VERBS

• To schmooze    ‑ befriend scum
• To pitch       ‑ grovel shamelessly
• To brainstorm  ‑ feign preparedness
• To research    ‑ procrastinate indefinitely
• To freelance   ‑ collect unemployment

NOUNS

• Agent          ‑ frustrated lawyer
• Producer       ‑ frustrated writer
• Writer         ‑ frustrated director
• Director       ‑ frustrated actor
• Actor          ‑ frustrated human

COMPOUND WORDS

• High concept             ‑ low brow
• Entry level              ‑ pays nothing
• Network approved         ‑ has made them money before

FINANCIAL TERMS

• Net            ‑ something that apparently doesn’t exist*
• Gross          ‑ Michael Eisner’s salary
• Back End       ‑ you, if you think you’ll ever see any
• Deferral       ‑ don’t hold your breath
• Points         ‑ see  “Net” or “Back End”

COMMON PHRASES

• You can trust me              ‑ You must be new
• It needs some polishing       ‑ Change everything
• It shows promise              ‑ It sucks
• I’d like some input           ‑ I want total control
• Call me back next week        ‑ Stay out of my life
• Try and punch it up           ‑ I have no idea what I want

Notes:

* Sir Alec Guinness, despite his lack of love for the cheesy dialog in Star Wars Episode 4, made out like a bandit as his agent negotiated a deal for 2.25% of receipts. (There are stories that he was promised 2.5%, but didn’t quibble over it when the offer was confirmed in writing.) It’s estimated that his and his estate’s take over time was between 50 and 75 million.

A good article about why there is never a “net” profit can be found at TechDirt. If you’re an actor/actress and you’re offered part of the net, negotiate for a ham sandwich instead. At least you’ll get something.