How can you tell when an advertiser is lying?

Posted on May 30, 2016 by The Old Wolf

Answer: His lips are moving.

Let’s look at this ad that appeared on my Facebook feed (Android). The first one seems to indicate that US comsumers are urged to stop using WiFi after some sort of revelation by Donald Trump.

But click on the ad (which I never do, unless I’m following some sort of jiggery-pokery down the rabbit hole) and you end up with an advertorial (read: advertising thinly disguised to look like a news article) for YesBackup, a cloud backup service.

If you’re confident in your product’s abilities, Mr. or Ms. CEO, you shouldn’t resort to outright lies, trickery, and deception to get customers. Even the use of Advertorials (sometimes called “farticles” or “fake articles”) alone is enough to make your integrity suspect. Now this may be the the work of an affiliate marketer, that doesn’t really excuse the company – they are, after all, responsible for all of their advertising whether in-house or contracted out.

The takeaway: Be very careful clicking “sponsored ads” – the vast majority of them are going to be deceptive at best and outright scams at worst.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

A new twist on blog spam

Posted on May 29, 2016 by The Old Wolf

I’ve written about blog spam before, a particularly underhanded and sleazy way of driving traffic to another website by flooding others with comments which contain backlinks or IP addresses.

The following chain of comments (unedited) appeared at various posts two days ago; it took me a minute or two to figure out what was going on, wondering if someone was really getting ad-based notices from my blog.

“you advise me to come to thjs site to unsubscribe, yet all i see are ads for your company which is wich you tell me”
“unsubscribe me thank you i am not interested”
“for the third time i an not interseted please do not send me any more blogs”
“not in the least bit interested, thank you”
“stop sendind me ads”

These all came on a single day within 6 minutes of each other, with a name (Salvatore Monda), an email address, and an IP address attached. It’s the IP address that provides the basis for raising search-engine rankings for spurious websites – aside from the fact that this tactic rarely works any longer, Google and others having factored it in to their search algorithms. Yet somehow, devious and stupid people keep trying.

I checked out the IP address – it appears to be defunct already, meaning someone has shut it down before anyone could be driven to it for whatever purposes – advertising, malware, who knows what. Akismet does a good job at filtering out most blog spam, but these look legitimate enough that they slipped through. Fortunately, I get to approve (or trash) comments at this blog before they go live – which I have done.

Salvatore Monda, this one’s for you.*

No Because No

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Klaatu Barada Nikto

Posted on April 25, 2016 by The Old Wolf

When I purchased the relatively recent remake of “The Day the Earth Stood Still”, it included a nice remastered copy of the 1950 original so my money wasn’t a total waste.

dayearthstoodstill1

If you’ve never seen it (Ai! What rock have you been living under?) it is based on the timeless story by Harry Bates, “Farewell to the Master,” which is worth a read all by itself.

Long seared having been seared into my mind since the first time I saw it as a child, I’m gratified that this film ranks 7th on Arthur C. Clarke’s top-10 science fiction film list, because even 65 years later – coincidentally my age – it’s just as relevant now as it was then. It’s a tight film, without a second wasted, and made with the intention that it would:

a) be as realistic as the technology allowed, and
b) transmit the message that mankind needs to get rid of its violent nature if it cares to survive.

Having spent a career as a linguist, I some time ago watched the film again with the intent of listening to Klaatu’s language, and transcribing what he said as accurately as possible. There is so little dialog that it can’t really be considered a conlang, but it was interesting to me nonetheless.

“Klaatu barada nikto!” is one of the most famous lines ever uttered in a science-fiction film, but was not the only thing that Klaatu said. The remainder of the dialog is:

Gort! Deglet ovrosco! (Said after Klaatu is shot the first time)

Imray Klaatu naruwak.
Makro [pluvau|pluval], baratu lokdeniso impeklis.
Yavo tari [axo|axel] bugletio barengi degas.
(Klaatu’s instructions – ostensibly to his Federation – for his “demonstration of power”; this linguist’s best transcription. Two words are nearly impossible to pinpoint without a script or screenplay. You can listen to the dialog here.)

Klaatu barada nikto! (Probably something like “Klaatu needs help!”)

Gort, berengo. Probably much like “Mirab, his sails unfurled,” i.e. Gort, let’s blow this bait shack.

I never tire of watching this film – its value to the human condition, and as an early example of outstanding science fiction cinematography, will never diminish.

Here is the text of Klaatu’s speech, for your consideration:

“I am leaving soon, and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of aggression by any group, anywhere, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure. Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired policemen to enforce them. We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets and for the complete elimination of aggression. The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve the peace. In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of violence, they act automatically against the aggressor. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is, we live in peace, without arms or armies, secure in the knowledge that we are free from aggression and war. Free to pursue more… profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet, but if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.”

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Some things come and go, some things stick around

Posted on March 13, 2016 by The Old Wolf

When I started shaving as a lad, I was able to use a blade for a while but there was a lot of blood involved until my skin got used to it. I began to understand the impact of “bleeding from every pore.” I finally gave that up; I wanted a shave, not a self-sacrifice. “Zit zot! Cut my face to shreds!”

When I switched to using a trusty Braun (I’ve had three since 1975), I started using a combination of LectricShave™ and AquaVelva™ for the befores and afters.

11288898 aci-038_1z

They work well, I liked them then, and I like them now. And it occurred to me that they’ve changed almost not at all since their introduction (AquaVelva in 1929!) and have survived without using a lot of fancy and idiotic marketing (although the late 50s and early 60s TV ads for LectricShave were pretty insipid, as most commercials from that era.)

Back in the late 60s and early 70s, there was a brand of after-shave called HaiKarate – under the “sex sells” rubric, they produced some really cheesy commercials showing nerdy guys with horn-rimmed glasses fending off sex-crazed women; each bottle came with a self-defense insert and the slogan, “Be careful how you use it.”

perfume_1975hai_karate

Although re-introduced in the UK in 2014, this product faded out in the 1980s. Unsurprisingly.

Other products came and went, some of which I remember fondly.

I purchased a set of “Nine Flags” colognes once, and I recall being very partial to “Italy” – the dry citrus was very easy on my nose.

Flags

Flags 2

This is one I wish had endured. You can still find some floating around on eBay, but time is not kind to these fragrances – in my experience, the chemicals begin to break down and they can smell rancid after a while.

I’m glad that the two products I have used for most of my life are still around.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

No Wi-Fi for me at Motel 6 tonight

Posted on February 8, 2016 by The Old Wolf

Edit: as of this morning, February 9th, whatever glitch they were experiencing has been repaired. So props to the local establishment, but still scratching my head that the national helpline considers this place outside of their purview.

Driving back from a visit to New York City and parts south this last week, I was overtaken by a blizzard which caused all sorts of havoc throughout New England. I stopped at a Motel 6 in Milford, CT, just a little bit down the road from where there was a horrific bus crash about an hour later. It’s been blizzarding all day, and I’m glad I made the choice to hole up rather than to proceed.

My experiences at Motel 6 around the country have been almost uniformly good, except for one nightmare in Toledo, Ohio which I won’t go into here. This particular property is very nice, more upscale than most I have stayed at. But for some reason, I was unable to connect to their Wi-Fi.

My cell phone detected Wi-Fi signal and connected all right, but when I went to the login page to enter my code, what I got is this:

This webpage is not available

ERR_SSL_VERSION_OR_CIPHER_MISMATCH

Details

A secure connection cannot be established because this site uses an unsupported protocol or cipher suite. This is likely to be caused when the server needs RC4, which is no longer considered secure.

I explained the situation to the desk clerk, and he told me that he was aware of the problem, and that the location had recently installed new equipment. He was, however, unable to help me solve the problem.

I thought I would give the national feedback line a try, and sent them an email via their website. They responded promptly and suggested that I call their Wi-Fi hotline; unfortunately, the phone number they gave me was for Resorts World Bimini. After another exchange, in which I got the correct number (a single digit was transposed), I called said helpline only to be informed that I was staying at an “unsupported property.”

That makes no sense to me, but it appears that not all Motel 6s are created equal. Apparently if you want tech support, you can’t be staying at a franchise location. At least that’s what the lady on the other end of the line told me.

So no Netflix for me tonight. With luck, the weather will permit me to get back to Maine tomorrow.

The Old Wolf has spoken (via 4G).

Amhaeng-eosa: The Secret Shopper of the 16th Century

Posted on January 28, 2016 by The Old Wolf

Around about the time my wife was 11 years old, her mother acquired a set of what she referred to as “brass coasters.” There were five of them, but over the course of years since 1967, and through many moves, all but one was lost.

coin

Each coaster had a different number of horses, from one to five. My wife told me that she’d really love to have the complete set again, and so I put it out there to my Facebook community, and as fortune would have it, one of my long-time friends – and one intimately acquainted with Korea – recognized it. He wrote to me:

“It’s called a Map’ae (馬牌); it was issued to undercover government inspectors during Korea’s Yi Dynasty. [Note: the Jeoseon dynasty was founded by Yi Seonggye]. These secret inspectors were charged with roaming the countryside to ferret out corrupt officials. The number of horses imprinted on the Map’ae equaled the number of horses the inspector was authorized to commandeer from state stables located throughout the country. A 5-horse inspector was a powerful man and could pronounce death sentences on high provincial officials (high government officials in the central government had to be tried by a specially convened tribunal).”

With this, I was able to find out that in English these are called “Horse Warrants,” and through a wonderful bit of synchronic serendipity, I located a single set for sale on eBay:

Map'ae

My wife was, as can be expected, surprised and delighted that I had been able to find something that for her had great sentimental value, and indeed, so quickly.

A bit of research gave me a lot more information about these curiosities. From Wikipedia:

The secret royal inspector, or Amhaeng-eosa (암행어사, 暗行御史, Ombudsman) was a temporary position unique to Joseon Dynasty, in which an undercover official directly appointed by the king was sent to local provinces to monitor government officials and look after the populace while traveling incognito. Unlike regular inspectors whose activities under Office of Inspector General were official and public, the appointment and activities of secret royal inspectors were kept strictly secret throughout the mission.

My friend outlined for me the structure of the script on the back:

The Chinese characters read, from right to left, the name of the ministry to which the secret inspectors were attached; the top two characters of the second column are the name of the holder, followed by the character for name. The next three characters specify that the medallion is a three horse medallion. The final column indicate that the medallion was struck in March of 1623 (note that the Koreans used the Ming reign date to designate the year–a common practice in Yi Dynasty Korea) To the far left, of course, is the royal seal.

Position Description

The royal inspectors were sent out with letters of appointment (bongseo, 봉서), a description of their destination and mission (samok, 사목), and “horse requisition tablet” called mapae(마패), which they used to requisite horses and men from a local station run by the central government. The would carry out their inspection in secret, and then reveal themselves with bongseo or map’ae and perform an audit, the results of which were reported back to the king.

This was an extremely dangerous job, with – according to some historians – a survival rate of only around 30%. They often fell victim to assassins sent by corrupt officials, bandits, or wild animals – and they had to pay their own expenses before being reimbursed by the king. Young men were generally selected, along the lines of the apocryphal advertisement for the Pony Express: “Orphans preferred.”

How-you-recruit-a-horseman

Originals of these Map’ei are worth thousands of dollars and clearly belong in museums, but I’m pleased that through a happy confluence of circumstances I was able to restore one of my wife’s early memories, and learn an intriguing tidbit about Korean history at the same time.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

18th Century Language Map of Asia

Posted on January 20, 2016 by The Old Wolf

1741 Language Map

(Full-size image available here.)

This intriguing linguistic map of Asia by Gottfried Hensel (Asia Poly-Glotta Linguarum Genealogiam, 1741) was found at Maps on the Web.

“The map presents the Lords Prayer in Asian languages and attempts to trace each back to Hebrew as was common at the time. Some interesting items are the scripts of Japan, Siberia, Mesopotamia, and eastern Anatolia. Also Southeast Asia using the Arabic script and Uzbeks using Chinese logographs is a unique sight.”

Now, I’m no linguist, but… oh, wait, I *am* a linguist… that “Japanese” script looks like sheer garbage. The only clue is the Latin inscription below it, which reads “these are written using the Brachmann method.” I have found no modern references to this. It could be some sort of phonetic transcription, which is odd given that various Chinese scripts are represented and the author of the map is no stranger to ideographic writing.

Recognizable are old variants of Hindi (again, a “Brachmann” version), Dravidian script (called “Malabar” here), Hebrew, Arabic, Chaldaic, Chinese, Georgian, Syriac, Farsi, and Armenian.

Fascinating in any case.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The “Not Weird Al” Page

Posted on January 18, 2016 by The Old Wolf

Resurrecting this page from the Internet Archive for easier access (not everyone knows how to find the Wayback Machine, or that it even exists.)

This list of songs wrongly attributed to Weird Al Yankovic was written and maintained by Charles Ulrich and went offline on November 21, 2010. It is presented here as last seen, with one small edit for “Cat’s in the Kettle,” which is the original reason I fell down this rabbit hole. The original copyright statement has been preserved.

Songs Not Written by Weird Al Yankovic

artist confirmed | artist unconfirmed | artist unknown

12 Pains of Christmas	Bob Rivers
50 Ways to Get Bin Laden	Dean and Rog
All I’m Gonna Do	Paul Shanklin
American Pie (Bill Clinton version)
Another Brick in the Wall (Newt Gingrich)
Answering Machine (Friends parody)
A Salute to Breasts
A**hole Son	Bob Rivers
Baby Got Jack	MC Sampler & White Honkey
Baby Got No Back
Back That A** Up	South Park, Big Gay Al
Ball Star	Johnny Crass
Barney’s on Fire	None of the Above
Beer Polka
Bi Bi Bi
Bimbo Number 5	The Morning Show @ Z100 Portland
Bomb Iraq	Capitol Steps
Bong Song
Born in East L.A.	Cheech Marin
Burning Down the Church	Bob Rivers
Cat’s in the Kettle	Manic Larry Baker (originally performed for American Comedy Network by Bob Rivers
Chewbacca, What a Wookie	Supernova
Combo Number 5	David Brody @ Z100FM New York
Cows With Guns	Dana Lyons
Darth Maul
Dirty Deeds (Done with Sheep)	Bob Rivers
Don’t Shoot Mr. Postman	Bob Rivers
Don’t Touch That	Laszlo & Gary
Elmo’s Got a Gun	Tommy And Rumble
Eskimo	Corky and the Juice Pigs
Freeballin’	Bob Rivers
F*** the Macarena	MC Rage
Furby Prank Call
Gettin’ Sticky With It
Gilligan’s Titanic Island
Gonorrhea (Macarena Parody)
Goin Huntin	The Arrogant Worms
Grandpa Got Run Over by a Beer Truck	Da Yoopers
Heart Attack #5	John Mammoser
Hello, I Love You (Let’s get Tested for AIDS)	Bob Rivers
Hooker on the Corner
I Did it All for the Wookie
If You Want To Be My Intern
In A Gadda Da Vida Polka	Scott Chapin
In A Gadda Da Vida Polka *	Loose Bruce Kerr
Internet Sandman	Johnny Crass
I Ran Over the Taco Bell Dog *
Isle of Survivor	My Hairy Brother
Istanbul (Not Constantinople)	They Might Be Giants
I Wanna be a Stormtrooper	The Anarchy Steering Committee
Kill the Wabbit	Ozzy Fudd (Mark McCollum)
Killing My Software
Last Vote for Al Gore	Robomusic
Late Night With Letterman	Robomusic
Let’s Go Smoke Some Pot	Dash Rip Rock
Livin’ La Vida Homo	R.J. from the Fishheads
Livin’ La Vida Yoda*	Todd Downing
Make my Boobies One More Size	David Brody @ Z100FM New York
McDonald’s Girl	The Blenders (Cover)
Men in Brown
Microsoft! (Bloatware)	David Pogue
Microsoft Christmas
Minimum Wage	Bob Rivers
Mo Booty Mo Problems
My DNA
My Fart Will Go On
My Girlfriend Died	Tom Green
My Girlfriend is Inflatable	John Mammoser
My Name is… Darth Vader
Nine Coronas	John Mammoser
Nine Inch Claws	None of the Above
No Hoochies
Oops I Farted Again *	Bob Rivers
Oops I’m Pregnant Again
Oops I S*** in my Pants
Osama bin Laden Dead or Alive
Parody of Another Brick in the Wall
Pet Names for Genitalia	Tom Green
Please Don’t Wear That Thong
Rice, Rice, Baby	Gary Thomas & Mark Jonathan Davis
Saddam Hussein (Chumbawumba parody)
Secret Asian Man	Da Vinci’s Notebook
She Gotta Pee
SmokaBowla	TechnoHippies
Stan
Star Trek Rhapsody	Hillman Morning Show
Star Trekkin’	The Firm
Star Wars Cantina	Mark Jonathan Davis
Star Wars Gangsta Rap	Bentframe
Star Wars (disco medley)	Meco Monardo
Thank God I’m a Pubic Hair	John Valby
The AOL Song	Bob Rivers
The Beer Song	Trey Parker & Matt Stone
The Bill Gates Song
The Devil Went Down to Jamaica	David Allen Coe
The Devil Went Down to Jamaica	Travis Meyer
The Friends Song Parody
The Microsoft Empire Strikes Back
The Real Slim Santa	Kevin & Bean @ 106.7 KROQ Los Angeles
The Taliban Can
Thong Song
Three Inch Tool	Bob Rivers
Toast *	Heywood Banks
Ugly Girl
Ukrainian Woman
Uncle F***er	The South Park Movie Soundtrack
Vagina*	Pig Vomit
What if God Smoked Cannabis	Bob Rivers
Walk with an Erection*	J.B.O.
Walking ‘Round in Women’s Underwear	Bob Rivers
WarCraft Rap	Quency
Weenie in a Bottle	Hawaiian Ryan
Which Backstreet Boy is Gay	The Morning Show @ Z100 Portland
Who Let the Cows Out	The Waking Crew @ KYGO 98.5 Denver
Who Wants a Recount?	Shamus and Brad @ KFTZ 103.3 Blackfoot
Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up*	Emily Ellis @ KLUC 98.5 Las Vegas
Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up*	(Male Vocalist)
With Legs Wide Open
Windows 95 Sucks	Bob Rivers
Wonderbra	Bob Ricci
Wrong Foot Amputated	Bob Rivers
Y.O.D.A.	The Great Luke Ski
Yoda Sunscreen	Mix 99.9FM Toronto
You’re a Porn Star (Parody of All-Star)
Zelda*	The Rabbit Joint

Footnotes:

In A Gadda Da Vida Polka:

Susan Carter tells me that the In A Gadda Da Vida Polka
performed by Scott Chapin is not the same as the one floating around the net.
If you want to be sure, you can download Scott Chapin’s version (linked above)
for free and compare it to what you have on your hard drive. UPDATE:
Susan appeared to be quite right. You see, Ellen Koenig alerted me
that the polka in question that has been floating around is by none other than
Loose Bruce Kerr, who apparently had (or maybe still has) an informal
working relationship with Dr. Demento and Weird Al. Another
mystery solved! This one is
reportedly the one being swapped around on the file sharing networks. It
features the artist playing an accordian solo while singing to the tune.
UPDATE: Steve also adds: Here’s how to determine which is
which. Scott Chapin’s (from the CD “Poseur of Polka”) is a direct
cover, with same melody and some parody lyrics. Bruce Kerr’s is a
parody of Livin’ La Vida Loca.

I Ran Over the Taco Bell Dog

Many folks have written in to say that this song was performed by Adam
Sandler. Unfortunately, those folks are mistaken. I did at one point
have him listed as the artist of the song, and shortly after I received
a flood of emails from Sandler fans telling me that it was all a lie.
So far, there is not a shred of evidence that can link Sandler to this
song, and as such, it shall remain artistless for the time being.

Livin’ La Vida Yoda:

Jay Ward noted that there are two versions of this song. One version
is by Jimmy Fallon from a Saturday Night Live episode and the other,
reportedly more popular, version by Todd Downing. This
page has some unofficial lyrics for the interested.

Oops I Farted Again:

There was, for a significant amount of time, some confusion as to who
wrote this. Some people said Bob Rivers,
others said the artists at Zthing.com
were the ones who created it. But now the truth shall be known! Patty
Brown reports that the Bob Rivers version of the song is the same as that
used in the Zthing.com shockwave animation.

Vagina:

I’ve been receiving conflicting reports on the actual authors for this song.
I first attributed it to The Longpigs, who have their discography online.
Then, I get an email from Bastiaan Huisman who tells me that it’s
not, in fact, by The Longpigs, The Bloodhound Gang, or
Monty Python. (Being that they have a Penis Song, but not a
Vagina Song.) Justin Petrosek wrote in recently to let me know
that this song is probably Three Point One Four by The Bloodhound
Gang because the song itself deals extensively with vaginas, but the song
title does not reflect so. If anyone has more evidence regarding this, please
send it on in. UPDATE: Adrian Mettler wrote with proof
saying that the version of the song he has is NOT by The Bloodhound Gang.
I’m listing this song as Artist Unknown until there some real proof on this one.
UPDATE: I received another email today, (which I accidently
deleted, sorry!) suggesting it may be by NOFX but I checked and that is
not the case either. UPDATE: YES! YES! YES! Confirmation at last!
Seth Christenfeld wrote in to say that he had to endure multiple playings
of this song by his camp-mates and even provided actual proof of THE REAL
ARTISTS OF THIS SONG, Pig Vomit. What a cozy name!

Toast:

Toast was a skit done live on the Bob & Tom national morning show. Although the artist / musician / clinically
insane guy behind the microphone sure sounds a lot like Al, it is not.
MP3 sharees often label this as an “extremely rare” Al recording. Well, I
guess it would be rather rare if he never performed it. Only recently was
Al a guest on the Bob & Tom show, but it was a satellite interview and he
performed no songs. The actual artist of this tune is Heywood Banks, a funny guy in his own
right.

Walk With an Erection

There has always been a certain amount of controversy surrounding this song. I would
get loads of emails claiming that WWAE was by The Swinging Erudites, but the
evidence just kept pointing to J.B.O. Finally, the German Amazon.de
proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that J.B.O. did the song because it had a sound clip
of WWAE, which appeared on their Explizite Lyrik album and this clip matched up
perfectly with the one that’s being shared under Al’s name. And so I thought the
mystery was solved until
Greg Urbaitis, member of The Swinging Erudites emailed me. He argued, of course,
that the Swinging E’s were the ones who did the song, and I wanted to be
well-armed for my rebuttal, so I dug a little deeper into the history of the song until
I ran across a web page that stated that the Swinging Erudites were the ones who
originally wrote and performed the song, which was then covered by Carson Sage,
which was in turn covered (and presumably translated) by J.B.O., making the
version appearing on this page a cover of a cover. Case closed. I hope.

Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up:

Previously I had Christina Aguilera attributed to this one. I had her name
in mind as the artist of this song not only due to the many erroneous song
listings, but from at least one overheard conversation as well.
Jeremy set me straight: “The female version of Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up
was recorded by Emily Ellis for KLUC 98.5FM, Las Vegas, NV. The
intent was to make people think it was Christina Aguilera
singing, and apparently it worked.” Perhaps someone should start a
Not-Christina Page?

Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up (Male Vocalist):

I’ve been getting reports that there is definitely a version of this sung by a
male vocalist being traded under Weird Al’s name. I see that it’s also attributed to
Cletus T. Judd, but I can not yet find any solid evidence that he’s the true
artist.. UPDATE: Hmm. Nope, I was wrong. There are apparently *two*
(at least) entirely different versions of this song by a male vocalist. Fun, fun,
and more fun.

Zelda:

As cleverly shown in the Not-Al cross reference table below, this song is
often mistitled as The Legend of Zelda or Zelda Nintendo Theme.
It is neither of those, nor was it ever performed by System of a
Down. You might say the guy in the song sounds like the lead vocalist from
SoaD, but personally I don’t see the resemblence except that they both like to
scream a lot. UPDATE: This song is performed by The Rabbit
Joint. Case closed, it seems.

Song Title Cross References:

This list is a cross-reference for song titles that aren’t the actual title
for Weird Al songs. The column on the left shows the unofficial (wrong) name
and the one on the right is the reference to the actual (right) song title.

Al Songs

Wrong Title	Right Title
Achy Breaky Heart	Achy Breaky Song
Anakin Guy	The Saga Begins
Batman Returns	Cavity Search
Bohemian Rap City	Bohemian Polka
Constipated	A Complicated Song
I’m Fat	Fat
Jedi Knight	The Saga Begins
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm	Headline News
Numb Me, Drill Me, Floss Me, Bill Me	Cavity Search
Offspring Rendition	Pretty Fly for a Rabbi
The Jedi Song	The Saga Begins
There’s Something Weird in the Fridge Today	Livin’ in the Fridge
Yabba Dabba Doo	Bedrock Anthem

This list is a cross-reference of incorrect and correct titles for songs
not written by Al. The column on the left shows the unofficial (wrong)
name and the one on the right is the reference to the actual (right) song
title. To see the artists of these songs, look up the correct title
above in The List.

Not Al Songs

Wrong Title	Right Title
All I Wanna Do (Bill Clinton)	All I’m Gonna Do
I Like Small Butts	Baby Got Jack
Bitchney Spears	Make My Boobies One More Size
Hooker in a Bottle	Hooker on the Corner
Let’s Bomb Iraq	Bomb Iraq
I Like Big Butts	Baby Got Jack
I Hate Big Butts	Baby Got Jack
I’m the Only Gay Eskimo	Eskimo
Metallica Against Napster	Internet Sandman
Napster Land	Internet Sandman
Star Wars Disco	Star Wars: Title Theme (Disco Medly)
Survivor Parody	Isle of Survivor
The Legend of Zelda	Zelda
The Vagina Song	Vagina
Zelda Nintendo Theme	Zelda

The Old Wolf has spoken, with gratitude to Charles Ulrich.

Scam: The Blue Screen of Death

Posted on January 15, 2016 by The Old Wolf

Yesterday while visiting her mother, my wife did a search at YouTube. For some inexplicable reason (I wasn’t there to observe what exactly went down,) this website was accessed:

BlueScreen2

Overlaid on this screen was a scary-looking popup:

BlueScreen1

The page is especially nasty: it disables the back button, the close button, and any other Chrome windows you happen to have open. The only way out is to kill Chrome via the task manager, or by doing that hard reset that the message tells you should not be done.

This would be very unsettling for someone like my mother-in-law who is not terribly computer-savvy (although she’s quite good with email and Facebook) and the deal here is that if you call the number – definitely not Microsoft – you get some agent in an Indian or Pakistani boiler-room who will convince you that they are from Microsoft, fling all sorts of nonsense technobabble at you, talk you through the process of installing TeamViewer or some other such remote-control software, and then upload malware to your machine.

The scam is very similar to what I described in Don’t Help the Scammers (item no. 4); a good comprehensive writeup of this type of scam is also found at MalwareBytes Unpacked.

Please be careful out there, and if you have friends or relations, particularly the elderly, who could be taken in by this jiggery-pokery, please help them to stay safe.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Playing in the World Game

As One

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Scam: The Blue Screen of Death