No thanks, I just bought it online.

Sunday’s Retail by Norm Feuti – a strip I read with great relish – brings up an interesting point, and the commentary, written by what seems to be a preponderance of retail employees, got me thinking.

(Click the thumbnail for the full-size strip)

The question revolves around the practice of using brick-and-mortar stores as a showroom, leading to an ultimate purchase online or from a competitor.

This is an intriguing discussion and can see both sides of the equation. Reading “Not Always Right” on a regular basis, I am astonished beyond measure at the rudeness, arrogance, stupidity, and sense of entitlement people bring into a store, and always do my best to brighten the day of any retail worker I happen to encounter. And to keep the communication honest and open,  some days I do better than others. As a customer, however, my main difficulty with retail help is a sense of overinvestment – far too many retail workers (admittedly, perhaps, because they have to work with so many asshats on a daily basis and have reached the end of their rope) begin acting as though a return or a complaint were going to affect their bottom line, and they go out of their way to be like Mordac the Preventer. The knife can cut both ways.

The whole concept of using a brick-and-mortar store as a showroom is an unavoidable part of the e-commerce landscape. Customers *will* do it – I confess that I’ve done it myself. But when one is living on a fixed and limited income, pennies count. Unlike the use of smartphones in a movie theater, there has been not been time for society to develop any sort of “retail etiquette” by which it is generally accepted that this practice is “not done in polite society,” but in this economy I can forgive the practice because I know what it’s like to go without those eyeglasses or that dentist appointment in favor of food on the table.

We need things. We shop for them. The nature of retail, combined with the advertising industry, is ultimately to convince the consumer that he or she has a burning need for something which they had never thought of before. As a result, if we’re out shopping for Widget A, and we happen to see Widget B on a shelf which really calls to me, I see no reason to feel obligated to buy either one from the store I’m in if I can get it for less online (including shipping) or at another store (factoring in the cost of gas, and my time to get there).

This is not new. Watch “A Miracle on 34th Street” (the old version) and you’ll see that the concept of store loyalty is tenuous at best. As annoying as this is for store owners, and by metonymy, for store employees, it will only continue to get worse as bandwidth increases and smartphones get smarter. If brick and mortar outlets are to survive, they will need to adapt, and I’d be willing to bet that in 10 years we will have seen some very innovative solutions that have not been thought of at present.

Ultimately, it comes down to choosing our battles. I’d much rather deal head-on with the day-to-day issue of customer rudeness by creating (were I to own and operate a public business) an atmosphere where I could feel comfortable hanging this sign on my door:

This might cost me some business, but it’s the kind of business I don’t want anyway. I suspect (as long as I was running a business that was built on a sound model to begin with) that I’d attract more clientele that appreciated the opportunity to shop where they wouldn’t have to bump into the asshats themselves. I think I’d end up with more business that way, even accounting for the folks that were just window shopping or store hopping.

My two penn’orth, anyway.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

An Open Letter to the World’s Muslims

On September 10th, I posted An Open Letter to Jihadistan. This was addressed to the violent Islamic extremists of the world, rather than to the approximately 1.7 billion Muslims in the world today. Today I share my thoughts with the rest of you.

America is not waging a war against Islam. If you believe that, you are being lied to by people who are perverting your religion for their political purposes.

America is not responsible for, nor does it support the maker of  “The Innocence of Muslims.” This repugnant movie was made by a bigoted sub-human who does not represent the feelings of the vast majority of Americans.

Sheik Hassan Nasrallah of Lebanon today urged the Lebanse to increase their protests, saying “The ones who should be held accountable and boycotted are those who support and protect the producers, namely the US administration.” The US administration does not support the producers of this film, nor does it agree with its message. Nasrallah and other sheikhs and imams around the world calling for protests and violence against the US and the west, are speaking out of ignorance, and in so doing they are twisting the religion of peace into something that is not found anywhere in the Qur’an.

Despite the memories of the terrible events of 9/11 being still fresh in the minds of Americans, our land continues to be a haven for people of the Muslim faith, with over 2,000 mosques and countless masjids. Like you, we have our bigots and our sociopaths – but these do not now, nor have they ever represented us.

We believe that freedom trumps tyranny. If you wish to live in an Islamic republic, then live in an Islamic republic. If you wish to abide by shari’a, abide by shari’a. But let these be a republic and a law where the people are allowed to determine what that means, rather than living in fear that a different opinion or a different lifestyle will bring injury or death to them and their families.

I exhort you to stand down from these protests, this outrage, this violence which has nothing to do with America but rather the political aspirations of a few deluded men. Put your energy into building up your societies and improving the lives of your fellow citizens, and I pledge to you that I will do the same. The vast majority of my countrymen desire only the same things you do – the freedom to establish your lives and provide for your families in safety, and without fear. Things will not be perfect, and mistakes will be made, but none of us should allow the frailties of men to stand in the way of peace and progress.

I leave you with a quote that has been attributed to Marcus Aurelius, but whose origin is unsure. Nevertheless it speaks to me, and speaks the words of my heart.

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

May we desire peace, and pursue it; may we sow kindness, and reap prosperity.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

*How* much rice?

When I was young, I heard the story of the rice and the chessboard.

King Shihram of India was an oppressive tyrant. One of his subjects, Sissa ibn Dahir, invented the game of chess as a strategic (and social) training tool, and the king was so pleased that he asked Sissa what reward he wanted. Sissa’s answer was that the king should put one grain of rice (or wheat, in some versions) on the first square of a chessboard, two grains on the second square, four grains on the third square, eight grains on the fourth square, and so on, doubling the number of grains of rice with each square.

The King thought he had gotten off easy, but the simple math of exponential increase demonstrated that Sissa was no fool: the total weight of rice would exceed the weight of all living things on earth and make a heap larger than Mount Everest.

I always wondered just how much rice that was, but back then we didn’t have Wikipedia, and I don’t think such an “inconsequential” article would have made it into the Brittanica. Now, however, all is different.

An illustration of the operating principle is below:

The abbreviations refer to Mega (million), Giga (billion), Tera (trillion), Peta (quadrillion), and Exa (quintillion).

This principle was used by Ray Kurzweil who coined the term “The Second Half of the Chessboard,” referring to the point at which an exponentially growing factor begins to have a significant economic impact on an organization’s overall business strategy. The example above shows that the first square of the second half contains more rice than the entire first half combined.

Mathematically, the total number of grains of rice can be expressed as

(or so I’m told), which resolves to 264 – 1 (or so I’m told.) Dammit Jim, I’m a linguist, not a mathematician.

On the entire chessboard there would be 264 − 1 = 18,446,744,073,709,551,615 grains of rice (that’s 18.4 quintillion), weighing 461,168,602,000 metric tons, which would be a mountain of rice larger than Mount Everest. This is around 1,000 times the global production of rice in 2010 (464,000,000 metric tons).

Looking at the amazing Humphrys map comparing the heights of various mountains, look at how tiny St. Peter’s cathedral is in comparison (click the map for full size).

Even had King Shihram been able to pay, Sissa would have had difficulty finding a place to put his reward. And that’s a whole lot of sushi.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Old Phishing Hole

Thieves want your information and your money. They’ll take it any way they can get it. Eastern Europe is a hotbed of cyber-crime but, sensing the opportunity for profit, other nations are getting into the act, and the same old techniques resurface.

Here’s a typical phishing scam email which landed in my inbox today. Protect yourself, be aware, exercise safe computing, and warn your loved ones. This stands to be repeated often and loudly.


From: service@chase.com<gpwtnf@admin.net>
To: admin@chase.com

Subject: NOTICE ID : DXEUWSPLNT

Dear Chase Bank Customer
It has come to our attention that your Chase Bank account information needs to be
updated as part of our continuing commitment to protect your account and to
reduce the instance of fraud on our website. If you could please take 5-10 minutes
out of your online experience and update your personal records you will not run into
any future problems with the online service.
To update your Chase records click on the following link:
http://secureaccess.chase.glchzprjo.%5BLink Obfuscated]-wi.com/chs/chk/index.php?email_login=comcast.net/
Thank you for your patience in this matter.
Sincerely,
Ammy Smith,
Chase Bank Security Departament.
Please do not reply to this e-mail as this is only a notification. Mail sent to this address cannot be answered.
Copyright 2012, CHASE BANK SERVICE, INC. All Rights Reserved.

NICHMOKENLWJJFLDBVSKYXRCHQRWEFILLLKYSO


Right. First off, look at anything that’s green in the email above. These are red flags.

1) Garbage text. Any email that contains strings of junk or random English words strung together is trying to thwart Bayesian spam filtering. It’s a complex algorithgm that is employed by service providers and email clients to try to keep Spam from ever getting to you.

2) Mis-spellings. While human error is possible, most legitimate companies (especially large financial institutions like Chase) are pretty careful about the quality of messages they send out. Bad English, strange punctuation, odd collocations and mis-spellings are all red flags for fraudulent activity (which includes most spam, by the way).

3) Garbage or misdirected links. Just because a web address has the word “Chase” in it doesn’t mean that it’s from Chase. URL’s that contain alphabet soup are to be regarded very suspiciously. Never click on links from an email, especially if the word “money” or “finances” enters into the equation. If you have an account with Wells Fargo, for example, go directly to wellsfargo.com with your browser.

As it turns out, the link above redirects you to this URL:

http://[Link Removed].endoftheinternet.org/chs/chk/index1.php
?source=chase&customer=CrazvSTcCtTvoOIhYiLNI1bplxauXFAqWAQijzkM

(I obfuscated the link to make sure nobody actually clicks on this and goes there.) If you did, what you would see is this:

It looks very, very authentic – except for that garbage URL. In fact, the scammers copied the actual http://chase.com website exactly. If you enter your UserID and password, bingo! You’ve just given Russian cyber-criminals access to all your accounts.

Again: Never click on links inside an email. Always type addresses directly into your browser window to make sure you’re going to the real company’s website.

These particular drones aren’t through with you yet, though. If you enter your information (I put in some really insulting stuff which I can’t repeat here), you’ll be taken to this URL:

http://%5BLink Removed].chaseonline.chase.com.crazvstccttvooihyilni1bplxauxfaqwaqijzkm.
csqifywdn.endoftheinternet.org/chs/chk/email.php

which gives you this page:

So these scumsuckers not only want your financial data, they want access to your email account as well, so they can scam all your friends and send messages from your account.

If you’re aware of these antics, they seem pretty transparent. Unfortunately, a huge percentage of our population is working with computers and the Internet at a “cookbook” level, without any more than a superficial understanding of what they are doing. There’s no judgement around that – it’s great that they’re learning new skills. But if you have loved ones, especially elderly family members who fall into that category, please make sure they are watched over and educated.

Practice Safe Computing

1) Be afraid of any email that includes the words

  • “Verify your account.”
  • “Update your account.”
  • “During regular account maintenance…”
  • “Failure to update your records will result in account suspension.”

or similar things. Legitimate organizations will never ask for your ID or sensitive information by email or telephone

2) Do not click on links inside an email. Always go directly to your financial institution’s website from your browser.

3)Never send sensitive information to anyone in an email. Even if it’s legitimate, emails can be intercepted and read by the bad guys.

Be careful out there, it’s a jungle.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

New York Eateries: Gone But Not Forgotten

Nedick’s was the Starbucks of the 50’s. Orange drink, doughnuts and hot dogs with a signature mustard relish. They were everywhere, even in little hole-in-the-wall joints down in the subways. I confess I like the fresh-squeezed places better down there, with the machines that would cut and squeeze oranges automatically, but Nedick’s is a treasured memory also.

nedicks

Nedick’s in Newark

Nedick’s at Macy’s (Found at The Paper Collector)

Then there was Prexy’s. A local concern with just a few outlets in and around New York, they made hamburgers that were to die for. Little is known about the recipe that made them so good, but I remember eating there a number of times. Oh, those prices.

Prexy’s Matchbook

Prexy’s Logo from a China Plate

Last but not least, there was the Horn and Hardart Automat

 

gwKkl

 

The Automat, 1942, by J. Baylor Roberts

For a kid in the 50’s, nothing was more fun than getting pie or drinks or that incredible macaroni and cheese at the Automat; you’d get your nickels at the booth from a nickel-thrower, ladies with rubber tips on their fingers who could fling out a dollar’s worth of nickels without blinking. I could stand there for hours watching the lazy susans rotate around when they were empty, only to reappear magically refilled with new offerings.

I scored a copy of this book which gives a fascinating history of the chain, including lots of recipes.

Now I’m hungry.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Home Repair in China

Newser reports that Home Depot is giving up in China; they have discovered that the Chinese prefer “do it for me” rather than “do it yourself.” Most Chinese live in apartments in urban areas, and have access to cheap labor.

However, I have often wondered if the quality of the work one gets done is not of the best, as illustrated in the following Lao Fu Zi strips (remember to read these from top to bottom, and from right to left):

If you’re not familiar with Lao Fu Zi (known as Old Master Q in English), you can become better acquainted here. Most of these are constructed to be funny even if you don’t read Chinese – the website provides translations as an added touch.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Gospel According to St. Sabrett

  1. Only beneath the blue and yellow umbrella shall you eat.
  2. A hot dog shall be eaten on the street, no matter what your Nonna said.
  3. You shall garnish your hot dog with mustard, or with relish, or with onions, or with kraut, or All the Way.
  4. Ketchup shall be an abomination unto you, ye shall not eat of it.
  5. You shall not complain about the price: it is New York.
  6. The water is not dirty, it is hot dog juice.
  7. The skin of a hot dog has a pleasing snap, but ask not what lies beneath.
  8. You shall never visit a hot dog factory, lest you lift up your heel against hot dogs forevermore. You do not want to know how they are made.
  9. Remember St. Papalexis, for he is holy.
  10. A hot dog tastes best at Yankee Stadium, even if it is Nathan’s Famous and not Sabrett. But then, anything tastes good after 10 beers.

Stolen shamelessly from the Huffington Post:

Sabrett-style Onion Sauce Recipe

Makes. 4 hot dogs
Preparation time. 1 hour

Onion Sauce Ingredients
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon cornstarch or arrowroot
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 tablespoon inexpensive balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon Dijon-style mustard
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
1 pinch of cinnamon

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 large red onions, peeled thoroughly and sliced thin
1/4 teapoon table salt
2 cloves of pressed or minced garlic

About the onions. Red onions often have an extra layer of tough paper under the outer layer. Make sure you remove it.

About the tomato paste. If you want, you can substitute a 2 tablespoons of ketchup or a sweet tomato based Kansas City style barbecue sauce for the tomato paste.

The hot dog
4 all-beef frankfurters, preferably Sabretts
4 buns
Sauerkraut from the refrigerator section, not the can
Spicy brown Dijon-style mustard

Do this

  1. Combine the water and cornstarch in a bowl and whisk it until there are no more lumps. whisk in the tomato paste, balsamic, mustard, brown sugar, hot sauce, and cinnamon.
  2. Warm the oil in a large skillet, not a non-stick, over medium high heat. Add the onions and sprinkle with the salt. This helps pull the moisture out. Move them around occasionally with a wooden spoon so they don’t burn. Cook until the edges start to brown. Whatever you do, do not let them burn. Add the garlic and cook for another minute.
  3. Add the liquid, stir, and rub the pan with the wooden spoon to scrape up all the flavorful fond, the brown bits on the bottom. Turn the stove to low and simmer with the lid on for 1 hour. Check frequently to make sure it is not burning and the water has not evaporated. Add water if needed. The final result should be thick, not runny, but not pasty. After an hour, taste and adjust salt and other flavors as you wish.
  4. While the onions are simmering, warm the kraut in a pan or for 15 seconds in the microwave, cook the franks, and prepare the buns. The franks can be cooked on a griddle, on a grill, but most pushcarts make “dirty water dogs” by simmering them in water that has become a rich flavorful soup after holding scores of franks over the course of a day. And don’t worry, the franks are precooked so they are pasteurized, and the dirty water is hot enough that nothing can survive. As for the buns, some are toasted on a griddle, but most pushcarts store them in a bin where the steam from the dirty water keeps them warm and moist.
  5. Lovingly place the frank on the bun, squirt on the mustard, add the onions, and then the kraut. Hum quietly, I’ll take Manhattan…

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Stuck in my head

This is what I get for growing up in New York in the 50’s.

♫ My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer
Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer
It’s not bitter not sweet
Extra dry flavored treat,
Won’t you try extra dry Rheingold Beer! ♫

♫ Who’s the first to conquer space
It’s incontrovertible!
That the first to conquer living space
It’s a Castro convertible!
Who conquered space with fine design
Who saves you money all the time?
Who’s tops in the convertible line?
Castro convertible! ♫

(Castro was the first popular hide-a-bed company).

♫ Eat too much, drink too much,
Take Brioschi, take Brioschi!
Eat too much, drink too much,
Mild Brioschi, just for you! ♫

So many others… can’t… get them… to shut UP!

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Classics Illustrated

These were comics.

Yeah, I loved Superman and all the others. Don’t let me think too hard about what my comic collection looked like – Since I started reading them in the 50’s, I could have sent all of my kids through Harvard if I had kept them all.

But I loved the Classics. It may be part of the reason that I enjoyed reading the real things later… I think I read every book whose Classics Illustrated version I had encountered. These things were great – almost like Cliff’s Notes in graphic novel format. Over time I’ve been able to reassemble a fair percentage of the ones I had as a kid – fortunately for me, they’re not highly sought-after and so I can usually find bargains in used bookstores (but not at ComicCon, where the dealers charge ten prices.)

They were even popular in other languages – here a sample of Theseus and the Minotaur in Greek (I noticed with interest that this one was printed in katharevousa, with polytonic instead of monotonic accents, so that’s a good clue that it was published earlier than 1976 when dimotiki became the official Greek standard.)

There appears to be no date information anywhere in the comic, so I can’t tell you when this was printed, but the Greek series began publication in 1951.

Classics Illustrated Junior

These were funny, often silly, but educational nonetheless. I learned a lot from these when I was very young.

I remember being on a camping trip with my youngest son once – we were trying to get a fire started, or a Coleman stove, or something, and the matches were damp. At one point he came out with “What a dreadful match! It has gone completely out!” and I just about needed a change of trousers from laughing so hard. It was good to know that some of my early culture had rubbed off on the next generation.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Old Time Radio: Margaret Draper and The Brighter Day

From 1948 to 1954, Margaret Draper played the part of Liz Dennis on The Brighter Day. It was one of her first significant breakout rôles, and led to a successful career in radio and later television, mostly in the advertising world.

Radio-TV Mirror, May 1949 – Papa and Liz Dennis

Radio-TV Mirror, May 1949 – The Cast of the Brighter Day

Radio-TV Mirror, June 1950

Radio-TV Mirror, October 1952

Radio-TV Mirror, October 1952

From Radio-TV Mirror, not certain which issue

Margaret Draper, Joe DeSantis and their son

In 1999, the Friends of Old Time Radio convention featured a reunion of the Dennis girls, who with others put on a reader’s theatre featuring The Brighter Day, followed by a Q&A session.

Cast

Patsy – Pat Hosley
Althea – Jay Merideth
Liz – Margaret Draper
Papa – Leslie Pagan
Jerry – George Ansbrough
Narrator – Bill Owen

Sound Effects – Lynn Nadelle and Bart Curtis
Music – Ed Klute
Producer – David Segal
Director – Bill Nadell
Engineering – Bill Sudamack

You can listen to the original episode that this performance was based on.

The following two posters were displayed outside the convention room:

Pat Hosley

Jay Merideth

Radio stars at a “Ma Perkins” party. Brighter Day cast on the right.

Cast of The Brighter Day asks the audience to be kind.

A later photo of the Brighter Day cast, looks like around 1960.

Margaret Draper, front row, Left.

Trade magazine advert for Brighter Day

Trade magazine advert for Brighter Day

The writer of Brighter Day for many years, Orin Tovrov, had a special fondness for Margaret, and vice versa. Here’s a letter Orin wrote to Maggie on the occasion of his leaving Brighter Day in 1950:

A very gracious letter. A further indication of the Tovrovs’ respect and appreciation for Margaret’s work as Liz Dennis is found in this beautiful felt book made for “Liz” at Christmas, 1949. It must have taken many hours to create. I loved this book as a child – I could look at it for hours, and it almost acted as a sort of “quiet book” if memory serves.

Front Cover

Attending Church (The missing piece is the Hymn Board; Daily Food and chores.

Liz dreams of her Knight in Shining Armor

Which one will it be?  Finally married! Notice the reference to older sister Marcia, who had married and left the family before the show began. She never appeared on-air.

More home life; Christmas label

Back Cover

More about The Brighter Day can be seen in the following Links:

Old Radio Times, 5 May 2006

The Brighter Day at Wikipedia

The Old Wolf has spoken.