In light of the Golden Corral scandal,^[1] David Letterman comes up with another unbeatable Top Ten list, this time dealing with company excuses for leaving meat out by the dumpster during a health inspection. In descending order:

10.  “You say dumpster, we say dining al fresco.”
9. “Cows are out in the sun all day, what’s the difference?”
8. “This is why we’re not the Platinum Corral”
7. “We’d store food in the kitchen, but that’s where we keep the trash”
6. “Relax — the rats are keeping an eye on it”
5. “Tired of being known as the ‘sanitary’ buffet place”
4. “The flies looked hungry”
3. “Judgment impaired after eating tainted meat”
2. “The deal was: we serve $4 steaks, you don’t ask any questions”
1. “Have you seen a corral?”

Every time I see a “Golden Corral,” I can’t help but think of another restaurant prominently featured in Mark Stanley’s science fiction webcomic, “Freefall.”

Back to Letterman, I love these Top Ten lists… they’re not all home runs, but every now and then he comes up with an eternal classic. I think my favorite of all time is

Top Ten Stores That Won’t Do Much Business This Holiday Season
November 29, 1993

10. Price Gougers
9. Burt and Loni’s Cozy Couple Shop
8. Toys “R” Defective
7. Every Item $7500
6. Crap Mart
5. The Really, Really, Really Limited
4. Hefty Lefties: The Store for Left-Handed Fat Guys
3. Gap for Bastards
2. Joey Buttafuoco’s Auto Body Shop
1. Roseanne’s Secret

Largely thanks to Mark Stanley, I was never tempted to eat at the Golden Corral in the first place; after this latest misadventure, they’re off my dining list forever.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1] For those interested, the fallout:

“Golden Corral franchisee Eric Holm has said that the manager who made a “bad decision” when he placed the food outside has been fired. Additionally, the video sparked a state investigation by the Division of Hotels and Restaurants. The latter sent an inspector to the Golden Corral on Monday and the restaurant passed the inspection. There were a handful of violations found that must be corrected however, the inspection report shows.” (Daytona Beach News-Journal)

Note: The article referenced links to the original video, which has since been tagged “private”. Here is a news report on the even that contains some of the most critical footage: