Twinkies Forever

Posted on by The Old Wolf

No, this does not refer to the fact that Twinkies, the iconic snack from Hostess, never go bad because they’re made of petroleum, portland cement and sodium stearoyl forhellsakedonteatthatalate; while that may be true to a certain extent, this post refers to the fact that you can make your own, and enjoy flogging your adrenals and punching holes in your arteries whether or not Hostess sells its recipe to another company [1].

First, let us pause for a moment of silence.

You see, I know as well as anyone that stuff like this is death distilled, but hey, yolo [2], right? And there’s something about a hyperinsulinemia-inducing Twinkie buzz that Little Debbie could never match. So let’s hope that some of the brands survive, if nothing else for the sake of the Texas State Fair.

In the sad event that this is not the case, Chef Todd Wilbur has come up with what seems to be a pretty respectable Twinkie clone which he shared here.

First, the recipe:

TWINKIE CLONES

Cake:
Non-stick spray
4 egg whites
One 16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
2/3 cup water

Filling:
2 teaspoons very hot water
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups marshmallow creme (one 7-ounce jar)
1/2 cup shortening 1/3 cup powdered sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Preparation:

  • You will need a spice bottle, approximately the size of a Twinkie, ten 12-inch by 14-inch pieces of aluminum foil, a cake decorator or pastry bag and a chopstick. (Unless you want to drop $26.00 for a twinkie-shaped pan at some “Oh Mater, no more buttered scones for me I’m off to play the grand piano” high-end cookware outfit.)
  • Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
  • Fold each piece of aluminum foil in half twice. Wrap the folded foil around the spice bottle to create a mold. Leave the top of the mold open for pouring in the batter. Make 10 molds and arrange them on a cookie sheet or shallow pan. Grease the inside of each mold with non-stick spray.
  • Disregard the directions on the box of cake mix.
  • Instead, beat the egg whites until stiff. In a separate bowl combine cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended (about 2 minutes). Fold egg whites into the cake batter and slowly combine until completely mixed.
  • Pour the batter into the molds, filling each one about 3/4 of an inch. Bake 30 minutes, or until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.

Filling:

  • Combine salt with hot water in a small bowl and stir until dissolved. Let cool.
  • Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl, then mix with electric mixer on high until fluffy.
  • Add the salt solution to the filling mixture and combine.
  • When the cakes are cooled, use a skewer or chopstick to make three holes in the bottom of each one. Move the stick around inside of each cake to create space for the filling.
  • Using a cake decorator or pastry bag, inject each cake with filling into all three holes.

Serves 10.

From “Top Secret Recipes” by Todd Wilbur.

Here’s an amusing video by Wilbur illustrating the process. Skip to 1:11 for the good stuff.

Yes, I’m going to try this.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

1 Hostess is claiming that they were forced out of business by unreasonable labor demands; that they had reached agreement with several unions, including Teamsters, the largest, but that it was the baker’s union who drove them into closure because they had no more to give. However, Frank Hurt, president of BCTGM, stated “Our members were aware that while the company was descending into bankruptcy and demanding deep concessions, the top ten executives of the company were rewarding themselves with lavish compensation increases, with the then CEO receiving a 300 percent increase.” Some specific figures reported by Gawker were:

  • Brian J. Driscoll, former CEO: approximately $750,000 to $2,550,000)
  • Unnamed executive: $500,000 to $900,000
  • Unnamed executive  $375,000 to $656,256

Driscoll was forced out by the Teamsters after that obscenity; raises like that when a company is proceeding with Chapter 11 fly in the face of common sense, unless you consider piracy to be subsumed under that head. Obscene executive pay has long been a subject for discussion in boardrooms and shareholder meetings – one example is an article from the Economist, reproduced on page 34 of this student manual entitled “The Rewards of Failure.”

There’s a lot of stuff out there on the Hostess closure. Do your own research, and draw your own conclusions.

2 You Only Live Once (things labeled with this acronym usually end up on YouTube with a title like “World’s Stupidest…” or “Massive Fail.”

Symbol Poetry

Posted on by The Old Wolf

(Cross-posted from my Livejournal)_

Many years ago I ran across “Waka waka bang splat”, a poem written by Fred Bremmer and Steve Kroese of Calvin College & Seminary of Grand Rapids, Michigan, which appeared in the May/June 1990 issue of Infocus magazine and has since been floating around the Internet.

< > ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED

The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

I was so delighted by this that I shared it with a columnist at one of Salt Lake’s papers, and it later appeared in one of his columns.

To my delight, I discovered that there is a sequel,which thing I had never before imagined.

Sung to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”:

^ < @ < . @ *
 } " _ #   |
- @ $ & / _ %
! ( ^ I @ | = >
 ; ` + $ ? ^ ?
 , # " ~ | ) ^ G

hat less at less point at star
backbrace double base pound space bar
dash at cash and slash base rate
wow open tab at bar is great
semi backquote plus cash huh DEL
comma pound double tilde bar close BEL

From all appearances, it seems to be a drinking (or a finance) song… and I have no idea who the creator of this little gem is.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

World’s First McDonald’s

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Richard and Maurice McDonald’s restaurant around 1948. First opened in 1940, the McDonald brothers focus on a simple menu with only nine items. Ray Kroc became the official franchising agent around 1954, and the rest is history. I remember those 15-cent hamburgers from the early 60’s, and they were pretty basic. To a kid, they were just great. Nowadays if I’m in the mood for something similar, I’d search out a White Castle or a Krystal – I love their little sliders.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

RIP Dennis Avner (Stalking Cat)

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Dennis Avner, who chose to go by his Native American (Huron) name “Stalking Cat” and who underwent numerous extreme body modifications to better relate to his feline totem, passed away at his home in Tonopah, NV on November 5, 2012. The cause of death has not been determined, although ModBlog reports that he ended his own life. Avner was a U.S. Navy veteran who supported himself as a programmer and technician, and made the circuit of Ripley’s Believe It or Not events around the world.

I’ve been aware of Mr. Avner’s existence for some time, and all I have ever heard of him – other than the obvious curiosity – was that he was an exceptionally nice individual. My heart goes out to his family and friends, and I can only hope he has found peace.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Daydream, 1931.

Posted on by The Old Wolf

El Ensueño [The Daydream], 1931 – Manuel Alvarez Bravo, Mexico’s first significant fine art photographer.

This gelatin silver print was estimated to fetch between £40,000 – £60,000 at auction by Christies’s in 2007. The hammer price was £126,500, or $261,223. Not bad for a black-and-white photo smaller than your average letter-sized sheet of paper.

Found at Frog Blog

God Jesus, the Electronic Fortune Teller

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Only in Japan, right?

Wine-spa at the Yunessun Spa Resort

Even tailpipes are kawaii.

And these are only two examples of the myriad head-scratchers to come out of Japan. The only fair thing to say about Japanese culture is that it’s really, really different from ours, and given the nature of cultural differences, it’s not our place to judge.

This little gem makes me laugh hard; I wish I had one on my shelf, just because it’s so wonderfully offbeat. Say hello to God Jesus, the fortunetelling robot created by Bandai in the 1980’s.

God Jesus is a plastic robot brandishing a crucifix, a bizarre cross (no pun intended) between The Clapper and a Magic 8 Ball. Think of a question and clap your hands, and God Jesus will either shake his head from side-to-side to indicate “No,” or nod his head to indicate “Yes.”

Want to find out if you’ll be lucky in love? Let God Jesus tell you the answer!

The boy is asking, 彼女はぼくのことを好きなのでしょうか。 どうぞお答えください。(Would she like to be my girlfriend? Please answer me.)

Poor kid… So heartbroken his glasses fell off. This model looks eerily like I did when I was that age. People even told me I looked like Ernie from “My Three Sons.”

The girl is saying 彼はわたしのことを好きなのでしょか。 どうぞお答えください。(I think he would like to be my boyfriend. Please answer me.) God Jesus tells her “Yes,” and she’s happy.

God Jesus needs to get his act together.

The instructions tell you how he operates – the video below shows God Jesus in action.

Now, a lot of people I know would be mightily offended by this and consider it blasphemy, but they don’t understand… It’s Japan. The Japanese live in a society where religion – even their own – plays very little part in their daily lives in terms of driving moral choices; an interesting blend of Shinto, which stresses veneration of ancestors, and the “middle way” of Buddhism.  Religion for the Japanese has more to do with tradition and a link to the past than it does with spiritual guidance, except at a very meta-level. Add to this the fact that the average Japanese man or woman knows less about Christianity than the average Evangelical Christian knows about Kimbanguism. It’s just not on their radar, other than to know a large percentage of the world worships a big guy in the sky who can do everything. It is entirely possible that the clapping function may tie in to the Shinto tradition of omairi.

So in that framework, this toy makes perfect sense. It becomes a curiosity, much like our own Charley Weaver bartender toy, or the singing bass.

This example is the best one  I have found out there – it shows Charley’s face turning red and smoke coming out of his ears.

Apparently God Jesus is extremely rare, and few working examples are know to exist. A bit of digging turned up an interesting bit of trivia:

“What few people know, though, is that this was a tie-in to God-Jesus and the Cyberama Seven, in which the second coming was a robot, and the cybertronic savior did battle with various flying killer tortoises and huge insects and resurrected dinosaurs, all of whom were trying to plant fossils in the ground to muck with the heads of scientists and make them think the Earth was older than six thousand years. An animated show, it ran only three episodes and aired only once.” (Found at NeedCoffee)

The Old Wolf has spoken.