Now that the birthday has passed, the story can be told.

I went to F.Y.E. to buy a CD for my wife. I take my purchase to the register.

First Up:

Salesgirl: “Do you want to sign up for the F.Y.E. Backstage Pass? It’s free for the first month!”
Me: “How much is it after the first month?”
Salesgirl: “Only $11.95 per month thereafter.”
Me: “No, thank you.”

Apparently FYE has not had good press regarding their “Backstage Pass.”

Next:

Salesgirl: “Would you be interested in the CD replacement warranty today?”
Me: “No thanks.” (I didn’t even bother to ask how much extra profit they wanted on this one.)

Next:

Salesgirl: Pointing to a display of potential magazine subscriptions taped to the counter, the kind you’d find lying around in a substandard doctor’s office – People, Vogue, Cosmo, etc. “Would you like to buy a subscription to any of these magazines?”
Me: “No thanks.”

Next: (Will this ever end?)

Salesgirl: Pointing to a discount bin by the register: “Would you be interested in any of these fine movies for only $5.00?
Me: “No thanks.”

What I really wanted to say was, “Holy hqiz, girl, I only came in to buy one album. At least at McDonald’s they only ask you “Do you want fries with that?”

And the sad part is that these sales associates get graded on how many upsells they make, and probably have a regular quota to meet. I can’t imagine how many people they drive away with this relentless drive for nickels and dimes. Frankly I’m surprised they stay in business.

The Old Wolf has spoken.