John Cleese to quit movie making

Posted on October 13, 2014 by The Old Wolf

And that’s sad. But in a larger sense, there is a time and a season for everything.

Cleese’s announcement was made public in The Mirror , reflecting comments made at a promotional event at the Cheltenham Literary Festival at which time he said in typical style, “I have only got five or six years left and I will be gone – I won’t have to worry about ISIS or Ebola, I am looking forward to it.”

Sorta the same sentiment as the above, although the honored Mr. Cleese is nowhere near this decrepit. He’s 74, about 11 years older than myself, and I’m looking forward to as many good years as I can squeeze out of this body before I have completed my work on this earth. But there comes a time when one is ready.

Just recently someone pointed me to Cleese’s wonderful eulogy at Graham Chapman’s memorial service:

Should I be fortunate enough to outlive John Cleese – we never really know when the bus will come for us, after all – I will be most curious to see if someone can eulogize him in the same irreverent manner or as appropriately.

Of interest was a comment that Cleese made revealing that the Python team were never “huge friends”.

John said: “The key to understanding Python now is we have all driven off in completely different directions. Michael [Palin], as you know, makes those travel programs that I put on any time I can’t sleep. Eric Idle is very good at lyrics so he is writing songs. Terry Gilliam is off trying to raise money for one of his plotless extravaganzas. And Jonesy [Terry] is just insane – he writes children’s books and recently went to Lisbon and directed an opera about vacuum cleaners.”

Their recent reunion and grand farewell in London is an event that I was very sad not to be able to attend. These gentlemen, Chapman included, brought me many a belly-laugh and much joy in the theater of the absurd. While all of them but Chapman are still with us, in ten years or so, most of them will probably have gone on to the grand cheese shop in the sky. And I may be there with them; I hope they have some of that Venezuelan beaver cheese available.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Found: The Swan Song of a Modern Hiawatha

Posted on October 12, 2014 by The Old Wolf

For decades, I’ve had a snippet of a poem running around in my head:

“Simple math and shrubbery pruning, checkers, lunch and water polo.”

This comes to mind often when I consider the un-challenging slate of classes for which I see many college freshmen sign up.

Today someone posted something on Facebook – which, thanks to the lack of a search function I can no longer find – that made me think of it again, and despite earlier searches on Google coming up poor, this time I got a hit.

The link took me to a page in the Gainesville Sun from August 10, 1985, in a column by Bill Henderson. He credited the source thusly:

“To honor the coming season I would have you read an ode to the football player himself. An ode I stole some years back from some fellow hack that I would acknowledge if I could remember his name.”

Having seen the full text of the poem again, I was pretty sure the original appearance of the poem was in Mad Magazine, of which I was a faithful and voracious reader through the 60s and 70s. A bit more Googling, and I had located the source: Mad #100, January 1966: “The Swan Song of a Modern Hiawatha” – with apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s “The Song of Hiawatha.”

So here, for your gratuitous enjoyment, is the full text of the poem as it appeared in Mad. Be warned – this is politically incorrect for our day and age, and needs to be framed in the mindset of the 60s.

Edit: With thanks to commenter Dave Meek who pointed out that a line was missing in the first stanza. A search for verification led to a discovery of the entire issue of Mad #100 online in PDF format, enabling me to add the image above, as well as an entire stanza that was also missing.

The Swan Song of a Modern Hiawatha
Text: Tom Koch / Art: Don Martin.

By a pond in Minnesota
Near the stagnant Green-Scum-Water
Stood the campus of Nokomis,
Rotten football school, Nokomis;
Sent forth players weak and gentle:
(Mostly horticulture majors.)

Then one autumn thru the pine trees
Through the black and gloomy forest,
Strode the freshman, Hiawatha;
Strong with limbs like reindeer sinew,
Signed to play for Memphis Normal,
He was lost and asked directions.

“Shut my mouth,” drawled Coach Kowalksi,
‘Ya’ll are here; the South awaits thee,”
Hiawatha gazed in wonder
At the snow up to his armpits.
“This is Dixie?” thus he mumbled,
“Stupid Redskin,” joshed Kowalski.

So it was that Hiawatha,
Son of Ishkoodah, the comet,
Donned his new Nokomis beanie;
Huddled in the bunk assigned him.
“Geez, it’s cold!” wailed Hiawatha.
“Hush, my fullback,” cooed Kowalski.

Soon the young brave, Hiawatha,
Found himself matriculated;
Signed for classes that befit him;
Simple math and Shrubbery Pruning,
Checkers, Lunch and Water Polo,
(Perfect course; wrong institution.)

In their quest for football players,
All the frats sought Hiawatha
‘Til they studied close his features,
Then, as one wheel aptly put it,
“I dunno, Could be an Injun’
Yet to me, he still looks Jewish.”

One by one did Hiawatha
Learn to know the campus creatures;
Erickson, the hot rod owner,
Nippersink, the brooding Commie;
Best of all, he soon discovered
Emmie Sue, the Chi Omega.

“Ee-wa-voom!” yowled Hiawatha,
(Football practice now forgotten),
I was taught by wrinkled Grandma
How to woo the elk and otter,
Speak of marriage to the pine cone.
THIS the old crone failed to mention.”

Days of torment quickly followed
For the harried Coach Kowalski,
Left with three men in his backfield
While the fourth played hanky-panky
Out behind the pipestone quarry;
Fiendish plans engulfed the mentor.

On that frigid autumn evening,
Emmie Sue, the Chi Omega,
Listened with a wide-eyed horror
As the coach, most confidential
Warned her darkly of “the nut who
Thinks he’s living now in Memphis.”

Came the dawn and grieving Emmie
Sought the help of Doctor Swinehorst,
Dean of studies Psychiatric
At the Med School of Nokomis.
“All’s not lost,” the Doc assured her,
“If you think you can afford me.”

Soon the young brave, Hiawatha,
Lay upon the couch of Swinehorst,
Lay there fearless as the birch tree,
“Tell me of your childhood trauma,”
Said that Doc with notebook handy;
“What of Mom and Dad and siblings?”

Hiawatha answered calmly,
“Daddy was a white-fire comet;
Mom a songbird in the willows,
I had many forest brothers:
Brown bear, moose and timid rabbit.”
“Ach du Lieber!” cried out Swinehorst.

Emmie Sue, the Chi Omega,
Heard the tragic diagnosis.
“Crazy as a loon,” said Swinehorst,
“Even thinks the loon’s his sister,
I’d suggest you drop this savage;
Date instead my son, the dentist.”

Hiawatha, brokenhearted,
Now without his love beside him
Turned his thoughts at last to football;
Learn what meant the mumbled signals
Of the quarterback, Wochowicz;
Scrimmaged ’til his bridgework rattled.

Happy then was Coach Kowalski,
Dreamed he in untroubled slumber
Neath the full moon, Nu-see-wah-goo,
Of Nokomis, undefeated;
Dreamed of glory soon to come on
New Year’s Day in Pasadena.

Only Gitchee-Goomee Teachers
Hated rival of Nokomis,
Barred the path the coach envisioned,
Waiting tensely for the kickoff,
Hiawatha eyed the bleachers;
There sat Emmie with the dentist.

“Aush-wea-ecch,” moaned Hiawatha
As the pigskin bounced before him,
Caromed off his furrowed forehead
Toward the goal where Gitchee-Goomee’s
Tackle grabbed it unmolested,
Scored the first of 14 touchdowns.

With the Dean on Monday morning,
Hiawatha got the message:
“F” in Math and Shrubbery Pruning.
“Memphis pledged I’d pass,” he bleated.
Roared the Dean in tones like thunder,
“Memphis! Buster, you’re in Flunksville.”

Quiet reigns now in Nokomis.
Gone is Emmie; gone the dentist;
Gone the mob lynched Kowalski.
All that’s left; a voice heard faintly;
Hiawatha, college dropout,
Back home chatting with the chipmunk.

I can now present you with the original in all its glory, accompanied by Don Martin’s hilarious illustrations (click each image to enlarge):

You’re welcome.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Headlines don’t sell papes… Newsies sell papes!

Posted on October 11, 2014 by The Old Wolf

Newsboys and girls in New York, 1910. Much more history about New York’s Newspaper Row can be seen at 6sqft.com.

I loved the movie Newsies, but photos from the era give the lie to all the song and dance. It was, doubtlessly, a dog-eat-dog, uncomfortable, tiring, dangerous and difficult world for the children who hit the streets selling papers for the newspaper barons.

Headlines like this were a newsie’s dream – everyone wanted to find out what was happening. The newspapers were the Internet of the early 20th Century.

Unfortunately, most daily headlines were usually boring, so embellishing the truth a bit would help move a few more papers:

‘Trash fire near immigration building frightens seagulls’ —> ”Terrified flight from flaming inferno!” (From “Newsies”)

Thus the seeds were sown for later generations of tabloid journalism:

Which, of course, were inevitably made fun of:

This collection of politically-incorrect satire is one of my most treasured possessions. It’s sheer brilliance.

Now, of course, newspapers are almost extinct, and struggling for survival. Most of us have to depend on the responsible journalism of television, cable, and the internet:

The Old Wolf has spoken.

View from the Brooklyn Bridge, ca. 1907-1915

Posted on October 11, 2014 by The Old Wolf

Seen at /r/HistoryPorn. Of note are the many factories, including Uneeda Biscuit.

Congratulation from Samsung. Uh, No.

Posted on October 10, 2014 by The Old Wolf

In yesterday’s email:

SAMSUNG UK HQ

SAMSUNG Office (Paddington), London,

United Kingdom.
London, W6 9PE.
Company No: 4620511
FROM THE DESK OF SAMSUNG 2014 PROMOTIONAL AWARD.
Dear Email Owner,
This is to officially inform you that your E-mail have been verified and pronounced as the lucky winner of 500,000.00 GBP, in the 2014 Award By (SAMSUNG Draw Promotion UK) wishes to congratulate you over your Email Address success in this financial bailout plan. Your Email Address emerged as one of the ten final recipients of a Cash

Please Contact Us. {samsung.claimoff_uk@outlook.com}

1. Full Name’s:
2. Sex:
3. Country:
4. State/City:
5. Contact Address:
6. Mobile/Tel Number:
7. Marital Status:
8. Occupation:
9. Date/Age:

The grammar and spelling is enough to make this a dead giveaway as a Nigerian scam. If you get this email, or one like it, throw it directly in the trash. If you respond, you’ll be hit up for as much money in fees and taxes and transfer agents and bribes as you are willing to shell out. As for what you’ll get?

And that’s the sum total of the transaction. Be careful out there.

The Old Wolf has Spoken.

Forskolin – It sounds vaguely indecent.

Posted on October 10, 2014 by The Old Wolf

Just got this in my spam box today. It appears that Dr. Oz has now moved from hawking garcinia cambogia to this new garbage, Forskolin. The name sounds thoroughly unsavory for reasons I won’t go into here.

I found a great post over at Science Based Medicine that says many of the things I’d normally post here, so I’ll just refer you to that article, and other posts on the same website are worth reading as well. One good quote I will extract – all of these weight-loss nostrums

“…fit the same pattern: a small grain of plausibility, inadequate research, exaggerated claims, and commercial exploitation. There are always testimonials from people who lost weight, probably because their will to believe in the product encouraged them to try harder to eat less and exercise. But enthusiasms and fads don’t last. A year later, the same people are likely to be on a new bandwagon for a different product. Dr. Oz will never lack for new ideas to bolster his ratings. Enthusiasm for easy solutions and for the next new hope will never flag as long as humans remain human.”

In short, it’s all bulldust. But as network marketers will tell you, health and wellness is a trillion-dollar industry, and everyone is trying to get a slice of that pie. As one associate put it, that business is big enough that it would be sufficient to lick the knife that cut the pie. The sad part is, the pie is a lie. Most of what is hawked and marketed has little or no value. As I mentioned over here, if you want to release weight, eat less, eat better, and exercise more.

As a final note, a couple of rules of thumb regarding spam messages like the one above.

It’s a scam. Legitimate businesses don’t advertise using spam
Never click the link that says “unsubscribe.” You’ve just confirmed to these unethical dipweeds that your email address is real and active. It will be sold to other scumbags, and your level of spam will increase.

Be careful out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The driverless car: 60 years on, and still on the drawing board.

Posted on October 9, 2014 by The Old Wolf

In a story published in 1953 entitled “Nobody Here But…”, the Good Doctor Asimov wrote,

“We were especially interested in the automobile angle. Suppose you had a little thinking machine on the dashboard, hooked to the engine and battery and equipped with photoelectric eyes. It could choose an ideal course, avoid cars, stop at red lights, pick the optimum speed for the terrain. Everybody could sit in the back seat and automobile accidents would vanish.”

They promised us flying cars, too,

but this idea looks like it’s going to happen a lot sooner.

google-s-driverless-car-is-now-safer-than-the-average-driver-a52115750a

The Google driverless car is a reality. Watch Steve Mahan, a blind individual, get taken to Taco Bell. These cars have now driven over 500,000 miles without a serious accident when the car itself was in control. While the technology is not yet perfect, it does not need to be; as long as the driverless car reduces accidents – in other words, if it’s better than human drivers – there is no reason why industry, including the insurance companies should not get on board. It will save lives, and reduce insurance costs dramatically.

That’s not to say that the technology is easy to develop:

Google’s engineers are dealing with problems like this increased by an order of magnitude. But based on results, they are doing it.

Right now, the technology costs about $75,000 to $85,000 per vehicle, more than the car itself. But I fully expect that my grandchildren will be able to make full use of this technology, long before flying cars are ever – if ever – practical. And the Good Doctor Asimov would be proud.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Philadelphia – 3rd International Sculpture Exhibition, 1949

Posted on October 8, 2014 by The Old Wolf

My father was an actor by trade and a sculptor by avocation. He was very good at it, and worked in clay, wood, and stone. When he passed (hang head), most of his work was donated to local musea; a few examples follow.

Paul Muni

Walter Hampden as Cyrano de Bergerac, modeled from life

Negro Dancer, Bronze

King Lear, plaster, destroyed

As a young man during the depression, my father and his first wife would lug his sculptures to a display in Washington Square in New York – heavy work, because most of his materials, such as limestone, granite, and wood came from building debris. In the evening, he would lug them all back to his workshop. Sufficie it to say he was passionate about sculpture, and remained so to the end of his days.

In 1949, he and my mother visited the 3rd International Sculpture exhibition in at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. He was also an avid amateur photographer, and captured some images of the day’s visit. The quality is not spectacular, but there are some interesting pieces to be seen.

Clearly my father’s work was influenced by some of the styles that seemed popular in the day:

Opus 49 – “Shrouds of Illusion” – Kasota Stone

Opus 56 – Mother and Child

Opus 49 – Limestone

The Old Wolf has spoken.

A New Kind of Scam – This email is NOT from General Motors

Posted on October 7, 2014 by The Old Wolf

Here’s a new one. I fear it will catch some people in its snare, but I’m putting it up here in case anyone is searching to ascertain its validity.

This email is not from General Motors. It is a scam.

The English is riddled with errors. The message promises a payout. There will be “fees” to pay. Do not call the number, or respond in any way.

————————————-

Microsoft Word – GM Mass Zoho Email

To: Undisclosed recipients

Subject: you might want to look at this plan

From: “GM” <jason@mta1.axp4h.com>

GM ANNOUNCES PAYOUT PLAN!

Hello,

I hope this message finds you well. We are writing to inform you of a very important recall. General Motors (GM) as of Monday June 30th, 2014 has put out a recall on over 29 million cars. These cars are being recalled due to many different problems one being a faulty ignition switch. These faulty cars, are causing major accidents and injuries, all the way up to multiple death related accidents. If you or a loved one owns one of these recalled cars and have experienced some type of complication , accident or even death as a result of the accident, we would like for you to call us and let us help you or your loved one be financially compensated , due to GM’s recall. Below are a list of the recalls from GM. If you see your car, or family members’ car listed below. Please call us as soon as possible at 877-210-5546.

Microsoft Word – GM Mass Zoho Email

EMAIL: CONTACTVIN@SINA.COM

Recalled Vehicles for Ignition Switch Failure

Chevrolet                              Pontiac

Cobalt (2005-2010)           G5 (2007-2010)
HHR (2006-2011)            Solstice (2006-2010)

Saturn

ION (2003-2007)
Sky (2007-2010)

GM Recalled Vehicles

Chevrolet                                     GMC

Aveo (2004-2008)                   Arcadia (2008-2014)

Camaro (2010-2014)             Envoy and Envoy-XL (2005-2007)
Caprice (2013-2014)              Sierra (2014-2015)
Corvette (2005-2007)(2014) Sierra-2500/3500HD (2015)
Cruze (2011-2014)                   Sierra-HD (2007-2011) (2015)
Express (2009-2014)               Sierra-LD (2014)
Equinox (2010-2012)               Sierra light-duty (2014)
Impala (2000-2014)                 Sierra full size pick up (2014)

Malibu (1997-2014)                    Sierra full size pick up-HD (2015) Malibu Maxx (2004-2007) Savana (2009-2014)

Monte Carlo (2000-2007)            Terrain (2010-2012)
Optra (2004-2008)                    Yukon and Yukon-XL (2015)
Silverado (2014-2015)
Silverado-1500 (2014)                        Cadillac

Silverado-2500/3500HD (2015)          ATS (2013-2014)

Silverado-HD (2007-2011)(2015)        CTS (2003-2014)
Silverado-LD (2014)                           CTS-AWD (2010-2012)
Spark (2013-2015)                             Devile (2000-2005)
SS (2014)                                          DTS (2007-2011)
Sonic (2012-2014)                               ELR (2014)
Suburban (2015)                               Escalade/ESV (2015)
Tahoe (2015)                                     XTS (2003-2014)
Trailblazer (2005-2007)

Trailblazer-EXT (2006)

Traverse (2008-2014)                        Pontiac
Trax (2013-2014)                             G6 (2004-2010)

G3 (2005-2008)

Saturn                                   Grand AM (1999-2005)

Aura (2007-2010)                      Grand Prix (2004-2008)
Opel-GT (2008-2010)                 Pursuit (2005-2007)
Opel/Vauxhall (2007)                Vibe (2009-2010)
Outlook (2008-2013)                    Wave (2005-2008)

Buick                                              Saab

Allure (2005-2009)                    9-3 Convertible (200-2011)
Enclave (2008-2014)                 9-7x (2005-2007)
Encore (2013-2014)
Lacrosse (2005-2009)(2011-2012)(2014)
Lucerne (2006-2011)               Oldsmobile
Rainier (2005-2007)                  Alero (1999-2004)
Regal (2011-2014)                    Intrigue (1998-2002)
Verano (2013-2014)

                                                                      Daewo

Izusu                                                      G2X (2007-2009)

Ascender (2005-2007)

It should go without saying that this message is a bald-face lie. General Motors would be ashamed to send out such a poorly-formatted, poorly-worded, error-riddled email.

Please protect yourself and your loved ones – teach them never to respond to mails of this nature. Be careful out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Corner Store – Boston’s oldest surviving brick building.

Posted on October 6, 2014 by The Old Wolf

The Old Corner Bookstore.

Some have billed this as the first brick building in Boston, but that fact is in dispute. What is not in dispute is that this is a wonderful relic from years past.

And looking as it does today:

Google Maps search done by /u/MyApplePie

A stereogram of the Old Corner Bookstore taken in the 19th century

“Threatened with demolition in 1960, the building was “rescued” through a purchase by Historic Boston, Inc. for the sum of $100,000.Historic Boston is a not-for-profit preservation and real estate organization that rehabilitates historic and culturally significant properties in Boston’s neighborhoods so they are a usable part of the city’s present and future. The building is listed on the National Register of Historic Places and is Boston Landmark under the auspices of the Boston Landmarks Commission.” – Wikipedia

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Playing in the World Game

As One

Yearly Archives: 2014

John Cleese to quit movie making

Found: The Swan Song of a Modern Hiawatha

Headlines don’t sell papes… Newsies sell papes!

View from the Brooklyn Bridge, ca. 1907-1915

Congratulation from Samsung. Uh, No.

Forskolin – It sounds vaguely indecent.

The driverless car: 60 years on, and still on the drawing board.

Philadelphia – 3rd International Sculpture Exhibition, 1949

A New Kind of Scam – This email is NOT from General Motors

Corner Store – Boston’s oldest surviving brick building.