Cross-posted from LiveJournal

I’ve talked about Macaronics before, along with references to Mots d’Heures, Gousses, Rames and Mörder Guß Rheims, and this evening we get to poke gentle fun at Italian, the language of my ancestors.

The following dialogs must be read as though they were written in Italian, or they don’t work well. That means you need to know a bit about Italian orthography.

• Italian vowels, like Spanish, have pretty much one value each. “ah”, “eh”, “ee,” “oh,” and “oo.” All vowels are pronounced.
• “ci” and “ce” are pronounched “chee” and “chay”; “chi” and “che” are pronounced “kee” and “kay”.
• “gi” and “ge” are pronounced “jee” and “jay”; “ghi” and “ghe” are pronounced “gee” and “gay”, with a hard “g”
• “gn” is pronounced “ny”, as you hear in “lasagna.”
• Doubled consonants are pronounced slightly longer than single ones.

GIECCHE ENNE BINNESTOCCHE

Uana apanne taim uasa boi neime Giecche. Uorche anna fam – plente, plao, milche cause, fidde cicchense–itse toff laif. Uan dei ise mamma ghiveme binne in tellime: Plente binne enne ghette binnestocche. Datsa giusta uarri didde en sanemagogna, iffe binnestocche no gro uppe uan, tu; tri—fette laiche faire aidrent en itse gadde inoffe binnese tu fidde Bostone tuenti irs. Itte gro aire den olle claudese–iu nevve sin saccie bigghe binnestocche inna u laif. Una ting ua muste no issa data pipple inne Bossatun livva onna binnes anna pipple una longa aylumda livva ona da sahound.

Giecche go picchene, picchene, picchene, aire enne aire, tille pesse di claudese en i si a chesele bilonghe tu giaiant u uonse biutiful uaite gus. Alle taim disse giaiant ise singhene: Fi, Fai, Fo, Fomme, Ai smelle blodde Inglescemen (Itse only songhe i no). Batte Giecche isa Merdicane, so i don gara uorri. Uen giaiant folle slippe, snoren laiche Vesuvio, Giecche grebbe di  uaite gus enne ranne laiche eche. I ghetto omme seif a saond enn i sei tu ise papa: lucche me, i seise, lucche uar ai gatte; Gudde, seise pappa, ui gonne ev ardboil egghese for breghefeste. Neggheste dei mamma boilse egghese, en uara iu tinche? Dei uas goldene egghese, enne pappa brecche ise folse titte.

Mannaggie l’America, i seise, demme titte coste me seveni-faive dollari. Enne i ghive Giecche di bittinghe ove ise laif – i bitte im blecche n blu.

Di morrale ove disse storri ise: Iu gara inoffe trombole in iur onne beccheiard; uara iu gara go lucchen arande for morre?

Now I am a “Merdicane” too… my papa could have done this beautifully, since he was not only a native Italian speaker, but also an accomplished character actor and dialectician. But for your gratuitous benefit, here is a 3.9MB mp3 file of my own rendition of this delightful fairy tale.

Now that you know how it’s done, here are two more that you can try all by yourself:

DI TRE BERRESE

Disse libretto ise for dose iu laiche to follo di spiccher uail ise spicche

Uans appana taim uas tre berrese. Mamma berre. Papa berre. E beibe berre. Live inne contri nire forresta. Naise ause. No mogheggia.

Uanne dei pappa, mamma e beibe go bice. Oreie. A furghette locche di door. Bai enne bai commese Goldilocchese. Sci garra nattinghe tu du batte meiche troble. Sci puschie olla fudde daon di  maute, no live cromme. Den sci gos appesterrese enne slipse inne olle beddse. Leise slobbe.

Bae enne bai commese omme di tre berrese olle sonnebrone enne send inne scius. Dei garra no fudde, de garra no beddse. En uarra dei goine du tu Goldilocchese? Tro erre aute inna strit?  Colle polissemenne? Fette cienze.

Dei uas italien berres, enne dei slippe  onna floore. Goldilocchese ste derre tre uicase. Itte aute ausenomme. En guiste bicose dei esche erre tu meiche di beddse, sci sei, “go cheise iusef,” enne ronne omme craine tu erre mama, tellenrre uat sannimagonnis di tre berrese uer. Uatiuse? Uara goine du? Go complaine sittiolle?

 DI AGGHELI DAGGHELINGHE

Uans appane taim uasa a dacche livene greite bigghe pande. Prirri sunne, sci ghettse taide suimmene olle bai erselfe, becche fort, becche fort. Sci uantse femmeli. So scise goine tu grosseri en baine effe dasene egghese. Aime goine ecci egghese, sciese spighene tu erselfe, enne reise femmeli. Sci eccie, eccie, eccie, naitendei, till di scielse breche en aute pappese sigghese ov di chiuteste dagghelinghese iu evver sin. Dirai sei sigghese? Mai mistecche. Uas onneli faive. Di siggheste uas sammetinghe aute disse uorlde. It edde tuistebicche, fleppeirs, bacchetitte, engheneilse, denderaffe, pagghenose, anciebecche, folinarciese, folingerre, crosseaise, boldelegghese, nacchenise, en piggenetose. Itte uas di agghelieste dagghelinghe inne istori ove uorlde.

Uen i traise uocche, i trippse folse. Uen i traise suim, i ollemost drannese. Lucche uara di chette dregghede inne, ise faive broddese iuste sei. enne dei leffe leffe leffe laiche bancie smarellechese. Den dei go suimmene uaile di pure aggheli dagghelinghe sitsandi eggie di pande craine is lille art aute.

Uanne dei, is pessine bai di manegiere ove di Brongghese Zoo. I sise di aggheli dagghelinghe, barri don biliv itte. Ai bin drinnghene tu maccie, i seise tu imselfe. I teichese de dagghelinghe tu di spesialistese; dei don beliv itte ider. So aut eppense? Dei bilde speciale cheigge for imme; i ghette is neime inne Deili Nuse en tausensa pippele cammene tu teiche lucche. Lestemonte, Senme Goldeuinne ghiveme Allaiuude contreggete en nao i gose naitclabbine wid Dannele Dacche en meicchese vivititausende a irre. Ise broddese stei inne pande, en uanne bai uanne dei endoppe in sambarris dinerpleite.

De morrale ove dis storri ise: ders lattse u lucche chiut inoffe tu itte; au menni arre derre so aggheli dei ghette peide for itte?

Taken from:

BIMONTE, RICHARD IRPINIO
Storris enne pommese fram Mamma Gus.
Including Pommese, Lille Redde Raiden Udde, Giecche enne binnestocche, Di tri berrese, and Di aggheli dagghelinghe.
© Richard Irpinio Bimonte; Ic 12May48

I fount this listing in “Full text of “Catalog of Copyright Entries 1948 Dramas and Works for Oral Delivery Jan-Dec 3D Ser Vol 2 Pts 3-4,” a raw scan at Archive.org; the three poems above were either typed from very old hard copy that I have had in my files for decades, or in the case of “Di Aggheli Dagghelinghe,” found on the web as an “author unknown” snippet. The subtitle makes reference to Little Red Riding Hood and some other poems, but thus far I have found no clues on the web as to where the original volume might be located. If you have a copy, or know where one lives, leave a comment here – I’d love to see the rest of it.

The Oldde Wolfe hese spochene…