Can I afford pie today?

I loved comics as a kid. No shame, I learned a lot. Loved things like Strange Tales, Creepy, Weird Science, along with the standard DC and Marvel fare.¹ And over the years, some things just stuck in my mind. Tales like “Tim Boo Baa,” “The Mask of Morgumm,” or “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill.” Thanks to the miracle of the Internet, I’ve been able to recover quite a few of these and revisit them in all their glory.

But there was one memory I was never able to recapture, although it popped into my mind frequently… until this week.

It was about this poor inventor, Alphonse Orr, who was taken advantage of by a hideous, bullying con-man of a boss. Finally his name popped up in a comic database, and I was able to score a copy of the issue that the story appeared in.

I was ten when this comic went on sale in 1961, and somehow that last panel, the image of this little man wondering if he could afford pie impacted me profoundly,² as did the idea of the injustice perpetrated upon him by his evil boss – and stuck in my mind for over half a century. Kids have an over-developed sense of injustice at that age, and I was no exception.³

So you’ll pardon me if I found the ending to the story immensely satisfying, and re-reading it after all these years I find that my feelings haven’t changed one whit.

You can read the entire story from “Forbidden Worlds, Issue #98 here as a pdf download.⁴

It’s nice to be able to put memories to rest.

The Old Wolf has spoken.


Notes:

¹ I could have put my kids through college if I had kept all the first editions I bought, but that’s another story.

² Never mind all the abject poverty and true starvation and famine in the world; at that age I was not aware of what was happening in third-world countries or even of food insecurity in America, but at that time the thought that Alphonse was so poor that he couldn’t afford pie deeply saddened me.

³ Those impressions have never left me. I have found that when it comes to the injustice and cruelty and stupidity of corporations, there’s always a relevant Dilbert.

Strips like this infuriate me. I’m not sure why I keep reading them.

Edit: If you do read this story, keep in mind that it’s the ’60s and that it’s fantasy; the Challenger Deep is 6.85 miles below the surface, whereas Edgar W. Simmons claims to have taken his new submersible 120 miles down. Just as a matter of curiosity, the pressure at that hypothetical depth would be 19,259.37 atmospheres, or 250,371 pounds per square inch, or roughly 42 Humvees stacked on your thumbnail. Science? We don’t need no steenkin’ science!

Sometimes the Good Guys Win

From the website of the Boston Division of the FBI (this is the real McCoy):

Canadian Sentenced to 10 Years in Prison for Role in Telemarketing Fraud

U.S. Attorney’s Office, November 10, 2010

BOSTON, MA—A Montreal man was sentenced today in federal court in connection with his role in a long running telemarketing scheme that targeted victims in the United States and the United Kingdom.

MITCHELL KARACHINSKY, 59, was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Patti B. Saris to 10 years’ imprisonment, to be followed by two years of supervised release. The court also ordered Karachinsky to pay restitution in the total amount of $1.624,750. Karachinsky pleaded guilty to telemarketing fraud on April 1, 2010.

At the earlier plea hearing, the prosecutor told the court that had the case proceeded to trial, the government’s evidence would have proven that Karachinsky participated in a fraudulent telemarketing ring operated from Montreal. Targeting elderly victims in the U.S., Karachinsky and others falsely represented that the call recipient had won a large money prize that could only be collected after the victim prepaid fees that needed to be mailed or wired to Canada. The money prizes were nonexistent and none of the victims of the scheme ever received any winnings. In total the scheme defrauded U.S. victims of more than $2.5 million. In December 2009 one of Karachinsky’s co-defendant, Gilles Maisonneuve, was also sentenced to 10 years in prison for his role in this fraud.

United States Attorney Carmen M. Ortiz said, “Telemarketing fraud is a crime that targets members of some of our most vulnerable populations, including senior citizens. I am committed to the prosecution of these predators and dedicated to recovering as much money for victims of telemarketing fraud as possible.”

U.S. Attorney Ortiz and Richard DesLauriers, Special Agent in Charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation Federal Bureau of Investigation announced the sentencing today. The case was investigated by Project Colt, a cross border law enforcement telemarketing initiative based in Montreal including the participation of the FBI and other federal agencies and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. It was prosecuted by Assistant U.S. Attorney Lori J. Holik of Ortiz’s Economic Crimes Unit.

I don’t mind doxxing this scumbag because the information presented here is a matter of public record, and this is the turdcasket who scammed my mother out of about $65,000.00 while she was still alive.

Ever since he was sentenced, we’ve been getting regular updates from the USDOJ Victim Notification system; the last one we got is as follows:

You have requested to receive notifications regarding MITCHELL KARACHINSKI, an inmate incarcerated at the Rivers Correctional Institution in Winton, NC. [snip] This notice is to inform you that MITCHELL KARACHINSKI will be released on April 22, 2015. Additionally, will release to the custody of US Immigration and Customs Enforcement for possible deporation to Canada.

So it looks like Mr. Scumbag has served his time and is about to be released, with the hope that ICE sends his sorry ass back to Montreal where, it is to be hoped, he will face additional sanctions from the Canadian authorities.

The notification mentions restitution, but Mogg only knows where any funds for that would come from. At any rate, I am most grateful to the FBI and the RCMP for working together to put this piece of camel ejecta and his cronies behind bars for a goodly bit of time.

The Old Wolf has spoken.