Yearly Archives: 2014

Brand Imitation – the Sincerest Form of Marketing

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Cross-posted from LiveJournal

We’ve all seen them on the shelves, usually down at floor level. Oatie-O’s, Fruity Hoops, Crisp Rice. Store brands trying to cash in on decades worth of marketing by the big boys.1

Depending on your locality, you can find over 50 knock-off brands of Dr Pepper™.

Dr Pepper Clones

As a general rule, these knock-off brands are the abomination of desolation. Mr. Pibb, for example, Coca-Cola’s ubiquitous knockoff of the Doctor, tastes like something wrung from a very ill moose – and yet if you go to a restaurant whose nuts are being tightly squeezed by the Coke™ conglomerate, that’s all you can get. ²

In the case of cereals, the clones sometimes come close, but almost never approximate the quality of the real thing.

Until now.

I’m particular about my cereal. Just about the only one I eat on a regular basis is Quaker’s Life™. I’ve been loyal since it came out in 1961. When it was reformulated in 1998, I was one of many consumers who complained, prompting Quaker to revert to its original formula. So when my better half brought home a box of a new concoction by Kroger called “Living Well,” my thoughts turned darkly to glowing braziers and hot coulters.



(Image from Drawn and Quartered by Charles Addams)

How could they? Like Dr Pepper™, Life™ is unique, with no real head-to-head competition. No one had ever tried to clone it before, and this effort couldn’t possibly be worth the powder to blow it to Hell with. Could it?

Here’s the scary part: Kroger nailed it. Either they have a mole inside Quaker, or they’re buying Life™ in brobdingnagian quantities and repackaging it. Taste, texture, smell, looks – I’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference. It’s that good.

What’s a loyal consumer to do? The driving factor in this economy, I fear, will be price. If Life™ costs $3.00 a box, and I can find Living Well™ on the shelf for $2.50, I’m afraid the clone will win. If, on the other hand, the prices are equivalent or just pennies apart, I’ll go for the real thing.

Sorry, Quaker.

Footnotes:

1 Some particularly egregious examples of cereal knockoffs can be found at The Cheapass Cereal Hall of Fame

² Edit on New Year’s Day 2019: It’s gotten better since I last posted. Here in Maine, Hannaford carries it’s own version of Dr Perky and the diet one as well, and they’re pretty acceptable – and half as expensive as the real thing.

Ursula K. LeGuin: Ever classy and insightful

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Recently Ursula K. LeGuin was presented with a well-deserved Lifetime Achievement Award; Neil Gaiman presented her the Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters.

If you love writing or reading, her acceptance speech is worth a look, so I have reproduced a transcript here:

“Thank you Neil. And to the givers of this beautiful reward, my thanks from the heart. My family, my agent, editors, know that my being here is their doing as well as mine, and that the beautiful reward is theirs as much as mine. And I rejoice in accepting it for, and sharing it with, all the writers who were excluded from literature for so long–my fellow authors of fantasy and science fiction. Writers of the imagination, who for the last 50 years watched the beautiful rewards go to the so-called realists.

I think hard times are coming when we will be wanting the voices of writers who can see alternatives to how we live now, and can see through our fear-stricken society and its obsessive technologies, to other ways of being, and even imagine some real grounds for hope. We will need writers who can remember freedom. Poets, visionaries—the realists of a larger reality.

Right now, I think we need writers who know the difference between the production of a market commodity and the practice of an art. Developing written material to suit sales strategies in order to maximize corporate profit and advertising revenue is not quite the same thing as responsible book publishing or authorship. (Thank you, brave applauders.)

Yet I see sales departments given control over editorial. I see my own publishers in a silly panic of ignorance and greed, charging public libraries for an e-book six or seven times more than they charge customers. We just saw a profiteer try to punish a publisher for disobedience and writers threatened by corporate fatwa, and I see a lot of us, the producers, who write the books, and make the books, accepting this. Letting commodity profiteers sell us like deodorant, and tell us what to publish and what to write. (Well, I love you too, darling.)

Books, you know, they’re not just commodities. The profit motive is often in conflict with the aims of art. We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art—the art of words.

I have had a long career and a good one. In good company. Now here, at the end of it, I really don’t want to watch American literature get sold down the river. We who live by writing and publishing want—and should demand—our fair share of the proceeds. But the name of our beautiful reward is not profit.

Its name is freedom.

Thank you.”

Ms. LeGuin’s bibliography is visible at Wikipedia.

Ursula has spoken much better than The Old Wolf.

Perspectives

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Cross-posted from LiveJournal

In 1962, when I was about to turn 11 years old, I watched what at that time was probably the most terrifying TV episode of The Twilight Zone I had ever seen: “Little Girl Lost”.

What I remembered:

  • A little girl falls through a portal in her bedroom wall and ends up in another dimension.
  • Her parents hear her crying, in different parts of their house, but they can’t see her.
  • The portal keeps getting smaller and smaller, as measured by chalk marks on the wall.
  • She never gets out.

This, of course, was enough to keep me away from walls at night for a long time, never mind the whole separation anxiety thing.

Well, a few years ago, on a whim, I watched the episode again on DVD, and comparing reality to memory was an interesting adventure.

What I experienced:

  • My general recollection was relatively accurate.
  • We never see the portal shrinking – it’s only implied at the end.
  • The girl and her dog are rescued by her father.
  • The girl is voiced by a whiny, petulant adult.
  • The acting was so bad I wanted to slap all three adult characters, each of which had the intelligence of your median ditchdigger.

I had forgotten about Rod Serling hawking the pleasure of smoking Chesterfields at the end of each episode.

In a way, it was nice. Because now the childhood memory can be updated, and any residual creepiness has vanished forever. This was very similar to the experience I had with Terror from the Year 5000.

On a side note, I was also seriously creeped out by “The Thing,” which was a staple on “Million Dollar Movie” in New York; later viewings actually confirmed that I had good reason to be so. It remains a masterpiece of frightfulness to this day.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The most peaceful monument I’ve ever seen

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Cemeteries are peaceful places. For campaign managers, they are an abundant source of additional votes for their candidate:


26 - AddamsDowdForAlderman

Artist: Charles Addams

For genealogists, they are a rich source of family data:

William Draper Senior Tombstone - Incorrect Birthdate

Although one must be careful. This gentleman, my GGG-Grandfather, was actually born in 1774; whoever had the stone made obviously thought, “Ooh, wouldn’t it be cool if we said he was born in the year of independence!” And so it was written, and so it was done. Still, graveyards have given me much information and many leads that I otherwise would not have had.

(A parenthetical plug here for FindAGrave.com, a virtual cemetery containing millions of online memorials.)

Having spent many, many hours haunting various cemeteries in my home town and during my travels around the country, I came to appreciate them as places of peace and contemplation, and sometimes great poignancy.

Monument

This one, located in the Salt Lake City cemetery, makes me mist up every time I see it.

People or their families choose to create memorials in many different ways – just Google the images section for “unusual grave markers” for a selection. Some are bizarre, others frightfully clever.

Today on reddit, I saw another monument posted; it captured my heart immediately.

8fK4lye

Posted by /u/551100, this is the grave marker of Alfred Schnittke. Explained by /u/Rentiak:

“It’s a musical staff with a semibreve (the center bar) indicating a rest or pause in the music. The fermata (the half circle + dot at the top) indicates to hold the note (in this case the rest) as long as desired. The note should then be performed fortississimo (the three f’s at the bottom), meaning it should be performed extremely loudly/strongly.

So it’s an extremely loud/strong rest to be held as long as desired.”

Now that is resting in peace.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

A Spammer selling Spamming

Posted on by The Old Wolf
From: “Info” <info@rdsnet.ro>
To: [obfuscated]

Subject: [SPAM] hi there
Hello, i provide different  accounts for mass-spam, you can buy here:
My other contact details:
Email : subhinroy@gmail.com
Email : sueforfollows@gmail.com
Skype: fans4web
Call US – +91-8290403871

You can also buy direct, just send me money to paypal: getbulka@gmail.com and email me transaction id.

His web page is already gone, and I suspect the gmail addresses have already been deleted as well. The country code of the phone number is in India. No real way of knowing where this came from, or where the drone lives. Perhaps the CIA could find out, but they’re too busy spying on American citizens to care.

On the spectrum of criminal activities, this is small potatoes, but it still twists my mind to know that there are so many people out there who care nothing for ethics or morals when it comes to making money.
Old_Wolf_Cry   Sad.
The Old Wolf has spoken.

Scam: Permanent Position – Work at your home

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Hello,

European consultatory office is hiring regional agents in Canada! Our company is one of the biggest consultatory companis in Europe. We we are among TOP-5 companis by development rate in 2013-2014.

Our main areas of work are outsource turnkey solutions, opening accounts at financial institutions, taxes refinement. Business running demands in Canada have TRIPLED over the previous 1 2 months. We currently maintain 320 clients. And over 1000 potential clients with whom we are discussing plans at the moment.

To maintain this customer data base we are hiring about 15 to 20 regional agents on the Canadian territory.
Overall hiring schedule: a fortnight of intensified preparation followed by monitoring clients’ contracts and performing some marketing investigations afterwords.

Our nominal reward (even during preparation) is 2000 $ a month.

Get back to me for more detailed information.

Best regards,
Human Resources Department
Mack Maia

It should be painfully obvious that this is a scam. Do not answer this email if you should receive it. I’ve had it three times in the last week, with different names attached: Range Stephenie, Mack Maia, and Hudson Lettie (all fabricated names and email addresses, of course.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Gordon Parks: Alabama, 1950’s

Posted on by The Old Wolf

1415915696325_wps_10_MUST_LINK_BACK_TO_SITE_ht

This beautiful picture by Gordon Parks is one of a series of 40 that will be on display at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, Georgia. I had posted another image from this series here without attribution, which has now been rectified.

There is very little to say about this era of our history that has not already been said, and better, by other historians and sociologists. Yet this particular image strikes me with the sheer insanity of the entire proposition. Same restaurant, same server, same product, yet a separate window six feet away from the “White” one. None of it makes any sense, and as I take a long view of our nation, I realize that although superficial progress has been made, there is still far too much bigotry alive and well.

Read more about the exhibit at the Daily Mail.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

I’m going to Mars!

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Well, at least my name is.

pass

Today’s the last day to get your name on a chip that will be included on Orion’s test flight on December 4th; later submissions can still get on subsequent missions, including to the red planet itself.

You can sign up today, October 31, 2014 at NASA.

My old bones may be earthbound, but my spirit soars to the stars.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Frightfully clever crossover technology marketing

Posted on by The Old Wolf

The picture below submitted to reddit by /u/golmal7 shows a flexi-disc CD by Kid Koala entitled “15 Blues Bits.”

AjJVz7a

The top side of the CD comes impressed like a vinyl record, and the disc comes with a cardboard gramophone that you can play.

Here’s a video of the record being played with the included kit:

And here’s what it sounds like on a regular turntable:

I have no idea whether the music on the CD is any good, but that’s innovative marketing.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

“Content from the Web”

Posted on by The Old Wolf

Most websites have them. Clickbait links that are randomly generated by affiliate marketing programs like Google’s AdSense. Here’s an example from one of my favorite news aggregators, Newser.com:

Content

This isn’t content; every single one of these are advertisements, and direct users to deceptive or disreputable websites.

These links lead to the following websites, from left to right and top to bottom:

1) Instantcheckmate.com: Flagged by WOT for spam and scam. Sample comment: “Started receiving huge amounts of spam immediately after they got my email. Luckily I did not give my credit card details to these scammers! ”

2) TotalLifeGuru selling a product called Test X180 Ignite. Your “free sample” will cost you $4.99 S&H, for which payment you will be required to provide your credit card information. Per their terms and conditions, you will automatically be enrolled as a “member” in their Test X180 Ignite VIP Membership Program. As a reward, 18 days later, and every 30 days thereafter you’ll get a new supply for only $79.95 plus $4.99 S&H plus tax. And you can be very, very sure that this program is either impossible or ferociously difficult to cancel. But they have your credit card, and those charges will keep coming, and coming, and coming, just like the Energizer Bunny.

3) Again, TotalLifeGuru recommending a penny auction site called Quibids. Flagged by WOT for scam, misleading claims or unethical, poor customer service experience, and others. Penny auction sites are a guaranteed money loser for all but a very few. From the AARP website:

“That $30 camera represents 3,000 bids. At a dollar a bid, the website could take in $3,000 on that auction item; not a bad haul for a $600 camera. However, even if you are the winner, you will likely end up paying more than the final sale price, depending on how many bids you submitted along the way. For example, if you placed 100 bids at a dollar each, your out-of-pocket will be $130. Still a good deal, but not as fantastic as it might appear at first.”

4) Weekly Financial Solutions recommending a loan program called “EasyLoanSite,” with the headline ”

Little-Known Government Lending Program Offers Ridiculously Low Mortgage Rates!

EasyLoanSite functions much the same way as “Lower My Bills;” in other words, they will gather as much personal information from you as you are willing to provide, “recommend” a few mortgage loan affiliates, and sell your information to every marketer in the world and a few on Rigel V. A sample comment over at ripoffreport.com

Filled out all the requested information to get an estimate of what I would save by refinancing my mortgage…when I get to the final screen they say “sorry we’re not able to help you but here’s a list of mortgage companies (ads) we recommend you contact.”

5) Again, TotalLifeGuru selling a product called Probioslim. Your “free sample” will cost you $2.99 S&H, for which payment you will be similarly required to provide your credit card information. Per their terms and conditions, you will automatically be enrolled as a “member” in their Probioslim VIP Membership Program (sounds very similar to the program mentioned above in No. 2.) Similarly, 18 days later, and every 30 days thereafter you’ll get a new supply for only $69.95 plus $4.99 S&H plus tax. The most unsettling part of this agreement is as follows:

I understand that this consumer transaction involves a negative option and that I may be liable for payment of future goods and services under the terms of the agreement if I fail to notify the supplier not to supply the goods or services described.

This is legalese authorizing the company to bill you for future shipments, even if you failed to read the fine print. Companies that operate in this manner have the ethics of a hungry honey badger, and should never be dealt with. Their products are also, in all likelihood, ineffective garbage with no discernible value.

6) Leads you to a long, noisy whiteboard presentation for Pimsleurapproach.com, about which I have already written on two occasions. The Pimsleur approach as marketed by Simon and Schuster is great. I love it as a springboard into a language. Pimsleurapproach.com, however, uses the same ghastly marketing techniques of offering you a cheap intro, followed by a membership program that will send you a new “evaluation” course every 60 days, for each of which you will be billed only four easy installments of $64.00 unless you cancel – which will be very hard to do. This bottom-feeder company thrives on those who don’t read the fine print and who won’t understand why their credit card is being billed for so much and so often.

7) One more TotalLifeGuru shill page for a vitamin called “GetAwayGrey.” A mix of common ingredients mixed with wild claims, this vitamin compound claims to reverse grey hair.

bullshit1

Stay away from such rubbish. It’s like taking sugar pills, but very expensive ones: $29.95 plus S&H for a month’s supply of worthless trash.

8) Lastly, another TotalLifeGuru web page hawking Kerafiber, junk you put on your head to minimize the look of balding. A recent user review at Amazon:

Clumpy, powdery and a waste of money. Would never leave the house with this on. Nothing natural looking about it.

At least this website doesn’t sign you up for a recurring and annoying autoship program without your consent. Regarding TotalLifeGuru, I wonder how many junk products his website shills for, and how much they get for redirecting traffic to these worthless products?

The bottom line is that every one of these “Content from the Web” links are worthless, deceptive and, to my way of thinking, unethical. Companies that value their reputation would do well to stay away from programs that inject such garbage onto their websites.

The Old Wolf has spoken.