Crowded ship bringing American troops back to New York harbor after V-E Day.
20 Things the Rich Do.
A recent blog entry by Dave Ramsey quotes Tom Corley, on his website RichHabitsInstitute.com, outlining a few of the differences between the habits of the rich and the poor. I have summarized these differences in the table below, which makes the comparison a bit more readable.
| Percent of Wealthy | Activity | Percent of Poor |
| 70 | Eat less than 300 junk food calories per day | 97 |
| 23 | Gamble | 52 |
| 80 | Focus on accomplishing some single goal | 12 |
| 76 | Exercise aerobically four days a week | 23 |
| 63 | Listen to audio books during commute to work | 5 |
| 81 | 81% of wealthy maintain a to-do list | 19 |
| 63 | Parents make their children read two or more non-fiction books a month | 3 |
| 70 | Parents make their children volunteer 10 hours or more a month | 3 |
| 80 | Make Happy Birthday calls | 11 |
| 67 | Write down their goals | 17 |
| 88 | Read 30 minutes or more each day for education or career reasons | 2 |
| 6 | Say what’s on their mind | 69 |
| 79 | Network five hours or more each month | 16 |
| 67 | Watch one hour or less of TV every day | 23 |
| 6 | Watch reality TV | 78 |
| 44 | Wake up three hours before work starts | 3 |
| 74 | Teach good daily success habits to their children | 1 |
| 84 | Believe good habits create opportunity and luck | 4 |
| 76 | Believe bad habits create detrimental luck | 9 |
| 19 | Believe in lifelong educational self-improvement | 5 |
| 86 | Love to read | 26 |
There’s no question that these are habits which will improve one’s mind and create an environment where the chances for wealth-building are increased. There’s no guarantee that you’ll get rich if you do every one of these things (or don’t, as the case may be), but your odds of strengthening your position in life are radically increased.
I will be looking at this list closely as I determine what worked during this past year, what didn’t work, and what’s next.
Apparently Dave’s blog post attracted a storm of ignorant and negative comments, so he added some commentary which is worth the read.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
The desolation of Tauriel
SPOILER ALERT: This is my review of “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.” Don’t read any farther if you haven’t seen Part 2 of the Hobbit trilogy and wish to remain surprised. The executive summary: I enjoyed it and would recommend it for its entertainment value, but Tolkien purists may be disappointed.
A curious and wistful tale.
“For sixty years, the young lady who had been hit by a train near a boarding house in Willoughby was simply known as “The Girl in Blue.” No one knew who she was, where she was going or who to contact about her death on Christmas Eve 1933. She carried no identification, only 90 cents and a ticket to Corry, Pennsylvania. She wore a blue dress and blue shoes.
McMahon Funeral Home adopted this young lady’s funeral arrangements. Local donations paid for a headstone and flowers. More than 3,000 local residents went to McMahon Funeral Home to bid farewell to a girl they never knew.
Her identity remained a mystery of national interest until a local newspaper story commemorating the sixtieth anniversary of her death sparked a reader to contact a title agency that researched records from the sale of properties in Warren County, Pennsylvania. State authorities determined that Josephine Klimczak was The Girl in Blue. Lake County records, however, have not changed the death certificate; she is still listed as The Girl in Blue”
Everyone deserves to be remembered. The poem by Linda Ellis, “The Dash,” points out that even if a tombstone records only 1914-1933, the most important part of the inscription is the hyphen between those two dates: “What matters is how we live and love, and how we spend our dash.”
My mother had a baby sister who passed away after a brief sojourn on the earth. For 91 years she lay unmarked and unremembered, a cruel oversight for my baby aunt that I was able to rectify in 2009.
This is one reason cemeteries for me are a place of peace and contemplation rather than sorrow – every one who lies therein had value, was loved, and was valued by others, at least at some point in their lives. Many accomplished significant things, others accomplished lives of quiet dignity; even those who may have been considered monsters by some were not always so.
“Unknown but not forgotten” is the kindest memorial to a lost girl, Josephine Klimczak; may she rest in peace.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
A thought for the season.
I have many, many friends around the world. Some are people of faith, others are people of reason. All have something of value to contribute to the conversation. With no intention to take from anyone’s tradition, I share this sentiment today from our family to the world.
Wishing you the greatest of peace and joy during this sacred Christmas Season.
Whatever your walk in life, may this time bring you greater strength and insight for the coming year.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
Every Day with Rachael: Fraud, Spam, Scam
“Every day” is about how often I get fraud-promoting spam from this outfit. Today’s offering:
|
Subject: Re: (8)
From: <k.gerth@ricona.de>
To: <redactedt> |
Hi. http://i-t-s.co.jp/_259.choice.of.many_.html?qafyvenafa55636598
While spam is usually best ignored, I follow some of these so I can keep my readership (and those searching the Net) informed of the scumminess out there. I have posted before about fraudulent garcinia cambogia websites, and this is more of the same, but with an added scummy twist at the end.
So follow that alphabet-soup link (I’ve damaged it, so you can’t click on it and add to their rankings) and you get this:
The usual shill garbage, with a great video from the ever-present Dr. Oz, hawking the miraculous yadda yadda.
If you’re sucker enough to order, here’s what you get:
Pay attention to a couple of things here.
- Notice that I have “selected” buy three, get two free. At a price of $31.80, that should be $95.40. But if you see where that arrow is pointing, you’ll notice that “Your Total” is $159.00… or $31.80 times five. So much for your two “free” bottles. Not to mention the usual retail baloney of “You Save $249.95” – and remember this garbage costs the manufacturer pennies to produce.
- If this were not enough, have a look at that “Terms and Conditions” link in tiny, gray type at the bottom. If you click that, this is what you see (there’s a lot, so you can focus on the red text):
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TERMS AND CONDITIONS By placing an order through this website, you agree to the terms and conditions set for the below. Please read through these terms carefully before placing your order and print a copy for future reference. Please also read our Privacy Policy regarding personal information provided by you, which is incorporated herein by reference. Health Disclaimer Any statements on this site or any materials or supplements distributed or sold by this site has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication, or have a history of heart conditions we suggest consulting with a physician before using any of our products. The results on all products are not typical and not everyone will experience these results. YourTrimTrainer Terms: By ordering this product, you agree to be enrolled in YourTrimTrainer.com. Try it out for 30 days at no charge. After the trial expires, you agree that your card will be charged $9.47 for continued access to all of the tools, support and training YourTrimTrainer.com provides. Your monthly membership will recur at $9.47 every month from the time your trial expires until you cancel. You must call 855-978-6683 to cancel your monthly membership. Return Policy: In order to obtain your full refund, contact customer service by phone and obtain an RMA (Return Merchandise Authorization) number to place on your package. Write this number on the outside of the shipping package, and send the product back to our fulfillment center at the address listed below, within thirty (30) days of the date you originally ordered the product. In order for your full refund to be processed the product must arrive at our fulfillment facility within thirty (30) days of the original purchase date. You pay for return shipping. There is a $5.95 restocking fee per unit you are returning. This fee will be taken out of the refund issued. Once our fulfillment center has received the package and relayed the correct information to us, you will be issued a refund.Your refund will be credited back to your bank account, and may take up to 3-5 business days to show in your statement, depending on the speed of the processing bank. Address the return package to: Please call customer service for return address, so we can make notes on your account TERMS OF SERVICE 1. Using the Web Site. 2. Your Content. 3. Accuracy of Information. 4. Sales Tax. 5. Fraud. 6. Intellectual Property Rights. 7. Third Party Websites. 8. Linking and Framing. 9. Comments. 10. Indemnification. 11. DISCLAIMERS, EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS. 12. Force Majeure. 13. Domestic Use; 14. Arbitration. 15. Waiver of Class Action Rights. 16. Limitation of Actions. 17. Modification of Terms of Service. 18. Termination. 19. Integration. 20. Additional Terms. RESOLUTION AND ARBITRATION 1. Any dispute, controversy, damages or claim arising out of or relating in any way to the purchase or performance of the services from this site and any of its affiliates, including without limitation any dispute concerning the construction, validity, interpretation, enforceability or breach of the agreement, shall be exclusively resolved by binding arbitration upon a Party’s submission of the dispute to arbitration. [In the event of a dispute, controversy or claim arising out of or relating in any way to the agreement of all terms, the complaining Party shall notify the other Party in writing thereof. Within thirty (30) days of such notice, management level representatives of both Parties shall meet at an agreed location to attempt to resolve the dispute in good faith. Should the dispute not be resolved within thirty (30) days after such notice, the complaining Party shall seek remedies exclusively through arbitration.] The demand for arbitration shall be made within a reasonable time after the claim, dispute or other matter in question has arisen, and in no event shall it be made after two years from when the aggrieved party knew or should have known of the controversy, claim, dispute or breach.] 2. This agreement to arbitrate shall be specifically enforceable. A Party may apply to any court with jurisdiction for interim or conservatory relief, including without limitation a proceeding to compel arbitration. 3. The arbitration shall be conducted by one to three arbitrator[s]. If the Parties are not able to agree upon the selection of an arbitrator, within [twenty] days of commencement of an arbitration proceeding by service of a demand for arbitration, the arbitrator shall be selected by the American Arbitration Association or a federal court judge in Utah, shall select the arbitrator in accordance with the terms of this agreement. For three arbitrators, each party shall select an arbitrator within 10 days of commencement of the arbitration who shall serve as a neutral arbitrator and the two designated arbitrators shall select a third neutral arbitrator within 30 days of their selection if the parties cannot agree on a third arbitrator. If the two arbitrators cannot agree on selection of a third arbitrator within 30 days of their appointment, the American Arbitration Association or a federal judge in Utah shall select such arbitrator in accordance with the terms of this agreement. 4. The arbitrator[s] shall have 2 years of experience . 5. The arbitration shall be conducted in accordance with the then existing Commercial Rules of the American Arbitration Association. 6. The arbitration shall be conducted in a city in Utah County, Utah. 7. The laws of the State of Utah shall be applied in any arbitration proceedings, without regard to principles of conflict of laws. 8. It is the intent of the parties that, barring extraordinary circumstances, arbitration proceedings will be concluded within 240 days from the date the arbitrator[s] are appointed. The arbitrator[s] may extend this time limit in the interests of justice. Failure to adhere to this time limit shall not constitute a basis for challenging the award. 9. Except as may be required by law, neither a party nor its representatives may disclose the existence, content, or results of any arbitration hereunder without the prior written consent of all parties. 10. The Parties shall not be entitled to discovery. 11. The Parties shall exchange a copy of all exhibits for the arbitration hearing and shall identify each witness who will testify at the arbitration, with a summary of the anticipated testimony of such witness 30 days before the arbitration hearing. 12. The arbitrator[s] shall have no authority to award punitive, consequential, special or Indirect damages. The arbitrators shall not be entitled to issue injunctive and other equitable relief. 13. The cost of the arbitration proceeding and any proceeding in court to confirm or to vacate any arbitration award, as applicable (including, without limitation, reasonable attorneys’ fees and costs), shall be borne by the unsuccessful party, as determined by the arbitrators, and shall be awarded as part of the arbitrator’s award. It is specifically understood and agreed that any party may enforce any award rendered pursuant to the arbitration provisions of this Section by bringing suit in any court of competent jurisdiction. The parties agree that the arbitrator shall have authority to grant injunctive or other forms of equitable relief to any party. This Section shall survive the termination or cancellation of this Agreement. 14. Each party shall pay its own proportionate share of arbitrator fees and expenses [plus the fees and expenses of the arbitrator it designated (if there are three arbitrators] and the arbitration fees and expenses of the American Arbitration Association. The arbitrator[s] shall be entitled to award the foregoing arbitration and administrative fees and expenses as damages in his/her discretion. |
See that? You just committed yourself to a monthly charge of $9.47 with YourTrimTrainer.com… something you never heard of, and would very easily overlook on your monthly statement. But like the Energizer bunny, those charges will keep coming, and coming, and coming, until you call that number to cancel… and you can be sure there is someone on the end of that line who is very good at getting more money out of you, or obfusticating your cancellation efforts.
The rest of the language in these Terms and Conditions (which you didn’t click on, because nobody ever does) is a lot of legal weasel words which absolve the company from any responsibility, specify that the product basically won’t give you any results, and which make it next to impossible to cancel your order or get a refund. Even if you manage to get the product back to them within the deadline, which given mailing times is very unlikely, you’ll still get charged $5.95 restocking fee per unit, which in the case of this order would be $30.00. So they get you coming, and they get you going, and all you can do is bend over, because here it comes again.
If you want to become more informed about the scum and the scams, read this article at The Atlantic about Jesse Willms, the Dark Lord of the Internet.
It’s the story of a supremely corrupt scammer, and how current hucksters are still using techniques that he perfected – it makes me wonder if he’s not involved in this very dishonest style of marketing. The article also provides an in-depth analysis of shady internet advertising, with an emphasis on diet and health products, and look at Google’s true raison d’être. And as this post points out, it’s still going on everywhere.
Be careful out there.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
The Net is a Myth
In a recent blog post about the feud between Peter Jackson and the Tolkien estate, it was stated,
Like many quarrels in Hollywood, the Tolkien/Warner Bros. spat can be narrowed down to an argument about money. Part of the author’s estate’s contract with the film studio said that a percentage of the profits from any adaptation of Tolkien’s work would go back to them, and it became a bit of a controversy following the release of The Lord of The Rings trilogy. The three movies made a reported $2.9 billion at the global box office, but when those box office totals were combined with project’s expenses, the studio claimed that the movie didn’t make a profit – thus reportedly shortchanging the Tolkien estate. In an interview with Le Monde back in 2012, Tolkien Estate lawyer Cathleen Blackburn recounted, “These hugely popular films apparently did not make any profit! We were receiving statements saying that the producers did not owe the Tolkien Estate a dime.”
This isn’t an entirely rare thing in Hollywood. In 2010, a net profit statement for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (another Warner Bros. film) was leaked and reported that despite the movie’s $934 million box office take, the studio actually lost $167 million when the final calculations were made.
A very revelatory post by The Furious D Show elaborates on the kind of jiggery-pokery that Hollywood studios engage in to avoid having to pay actors and other involved parties, and offers a few well-considered suggestions.
“A major summer blockbuster can, through the magic of ‘colourful accounting’ lose a fortune because the studio’s corporate parent lost money on cattle futures in Argentina. What survives this whittling, or to be more exact, hacking, is called the ‘net profit.’ Except there is never a net profit. The net is a myth. It’s a fantasy. It’s the corporate equivalent of bigfoot. Traces have been reported, but no one has ever actually caught one.”
—–
Stop playing games with the money. Make a plan so that if the film really does make a profit on its own merits, that those profits are divided equitably among all involved. Trust me, playing with the books costs more money than it saves, ask Enron.
Pay actors what they’re worth. I’m not saying that you pay them scraps, but pay them a salary based on their real box-office appeal, not just the number of times Mary Hart drops their name or how many magazine covers they get. It has to be based on bums on seats, and if they are box-office gold, they’re profit more from a intelligently run profit sharing system and won’t demand the immense up front money.
Simplify the business plan. You see when studios offer a mission statement, they always talk about ‘paradigms’ and ‘maximizations’ and other pointless buzzwords that have nothing to do with making movies. The real business plan of a studio is to tell stories and sell stories. Remember that and you can’t go wrong.
For any rational human to believe that the Lord of the Rings, or any Harry Potter movie, actually lost money is to ask one to believe in the tooth fairy. Hollywood and their legions of accountants and attorneys would do well to go back to school for some remedial work in corporate ethics. But I’m not holding my breath.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
Sharing a wonderful blog: Bad Postcards
EXTRATERRESTRIAL SPACESHIP
Actual photograph of a Flying Saucer taken June 16, 1963 near Albuquerque, New Mexico. Learn about people from other planets! Subscribe to: UFO INTERNATIONAL. Six issues $3.00. Single copy—50 cents. Published by: AMALGAMATED FLYING SAUCER CLUBS OF AMERICA, INC. (AFSCA)…Los Angeles, California.
Discovered this lovely website through Glaserei and had to share it. So many wonderful, awful postcards… a glimpse into America’s cultural past.
Click through for hundreds more bad postcards.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
LDS Humor: Correlations’s Review of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
This piece was originally published in “The Seventh East Press,” a newspaper dedicated to Latter-day Saints who didn’t take themselves too seriously. It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen published there, and at this season of joy and gladness, deserves to be seen. Naturally, Mormons will be most familiar with all of the references, but members of other faiths who think their Church bureaucracies can be a bit heavy-handed at times may appreciate the sentiment. Only one bit of PII[1] has been deleted for the sake of propriety.
15 December 1981
The Seventh East Press
CORRELATION’S REVIEW OF
‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS’
Several years ago this review was read at the Church office building Christmas party. It has circulated privately since then.
TO: Director or the Correlation Committee
FROM: Correlation Review Committee
The Correlation Review Committees have reviewed the attached document titled “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” and have found several significant problems as follows:
‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, WHEN ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE, NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING, NOT EVEN A MOUSE.
‘Twas is an outdated and unacceptable contraction. We suggest — it was. Also, because the idea of stirring one’s form comes from the same word root as the idea of stirring one’s soup, it might be confusing to the reader and we suggest using the word — moving. In addition, we have noticed that a mouse will generally scurry, nibble, dart or quiver, but, almost never, stirs. Also, we think it would be much better to call the house, the home.
THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNG BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE, IN HOPES THAT ST. NICHOLAS SOON WOULD BE THERE.
Perhaps the writer should know that unless everyone went outside into the snowy night and hung the stockings (some were probably just plain old socks), it is more likely that they were hung in front of the fireplace than by the chimney. We think it would be well to take note that in some of the developing areas of the Church, people do not have socks, stockings, or chimneys. Moreover, the Church does not recognize the canonization of other churches. We feel this man should be called Brother Nicholas — or perhaps, in case be isn’t a member, we should play it safe and call him Mr. Nicholas.
THE CHILDREN WERE NESTLED ALL SNUG IN THEIR BEDS, WHILE VISIONS OF SUGARPLUMS DANCED THROUGH THEIR HEADS.
We must be very careful with the use of the word visions. It might be better to use the word non-revelation dreams. We also suggest that “sugarplums” is a rather archaic term. Wouldn’t Tootsie Rolls or Sugar Daddies be more relevant to today’s youth. In any case, shouldn’t sugar plums be two words instead of one?
MAMA IN HER KERCHIEF, AND I IN MY CAP, HAD JUST SETTLED OUR BRAINS FOR A LONG WINTER’S NAP.
The very idea of a long winter’s nap is contradictory. Webster says a nap is a short snooze, taken usually during the daytime. This really must be changed. We would also like to point out that few really wear headgear to bed anymore.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER, I SPRANG FROM MY BED TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
Around the Wasatch front, you would not have to spring from your bed to see what was the matter. Any clatter at night on the lawn means you are getting T.P.’d. Incidentally, springing from bed by our more senior members could he hazardous to their health. By the way, how do you clatter on a snow-covered lawn?
AWAY TO THE WINDOW I FLEW LIKE A FLASH, TORE OPEN THE SHUTTERS AND THREW UP THE SASH. THE MOON ON THE BREAST OF THE NEW FALLEN SNOW GAVE THE LUSTER OF MIDDAY TO OBJECTS BELOW.
We wonder whether throwing up the sash might he rather indelicate wording, especially after a large Christmas Eve dinner. We would also like to suggest that the writer say, “The moon on the chest of the new fallen snow.”
WHEN WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR, DUT A MINIATURE SLEIGH, AND EIGHT TINY REINDEER. WITH A LITTLE OLD DRIVER SO LIVELY AND QUICK, I KNEW IN A MOMENT IT MUST BE ST. NICK.
We would like to commend the author for breaking the stereotype that our “more mature” people cannot he lively and quick.
MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES HIS COURSERS THEY CAME, AND HE WHISTLED AND SHOUTED, AND CALLED THEM BE NAME. NOW DASHER! NOW DANCER! NOW PRANCER AND VIXEN! ON COMET! ON CUPID! ON DONNER AND BLITZEN!
We commend the writer for broadening the cultural base of this document by including the German names Donner and Blitzen. We wonder if this could he broadened further. Perhaps-Now Fifi! Now Cheri! Now Jose and Maria! On Chocho and Tojo! On Donner and Blitzen! We also question all this whistling and shouting in the middle of the night by a senior citizen.
TO THE TOP OF THE PORCH! TO THE TOP OF THE WALL! NOW DASH A WAY! DASH AWAY! DASH AWAY, ALL! AS DRY LEAVES THAT BEFORE THE WILD HURRICANE FLY, WHEN THEY MEET WITH AN OBSTACLE, MOUNT TO THE SKY.
We have noted that throughout this document the author has used rather long, complicated, turned-around sentences. This could he confusing to many of our readers. We suggest he write on a lower reading level, perhaps by using short, straightforward sentences such as “Just like dry leaves blow before the wind?”
SO UP TO THE HOUSETOP THE COURSERS THEY FLEW, WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF TOYS AND ST. NICHOLAS TOO. AND THEN IN A TWINKLING I HEARD ON THE ROOF, THE PRANCING AND PAWING OF EACH LITTLE HOOF. AS I DREW IN MY HEAD, AND WAS TURNING AROUND, DOWN THE CHIMNEY ST. NICHOLAS CAME WITH A BOUND.
Win the reader understand what coursers are? (Could he confused with cursers, after all the shouting and whistling). Also – the cavorting around on peoples’ roof tops sets a very bad example for our youth (who don’t need any new ideas). Also, the chimney trip is a bit much – wouldn’t it be better to just have Mr. Nicholas use the front door?
HE WAS DRESSED ALL IN FUR.
We wonder if he shouldn’t he dressed in cotton or polyester after what was said about killing animals in a recent conference. Perhaps it could he said that he was “dressed in a nice Swedish knit.”
FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FOOT, AND HIS CLOTHES WERE ALL TARNISHED WITH ASHES AND SOOT.
Perhaps polyester would not be good here because of the problems with ashes and soot. If I were his wife I would get him a pair of OSH KOSH overalls. (Of course the use of the front door would eliminate this whole ashes and soot problem.)
A BUNDLE OF TOYS HE HAD FLUNG ON HIS BACK, AND HE LOOKED LIKE A PEDDLER JUST OPENING HIS PACK. HIS EYES – HOW THEY TWINKLED, HIS DIMPLES, HOW MERRY! HIS CHEEKS WERE LIKE ROSES, HIS NOSE LIKE A CHERRY!
This somewhat extravagant description of Mr. Nicholas makes him sound like an edible, electrical, floral, centerpiece. We suggest that the writer tell it like it is.
HIS DROLL LITTLE MOUTH WAS DRAWN UP LIKE A BOW, AND THE BEARD OF HIS CHIN WAS AS WHITE AS THE SNOW.
Knowing what the current BYU and missionary standards are, we are very surprised that you would allow Mr. Nicholas to be wearing a beard. If he must have hair on his face, it should be a mustache trimmed well above the corners of his mouth.
THE STUMP OF HIS PIPE HE HELD TIGHT IN HIS TEETH, AND THE SMOKE IT ENCIRCLED HIS HEAD LIKE A WREATH. HE HAD A WIDE FACE-
We were more than a little taken back by this flagrant disregard of the 89th section of the Doctrine & Covenants. There could even be legal implications regarding his smoking in public places.
AND A ROUND LITTLE BELLY THAT SHOOK WHEN HE LAUGHED LIKE A BOWLFUL OF JELLY. HE WAS CHUBBY AND PLUMP, A RIGHT JOLLY OLD ELF, AND I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW HIM IN SPITE OF MYSELF.
It is in questionable taste to describe this senior citizen as being so fat, but then to have the narrator laugh at him seems to me to be carrying things too far. It would be better to say, “I smiled when I saw how well he was doing in spite of his handicap.”
A WINK OF HIS EYE AND A TWIST OF HIS HEAD SOON GAVE ME TO KNOW I HAD NOTHING TO DREAD. HE SPOKE NOT A WORD BUT WENT STRAIGHT TO HIS WORK AND FILLED ALL THE STOCKINGS, THEN TURNED WITH A JERK.
We appreciated this fine example of bard work and industry, in the true tradition of deseret. However, we decry his reference to his associate as a jerk.
AND LAYING A FINGER ASIDE OF HIS NOSE, AND GIVING A NOD, UP THE CHIMNEY HE ROSE.
See our previous comment about using the door. Also, be careful where you have him put his finger.
HE SPRANG TO HIS SLEIGH, TO HIS TEAM GAVE A WHISTLE, AND AWAY THEY ALL FLEW LIKE THE DOWN OF A THISTLE.
Again, he careful of the dangerous springing. Also, if he were to give every member of the team a whistle, they might make a horrible amount of noise. In addition, after checking with the International Mission, we would like to inform the writer that reindeer have no pockets in which to put those whistles. Also, would the increasing urban membership of the Church understand the image of “down of a thistle?” ‘
BUT I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM, ERE HE DROVE OUT OF SIGHT, HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.
We feel it would be better to stay with the traditional form of “Merry Christmas.”
Although the document has some major problems, we feel there is enough of worth to justify revising. In the spirit of reduction and simplification, however, we also recommend that the number of lines he cut in half.
IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
(Revised)
It was the night before Christmas and in our home, no animals were moving about. Even the mice were still.
Some preparations were made in anticipation of a visit from Mr. Nicholas.
While the children were sleeping soundly, they were thinking about Tootsie Rolls and Sugar Daddies.
My wife and I had just gone to bed.
We heard a noise out on the front lawn and assumed that we were being T.P.’ed.
I walked to the window and pulled back the curtain.
The moon was shining brightly on the chest of the new fallen snow.
Then I saw a tiny sleigh being pulled by eight reindeer.
The little old driver was 50 lively and quick that I knew it must be Mr. Nicholas.
He came very fast. He addressed the reindeer by name:
“Now Fifi! Now Cheri! Now Jose and Maria!
On Chocho and Tojo! On Donner and Blitzen!” ‘
Just like a snowball striking a brick wall, they came to a stop in front of our home. Soon I heard Mr. Nicholas at my front door.
He was dressed in a nice Swedish knit suit. He had a briefcase full of packages.
He was smiling pleasantly.
He was clean-shaven and his breath smelled of spearmint chewing gum.
He was a bit overweight, but I smiled when I saw how well he was doing in spite of his handicap.
He wasted no time with words, but went straight to his work of putting the packages where they would be found.
Then he went out the front door and got in his sleigh.
As he was driving off, I heard him say, “Merry Christmas!”
The Old Wolf has spoken.
[1] Personally Identifiable Information – Census workers will know just what I mean.
In Praise of the Crossword
100 years ago this weekend, Arthur Wynne invented the crossword puzzle, as celebrated in today’s Google Doodle (you can still play with it), an interactive puzzle which took me 28 minutes and 36 seconds to solve.
I’ve been a crossword fan since about 1965. As I mentioned in a previous post about newspaper comics, when I was a sophomore at an eastern prep school, I would get up early in the morning and run across the town square to the coffee shop where I would start the day with a cup of coffee and the Waterbury Republican (25¢ total); the funnies would be read, along with any interesting news of the day. Another regular in the coffee shop was my U.S. History teacher, George Houghton.
Bless his memory; his entertaining teaching methods made the study of what was then a painfully dull subject endurable, giving out “a diamond!” and “a zero!” with the same good nature, and encouraging all his students to give the best possible recitations. Not immune to the occasional slip of the tongue himself, he once told us that after the infamous Boxer Rebellion, the U.S. provided funds for the execution of Chinese students… everyone got a great laugh out of that one, including the good professor.
He was also a crossword fan, and morning after morning I would work through the puzzles in the local paper as I sat next to him at the counter, where he generously provided me with an out-of-class education that has stood the test of time. I say with no small sense of satisfaction that I later graduated to working the New York Times crossword puzzle… in pen. As I traveled extensively overseas from 1992 to 2001, the daily crossword in the International Herald Tribune helped me pass the time on many a long transatlantic flight. And I know of no better way to entertainingly broaden one’s vocabulary than to become a crossword fan; I will never forget that an ‘ara’ is a species of macaw.
Life moved on and became busy, and with the advent of the Internet as my source of news, and the gradual decline of newspapers, my crosswording days diminished – but not my enjoyment of the pastime. My thanks to Google for reminding me that this is a very pleasant diversion for an inveterate logophile.
And if you’re curious about the solution to the Google doodle, click through for a completed puzzle.
The Old Wolf has spoken.
Playing in the World Game 