straight up, you’re still going to think you are.
  • We’ve told you nothing but the truth, but because you’re stupid and we’ve used a lot of weasel-words, you are getting a completely untruthful idea about our product.
  • Thanks for your money, suckers.

Be careful; it’s a jungle out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.