Humor: The Purpose of Tools

Tools and their Purposes

Source: Unknown. Collected via Internet or email in 2004

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays  is used as a kind of divining rod to locate really expensive parts not  far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of  cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well  on boxes containing seats and jackets

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in  their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for  drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes  to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board  principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable  motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more  dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is  available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the  palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various  flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the  grease inside a brake drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and  motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2  socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching  flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the  chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that  freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere  under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint  whorls and hard earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to  say, “Ouc….”

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a vehicle to the ground after  you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack  handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a vehicle upward  off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing Douglas Fir wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another  hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for  spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes  and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile  strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to  disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool  that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end  without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric  acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining  that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you suspected.


TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a  drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,”  which is not otherwise found under a car or motorcycle at night.  Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light  bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used  during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often  dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style  paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,  as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a  coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into  compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench  that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in  Springfield, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or  bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

In honor of Spider-man Day

I had no idea there was such a thing, but I encountered this at Imgur and after using up a box of tissues I thought I’d like to share it, just in case others have too much Kleenex™ on hand.

A touching story with lovely artwork, credits in the first frame: Peter David, Colleen Doran, José Villarrubia, Todd Klein, and Stephen Wacker.

What can I say, except “You’re welcome”?

Edit: It turns out that Leah Adezio was a real person, and a friend to Peter David. Some backstory is here, which makes this lovely tribute all the more poignant. You can also visit her FindAGrave memorial.

Darn onions.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Those days were not so nice.

Found this at a Facebook group dedicated to outstanding illustration.

The picture is beautiful. The colonialist sentiment, not so much. But that was Kipling’s day.

I recall with both amusement and horror browsing in a used bookstore somewhere (I think it was San Francisco), and coming across an English-Hindustani phrasebook written for British soldiers billeted in India. I swear on a stack of Bibles I’m not making this up: One of the phrases was, “You black bastard, you call these boots 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑛?” I wish I had bought it, just so I could get past the “pix or it didn’t happen” crowd, but I remember being (even in the ’90s) rocked to my very core to find something like that. 😳

We have come a long way. But we still have a very long way to go.

Critical Race Theory is very simple, but because of political (and prejudicial) undercurrents in certain segments of our society, it is widely misunderstood and misrepresented.

The Thermonuclear Bowel Evacuation Formerly Disgracing the Oval Office is quoted as having said,

“Students in our universities are inundated with critical race theory. This is a Marxist doctrine holding that America is a wicked and racist nation, that even young children are complicit in oppression, and that our entire society must be radically transformed.”

45’s Remarks at White House History Conference, September 17, 2020

This is not Critical Race Theory. It is pushback from a white supremacist world view, trying to make something important and human into something frightening and oppressive.

To teach that racism is still baked into our social system, and to serve as a catalyst for change toward a more equal and representative system (in other words, to make America the land of equality and equal opportunity that it has long trumpeted itself to be) is the most peaceful and human thing I could imagine.

Children – and adults – need to understand and see where and how racism operates to perpetuate the lie of Alexander H. Stephens, vice president of the Confederacy, to the effect that:

“Our new government[‘s] foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.”[2]

For the most part, we have come past the days when black people could be lynched by white mobs with impunity. But if you read the news, it’s hard to ignore the fact that racism and outright homicide is still endemic in many of the police forces of our nation.

George Floyd’s homicide was widely publicized, but in terms of endemic racism, it’s only the most current tip of the iceberg.

This is not OK, and no amount of pearl-clutching and flag-wrapped pushback or “blue lives matter” wailing can make it so.

But it’s not just policing and inequity in incarceration and a failed drug war and an oppression campaign pushed by the Nixon administration. Racism touches almost everything in obvious and not so obvious ways.

  • Access to equal housing.
  • Access to equal financing.
  • Access to equal education.
  • Access to equal employment.
  • Access to equal relationships.
  • Access to equal voting privileges.
  • And the list goes on.

Racism taints it all. If you’re black, or brown, or yellow – you and your ancestry have certainly encountered this, and continue to do so, in myriad ways that would not even be evident to someone born and raised in white privilege unless they have made a concerted effort to be aware of history.

America is not a wicked country, or a Marxist country, and Critical Race Theory doesn’t make any attempt to paint it as such. America is a human country – filled with brave and noble men and women who strove to make it a great nation for all. But it’s also a country that made mistakes, some of which have echoes which continue to ripple down to the present day. And it’s those mistakes that people of good will seek to recognize, and enshrine in our official chronicles, and remediate in the fastest and best way possible.

I applaud the idea.

This is not a matter of debate. It’s a reality. Those who have eyes to see will see, and do their best to make a difference.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Fake Celebrity Endorsements for CBD Oil

This kind of thing enrages me.

It’s been going on for a long time, and it continues to spread via social media. And today I’m looking directly at Facebook, which seems happy to take advertising money for all sorts of spurious enterprises (see my earlier post about Chinese bottom-feeders trying to sell counterfeit Morgan dollar collections).

Today this showed up as a “promoted post” in my Facebook feed (on my Android, it should be noted; I use FBP on the desktop and almost never see an ad there):

“After loosing temper” was my first red flag. Great Mogg’s titanium teeth, people, learn the difference between “loose” and “lose.” But it turns out that the page you get to has nothing to do with the stated headline.

(I don’t even know if Artsy On knows anything about this. They seem to be selling books, but I frankly don’t have the time or energy to do a deep dive into their website metadata. It’s possible someone added a malicious link to their website and is using it to redirect to the seller’s page.)

If you hover, the link is listed as:[0]=AT1LTRiOQCEjWHJNeZZWjDGzl-JQb5g2dv6dpRIQ88dt95O3_J5A8Nx9fYhP83_8pfh2lyUdHNERTrLBoFJS0OodULx3TpYYlYArzXUaK5mZu57pzJEchT7XuPycn7SgbE5oo3vixHXKTiJgX3gbgclfew

although the first bit about Facebook is invisible. But if you click the link, it takes you to:

which is a farticle (fake article) implying that Whoopi is endorsing or promoting this garbage called Cheyenne Valley CBD Oil:

The advertisement is designed to look like a Time Magazine article. It’s not. And Ms. Goldberg does not promote or endorse this product. At all. In any way. The whole thing is made up out of whole cloth as an affiliate marketing scam to get you to the marketing page for this questionable product. ¹

The second paragraph in this scammy advertisement reads like this:

“When I started this whole thing back in 2020, it really was just a part-time passion project and a way for me to give back. After being given so much, I figured there was no better time to make Cheyenne Valley CBD Oil available to everyone, as it can help thousands of people experience life pain-free and live much happier lives.”

But in this article from healthmj, we see a very similar quote:

“This was a really, really difficult decision for me. When I started this whole thing back in 2015, it really was just a part-time passion project and a way for me to give back. Now here we are almost five years later, and Green CBD Oil has steadily grown into a full-fledged business that’s helped thousands of people become pain-free and much happier. My line gives me a chance to do something bigger than music, and I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I let that opportunity pass me by.”

Blake Shelton doesn’t endorse any sort of CBD Oil. Neither does Tom Hanks, for that matter, and he says so in no uncertain terms. These bottom-feeders will use anyone’s name to get people to their sales page. Once you get there, it’s the same tired old format that I’ve written about multiple times:

Of course, this is just the hook; buried deeply in the Terms and Conditions which almost nobody ever reads, is the catch:

Important Notes

Failure to cancel within the trial period will result in our subscription program and further charges.

The trial begins the same day you order. It doesn’t begin when you receive the trial in the mail.

Applicable sales tax may be applied to all charges.

We allow only 1 trial purchase per household.

As part of ordering a trial, you agree to join a recurring membership plan. You can modify your subscription anytime by contacting us.

This is not a free sample offer. We only offer as a trial, which turns into a subscription or individual bottles.

The most efficient method of contacting us is through Please provide your name and phone number and we will get back to you as soon as possible

The trial period begins on day of order. To clarify, it does not begin when you receive the product.

By placing your order today you’ll be shipped a 30 day supply of Cheyenne Valley CBD Oil for only $6.89. This gives you the opportunity to try this remarkable product so you can come to a decision for yourself if this is the right product for you. If you are dissatisfied with the product, you must call 8774388714 within 14 days trial plus 3 days shipping (total of 17 days) from today to cancel your membership and avoid being charged of $99.89, which is the full price of the product. If you are satisfied with the product, you need do nothing else and upon the expiration of the trial period, you will be billed $99.89. The total monthly subscription charge of $99.89 includes shipping and handling for the full cost of the product. Thirty days after your trial period ends and every thirty days thereafter, we will send you a fresh monthly supply at the low price of $99.89 per until you cancel your membership. There’s no obligation and you may cancel your membership at any time by calling 8774388714 or by sending an email to The trial period begins from the day of ordering the product.

Address the return package to:
PO Box 15911, Tampa, FL 33684

Everything about these scammy, barely-legal offers is based on lies. The celebrity endorsement, publication by a major company (TIME magazine, in this case), the price of the offer, the claim of “extremely high demand” and “limited stock,” all of the supposed endorsements from “satisfied customers” – it’s all lies. All lies.

So even if you take the bait, bite the hook, get reeled in, and pay $100 a month(!) for a tiny bottle of who-knows-what, what kind of quality do you think you might be getting from a company that resorts to such reprehensible tricks to get your business? I wouldn’t use it if you paid me a Benjamin.

Protect yourself from scams and don’t give your money to any company that does business this way. And please educate your loved ones who may be vulnerable to such tactics.

And Facebook, take note. Stop accepting ads from this kind of scammer. It makes you look worse than you already do.

The Old Wolf has spoken.


¹ In the interest of full clarity:

For several years, Ms. Goldberg was a partner in a website called Whoopi and Maya, which was focused on providing high-quality medical cannabis to women as a relief for menstrual cramps. When she and her partner came to a parting of the ways, the business was dissolved.

There are rumors that she may be involved in launching a new cannabis-related enterprise. Whether this comes to fruition remains to be seen. All that said, she does not endorse this scummy “Cheyenne Valley CBD Oil” and never has.

As for me, I’m looking forward to seeing her as Guinan in the 2nd Season of Star Trek: Picard.

A reading list of great books

The next time you want something of substance to read, here’s a list of 876 books compiled from a couple of lists I found on the Internet – one a list of librarian’s recommendations, another of 500 great books, and a few I have added myself. I only deleted one because I thought it was trash, and was not sure what it was doing on any list of good literature.

As for the rest, you get to judge; but while compiling this, I certainly saw a good number that I have read, and many that I am ashamed I have not yet read and would like to.


Edit: I will link back here to another list I published a couple of years ago, “Fifteen Titles.” You will find many duplicates on that list, but it was compiled with a different set of criteria. Nevertheless, it contains many worthwhile and impactful works.

1984George Orwell
2666Roberto Bolano
$2.00 a DayKathryn Edin
12 Million Black VoicesRichard Wright
1Q84Haruki Murakami
84, Charing Cross RoadHelene Hanff
Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, TheSherman Alexie
Accidental Tourist, TheAnne Tyler
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, TheMark Twain
Adventures of Mr. Verdant Green, TheCuthbert Bede
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, TheSir Arthur Conan Doyle
Adventures of Tom Sawyer, TheMark Twain
Aeneid, TheVirgil
Age of Innocence, TheEdith Wharton
Agnes GreyAnne Brontë
Alchemist, ThePaulo Coelho
Alexander HamiltonRon Chernow
Alice in WonderlandLewis Carroll
All Creatures Great and Small (Series)James Herriot
All of a Kind FamilySidney Taylor
All Passion SpentVita Sackville-West
All Quiet on the Western FrontErich Maria
All the King’s MenRobert Penn Warren
All the Light We Cannot SeeAnthony Doerr
Along Came a SpiderJames Patterson
Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, TheMichael Charon
American Born ChineseGene Luen Yang
American GodsNeil Gaiman
American PastoralPhilip Roth
AmericanahChimamanda Ngozi Adichie
An American TragedyTheodore Dreiser
An Ember in the AshesSabaa Tahir
An Old-Fashioned GirlLouisa May Alcott
An Unsuitable Job for a WomanP. D. James
Ancillary JusticeAnn Leckie
And the Band Played OnRandy Shilts
And Then All Hell Broke LooseRichard Engel
And Then There Were NoneBy Agatha Christie
Angela’s AshesFrank McCourt
Animal DreamsBarbara Kingsolver
Animal FarmGeorge Orwell
Anna KareninaLeo Tolstoy
Anne Frank: the Diary of a Young GirlAnne Frank
Anne of Green GablesL.M. Montgomery
Antony and CleopatraWilliam Shakespeare
Arabian NightsTahir Shah
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.New Jersey
ArielSylvia Plath
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the UniverseBenjamin Alire Saenz
Around the World in Eighty DaysJules Verne
Art of Fielding, TheChad Harbach
Art of Hearing Heartbeats, TheJan-Philippe Sendker
As I Lay DyingWilliam Faulkner
As You Like ItWilliam Shakespeare
Assistant, TheBernard Malamud
Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, TheMatthew Tobin Anderson
Atlas ShruggedAyn Rand
AtonementIan Mcewan
AttachmentsRainbow Rowell
Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein, TheGertrude Stein
Autobiography of Malcolm X, TheMalcolm X
Awakening, TheKate Chopin
Babe: The Gallant PigDick King-Smith
Bad Beginning, TheLemony Snicket
Bad FeministRoxane Gay
Bad News for OutlawsVaunda Micheaux Nelson
Balzac and the Little Chinese SeamstressDai Sijie
Bastard Out of CarolinaDorothy Allison
Beautiful and Damned, TheF. Scott Fitzgerald
Beautiful RuinsJess Walter
Because of Winn DixieKate diCamillo
BecomingMichelle Obama
Beekeeper’s Apprentice, TheLaurie R. King
Bel CantoAnn Patchett
Bell Jar, TheSylvia Plath
BelovedToni Morrison
BeowulfThe Beowulf Poet
Between the World and MeTa-Nehisi Coates
Big Sleep, TheRaymond Chandler
BintiNnedi Okorafor
Birds of AmericaJohn James Audubon
BirdsongSebastian Faulks
Black BeautyAnna Sewell
Black BoyRichard Wright
Black Leopard, Red WolfMarlon James
Bleak HouseCharles Dickens
Bless Me, UltimaRudolpho Anaya
Blind Assassin, TheMargaret Atwood
Blood MeridianCormac McCarthy
Blue Castle, TheL.M. Montgomery
Blue Sword / the Hero and the Crown, TheRobin McKinley
Bluest Eye, TheToni Morrison
Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom WolfeTom Wolfe
Book of Lost Things, TheJohn Connolly
Book of Three, TheLloyd Alexander
Book Thief, TheMarkus Zusak
BorderlandsGloria E. Anzaldúa
Born ConfusedTanuja Desai Hidier
Born to RunChristopher McDougall
BossypantsTina Fey
Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen OyeyemiHelen Oyeyemi
Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, TheDaniel James Brown
Brave New WorldAldous Huxley
Breakfast at Tiffany’sTruman Capote
Breakfast of ChampionsKurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Brick LaneMonica Ali
Brideshead RevisitedEvelyn Waugh
Bridge to TerabithiaKatherine Paterson
Bridget Jones’s DiaryHelen Fielding
Brief History of Seven Killings, AMarlon James
Brief History of Time, AStephen Hawking
Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, TheJunot Diaz
Brokeback MountainAnnie Proulx
Brothers Karamazov, TheFyodor Dostoyevsky
Bury My Heart at Wounded KneeDee Brown
Call of the Wild, TheJack London
Canterbury Tales, TheGeoffrey Chaucer
Canterville Ghost, TheOscar Wilde
Captain Corelli’s MandolinLouis de Berniere
Carry onRainbow Rowell
Casino RoyaleIan Fleming
Casual Vacancy, TheJ.K. Rowling
Catch-22Joseph Heller
Catcher in the Rye, TheJ.D. Salinger
Catherine, Called BirdyKaren Cushman
Cat’s CradleKurt Vonnegut
Change of Climate, AHilary Mantel
Charlie and the Chocolate FactoryRoald Dahl
Charlotte’s WebE.B. White
Children of Blood and BoneTomi Adyemi
Chocolate War, TheRobert Cormier
Christmas Carol, ACharles Dickens
CinderMarissa Meyer
ClarissaSamuel Richardson
Clear Light of DayAnita Desai
Cloud AtlasDavid Mitchell
Cloud AtlasDavid Mitchell
Code of the Woosters, TheWodehouse
Cold Comfort FarmStella Gibbons
Cold Comfort FarmStella Gibbons
Cold MountainCharles Frasier
Collected Poems of Langston Hughes, TheLangston Hughes
Collected Stories of Eudora WeltyEudora Welty
Color of Magic, TheTerry Pratchett
Color of Water, TheJames McBride
Color Purple, TheAlice Walker
Comedy of Errors, TheWilliam Shakespeare
Common SenseThomas Paine
Complete Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales, TheBrothers Grimm
Complete Stories, TheFlannery O’Connor
Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe, TheEdgar Allan Poe
Confederacy of Dunces, AJohn Kennedy Toole
Confessions of a ShopaholicSophie Kinsella
Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, AMark Twain
Constellation of Vital Phenomena, AAnthony Marra
Corrections, TheJonathan Franzen
Count of Monte Cristo, TheAlexandre Duman
Cow-Tail Switch, and Other West African Stories, TheHarold Courlander
CranfordElizabeth Gaskell
CrankEllen Hopkins
Crazy Rich AsiansKevin Kwan
Cricket in Times Qquare, AGeorge Selden
Crime and PunishmentFyodor Dostoyevsky
Crocodile on the SandbankElizabeth Peters
Crucible, TheArthur Miller
Crying of Lot 49, TheRobert E. Kohn
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, TheMark Haddon
Cutting for StoneAbraham Verghese
Da Vinci Code, TheDan Brown
Daisy Jones & the SixTaylor Jenkins Reid
Daisy MillerHenry James
Daniel DerondaGeorge Eliot
Dark Is Rising, TheSusan Cooper
Darkly Dreaming DexterJeff Lindsay
David CopperfieldCharles Dickens
Day of the Triffids, TheJohn Wyndham
Dead WakeErik Larson
Death at an Early AgeJonathan Kozol
Death Comes for the ArchbishopWilla Cather
Death in the Family, AJames Agee
Death in VeniceThomas Mann
Death of a SalesmanArthur Miller
Death of the Heart, TheElizabeth Bowen
Decameron, TheGiovanni Boccaccio
Decline and FallEvelyn Waugh
Dept. of SpeculationJenny Offill
Deptford Trilogy, TheRobertson Davies
Devil in a Blue DressWalter Mosley
Devil in the White City, TheErik Larson
Diary of Anne Frank, TheAnne Frank
Dirty Job, AChristopher Moore
Divergent (Series)Veronica Roth
Divine Comedy, TheDante Alighieri
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?Philip K. Dick
Doctor FaustusChristopher Marlowe
Doctor ZhivagoBoris Pasternak
Don QuixoteMiguel De Cervantes
DraculaBram Stoker
Dream of the Red Chamber, TheCao Xueqin
Dreaming in CubanCristina Garcia
DreamlandSam Quinones
DuneFrank Herbert
East of EdenJohn Steinbeck
Eat Pray LoveElizabeth Gilbert
Edwardians, TheVita Sack-Ville West
Egypt Game, TheZilpha Keatley Snyder
Eight, TheKatherine Neville
Eleanor & ParkRainbow Rowell
Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely FineGail Honeyman
Elegance of the Hedgehog, TheMuriel Barberry
Ella EnchantedGail Carson Levine
Emperor of All Maladies, The: A Biography of CancerSiddhartha Mukhe
Empire FallsRichard Russo
Ender’s GameOrson Scott Card
English Patient, TheMichael Ondaatje
Epic of Gilgamesh, TheUnknown
Ethan FromeEdith Wharton
Everything I Never Told YouCeleste Ng
Everything Is IlluminatedJonathan Saffron Foer
EvictedMatthew Desmond
Excellent WomenBarbara Pym
Extremely Loud and Incredibly CloseJonathan Saffron Foer
Fahrenheit 451Ray Bradbury
Fairie Queen, TheEdmund Spenser
Fall of the House of Usher, TheEdgar Allan Poe
FangirlRainbow Rowell
Far From the Madding CrowdThomas Hardy
Farewell to Arms, AErnest Hemingway
Farmer BoyLaura Ingalls Wilder
Fault in Our Stars, TheJohn Green
FaustJohann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Fear and Loathing in Las VegasHunter S. Thompson
Female Brain, TheLouann Brizendine
Fifth Season, TheN. K. Jemisin
Fight ClubChuck Palahniuk
Fine Balance, ARohinton Mistry
FingersmithSarah Waters
Fire Next Time, TheJames Baldwin
Five People You Meet in Heaven, TheMitch Albom
Flowers for AlgernonDaniel Keyes
For Whom the Bell TollsErnest Hemingway
Forgotten GardenKate Morton
Forsyte Saga, TheJohn Galsworthy
Foundation (Entire Series)Isaac Asimov
FrankensteinMary Shelley
Franny and ZooeyJ.D. Salinger
Freak the MightyRodman Philbrick
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop CafeFannie Flagg
From Russia With LoveIan Fleming
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. FrankweilerE. L. Konigsburg
Fun HomeAlison Bechdel
Game of Thrones, A (Series)George R. R. Martin
Garden of Earthly Delights, AJoyce Carol Oates
General in His Labyrinth, TheMarquez
Gentleman in Moscow, AAmor Towles
GerminalÉmile Zola
Gilda Stories, TheJewelle Gomez
GileadMarilynne Robinson
Girl Could Stand Up, ALeslie Marshall
Girl on the Train, ThePaula Hawkins
Girl With a Pearl EarringTracy Chevalier
Girl With the Dragon Tatoo, TheStieg Larson
Giver, TheLois Lowry
Glass Castle, TheJeannette Walls
Glass Menagerie, TheTennessee Williams
Go Tell It on the MountainJames Baldwin
God of Small Things, TheArundhati Roy
Golden Bowl, TheHenry James
Golden Compass, ThePhillip Pullman
Golden Notebook, TheDoris Lessing
Goldfinch, TheDonna Tartt
Goldfinch, TheDonna Tartt
Golem and the Djinni, TheHelene Wecker
Gone GirlGillian Flynn
Gone With the WindMargaret Mitchell
Good Earth, ThePearl S. Buck
Good Man Is Hard to Find, AFlannery O’Connor
Good Master, TheKate Seredy
Good OmensTerry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman
Good Soldier, TheFord Madox Ford
Good TalkMira Jacob
Good WivesLouisa May Alcott
Grapes of Wrath, TheJohn Steinbeck
Grave Talent, ALaurie R. King
Gravity’s RainbowThomas Pinchon
Great ExpectationsCharles Dickens
Great Gatsby, TheF. Scott Fitzgerald
GrendelJohn Gardner
Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, TheMary Ann Shaffer; ‎Annie Barrows
Gulag Archipelago, TheAleksandr Slozhenitsyn
Gulliver’s TravelsJonathan Swift
Gunslinger, TheStephen King
Half of a Yellow SunChimamanda Ngozi Adichie
HamletWilliam Shakespeare
Handmaid’s Tale, TheMargaret Atwood
Hans Christian Anderson Fairy TalesHans Christian Anderson
Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World Haruki MurakamiHaruki Murakami
Haroun & the Sea of StoriesSalman Rushdie/Paul BirkbeckIllus
Harriet the SpyLouise Fitzhugh
Harry Potter (Series)J. K. Rowling
HatchetGary Paulsen
Haunting of Hill House, TheShirley Jackson
Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, TheCarson McCullers
Heart of DarknessJoseph Conrad
Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, ADave Eggers
HeartburnNora Ephron
Help, TheKathryn Stockett
Henry IV, Part IWilliam Shakespeare
Henry IV, Part IIWilliam Shakespeare
Henry VWilliam Shakespeare
HerzogSaul Bellow
High FidelityNick Hornby
Hillbilly ElegyJD Vance
His Dark Materials – Philip PullmanPhilip Pullman
Historian, TheElizabeth Kostova
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, TheDouglas Adams
Hobbit, TheJ.R.R. Tolkien
HolesLouis Sachar
HomegoingYaa Gyasi
HopscotchJulio Cortázar
Hot Zone, TheRichard Preston
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and SweetJamie Ford
Hound of the Baskervilles, TheSir Arthur Conan Doyle
Hour of the Star, TheClarice Lispector
Hours, TheMichael Cunningham
House Made of DawnN. Scott Momaday
House of LeavesMark Z. Danielewski
House of Mirth, TheEdith Wharton
House of Sand and FogAndre Dubus III
House of the ScorpionNancy Farmer
House of the Seven GablesNathaniel Hawthorne
House of the Spirits, TheIsabel Allende
House on Mango Street, TheSandra Cisneros
HousekeepingMarilynne Robinson
How Green Was My ValleyRichard Llewellyn
How I Live NowMeg Rosoff
How the Garcia Girls Lost Their AccentsJulia Alvarez
How the Other Half LivesJacob Riis
How to Be a VictorianRuth Goodman
How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional UniverseCharles Yu
Howards EndE.M. Forster
HowlAllen Ginsberg
Howl’s Moving CastleDiana Wynne Jones
Human Comedy, TheWilliam Saroyan
Hunchback of Notre Dame, TheVictor Hugo
Hunger Games, The (Series)Suzanne Collins
Husband’s Secret, TheLiane Moriarty
I Am MalalaMalala Yousafzai
I Am the CheeseRobert Cormier
I Am the MessengerMarcus Zusak
I Capture the CastleDodie Smith
I Know This Much Is TrueWally Lamb
I Know Why the Caged Bird SingsMaya Angelou
I Never Promised You a Rose GardenJoanne Greenberg
If on a Winters Night a TravellerVintage Calvino
Iliad, TheHomer
Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, TheRebecca Skloot
Importance of Being Earnest, TheOscar Wilde
In Cold BloodTruman Capote
In the Time of the ButterfliesJulia Alvarez
In the WoodsTara French
Infinite JestDavid Foster Wallace
Inheritance of Loss, TheKiran Dasai
Interestings, TheMeg Wolitzer
InternmentSamira Ahmed
Interpreter of MaladiesJhumpa Lahiri
Interpreter of MaladiesJhumpa Lahiri
Interview With the VampireAnne Rice
Invention of Wings, TheSue Monk Kidd
Invisible Circus, TheJennifer Egan
Invisible ManRalph Ellison
IronweedWilliam Kennedy
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?And Other Concerns
Island of the Blue DolphinsScott O’Dell
ItStephen King
IvanhoeWalter Scott
Jamaica InnDaphne Du Maurier
James and the Giant PeachRoald Dahl
Jane EyreCharlotte Brontë
Japanese Lover, TheIsabel Allende
Jonathan Strange & Mr NorrellSusanna Clarke
Journey to the Center of the EarthJules Verne
Joy Luck Club, TheAmy Tan
Jude the ObscureThomas Hardy
Julie and JuliaJulie Powell
Julie of the WolvesJean Craighead George
Julius CaesarWilliam Shakespeare
Jungle Book, TheRudyard Kipling
Jungle, TheUpton Sinclair
Kafka on the ShoreHaruki Murakami
KidnappedRobert Louis Stevenson
Killers of the Flower MoonGrann
KimRudyard Kipling
KindredOctavia E. Butler
King LearWilliam Shakespeare
Kiss Before Dying, AIra Levin
Kiss Quotient, TheHelen Hoang
Kitchen ConfidentialAnthony Bourdain
Kite RunnerKhaled Hosseini
Lais of Marie De France, TheMarie De France
Language of FlowersVanessa Diffenbaugh
Last Samurai, TheHelen DeWaitt
Leaves of GrassWalt Whitman
Left Hand of Darkness, TheUrsula K. LeGuin
Legend of Sleepy Hollow, TheWashington Irving
Les MiserablesVictor Hugo
LessAndrew Sean Greer
Lesson Before Dying, AErnest J. Gaines
Letter From Birmingham City JailMartin Luther King Jr
Letters to a Young PoetRainer Maria Rilke
Liars’ Club: A Memoir, TheMary Karr
Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman, TheLaurence Sterne
Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, TheMarie Kondo
Life of PiYann Martel
Light Between Oceans: A Novel, TheM.L. Stedman
Like Water for ChocolateLaura Esquivel
Lincoln in the BardoGeorge Saunders
Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, TheC.S. Lewis
Little BeeChris Cleave
Little Fires EverywhereCeleste Ng
Little House on the Prairie (Series)Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little MenLouisa May Alcott
Little Prince, TheAntoine de Saint-Exupéry
Little Princess, AFrances Hodgson Burnett
Little Stranger, TheSarah Waters
Little WomenLouisa May Alcott
LolitaVladimir Nabokov
Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, TheSherman Alexie
Long Fatal Love Chase, ALouisa May Alcott
Long Goodbye, TheRaymond Chandler
Long Way Down, ANick Hornsby
Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, AIshmael Beah
Look at MeJennifer Egan
Looking for AlaskaJohn Green
Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11, TheLawrence Wright
Lord JimJoseph Conrad
Lord of the FliesWilliam Golding
Lord of the Rings, The (Trilogy)J.R.R. Tolkien
Lottery, TheShirley Jackson
Love in a Cold ClimateNancy Freeman-Mitford
Love in the Time of CholeraGabriel Garcia Marquez
Love MedicineLouise Erdrich
Lovely Bones, TheAlice Sebold
Lover, TheMarguerite Duras
Luckiest Girl AliveJessica Knoll
Lucky JimJim Dixon
LucyJamaica Kincaid
Luminaries, TheEleanor Catton
MacbethWilliam Shakespeare
Madame BovaryGustave Flaubert
Main StreetSinclair Lewis
Major Pettigrew’s Last StandHelen Simonson
Maltese Falcon, TheDashiell Hammett
Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love, TheOscar Hijuelos
Man Called Ove, AFredrik Backman
Man of the People, AChinua Achebe
Man Who Mistook His Wife for a HatOliver Sacks
Man Who Was Thursday, TheG.K. Chesterton
Maniac MageeJerry Spinelli
Mansfield ParkJane Austen
Manual for Cleaning Women, ALucia Berlin
March: Book OneJohn Lewis
Martian, TheAndy Weir
Mary PoppinsP.L. Travers
MatildaRoald Dahl
MauriceE.M. Forster
Maus: The Complete MausArt Spiegelman
Mayor of Casterbridge, TheThomas Hardy
Me Before YouJojo Moyes
Memoirs of a GeishaArthur Golden
Memories of a Catholic GirlhoodMary McCarthy
Merchant of Venice, TheWilliam Shakespeare
Metamorphosis and Other StoriesFranz Kafka
Metamorphosis, TheFranz Kafka
MiddlemarchGeorge Eliot
MiddlesexJeffrey Eugenides
Midnight in the Garden of Good and EvilJohn Berendt
Midnight’s ChildrenSalman Rushdie
Midsummer Night’s Dream, AWilliam Shakespeare
Milk and HoneyRupi Kaur
Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, TheKate Dicamillo
Miseducation of Cameron Post, TheEmily M. Danforth
Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar ChildrenRansom Riggs
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a DayWinifred Watson
Misty of ChincoteagueMarguerite Henry
Moby DickHerman Melville
Moll FlandersDaniel Defoe
Moloka’iAlan Brennert
Monkey’s Paw, TheW. W. Jacobs
Moonstone, TheWilkie Collins
Mr. Popper’s PenguinsRichard and Florence Atwater
Mrs DallowayVirginia Woolf
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMHRobert C. O’Brien
Much Ado About NothingWilliam Shakespeare
Murder on the Orient ExpressAgatha Christie
My AntoniaWilla Cather
My Bondage and My FreedomFrederick Douglass
My Brilliant FriendElena Ferrante
My Side of the MountainJean Craighead George
My Sister, the Serial KillerOyinkan Braithwaite
My Sister’s KeeperJodi Picoult
Mystic RiverDennis Lehane
Name of the Rose, TheUmberto Eco
Namesake, TheJhumpa Lahiri
Narrative of Sojourner TruthSojourner Truth
Native SonRichard Wright
Naya NukiKen Thomasma
Nectar in a SieveKamala Markandaya
NeuromancerWilliam Gibson
Never Let Me GoKazuo Ishiguro
NeverwhereNeil Gaiman
New Grub StreetGeorge Gissing
Nickel and DimedBarbara Ehrenreich
NightElie Wiesel
Night Circus, TheErin Morgenstern
Nightingale, TheKristin Hannah
Nights at the CircusAngela Carter
No Exit (Huis Clos)Jean-Paul Sartre
No Future Without ForgivenessDesmond Tutu
No One Belongs Here More Than YouMiranda July
No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, TheAlexander McCall Smith
North and SouthElizabeth Gaskell
Northanger AbbeyJane Austen
Northern Light, AJennifer Donnelly
Norwegian WoodHaruki Murakami
Notes From a Small IslandBill Bryson
Now We are SixA. A. Milne
Number the StarsLois Lowry
NWZadie Smith
Ocean at the End of the Lane, TheNeil Gaiman
Odyssey, TheHomer
Of Human BondageW. Somerset Maugham
Of Mice and MenJohn Steinbeck
Old Man and the Sea, TheErnest Hemingway
Olive KitteridgeElizabeth Strout
Oliver TwistCharles Dickens
Omnivore’s Dilemma, TheMichael Pollan
On Earth We’re Briefly GorgeousOcean Vuong
On Immunity: An InoculationEula Biss
On the RoadJack Kerouac
Once and Future King, TheT.H. White
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s NestKen Kesey
One for the MoneyJanet Evanovic
One Hundred Years of SolitudeGabriel Garcia Marquez
Optimists Daughter, TheEudora Welty
Oranges Are Not the Only FruitJeanette Winterson
Orchardist, TheAmanda Coplin
OrlandoVirginia Woolf
Orphan Master’s Son, TheAdam Johnson
Orphan TrainChristina Baker Kline
Oryx and CrakeMargaret Atwood
Oscar and LucindaPeter Carey
OthelloWilliam Shakespeare
Other Boleyn Girl, ThePhilippa Gregory
Our TownThornton Wilder
Out of AfricaKaren Blixen
OutlanderDiana Gabaldon
Pact, TheJodi Picoult
Palace WalkNaguib Mahfouz
Pale FireVladimir Nabokov
Passage to India, AE.M. Forster
PassingNella Larson
PastoraliaGeorge Saunders
Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher ColumbusOrson Scott Card
Pearl, TheJohn Steinbeck
Pentateuch, TheI. Thomas Holdcroft
People in the Trees, TheHanya Yanagihara
People of the BookGeraldine Brooks
People’s History of the United States, AHoward Zinn
Percy Jackson SeriesRick Riordan
PerfumePatrick Suskind
Perks of Being a Wallflower, TheStephen Chbosky
PersepolisMarjane Satrapi
Persepolis by Marjane SatrapiMarlene Satrapi
Personal Matter, AKanzaburō Ōe
PersuasionJane Austen
Pet SemataryStephen King
Peter PanJames Barrie
Phantom of the Opera, TheGaston Leroux
Phantom Tollbooth, TheNorton Juster
Phantom Toolbooth, TheJules Feiffer
Pickwick Papers, TheCharles Dickens
Picture of Dorian Grey, TheOscar Wilde
Pilgrim at Tinker CreekAnnie Dillard
Pillars of the Earth, TheKen Follett
Pippi LongstockingAstred Lindgren
Plague, The (La peste)Albert Camus
Play It as It LaysJoan Didion
Poems of Emily Dickinson, TheEmily Dickinson
Poems: Edna St. Vincent MillayEdna St. Vincent Millay
Poisonwood Bible, TheBarbara Kingsolver
Portrait of a LadyHenry James
Post OfficeCharles Bukowski
Prayer for Owen Meany, AJohn Irving
Price of Salt, or Carol, ThePatricia Highsmith
Pride and PrejudiceJane Austen
Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, TheMuriel Spark
Princess AcademyShannon Hale
Princess Bride, TheWilliam Goldman
Princess Saves Herself in This One, TheAmanda Lovelace
Priory of the Orange Tree, TheSamantha Shannon
Private PeacefulMichael Morpurgo
Pulphead EssaysJohn Jeremiah Sullivan
Purple HisbiscusChimamanda Ngozi Adichie
PygmalionGeorge Bernard Shaw
Queen of the NightAlexander Chee
QueenieCandice Carty-Williams
QuietSusan Cain
Quiet American, TheGraham Greene
Rabbit at RestJohn Updike
Rabbit Is RichJohn Updike
Rabbit, RunJohn Updike
RagtimeE.L. Doctorow
Raisin in the Sun, ALorraine Hansberry
Ramayana, TheValmiki
Ramona the PestBeverly Cleary
Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the BronxAdrian Nicole Leblanc
Reader, TheBernhard Schlink
Reading Lolita in TehranAzar Nafisi
Ready Player OneErnest Cline
RebeccaDaphne Du Maurier
Red and the Black, TheChimimanda Ngozi Adichie
Red Badge of Courage, TheStephen Crane
Red Tent, TheAnita Diamant
Red, White & Royal BlueCasey Mcquiston
Redefining RealnessJanet Mock
RedwallBrian Jacques
Reef, TheEdith Wharton
Remains of the Day, TheKazuo Ishiguro
Return of Sherlock Holmes, TheArthur Conan Doyle
Return of the NativeThomas Hardy
Return of the Soldier, TheRebecca West
Revolutionary RoadVintage Yates
River Between, TheNgũgĩ wa Thiong’o
Road, TheCormac McCarthy
Robinson CrusoeDaniel Defoe
Roll of Thunder, Hear My CryMildred D. Taylor
Romance of the Three KingdomsLuo Guanzhong
Romeo and JulietWilliam Shakespeare
RomolaGeorge Eliot
RoomEmma Donoghue
Room of One’s Own, AVirginia Woolf
Room With a View, AE. M. Forster
RootsAlex Haley
Rosie Project, TheGraeme Simsion
Round House, TheLouise Erdrich
Rubyfruit JungleRita Mae Brown
RunawayAlice Munro
Sacre BleuChristopher Moore
Salvage the BonesJesmyn Ward
Sammy and Juliana in HollywoodBenjamin Alire Saenz
Savage Detectives, TheRoberto Bolano
Scarlet Letter, TheNathaniel Hawthorne
Scarlett Pimpernel, TheBaroness Emmuska Orcey
Schindler’s ArkThomas Keneally
ScoopEvelyn Waugh
Sea, the Sea, TheIrish Murdoch
Secret Garden, TheFrances Hodgson Burnett
Secret History, TheDonna Tartt
Secret Keeper, TheKate Morton
Secret Life of Bees, TheSue Monk Kidd
Selection, TheKiera Cass
Sellout, ThePaul Beatty
Sense and SensibilityJane Austen
Sense of an Ending, TheJulian Barnes
Separate Peace, AJohn Knowles
Shadow of the Wind, TheCarlos Ruiz Zafon
She’s Come UndoneWally Lamb
Shining, TheStephen King
Shipping News, TheE. Annie Proulx
ShirleyCharlotte Brontë
Shoemaker’s Wife, TheAdriana Trigiani
Short History of Nearly Everything, ABill Bryson
SiddharthaHermann Hesse
Sign of the Beaver, TheElizabeth George Speare
Sign of the Four, TheArthur Conan Doyle
Silas MarnerGeorge Eliot
Sing, Unburied, SingJesmyn Ward
Singing Tree, TheKate Seredy
Sir Gawain and the Green KnightSimon Armitage
Sister OutsiderAudre Lorde
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, TheAnn Brashares
Slaughterhouse-FiveKurt Vonnegut
Slouching Towards BethlehemJoan Didion
Small IslandAndrea Levy
Snow Child, TheEowyn Ivey
Snow CrashNeal Stephenson
Snow Flower and the Secret FanLisa See
So Long a LetterMariama Bâ
Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, TheMadeline Miller
Songs of the Humpback WhaleJodi Picoult
Sons and LoversD.H. Lawrence
Sophie’s ChoiceStephen King
Sound and the Fury, TheLeslie Feinberg
Sparrow, TheMary Doria Russell
SpeakLaurie Halse Anderson
Speaker for the DeadOrson Scott Card
Spy Who Came in From the Cold, TheJohn Le Carré
Stand, TheStephen King
StargirlJerry Spinelli
Station ElevenEmily St John Mandel
Still AliceLisa Genova
Stone Butch BluesLeslie Feinberg
Storied Life of A.J. Fikry, TheGabrielle Zevin
Story of My Life, TheHelen Keller
Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, TheRobert Louis Stevenson
Stranger, The (L’étranger)Albert Camus
Streetcar Named Desire, ATennessee Williams
Stuart LittleE.B. White
Study in Scarlet, AArthur Conan Doyle
Suitable Boy, AVikram Seth
Summer Book, TheTove Jansson
Sun Also Rises, TheErnest Hemingway
Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again, ADavid Foster Wallace
Swallows and AmazonsArthur Ransome
SwamplandiaKaren Russell
Swann’s WayMarcel Proust
Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, TheAlan Bradley
Swiss Family Robinson, TheJohann David Wyss
Sympathizer, TheViet Thanh Nguyen
Tale for the Time Being, ARuth Ozeki
Tale of Genji, TheMurasaki Shikibu
Tale of Two Cities, ACharles Dickens
Talented Mr. Ripley, ThePatricia Highsmith
Tales of the CityArmistead Maupin
Taming of the Shrew, TheWilliam Shakespeare
Tempest, TheWilliam Shakespeare
Ten Thousand Doors of January, TheAlix E. Harrow
Tenant of Wildfell Hall, TheAnne Brontë
Tender Is the NightF. Scott Fitzgerald
TendernessRobert Cormier
Tess of the D’urbervillesThomas Hardy
Thank You, JeevesP.G. Wodehouse
The ChosenChaim Potok
The Complete StoriesFlannery O’Connor
Theban Plays, TheSophocles
Their Eyes Were Watching GodZora Neale Hurston
There ThereTommy Orange
Things Fall ApartChinua Achebe
Things They Carried, TheTim O’Brien
Thirteen Reasons WhyJay Asher
Thirteenth Tale, TheDiane Setterfield
This Is How You Lose the Time WarAmal El-Mohtar
This Side of ParadiseF. Scott Fitzgerald
Thorn Birds, TheColleen McCullough
Thousand Acres, AJane Smiley
Thousand Splendid Suns, AKhaled Hosseini
Three Musketeers, TheAlexandre Dumas
Throne of the Crescent MoonSaladin Ahmed
Through the Looking GlassLewis Carroll
Through the Looking GlassLewis Carroll
Time Machine, TheH.G. Wells
Time to Kill, AJohn Grisham
Time Traveler’s Wife, TheAudrey Niffenegger
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, SpyJohn Le Carré
Tipping Point, TheMalcom Gladwell
Tipping the VelvetSarah Waters
To Kill a MockingbirdHarper Lee
To the LighthouseVirginia Woolf
Tobacco RoadErskine Caldwell
Tortilla FlatJohn Steinbeck
Town Like Alice, ANevil Shute
Treasure IslandRobert Louis Stevenson
Tree Grows in Brooklyn, ABetty Smith
Trial and Death of Socrates, TheSocrates
Trial, TheFranz Kafka
Tristram ShandyLaurence Sterne
True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, TheAvi
Trumpet of the Swan, TheE.B. White
Tuck EverlastingNatalie Babbitt
Tuesdays With MorrieMitch Albom
Turn of the Screw, TheHenry James
Twelve Tribes of Hattie, TheAyana Mathis
Twelve Years a SlaveSolomon Northup
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the SeaJules Verne
TwilightStephenie Meyer
UlyssesJames Joyce
Unbearable Lightness of Being, TheMilan Kundera
UnbrokenLaura Hillenbrand
Uncle Tom’s CabinHarriet Beecher Stowe
Under the Udala TreesChinelo Okparanta
Under the VolcanoMalcom Lowry
Underground Railroad, TheColson Whitehead
UnderworldDon Delillo
Undress Me in the Temple of HeavenSusan Jane Gilman
Universe in a Single Atom, TheDalai Lama
UprootedNaomi Novik
UtopiaThomas More
Valley of Fear, TheArthur Conan Doyle
Valley of the DollsJacqueline Susann
Vanity FairWilliam Thackeray
Vegetarian, TheHan Kang
Velveteen Rabbit, TheMargery Williams
Vendor of Sweets, TheR.K. Narayan
VilletteCharlotte Bronte
Virgin Suicides, TheJeffrey Eugenides
Visit From the Goon Squad, AJennifer Egan
Volcano Lover, TheSusan Sontag
Waiting for GodotSamuel Beckett
Waiting for the BarbariansJ. M. Coetzee
WaldenHenry David Thoreau
Walk in the Woods, ABill Bryson
War and PeaceLeo Tolstoy
War and PeaceLeo Tolstoy
Warmth of Other Suns, TheIsabel Wilkerson
Waste Land and Other Poems, TheT. S. Eliot
WatchersDean Koontz
WatchmenAlan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Water for ElephantsSara Gruen
Water-Babies, TheCharles Kingsley
Watership DownRichard Adams
Watsons Go to Birmingham – 1963, TheChristopher Paul Curtis
Waves, TheVirginia Woolf
Way We Live Now, TheAnthony Trollope
We Have Always Lived in the CastleShirley Jackson
We Need to Talk About KevinLionel Shriver
Wedding Date, TheJasmine Guillory
Wedding, TheDorothy West
Weight of Water, TheAnita Shreve
Westing Game, TheEllen Raskin
What Maisie KnewHenry James
What We Talk About When We Talk About LoveRaymond Carver
When Breath Becomes AirPaul Kalanithi
When We Were OrphansKazuo Ishiguro
When We Were Very YoungA. A. Milne
When You Reach MeRebecca Stead
Where the Red Fern GrowsWilson Rawls
Where’d You Go, BernadetteMaria Semple
White NoiseDon DeLillo
White TeethZadie Smith
White Tiger, TheAravind Adiga
Who Was Changed and Who Was DeadBarbara Comyns
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?Edward Albee
Whose Body?Dorothy L. Sayers
WickedGregory Maguire
Wide Sargasso SeaJean Rhys
Wild Sheep Chase, AHaruki Murakami
Wild Swans: Three Daughters of ChinaJung Chang
Wind in the Willows, TheKenneth Grahame
Wind Up Bird Chronicle, TheHaruki Murakami
Winesburg, OhioSherwood Anderson
Winnie-The-PoohA. A. Milne
Winter Sea, TheThe Slains #1
Witch of Blackbird Pond, TheElizabeth George Spear
Witches, TheRoald Dahl
Wittgenstein’s MistressDavid Markson
Wives and DaughtersElizabeth Gaskell
Wizard of Earthsea, AUrsula K. LeGuin
Wolf HallHilary Mantel
Woman in the Dunes, TheKobo Abe
Woman in White, TheWilkie Collins
Woman Warrior, TheMaxine Wong Kingston
Women in LoveD.H. Lawrence
Women of Brewster Place, TheGloria Naylor
WonderR.J. Palacio
Wonderful Wizard of Oz, TheL. Frank Baum
World According to Garp, TheJohn Irving
World War ZMax Brooks
Wrath and the Dawn, TheRenee Ahdieh
Wrinkle in Time, AMadeleine L’engle
Wuthering HeightsEmily Brontë
XenocideOrson Scott Card
Year of Magical Thinking, TheJoan Didion
Yellow Wallpaper, TheCharlotte Perkins Gilman
Yes PleaseAmy Poehler
Yiddish Policemen’s Union, TheMichael Chabon
Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls, TheAnton DiSclafani
You Shall Know Our VelocityDave Eggers
Zami: A New Spelling of My NameAudre Lorde
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle MaintenanceRobert Pirsig
Zlata’s DiaryZlata Filipović
ZorroIsabel Allende

The Old Wolf has Spoken

The CBS 50th Anniversary Photo

This crossed my Facebook feed the other day, with the title “If you can recognize 5 of these people, you’re old.”

Well, I’m old. And I recognize most of them, but not all. So I did a little digging, and here are my results.

The photo (Click to enlarge):

CBS 50th Anniversary Gathering (1978)

The Key:

The Key is hard to read, so the following table lists the personalities with one of the things they are notable for. Not necessarily their most “famous” work, but one that I was familiar with or enjoyed. Journalists have no particular show attached to their names because they were all over the place.

2Jean StapletonAll in the Family
3Walter CronkiteJournalist – possibly the most famous of my generation
4Alfred HitchcockThe Birds
5Mary Tyler MooreThe Mary Tyler Moore Show
6Ellen CorbyThe Waltons
7Gene RayburnThe Match Game
8Vivian VanceI Love Lucy
9Milburn StoneGunsmoke
10Ann SothernThe Whales of August
11Barbara BainMission Impossible
12Nancy WalkerMurder by Death
13George BurnsGeorge and Gracie
14Cicely TysonThe Help
15Arthur GodfreyThe Glass Bottom Boat
16Red SkeltonThe Red Skelton Hour
17Gale StormIt Happened on 5th Avenue
18Danny KayeThe Court Jester
19Sandy DuncanRoots
20Telly SavalasKojak
21Dale EvansRoy Rogers
22Roy RogersRoy Rogers
23Ken MurrayFollow Me Boys
24June LockhartLost in Space
25Arthur MurrayArthur Murray Dance Studio
26Kathryn MurrayThe Arthur Murray Party
27Eric ScottThe Waltons
28Cami CotlerThe Waltons
29Bonnie FranklinOne Day at a Time
30William ConradCannon
31Eva GaborGreen Acres
32Allen FuntCandid Camera
33Tim ConwayThe Tim Conway Comedy Hour
34Danny ThomasThe Danny Thomas Show
35Bob KeeshanCaptain Kangaroo
36Dennis WeaverMcCloud
37Ray WalstonMy Favorite Martian
38Sally StruthersAll in the Family
39Garry MooreLaugh-In
40Linda LavinBarney Miller
41Douglas EdwardsNewscaster and Correspondent
42Betty  WhiteThe Golden Girls
43Bob SchiefferJournalist
44Ned BeattyDeliverance
45Charles KuraltJournalist
46Arlene FrancisWhat’s My Line
47Jamie FarrMash
48Adrienne BarbeauLove Boat
49Vicki LawrenceThe Carol Burnett Show
50Mary McDonoughThe Waltons
51Don KnottsThe Andy Griffith Show
52Lucille BallI Love Lucy
53Ed AsnerThe Mary Tyler Moore Show
54Jackie CooperHennesey
55Esther RolleGood Times
56Joan HackettThe Defenders
57Eric SevareidJournalist
58Mike WallaceJournalist
59Sherman HemsleyThe Jeffersons
60Jack WhitakerDeadly Heroes
61Isabel SanfordThe Jeffersons
62Judy Norton TaylorThe Waltons
63Bob DenverGilligan’s Island
64Caroll O’ConnorAll in the Family
65Dwayne HickmanThe Many Loves of Dobie Gillis
66Richard C. HotteletJournalist
67Will GeerBroken Arrow
68Lesley StahlJournalist
69Art CarneyThe Honeymooners
70Tony RandallThe Odd Couple
71Bob NewhartThe Bob Newhart Show
72Dick SmothersThe Smothers Brothers
73Hughes RuddJournalist
74Ted KnightThe Mary Tyler Moore Show
75Georgia EngelThe Mary Tyler Moore Show
76Jon WalmsleyAdam-12
77Charles CollingwoodJournalist
78Audrey MeadowsThe Honeymooners
79Valerie HarperThe Mary Tyler Moore Show
80Julie KavnerRhoda
81David HarperThe Waltons
82Bill Macy Maude
83Ken BerryF-Troop
84Art LinkletterHouse Party
85Glen CampbellTrue Grit
86Buddy EbsenThe Beverly Hillbillies
87Michael LearnedThe Waltons
88John ForsytheBachelor Father
89Steve AllenThe Tonight Show
90Carol BurnettThe Carol Burnett Show
91Jim NaborsGomer Pyle
92Beatrice ArthurThe Golden Girls
93Loretta SwitMash
94Ed BradleyJournalist
95Andy GriffithMayberry RFD
96Lee MerriwetherBarnaby Jones
97Demond WilsonSanford and Son
98Lynda CarterWonder Women
99James ArnessGunsmoke
100Dick Van DykeCold Turkey
101Jack LordHawaii Five-O
102Ralph WaiteThe Waltons
103Bernard KalbJournalist
104Martin LandauMission Impossible
105Rob ReinerThe Princess Bride
106Lynnie GreeneThe Golden Girls
107John AmosRoots
108Bob BarkerTruth or Consequences
109Bert ConvyPassword
110Dan RatherJournalist
111Richard CrennaThe Real McCoys
112Mike ConnorsMannix
113David GrohRhoda

Ode to [De]Joy

The essay below by one of my friends appeared on my Facebook feed yesterday, and it broke my heart.

We read during the election of Louis DeJoy’s efforts to hamstring the post office in order to bolster the irrational claims of The Thermonuclear Bowel Evacuation Formerly Disgracing the Oval Office that mail-in voting would lead to massive fraud. It wouldn’t, and it didn’t. But the actions of this Trump sycophant and donor, a man who has no business as Postmaster General of our nation, are continuing to have repercussions down the line and will continue to do so as long as this waste of human cytoplasm is permitted to continue castrating one of our nation’s most important institutions.

This is a cry from the trenches.

There is a gravestone somewhere with the inscription:

When you go to work tomorrow, I will be going, too, but only long enough to turn in my ID and my laptop.

The GOP Ten-Year Plan To Rape The Postal Service took its first blood on Friday, with hundreds of postal employees and contractors getting the word that their position has been eliminated. As usual, there will be new jobs posted, maybe, at facilities somewhere far from home and at a lesser salary, but a job is a job, and there will be struggles for these positions that will be as entertaining as the old gladiator battles in the Coliseum. And with similar results.

This came about because Louis DeJoy, who ran a shipping company that competed with the USPS, and was a major GOP donor, was appointed Postmaster General during the last administration. The board that oversees the PMG is still a pack of GOP curs, and will not remove him until enough of them are removed to force a vote. By then, it will be too late to save much of the USPS.

In the past year, the IT office that I work in has gone from twelve people to five. The UNIX support group is perhaps 2/3 the size it was at this time last year. The workload has not been reduced at all. Overtime is strongly discouraged. If you think this is a recipe for a catastrophe, I will not contradict you. But it will SAVE MONEY. Just like trashing the sorting machines just before the 2020 election was going to save money. I didn’t notice any savings, because the O/T put in by the employees to take up the slack would have more than eaten it. Oh, wait, they weren’t allowed to charge O/T. So a lot of them did their work off the clock. What a savings!

It will also cripple the USPS even further, so there will be more pressure to simply disband it and give the work to private corporations. Sending a birthday card by FedEx will cost about $15, instead of $0.55. But, hey, small government, right?

And giving us the shaft on a Friday morning of a long weekend was THE morale-booster that we all needed.

Oh, and the USPS employs more veterans than any other government function. So the “We Support Our Troops!” boys have just screwed over the veterans. Again.

I’m a contractor, not a USPS employee. The USPS unit at Peraton is only about 6 months old, having just been acquired from NorthropGrumman. So the scramble for new jobs there will be at least as bad as the one at USPS, because they were still trying to fit us into the organization as it was.

Screw it. I’m six months from turning 66. I may just sign up for the dole, and Medicare, and let the people who are trying to support their families get the jobs. I’m sick of this. I’ve watched the front line get screwed at Kodak, Informix, IBM, and now USPS, and the old men who made the decisions that got us there walk away with fat wallets. This is not how I had thought of retiring, those 40+ years ago, but, as some profound thinker said, it is what it is.

So, tomorrow I drive to San Mateo (55 miles each way, and that I will not miss), turn in all my gear, and drive home to see what happens next. I’d like to thank all the people who voted GOP in 2016 because they were afraid they’d lose their guns, on behalf of the hundreds of us who just lost our jobs.

On behalf of my friend who lost his livelihood and the countless others who have or will, many of whom will not be in a position to retire and say “Screw it,” thank you, Louis DeJoy, for shoving a stake into the heart of our nation’s postal system in the name of ideology and personal profit. May you roast in Hell forever, you simpering, thermonuclear asstrumpet.

The Old Wolf has spoken

PS: Congress, please remove the insane requirement for the USPS to pre-fund its retiree health benefits. Adopting a traditional “pay-as-you-go” method would produce billions of dollars of desperately-needed additional cash flow.

A brutal summary of Trump’s Presidency

A tweet from Ethical American (@AmericanEthical) which deserves to be read and shared widely.

Edit: A comment made me aware that Ethical American is not the original author, but: Redditor u/techsinger posted it because the original author encouraged people to share it widely. Redditor u/GaterMachetteSr then posted it to r/copypasta. Hence Ethical American was reposting with implicit permission, rather than stealing it. I’m still trying to track down the OP for attribution.

Edit 2: The earliest instance of this that I’ve found was by user paddyC at the forum, dated 16 Feb 2021. Still trying to determine if sir or madam is the original author.

Only slightly bowdlerized for a family-friendly audience.

Click to view the original thread.

For what it’s worth, every one of the items listed here has been documented with painful clarity. This isn’t “fake news.” This is the real deal.

I owe my Trump-supporting friends an apology.  I’ve been critical of the Trump presidency these last four years and am still exhausted from the experience. But to be fair President Trump wasn’t that bad, other than when he:

• incited an insurrection against the government
• mismanaged a pandemic that killed nearly half a million Americans
• separated children from their families
• lost those children in the bureaucracy
• tear-gassed peaceful protesters on Lafayette Square so he could hold a photo op holding a Bible in front of a church
• tried to block all Muslims from entering the country
• got impeached
• got impeached again
• had the worst jobs record of any president in modern history
• pressured Ukraine to dig dirt on Joe Biden
• fired the FBI director for investigating his ties to Russia
• bragged about firing the FBI director on TV
• took Vladimir Putin’s word over the US intelligence community
• diverted military funding to build his wall
• caused the longest government shutdown in US history
• called Black Lives Matter a “symbol of hate”
• lied over 30,000 times
• banned transgender people from serving in the military
• ejected reporters from the White House briefing room who asked tough questions
• vetoed the defense funding bill because it renamed military bases named for Confederate soldiers
• refused to release his tax returns
• increased the national debt by nearly $8 trillion
• had three of the highest annual trade deficits in U.S. history
• called veterans and soldiers who died in combat losers and suckers
• coddled the leader of Saudi Arabia after he ordered the execution and dismembering of a US-based journalist
• refused to concede the 2020 election
• hired his unqualified daughter and son-in-law to work in the White House
• walked out of an interview with Lesley Stahl
• called neo-Nazis “very fine people”
• suggested that people should inject bleach into their bodies to fight COVID
• abandoned our allies the Kurds to Turkey
• pushed through massive tax cuts for the wealthiest but balked at helping working Americans
• incited anti-lockdown protestors in several states at the height of the pandemic
• withdrew the US from the Paris climate accords
• withdrew the US from the Iranian nuclear deal
• withdrew the US from the Trans Pacific Partnership which was designed to block China’s advances
• insulted his own Cabinet members on Twitter
• pushed the leader of Montenegro out of the way during a photo op
• failed to reiterate US commitment to defending NATO allies
• called Haiti and African nations “shithole” countries
• called the city of Baltimore the “worst in the nation”
• claimed that he single handedly brought back the phrase “Merry Christmas” even though it hadn’t gone anywhere
• forced his Cabinet members to praise him publicly like some cult leader
• believed he should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize
• berated and belittled his hand-picked Attorney General when he recused himself from the Russia probe
• suggested the US should buy Greenland
• colluded with Mitch McConnell to push through federal judges and two Supreme Court
• justices after supporting efforts to prevent his predecessor from appointing judges
• repeatedly called the media “enemies of the people”
• claimed that if we tested fewer people for COVID we’d have fewer cases
• violated the emoluments clause
• thought that Nambia was a country
• told Bob Woodward in private that the coronavirus was a big deal but then downplayed it in public
• called his exceedingly faithful vice president a “pussy” for following the Constitution
• nearly got us into a war with Iran after threatening them by tweet
• nominated a corrupt head of the EPA
• nominated a corrupt head of HHS
• nominated a corrupt head of the Interior Department
• nominated a corrupt head of the USDA
• praised dictators and authoritarians around the world while criticizing allies
• refused to allow the presidential transition to begin
• insulted war hero John McCain – even after his death
• spent an obscene amount of time playing golf after criticizing Barack Obama for playing (far less) golf while president
• falsely claimed that he won the 2016 popular vote
• called the Muslim mayor of London a “stone cold loser”
• falsely claimed that he turned down being Time’s Man of the Year
• considered firing special counsel Robert Mueller on several occasions
• mocked wearing face masks to guard against transmitting COVID
• locked Congress out of its constitutional duty to confirm Cabinet officials by hiring acting ones
• used a racist dog whistle by calling COVID the “China virus”
• hired and associated with numerous shady figures that were eventually convicted
• of federal offenses including his campaign manager and national security adviser
• pardoned several of his shady associates
• gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to two congressman who amplified his [ ] crazy conspiracy theories
• got into telephone fight with the leader of Australia
• had a Secretary of State who called him a moron
• forced his press secretary to claim without merit that his was the largest inauguration crowd in history
• botched the COVID vaccine rollout
• tweeted so much dangerous propaganda that Twitter eventually banned him
• charged the Secret Service jacked-up rates at his properties
• constantly interrupted Joe Biden in their first presidential debate
• claimed that COVID would “magically” disappear
• called a U.S. Senator “Pocahontas”
• used his Twitter account to blast Nordstrom when it stopped selling Ivanka’s merchandise
• opened up millions of pristine federal lands to development and drilling
• got into a losing tariff war with China that forced US taxpayers to bail out farmers
• claimed that his losing tariff war was a win for the US
• ignored or didn’t even take part in daily intelligence briefings
• blew off honoring American war dead in France because it was raining
• redesigned Air Force One to look like the Trump Shuttle
• got played by Kim Jong Un and his “love letters”
• threatened to go after social media companies in clear violation of the Constitution
• botched the response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico
• threw paper towels at Puerto Ricans when he finally visited them
• pressured the governor and secretary of state of Georgia to “find” him votes
• thought that the Virgin islands had a President
• drew on a map with a Sharpie to justify his inaccurate tweet that Alabama was threatened by a hurricane
• allowed White House staff to use personal email accounts for official businesses after blasting Hillary Clinton for doing the same thing
• rolled back regulations that protected the public from mercury and asbestos
• pushed regulators to waste time studying snake-oil remedies for COVID
• rolled back regulations that stopped coal companies from dumping waste into rivers
• held blatant campaign rallies at the White House
• tried to take away millions of Americans’ health insurance because the law was named for a Black man
• refused to attend his successors’ inauguration
• nominated the worst Education Secretary in history
• threatened judges who didn’t do what he wanted
• attacked Dr. Anthony Fauci
• promised that Mexico would pay for the wall (it didn’t)
• allowed political hacks to overrule government scientists on major reports on climate change and other issues
• struggled navigating a ramp after claiming his opponent was feeble
• called an African-American Congresswoman “low IQ”
• threatened to withhold federal aid from states and cities with Democratic leaders
• went ahead with rallies filled with maskless supporters in the middle of a
• pandemic
• claimed that legitimate investigations of his wrongdoing were “witch hunts”
• seemed to demonstrate a belief that there were airports during the American Revolution
• demanded “total loyalty” from the FBI director
• praised a conspiracy theory that Democrats are Satanic pedophiles
• completely gutted the Voice of America
• placed a political hack in charge of the Postal Service
• claimed without evidence that the Obama administration bugged Trump Tower
• suggested that the US should allow more people from places like Norway into the country
• suggested that COVID wasn’t that bad because he recovered with the help of top government doctors and treatments not available to the public
• overturned energy conservation standards that even industry supported
• reduced the number of refugees the US accepts
• insulted various members of Congress and the media with infantile nicknames
• gave Rush Limbaugh a Presidential medal of Freedom at the State of the Union address
• named as head of federal personnel a 29-year old who’d previously been fired from the White House for allegations of financial improprieties
• eliminated the White House office of pandemic response
• used soldiers as campaign props
• fired any advisor who made the mistake of disagreeing with him
• demanded the Pentagon throw him a Soviet-style military parade
• hired a [] ton of white nationalists
• politicized the civil service
• did absolutely nothing after Russia hacked US
• falsely said the Boy Scouts called him to say his bizarre Jamboree speech was the best speech ever given to the Scouts
• claimed that Black people would overrun the suburbs if Biden won
• insulted reporters of color
• insulted women reporters
• insulted women reporters of color
• suggested he was fine with China’s oppression of the Uighurs
• attacked the Supreme Court when it ruled against him
• summoned Pennsylvania state legislative leaders to the White House to pressure them to overturn the election
• spent countless hours every day watching Fox News
• refused to allow his administration to comply with Congressional subpoenas
• hired Rudy Giuliani as his lawyer
• tried to punish Amazon because the Jeff Bezos-owned Washington Post wrote negative stories about him
• acted as if the Attorney General of the United States was his personal attorney
• attempted to get the federal government to defend him in a libel lawsuit from a women who accused him of sexual assault
• held private meetings with Vladimir Putin without staff present
• didn’t disclose his private meetings with Vladimir Putin so that the US had to find out via Russian media
• stopped holding press briefings for months at a time
• “ordered” US companies to leave China even though he has no such power
• led a political party that couldn’t even be bothered to draft a policy platform
• claimed preposterously that Article II of the Constitution gave him absolute powers
• tried to pressure the U.K. to hold the British Open at his golf course
• suggested that the government nuke hurricanes
• suggested that wind turbines cause cancer
• said that he had a special aptitude for science
• fired the head of election cyber security after he said that the 2020 election was secure
• blurted out classified information to Russian officials
• tried to force the G7 to hold their meeting at his failing golf resort in Florida
• fired the acting attorney general when she refused to go along with his unconstitutional Muslim travel ban
• hired Stephen Miller
• openly discussed national security issues in the dining room at Mar-a-Lago where everyone could hear them
• interfered with plans to relocate the FBI because a new development there might compete with his hotel
• abandoned Iraqi refugees who’d helped the U.S. during the war
• tried to get Russia back into the G7
• held a COVID super spreader event in the Rose Garden
• seemed to believe that Frederick Douglass is still alive
• lost 60 election fraud cases in court including before judges he had nominated
• falsely claimed that factories were reopening when they weren’t
• shamelessly exploited terror attacks in Europe to justify his anti-immigrant policies
• still hasn’t come up with a healthcare plan
• still hasn’t come up with an infrastructure plan despite repeated “Infrastructure”
• forced Secret Service agents to drive him around Walter Reed while contagious with COVID
• told the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by”
• [botched] the Census
• withdrew the U.S. from the World Health Organization in the middle of a pandemic
• did so few of his duties that his press staff were forced to state on his daily schedule “President Trump will work from early in the morning until late in the evening. He will make many calls and have many meetings”
• allowed his staff to repeatedly violate the Hatch Act
• seemed not to know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican
• stood before sacred CIA wall of heroes and bragged about his election win
• constantly claimed he was treated worse than any president which presumably includes four that were assassinated and his predecessor
• whose legitimacy and birthplace were challenged by a racist reality TV show star named Donald Trump
• claimed Andrew Jackson could’ve stopped the Civil War even though he died 16 years before it happened
• said that any opinion poll showing him behind was fake
• claimed that other countries laughed at us before he became president when several world leaders were literally laughing at him
• claimed that the military was out of ammunition before he became President
• created a commission to whitewash American history
• retweeted anti-Islam videos from one of the most racist people in Britain
• claimed ludicrously that the Pulse nightclub shooting wouldn’t have happened if someone there had a gun even though there was an armed security guard there
• hired a senior staffer who cited the non-existent Bowling Green Massacre as a reason to ban Muslims
• had a press secretary who claimed that Nazi Germany never used chemical weapons even though every sane human being knows they used gas to kill millions of Jews and others
• bilked the Secret Service for higher than market rates when they had to stay at Trump properties
• apparently sold pardons on his way out of the White House
• stripped protective status from 59,000 Haitians
• falsely claimed Biden wanted to defund the police
• said that the head of the CDC didn’t know what he was talking about
• tried to rescind protection from DREAMers
• gave himself an A+ for his handling of the pandemic
• tried to start a boycott of Goodyear tires due to an Internet hoax
• said U.S. rates of COVID would be lower if you didn’t count blue states
• deported U.S. veterans who served their country but were undocumented
• claimed he did more for African Americans than any president since Lincoln
• touted a “super-duper” secret “hydrosonic” missile which may or may not be a new “hypersonic” missile or may not exist at all
• retweeted a gif calling Biden a pedophile
• forced through security clearances for his family
• suggested that police officers should rough up suspects
• suggested that Biden was on performance-enhancing drugs
• tried to stop transgender students from being able to use school bathrooms in line with their gender
• suggested the US not accept COVID patients from  a cruise ship because it would make US numbers look higher
• nominated a climate change sceptic to chair the committee advising the White House on environmental policy
• retweeted a video doctored to look like Biden had played a song called “[F] tha Police” at a campaign event
• hugged a disturbingly large number of U.S. flags
• accused Democrats of “treason” for not applauding his State of the Union address
• claimed that the FBI failed to capture the Parkland school shooter because they were “spending too much time” on Russia
• mocked the testimony of Dr Christine Blasey Ford when she accused Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault
• obsessed over low-flow toilets
• ordered the rerelease of more COVID vaccines when there weren’t any to release
• called for the construction of a bizarre garden of heroes with statutes of famous dead Americans as well as at least one Canadian (Alex Trebek)
• hijacked Washington’s July 4th celebrations to give a partisan speech
• took advice from the MyPillow guy
• claimed that migrants seeking a better life in the US were dangerous caravans of drug dealers and rapists
• said nothing when Vladimir Putin poisoned a leading opposition
• never seemed to heed the advice of his wife’s “Be Best” campaign
• falsely claimed that mail-in voting is fraudulent
• announced a precipitous withdrawal of troops from Syria which not only handed Russia and ISIS a win but also prompted his defense secretary
• to resign in protest
• insulted the leader of Canada
• insulted the leader of France
• insulted the leader of Britain
• insulted the leader of Germany
• insulted the leader of Sweden
• falsely claimed credit for getting NATO members to increase their share of dues
• blew off two Asia summits even though they were held virtually
• continued lying about spending lots of time at Ground Zero with 9/11 responders
• said that the Japanese would sit back and watch their “Sony televisions” if the US were ever attacked
• left a NATO summit early in a huff
• stared directly into an eclipse even though everyone over the age of 5 knows not to do that
• called himself a very stable genius despite significant evidence to the contrary
• refused to commit to a peaceful transfer of power and kept his promise
• and a whole bunch of other things I can’t remember at the moment.

• But other than that…

If there is any justice in the world, they will be.

Oh, and don’t forget when he

• evilly mocked a disabled reporter¹
• told America that if he didn’t win in 2020 the election was rigged
• insisted that he won the 2020 election (The Big Lie)
• incited a mob of followers to attack the Capitol on January 6th, and promised that he would be there with them (he wasn’t)
• watched with glee as the events of January 6th unfolded
• continues to this date to insist that the election was stolen and that he is the legitimate president of the United States

The Old Wolf has spoken


¹ Of all the horrors that The Thermonuclear Bowel Evacuation Formerly Disgracing the Oval Office perpetrated upon America, this is the one which early on showed me that he is nothing but a cruel, pathologically-motivated third-grade schoolyard bully from a terminally-corrupt family, one who should never have been allowed within 10,000 miles of any seat of government or power or influence.

Thanks, Akismet

I’ve been running my blog long enough that Akismet pretty much knows which comments are spam and which are not. I haven’t actually seen a spam comment for approval in years.

Today I just peeped into my spam folder to see what sort of things were being trapped by Akismet, and there were 35 “comments” there; below, a list of the comments and what was being linked to:

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It is evident that blog comment spammers are still active, hoping for clicks and views at their disreputable websites. WordPress does a great job filtering this garbage out so a blog owner never sees it, but I have been to blogs and bulletin boards that have either been inactive for some time, or which don’t have a spam detector like Akismet, or which are relatively unmoderated – and they are full of literally thousands of junk comments like this hoping for wider internet exposure and search engine visibility. (I mentioned this 8 years ago in a previous post, but the algorithms and apps needed to blast out comments to every blog in the world are cheap and easy to obtain, so they’re still at it.)

If you have a blog, make sure you either have a good spam filtering process in place, or moderate it regularly. These people are the hqiz of hqiz-eaters; don’t give them any oxygen at all.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

China: Thanks for the intellectual property theft

If you’ve followed or read my blog for any length of time, you know that I have this gut-level aversion to spammers, scammers, sleazy advertisers, and just about anyone who takes money from others by way of lies or deception. I execrate these people with the fury of a thousand O-type blue-hot suns.

O-type Blue star – average temperature 25,000 K.

Say hello to the Rinne Corporation, two guys who put their heads together and invented a better mousetrap.

Sit this bad boy on top of a 5-gallon bucket, bait the top, and watch the vermin enjoy their last slip-n-slide. For what it’s worth, I just ordered one from them this morning.

Naturally, Chinese businessmen who have all the ethics and morals of a starving honey badger saw these things, and as countless thousands of them do, ripped off the idea, started manufacturing knockoff copies, and selling them all over the Internet (including Amazon).

Amazon listings for the Flip-and-Slide bucket trap. Only the first one, from Rinne, is genuine. The others are cheap knockoffs from China for which Rinne gets no benefit.

Amazon states for the record that they are “trying” to shut down illegitimate storefronts, but based on results they are not putting a whole lot of real effort into it, and every day these scumbags exist on their website, they’re making money – so they don’t really have a lot of incentive to do much about it.

And of course the Chinese Communist Party encourages this theft of Intellectual property. National industrial policy goals in China encourage IP theft, and an extraordinary number of Chinese in business and government entities are engaged in this practice. There are also weaknesses and biases in the legal and patent systems that lessen the protection of foreign IP.

As the new Chinese leadership settles in, IPR issues loom. The fundamental question is whether the new leaders will confront the major societal and policy forces that continue to work against IPR. The patent and trade-secret legal environments, for example, require reform. The patent system encourages Chinese entities to copy and file foreign patents as if these patents were their own, and seems to establish the right of Chinese entities to sue the foreign, original inventor that seeks to sell the technology in China.

2013, The IP Commission Report (The Report of the Commission on the Theft of American Intellectual Property)

In 2021, based on what is being seen on the Internet and elsewhere, the problem is not only not being addressed, but is proliferating at an exponential rate. Facebook¹ doesn’t care; Google doesn’t care. They’ll happily take money from deceptive advertisers without a second thought.

Mobile ads presented on a search for “tip bucket mouse trap original

The first company (, great name right?) has its mailing address in Reykjavik, Iceland, with tech support listed in Burundi, according to ICANN. The second, “Find Good Gear” makes no attempt at misdirection but is registered in China. The third one,, appears to be an identical copy of the first one with only the name differing. All three websites have the following somewhere:

MADE IN USA –  We are a very small family-owned manufacturing company which started out in our home garage. We now own a large warehouse where we manufacture and hand package our products. Support American Business

Even with access to a Roget’s Thesaurus (both in hard copy and online), I do not have words enough to express how badly this kind of repugnant jiggery-pokery enrages me. Sales by theft of property, sales by outright lies and deception are the hallmark of China’s business model, and there’s not a thing honest businesspeople can do about it. Our government works so ponderously that by the time anything is done (and what is done will be a pathetic, watered-down version of what should be done), the criminal enterprises will have made a fortune, disappeared into the mist, and reappeared under a new name selling a new pirated product.

The only thing consumers can do is take the time to make sure they are buying from American companies, and preferably the originators of products they see. It takes time and effort, but if we’re ever going to turn the tide against conglomerates who outsource everything overseas, it will be worth it.

The Old Wolf has spoken.²


¹ The following is an example of a Facebook ad that I see almost daily:

Every single one begins with a variation of “We are sad to announce that we are closing our collection.” This is the purest horse 💩, and people fall for it in droves. This is similar to the signs I see periodically – there used to be an outfit in San Francisco’s Chinatown that had one of these on their storefront for years:

They’re closing their collection all right… and they’ll be back next week under a new name, peddling the same cheaply-made and overpriced stuff that they are now.

And that’s not to mention the ever-present teeshirt vendors who photoshop celebrities into their ads for products with stolen, unauthorized artwork. As the linked website says,

When those products are infringing on copyrights, or are misappropriating celebrity images, it’s incumbent on Facebook to crack down on them.

But they’re not, because it hurts their bottom line when they do.

Pissed off!

² if you don’t like what I’ve said here, complain on your own blog. This is not a place for debate.