Only Ten More Years until Retirement

In 2004, I had the chance to attend Dragon Con in Atlanta. I picked this up and brought it back to my office

It was perfect.

As it turns out, things had become so frustrating that I ended up retiring early, two years later. After I announced my decision, I put this on my file cabinet, and still have it at home:

There are times I miss the regular paycheck instead of the entrepreneurial uncertainty, but only about 10% of me feels that way. The other nine voices in my head never look back.

Edit, 11/10/2021

“Retirement comes on little HR feet. It sits looking over the wreckage of corporate folly, and then moves on, never to look back.” (With apologies to Carl Sandburg.)

For some it comes, summoned and welcome, and those who call greet it as an old friend, and depart the world of corporate bullshit gladly, as equals. For others, it arrives quietly and suddenly carries an unprepared soul across the river Styx to a land of unexpected unemployment, yet those who dwell there come to appreciate a sense of freedom and self-determination that was denied them for decades.

I thank the Universe and whatever gods there may be that I no longer have to deal with power-crazed bastards who wield power over my life by raising their little finger.

There’s always Dilbert, but “workchronicles” is a fresh take on corporate folly.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

When one is completely empty inside

Over on Facebook, I got a pointer to a blog post in Norwegian. Now, my Norwegian is hqiz; I studied intensively for 3 months before staffing a seminar for Klemmer and Associates in Asker, Norway, in November of 2008, and it helped me get around and interact with the students, but we’re talking survival. But it’s enough that I could understand the article, and with the help of online resources I worked my way through it enough to determine that it needs to be shared. What follows is my own effort at putting this moving post into English. It’s not perfect by any means, but I think it captures the spirit of what was said.


Tonight my daughter [1], age 7, told me that one of the seventh graders at her school had been bothering her. He pushed her and said something that made her sad.
– Well, what did he say? I asked.
– He called me  …n … he called me … a nigger,‘ [2] said my daughter, with downcast eyes.

My daughter never has downcast eyes. She tends to face the world with clenched fists and a huge smile, but now it looked as though she were ashamed of something. Something in me sank, not particularly because of the n-word, but because of my daughter’s uncharacteristic body language. But I replied in the same tone as I usually do when she talks about things that have happened; I tried to get all the facts on the table before I reacted.

– Do you know what “nigger” means? I asked.
– No, admitted my daughter. Then she took a breath and looked up at me:
– But I knew it meant something bad!
– How did you know that?
– Because he said it in such a mean,  teasing way. And because I was completely empty inside.

That description of being subjected to derogatory remarks was so spot-on that I felt pretty empty inside, too. But my daughter sat there and waited for an answer and an explanation. I took a deep breath and tried to explain. That “nigger” is a word that gets used on people with brown skin, who come from Africa or look like they come from Africa.

– Like  me? So he can SAY that? She widened her eyes and I felt like I had drowned a sack of kittens. I went on to say that word was common in the old days, but it is not used very often anymore. I explained that many people, especially adults and old people, use it without meaning anything bad by it, and without wanting to hurt anyone. They just have not kept up with the times.

But I told her that there are some people who use the word on purpose, to be mean, and that she probably was right, that this particular boy belongs to the latter group. These people tend to stand out.

And I said that no one has the right to call someone something that makes them completely empty inside, whatever that word means. But still, there are many people that say things just to make others sad. And sometimes people say things without wanting to make others sad, but they feel sad anyway.

We had a pretty long chat on the sofa, and another after that evening’s bedtime story session was finished. We discussed what is okay to say to others and what is not okay, and why. We talked about what we should say if we have accidentally made someone else feel empty inside, and what we should say if others are doing it to us. And whether it’s worse if someone we like and love says insensitive things to us. For this unknown boy was, after all, no one of consequence in my daughter’s life, but still, Mommy.

Actually, I had plans to use to use my personal development time this evening watching the zombie series and other fun things, but I ended up pondering a bit instead. Pretty loose and fragmented, I must confess, for mentally I’m dangerously close to zombie level right now. But let me think out loud anyway (after all it is my blog, so I can do what I want): Everyone agrees in principle that saying things to be mean is not allowed. The specific episode my daughter told me about obviously falls into that category. But people who say such things – where do they get this from? And where does one draw the line? There is no agreement.

Not so long ago I had a chat with some of my students at school. They have a pretty rough tone in the classroom, and several have responded that put-downs run pretty freely in the group. Among other things, it happens too often that something is characterized by derogatory prefixes such as Paki, whore- and homo- (for example, “homo music”, i.e. music that any talented guy with normal gender identity would consider worth listening to). The students themselves couldn’t get it through their heads that there was a problem here. We’re just kidding! We only say it to people who can take it, who are in on the joke!

It’s clear that kidding around with friends is fine. But the boundaries of humor are delicate and indistinct. The words we use have so many fine distinctions. One man’s fun banter can be another man’s nightmare. I didn’t mean any harm by it, we pout, as though that should make everything all better. By no means do we want to descend into an “I feel insulted” tyranny, where anyone’s negative feelings about some experience should determine the norm for everyone else’s behavior. But we do need to be crystal clear that every time we choose to say something hurtful (or refrain from saying something nice) to or about someone, we make a choice that affects everyone around us.

What about the person who is not in on the joke? The one who laughs uncomfortably, because he or she doesn’t want to be labeled killjoy or a first-class whiner? And what about the guy who happens to share the same classroom (or break room or dinner table) with two others “jokingly” using derogatory names for each other? He is not a direct recipient of Jesus Christ, you are so fucking gay, man! He’s not really involved at all, but sitting in the same room, he suddenly becomes completely empty inside. And no one says anything about it. So he’s completely empty, all alone.

It is never okay for anyone to be completely empty inside.


Notes

[1] The original Norwegian is “Lillesøster” (Little Sister)

[2] Nigger is the best translation available here. The original Norwegian is neger (negro), in this case used as a derogatory term, but it should be clearly stated here that the word doesn’t carry the immense cultural weight that it does here in the United States.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

If it ain’t broke, it must need improving

A Facebook acquaintance of mine posted a link to this article over at Software Engineering Tips – “Signs That You’re a Good Programmer.” Two of my favorite qualities were:

  • Eager to fix what isn’t broken
  • A destructive pursuit of perfection

The others are really good, too – as a former programmer now forever behind the technology curve, I can bear glowing witness that when you’re in the groove, this article describes to a “T” what it’s like to be a programmer. And it has ever been so. I first discovered this little gem back in 1980 while working at the State of Washington’s OFM, but it’s still every bit as valid today (except, perhaps, the part about the 80-column cards!)

Ode to a Programmer

“No program is perfect,”
they said with a shrug.
“The client is happy –
what’s one little bug?”

But he was determined;
The others went home.
He dug out the flowcharts,
Deserted, alone.

Night passed into morning,
The room became cluttered
With core-dumps and punch-cards.
“I’m close,” he muttered.

Chain-smoking, cold coffee,
Logic, deduction,
“I’ve got it!” her cried,
“Just change one instruction!”

Then change two, then three more,
As year followed year,
And strangers would comment,
“Is that guy still here?”

He died at the console
Of hunger and thirst.
Next day he was buried
Face down, 9-edge first.

And his wife, through her tears,
Accepting his fate,
Said, “He’s not really gone,
He’s
Just
Working
Late!

Programmers are engineers – they work with code and numbers and concepts instead of wrenches and solder and lathes, but they belong to the same breed. Suggest to an engineer that something needs to be repaired, and they won’t rest until it’s done. Dare to suggest that it might be improved, and you have won their heart forever:

Repaired Improved

Girl Genius by Phil and Kaja Foglio

And many of these people are sheer geniuses. I know a guy down in Australia who can take a paper clip, six gum wrappers and a hank of jute and create a street racer or an oil-cooled computer (yes, I’m looking at you, Steam Wolf). MacGyver was an engineer.

To all the programming widows and widowers languishing at home, you have my sympathies – but that’s just who these people are.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

A Little Girl Called me a Terrorist

Ela has asked that we spread her message. I am honored to do so. Her original post is at imperfectwriting.tumblr.com

I went to the mall, and a little girl called me a terrorist.

My name is Ela.  I am seventeen years old.  I am not Muslim, but my friend told me about her friend being discriminated against for wearing a hijab.  So I decided to see the discrimination firsthand to get a better understanding of what Muslim women go through.
My friend and I pinned scarves around our heads, and then we went to the mall.  Normally, vendors try to get us to buy things and ask us to sample a snack.  Clerks usually ask us if we need help, tell us about sales, and smile at us.  Not today.  People, including vendors, clerks, and other shoppers, wouldn’t look at us.  They didn’t talk to us.  They acted like we didn’t exist.  They didn’t want to be caught staring at us, so they didn’t look at all.
And then, in one store, a girl (who looked about four years old) asked her mom if my friend and I were terrorists.  She wasn’t trying to be mean or anything.  I don’t even think she could have grasped the idea of prejudice.  However, her mother’s response is one I can never forgive or forget.  The mother hushed her child, glared at me, and then took her daughter by the hand and led her out of the store.
All that because I put a scarf on my head.  Just like that, a mother taught her little girl that being Muslim was evil.  It didn’t matter that I was a nice person.  All that mattered was that I looked different.  That little girl may grow up and teach her children the same thing.
This experiment gave me a huge wakeup call.  It lasted for only a few hours, so I can’t even begin to imagine how much prejudice Muslim girls go through every day.  It reminded me of something that many people know but rarely remember: the women in hijabs are people, just like all those women out there who aren’t Muslim.
 Please help me spread this message.  Treat Muslims, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans, Taoists, etc., exactly the way you want to be treated, regardless of what they’re wearing or not wearing, no exceptions.  I don’t know that the world will ever totally wipe out prejudice, but we can try, one blog at a time.

As I quoted in my post about John Howard Griffin, as a black man Griffin recorded experiences that were hauntingly mirrored by Ela’s words: “I got off and began walking along Canal Street in the heart of town… I passed the same taverns and amusement places where the hawkers had solicited me on previous evenings. They were busy, urging the white men to come in and see the girls. The same smells of smoke and liquor and dampness poured out through half-open doors. Tonight they did not solicit me. Tonight they looked at me but did not see me.” (From Black Like Me).

Ela said, “The mother hushed her child, glared at me, and then took her daughter by the hand and led her out of the store.” She had experienced her own version of “the hate stare.”

Ela said, “It didn’t matter that I was a nice person.  All that mattered was that I looked different.” Griffin reported that he discussed his project with the FBI before beginning. He asked them, “Do you suppose they will treat me as John Howard Griffin, regardless of my color – or will they treat me as some nameless Negro, even though I am still the same name?” The response: “You’re not serious, one of them said. “They’re not going to ask you any questions. As soon as they see you, you’ll be a Negro and that’s all they’ll ever want to know about you.”

50 years later, and we have made so little progress. Huge honor to Ela for taking her own journey into a different culture and bringing to light the prejudices and fears that still plague us.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Warrumbungle National Park

Hike to Grand High Tops in the Warrumbungle National Park (New South Wales, Australia) and you will be treated to countless breathtaking views, not the least of which is this shot of the Bread Knife, a thin slice of rock jutting out of the volcanic soil. It was a rigorous hike, but the sights were spectacular, and I started early enough in the morning that the flies were only horribly annoying instead of hellishly demonic. Now I understand what those hats are for.

I had spent the previous night parked in the middle of the reserve, lying on my back and observing the stars overhead. The mountains around the crater are home, for good reason, home to the Siding Spring Observatory and the Anglo-Australian telescope; lack of surrounding light pollution made this one of the most stunning stargazing experiences I have ever had. Even my cheap little camera was able to detect the various colors of the stars in the Southern Cross – Gamma and Epsilon Crucis are red and orange giants, respectively, while Alpha, Beta and Delta are blue or blue-white. I also had spectacular views of the Magellanic clouds, too faint to be captured, alas, but plainly visible to the naked eye. What a rush!

Enhanced time-exposure of the Southern Cross, with Beta Crucis in the lower-left corner.

As the sky lightened, I drove down to the park entrance, and was treated to some spectacular sunrise shots along the way:

The views along the way were just as impressive as those from the top:

The Bread Knife from below

Warrumbungle – back rim from Grand High Tops

Siding Spring Observatory (star) from Grand High Tops

Would love to come back here and spend more time exploring, but I’m so grateful for the chance to have seen this wonder with my own eyes.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Beauty in Metal – The USA’s most stunning coinage

Disclaimer: This post is entirely subjective. Others will have different opinions. As a long-time numismatist, these are the ones which have captured my imagination.

The Augustus St. Gaudens $20.00 Gold Piece

The St. Gaudens piece was originally struck in ultra high relief, such that it took nine strokes to create it, rendering it impractical; only 20 specimens are known, and they are valued at up to $3,000,000.

St. Gaudens was grieved, but made a few changes to his design under the misapprehension that the first coins were struck on a production press, rather than the mint’s only medal press; the next high-relief version only took 3 strokes, but was still impractical for production use.

It was only after St. Gaudens’ death that a production version in low relief was approved. It is still a masterful work of art.

The Walking Liberty Half Dollar

The combination of the liberty and the majectic eagle make for a beautiful piece of coinage.

The Standing Liberty Quarter

This one vies with the St. Gaudens piece for my very favorite. It is just so aesthetically pleasing. The first version, stamped in 1916, had a bit of a problem:

The lady is rather unclad, which offended the sensibilities of the nation, so the next version had her cover up in a bit of chain mail. In addition, the date was set onto a flat raised pedestal and showed a tendency to wear off quickly – subsequent versions placed the date into a trough where it would be more protected from wear.

The Silver Three-Cent Piece

The second-smallest coin to have common circulation, smaller and thinner than a dime, this little gem had a turbulent history.

The Type-1 gold dollar on the left came in at 13 mm in diameter, the 3-cent silver piece at 14. A common dime is just under 18 mm wide. The coin was widely hoarded and melted down for its silver, and shopkeepers found them hard to keep track of. Uncirculated specimens are rare and highly valuable.

The Liberty-cap (Mercury) Dime

Common in circulation when I was a child, these coins are strikingly beautiful, especially when found in uncirculated condition. Can you spot the picture of the car on the reverse? If you’re having trouble, click here. Haha!

The Flying Eagle and Indian Head pennies

These are just pretty, especially when in good condition.

The Stella

The Stella, or $4.00 gold piece, was a pattern – it was never created for circulation. Nonetheless, I think it’s beautiful. The picture below is one of the finest examples known.

There are others; some of the state quarters that were recently released are quite attractive, but nothing comes up to the standard of previous centuries.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Your lamp is getting dim

THERE IS A MASSIVE VENDING MACHINE HERE. THE INSTRUCTIONS ON IT READ:
“DROP COINS HERE TO RECEIVE FRESH BATTERIES.”

Will Crowther would be so proud.

This post will only have meaning to anyone of a certain age who is familiar with Colossal Cave, but I can’t help where my mind goes.

The Old Wolf is carried off by a cheering band of friendly elves.

The Iron Pillar of Delhi

Long one of the unexplained wonders of the world, this peculiar item in Delhi has now been analyzed by scientists, who are still amazed that metalworkers in the 4th or 5th century would have had the kind of knowledge required to create it.

Currently theory holds that the pillar was forged during the reign of Chandragupta II, who reigned from 380 to 413 or thereabouts.

And although it is composed of 98% wrought iron, it has sat exposed to the elements for about 1600 years… and it refuses to rust.

Wikipedia explains that “In a report published in the journal Current Science, R. Balasubramaniam of the IIT Kanpur explains how the pillar’s resistance to corrosion is due to a passive protective film at the iron-rust interface. The presence of second-phase particles (slag and unreduced iron oxides) in the microstructure of the iron, that of high amounts of phosphorus in the metal, and the alternate wetting and drying existing under atmospheric conditions are the three main factors in the three-stage formation of that protective passive film.”

Now that’s too many for this Wolf of Very Little Brain, but apparently the early blacksmiths knew how to do something marvelous. Whether it was by design or by happenstance, no one is quite sure. But there it sits, and if history is any indication, it will be there long after my great-great-grandchildren’s great-great-grandchildren have turned to dust.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

1966: The flood of the Arno River

The 1966 Flood of the Arno River in Florence killed many people and damaged or destroyed millions of masterpieces of art and rare books. It is considered the worst flood in the city’s history since 1557. With the combined effort of Italian citizens and foreign donors and committees, or angeli del fango (“Mud Angels”), many of these fine works have been restored. New methods in conservation were devised and restoration laboratories established. However, even decades later, much work remains to be done. (Wikipedia)

A photo sent to my father by either a relative or a family friend (I never knew which) shows a shopkeeper indicating the water level. What a terrible thing. In some areas of Florence, the water level was over 6 meters high.

Predictions from 1900

Predictions of the Year 2000
from The Ladies Home Journal  of December 1900

by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”

Original Article. Transcription follows below, with random commentary in color:

“These prophecies will seem strange, almost impossible. Yet, they have come from the most learned and conservative minds in America. To the wisest and most careful men in our greatest institutions of science and learning I have gone, asking each in his turn to forecast for me what, in his opinion, will have been wrought in his own field of investigation before the dawn of 2001 – a century from now. These opinions I have carefully transcribed.”

Five Hundred Million People. There will probably be from 350,000,000 to 500,000,000 people in America and its possessions by the lapse of another century. Nicaragua will ask for admission to our Union after the completion of the great canal. Mexico will be next. Europe, seeking more territory to the south of us, will cause many of the South and Central American republics to be voted into the Union by their own people.”

Close, considering that the 1900 number was 76,094,000. The 2000 census reported 281,421,906 people.

The American will be taller by from one to two inches. His increase of stature will result from better health, due to vast reforms in medicine, sanitation, food and athletics. He will live fifty years instead of thirty-five as at present – for he will reside in the suburbs. The city house will practically be no more. Building in blocks will be illegal. The trip from suburban home to office will require a few minutes only. A penny will pay the fare.

The US life expectancy in 2000 was 77.1 years. One of my favorite children’s books was “The Goops,” by Gelett Burgess. One of the poems follows:

CONSIDERATION

When you’re old, and get to be
Thirty-four or forty-three,
Don’t you hope that you will see
Children all respect you?

Will they, without being told,
Wait on you, when you are old,
Or be heedless, selfish, cold?
I hope they’ll not neglect you!

I always chuckled as a child at the concept of being old at thirty-four or forty-three, and chalked it up to humoristic license. However, The Goops was published in 1900, when the average life expectancy was 46.3 (male) and 48.3 (female). Watkins underestimated the average lifespan in his day, and also underestimated what modern medical science has done for today’s expected lifespan. As for the “rapid transit” Watkins envisioned, we’re not quite there yet.

These were 15 ¢ when I was growing up in New York. When the new New York City Transit Authority raised the fare from a dime to 15 cents, turnstiles could not register two different coins. So 48 million of dime-sized, “Small Y”, brass Y-cut tokens were minted. Unfortunately, prices went in the wrong direction, with a single ride on NYC’s subway costing $2.25.

There will be No C, X or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. Spelling by sound will have been adopted, first by the newspapers. English will be a language of condensed words expressing condensed ideas, and will be more extensively spoken than any other. Russian will rank second.

A piece of language satire often attributed to either Mark Twain or “European Union Spelling Reform” and ending up “Ze drem vil finali kum tru!” has circulated for years around fax machines and the internet. However, it appears that the original idea for this bit of doggerel came from

Meihem In Ce Klasrum
by Dolton Edwards.
Because we are still bearing some of the scars of our brief skirmish with II-B English, it is natural that we should be enchanted with Mr. George Bernard Shaw’s proposal for a simplified alphabet.

Obviously, as Mr. Shaw points out, English spelling is in much need of a general overhauling and streamlining. However, our resistance to any changes requiring a large expenditure of mental effort in the near future would cause us to view with some apprehension the possibility of some day receiving a morning paper printed in – to us – Greek.

Our own plan would achieve the same end as the legislation proposed by Mr. Shaw, but in a less shocking manner, as it consists merely of an acceleration of the normal processes by which the language is continually modernized.

As a catalytic agent, we would suggest that a “National Easy Language Week” be proclaimed, which the President would inaugurate, outlining some short cut to concentrate on during the week, and to be adopted during the ensuing year. All school children would be given a holiday, the lost time being the equivalent of that gained by the spelling short cut.

In 1946, for example, we would urge the elimination of the soft “c,” for which we would substitute “s.” Sertainly, such an improvement would be selebrated in all sivic-minded sircles as being suffisiently worth the trouble, and students in all sities in the land would be reseptive toward any change eliminating the nesessity of learning the differense between the two letters.

In 1947, sinse only the hard “c” would be left, it would be possible to substitute “k” for it, both letters being pronounsed identikally. Imagine how greatly only two years of this prosess would klarify the konfusion in the minds of students. Already we would have eliminated an entire letter from the alphabet. Typewriters and linotypes kould all be built with one less letter, and all the manpower and materials previously devoted to making “c’s” kould be turned toward raising the national standard of living.

In the fase of so many notable improvements, it is easy to foresee that by 1948, “National Easy Language Week” would be a pronounsed sukses. All skhool tshildren would be looking forward with konsiderable exsitement to the holiday, and in a blaze of national publisity it would be announsed that the double konsonant “ph” no longer existed, and that the sound would henseforth be written with “f ” in all words. This would make sutsh words as “fonograf” twenty persent shorter in print.

By 1949, publik interest in a fonetik alfabet kan be expekted to have inkreased to the point where a more radikal step forward kan be taken without fear of undue kritisism. We would therefore urge the elimination at that time of al unesesary double leters, whitsh, although quite harmles, have always ben a nuisanse in the language and a desided deterent to akurate speling. Try it yourself in the next leter you write, and se if both writing and reading are not fasilitated.

With so mutsh progrs already made, it might be posible in 1950 to delve further into the posibilities of fonetik speling. After due konsideration of the reseption aforded the previous steps, it should be expedient by this time to spel al difthongs fonetikaly. Most students do not realize that the long “i” and “y,” as in “time” and “by,” are aktualy the difthong “ai,” as it is writen in “aisle,” and that the long “a” in “fate” is in reality the difthong “ei” as in “rein.” Although perhaps not imediately aparent, the seiving in taime and efort wil be tremendous when we leiter elimineite the sailent “e,” as meide posible bai this last tsheinge.

For, as is wel known, the horible mes of “e’s” apearing in our writen language is kaused prinsipaly bai the present nesesity of indekeiting whether a vowel is long or short. Therefore, in 1951 we kould simply elimineite al sailent “e’s” and kontinu to read and wrait merily along as though we wer in an atomik eig of edukation.

In 1951 we would urg a greit step forward. Sins bai this taim it would hav ben four years sins anywun had usd the leter “c,” we would sugest that the “National Easy Languag Wek” for 1951 be devoted to substitution of “c” for “Th.” To be sur it would be som taim befor peopl would bekom akustomd to reading ceir newspapers and buks wic sutsh sentenses in cem as “Ceodor caught he had cre cousand cistls crust crough ce cik of his cumb.”

In ce seim maner, bai meiking eatsh leter hav its own sound and cat sound only, we kould shorten ce languag stil mor. In 1952 we would eliminait ce “y”; cen in 1953 we kould us ce leter to indekeit ce “sh” sound, cerbai klarifaiing words laik yugar and yur, as wel as redusing bai wun mor leter al words laik “yut,” “yor,” and so forc. Cink, cen, of al ce benefits to be geined bai ce distinktion whitsh wil cen be meid between words laik:

Tradspel
ocean
machine
racial
Drem
oyean
Mayin
reyial
ENglis
oSan
maSEn
rasal
Spanglish
óshan
machien
réshal

Al sutsh divers weis of wraiting wun sound would no longer exist, and whenever wun keim akros a “y” sound he would know exaktli what to wrait.

Kontinuing cis proses, ier after ier, we would eventuali hav a reali sensibl writen langug. By 1975, wi ventyur tu sei, cer wud bi no mor uv ces teribli trublsum difikultis, wic no tu leters usd to indikeit ce seim nois, and laikwais no tui noises riten wic ce seim leter. Even Mr. Yaw, wi beliv, wud be hapi in ce noleg cat his drims fainali keim tru.

Reprinted from Astounding Science Fiction, Street and Smith Publications, Inc. (now Analog Science Fiction and Fact ). 1946.

As far as the condensation of English, Watkins appears to have been predicting Orwell’s “newspeak” (times 3.12.83 reporting bb dayorder doubleplusungood refs unpersons rewrite fullwise upsub antefiling), but he nailed its popularity, as English is today the most widely-spoken language in the world, with approximately 375 million L1 speakers, 375 million L2 speakers, and 750 million EFL speakers, totaling about 1.5 billion speakers. [Wikipedia]. As for Russian’s worldwide status, it comes in only 8th.

Hot and Cold Air from Spigots. Hot or cold air will be turned on from spigots to regulate the temperature of a house as we now turn on hot or cold water from spigots to regulate the temperature of the bath. Central plants will supply this cool air and heat to city houses in the same way as now our gas or electricity is furnished. Rising early to build the furnace fire will be a task of the olden times. Homes will have no chimneys, because no smoke will be created within their walls.

Well, the air doesn’t come from central plants, but he pretty much predicted central heating and air conditioning in houses.

No Mosquitoes nor Flies.  Insect screens will be unnecessary.  Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated.  Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams.  The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.

Not even close, sadly.

Ready-Cooked Meals will be Bought from establishments similar to our bakeries of today. They will purchase materials in tremendous wholesale quantities and sell the cooked foods at a price much lower than the cost of individual cooking. Food will be served hot or cold to private houses in pneumatic tubes or automobile wagons. The meal being over, the dishes used will be packed and returned to the cooking establishments where they will be washed. Such wholesale cookery will be done in electric laboratories rather than in kitchens. These laboratories will be equipped with electric stoves, and all sorts of electric devices, such as coffee-grinders, egg-beaters, stirrers, shakers, parers, meat-choppers, meat-saws, potato-mashers, lemon-squeezers, dish-washers, dish-dryers and the like. All such utensils will be washed in chemicals fatal to disease microbes. Having one’s own cook and purchasing one’s own food will be an extravagance.

The concept of city-wide delivery of goods was popularized by Edward Bellamy’s 1888 book, Looking Backward. It’s a lovely concept, but seems grossly impractical, although some “visionaries” still dream of similar schemes:

dt020326

No Foods will be Exposed.  Storekeepers who expose food to air breathed out by patrons or to the atmosphere of the busy streets will be arrested with those who sell stale or adulterated produce.  Liquid-air refrigerators will keep great quantities of food fresh for long intervals.

It’s rare that Google comes up empty. When living in Austria in the 70’s, I often heard passing references to a Tomatenschutzvorschrift (tomato protection law) which would punish consumers for manhandling produce. Not a whisper on the intertubez about any such thing – maybe I dreamed it up.

Coal will Not be Used for Heating or Cooking. It will be scarce, but not entirely exhausted. The earth’s hard coal will last until the year 2050 or 2100; its soft-coal mines until 2200 or 2300. Meanwhile both kinds of coal will have become more and more expensive. Man will have found electricity manufactured by waterpower to be much cheaper. Every river or creek with any suitable fall will be equipped with water-motors, turning dynamos, making electricity. Along the seacoast will be numerous reservoirs continually filled by waves and tides washing in. Out of these the water will be constantly falling over revolving wheels. All of our restless waters, fresh and salt, will thus be harnessed to do the work which Niagara is doing today: making electricity for heat, light and fuel.

Current estimates show that coal reserves will last until 2142. Watkins was predicting massive use of tidal and other hydroelectric power, which – sadly – along with other alternative energy sources, is not as widespread as it should be.

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There Will Be No Street Cars in Our Large Cities. All hurry traffic will be below or high above ground when brought within city limits. In most cities it will be confined to broad subways or tunnels, well lighted and well ventilated, or to high trestles with “moving-sidewalk” stairways leading to the top. These underground or overhead streets will teem with capacious automobile passenger coaches and freight with cushioned wheels. Subways or trestles will be reserved for express trains.  Cities, therefore, will be free from all noises.

Some cities have turned their cores into pedestrian-only zones, which is a great idea. We need more of this.

Photographs will be Telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances.  Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.

That’s the internet and digital photography. Spot-on.

Trains One Hundred and Fifty Miles and Hour. Trains will run two miles a minute, normally; express trains one hundred and fifty miles an hour. To go from New York to San Francisco will take a day and a night by fast express.  There will be cigar-shaped electric locomotives hauling long trains of cars. Cars will, like houses, be artificially cooled. Along the railroads there will be no smoke, no cinders, because coal will neither be carried nor burned. There will be no stops for water. Passengers will travel through hot or dusty country regions with windows down.

In 1900 there were 132 Class I railroads – today, only seven. Our rail system was the envy of the world, although the comfort often left something to be desired. Jenkin Lloyd Jones wrote, “Life is like an old-time rail journey — delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” Worldwide, progress is being made on high-speed rail, but the USA is woefully behind the curve. As of 2012 the maximum commercial speed was about 300 km/h (185 mph) for the majority of installed systems (China, Germany, Italy, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, UK), 310 km/h (195 mph) in Spain and 320 km/h (200 mph) in France. The Shanghai Maglev Train reaches 431 km/h (268 mph). Experimentation on high-speed trains, conventional and maglev, continues; the world speed record is currently 361 mph, held by Japan.

Automobiles will be Cheaper than Horses are today. Farmers will own automobile hay-wagons, automobile truck-wagons, plows, harrows and hay-rakes. A one-pound motor in one of these vehicles will do the work of a pair of horses or more. Children will ride in automobile sleighs in winter. Automobiles will have been substituted for every horse vehicle now known. There will be, as already exist today, automobile hearses, automobile police patrols, automobile ambulances, automobile street sweepers. The horse in harness will be as scarce, if, indeed, not even scarcer, then as the yoked ox is today.

Proliferation: ✓
Price: ✘

Everybody will Walk Ten Miles: Gymnastics will begin in the nursery, where toys and games will be designed to strengthen the muscles. Exercise will be compulsory in the schools. Every school, college and community will have a complete gymnasium. All cities will have public gymnasiums. A man or woman unable to walk ten miles at a stretch will be regarded as a weakling.

Currently, 33% of Americans are considered obese, and 65% are overweight. Countless dollars are wasted on weight loss programs, schemes, nostrums, and scams; every new year, people sign up for gym memberships that they never use (and Gold’s Gym still sucks.) We’re not doing very well in this department.

To England in Two Days. Fast electric ships, crossing the ocean at more than a mile a minute, will go from New York to Liverpool in two days. The bodies of these ships will be built above the waves. They will be supported upon runners, somewhat like those of the sleigh. These runners will be very buoyant. Upon their under sides will be apertures expelling jets of air. In this way a film of air will be kept between them and the water’s surface. This film, together with the small surface of the runners, will reduce friction against the waves to the smallest possible degree. Propellers turned by electricity will screw themselves through both the water beneath and the air above. Ships with cabins artificially cooled will be entirely fireproof. In storm they will dive below the water and there await fair weather.

Two days, no – currently between six and 10. But the comfort, if you can afford it, is opulent.

There will be air-ships, but they will not successfully compete with surface cars and water vessels for passenger or freight traffic. They will be maintained as deadly war-vessels by all military nations. Some will transport men and goods. Others will be used by scientists making observations at great heights above the earth.

Missed this one. Unlike ocean travel, airlines are ubiquitous and – unless you can afford first class travel – a pain in the back, neck, ass, and everywhere else.

Aerial War-Ships and Forts on Wheels. Giant guns will shoot twenty-five miles or more, and will hurl anywhere within such a radius shells exploding and destroying whole cities. Such guns will be armed by aid of compasses when used on land or sea, and telescopes when directed from great heights. Fleets of air-ships, hiding themselves with dense, smoky mists, thrown off by themselves as they move, will float over cities, fortifications, camps or fleets. They will surprise foes below by hurling upon them deadly thunderbolts. These aerial war-ships will necessitate bomb-proof forts, protected by great steel plates over their tops as well as at their sides. Huge forts on wheels will dash across open spaces at the speed of express trains of to-day. They will make what are now known as cavalry charges. Great automobile plows will dig deep entrenchments as fast as soldiers can occupy them. Rifles will use silent cartridges. Submarine boats submerged for days will be capable of wiping a whole navy off the face of the deep. Balloons and flying machines will carry telescopes of one-hundred-mile vision with camera attachments, photographing an enemy within that radius. These photographs as distinct and large as if taken from across the street, will be lowered to the commanding officer in charge of troops below.

The science of war continues to advance apace, while many American high-school graduates can barely spell their names. What’s wrong with that picture?

There will be no Wild Animals except in menageries. Rats and mice will have been exterminated. The horse will have become practically extinct. A few of high breed will be kept by the rich for racing, hunting and exercise. The automobile will have driven out the horse. Cattle and sheep will have no horns. They will be unable to run faster than the fattened hog of today. A century ago the wild hog could outrun a horse. Food animals will be bred to expend practically all of their life energy in producing meat, milk, wool and other by-products. Horns, bones, muscles and lungs will have been neglected.

In the rat race, the rats are winning.

Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

Great prediction: Television and the internet fulfill this one admirably.

Telephones Around the World. Wireless telephone and telegraph circuits will span the world. A husband in the middle of the Atlantic will be able to converse with his wife sitting in her boudoir in Chicago. We will be able to telephone to China quite as readily as we now talk from New York to Brooklyn. By an automatic signal they will connect with any circuit in their locality without the intervention of a “hello girl”.

“Hello girls,” (operators) are largely extinct today. Cell communications are ubiquitous, even in third-world countries.

Grand Opera will be Telephoned to private homes, and will sound as harmonious as though enjoyed from a theatre box. Automatic instruments reproducing original airs exactly will bring the best music to the families of the untalented. Great musicians gathered in one enclosure in New York will, by manipulating electric keys, produce at the same time music from instruments arranged in theatres or halls in San Francisco or New Orleans, for instance. Thus will great bands and orchestras give long-distance concerts. In great cities there will be public opera-houses whose singers and musicians are paid from funds endowed by philanthropists and by the government. The piano will be capable of changing its tone from cheerful to sad. Many devises will add to the emotional effect of music.

Again, live television broadcasts, along with YouTube, verify this prediction. As for music, Moog and Kurzweil, along with many others, have radically changed the landscape of music production.

How Children will be Taught. A university education will be free to every man and woman. Several great national universities will have been established. Children will study a simple English grammar adapted to simplified English, and not copied after the Latin. Time will be saved by grouping like studies. Poor students will be given free board, free clothing and free books if ambitious and actually unable to meet their school and college expenses. Medical inspectors regularly visiting the public schools will furnish poor children free eyeglasses, free dentistry and free medical attention of every kind. The very poor will, when necessary, get free rides to and from school and free lunches between sessions. In vacation time poor children will be taken on trips to various parts of the world. Etiquette and housekeeping will be important studies in the public schools.

Except for the simplified English, I could get behind this dream. Unfortunately, we still spend more money on senseless wars than on education and social improvement.

 Store Purchases by Tube. Pneumatic tubes, instead of store wagons, will deliver packages and bundles. These tubes will collect, deliver and transport mail over certain distances, perhaps for hundreds of miles. They will at first connect with the private houses of the wealthy; then with all homes. Great business establishments will extend them to stations, similar to our branch post-offices of today, whence fast automobile vehicles will distribute purchases from house to house.

See above, under “Ready Cooked Meals.”

Vegetables Grown by Electricity. Winter will be turned into summer and night into day by the farmer. In cold weather he will place heat-conducting electric wires under the soil of his garden and thus warm his growing plants. He will also grow large gardens under glass. At night his vegetables will be bathed in powerful electric light, serving, like sunlight, to hasten their growth. Electric currents applied to the soil will make valuable plants grow larger and faster, and will kill troublesome weeds. Rays of colored light will hasten the growth of many plants. Electricity applied to garden seeds will make them sprout and develop unusually early.

This item, and the one below, are tantalizing. Hydroponic farms exist, and worldwide transport brings foods long distances, but we’re not quite as utopian as Watkins dreamed of yet.

 Oranges will grow in Philadelphia. Fast-flying refrigerators on land and sea will bring delicious fruits from the tropics and southern temperate zone within a few days. The farmers of South America, South Africa, Australia and the South Sea Islands, whose seasons are directly opposite to ours, will thus supply us in winter with fresh summer foods, which cannot be grown here. Scientist will have discovered how to raise here many fruits now confined to much hotter or colder climates. Delicious oranges will be grown in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Cantaloupes and other summer fruits will be of such a hardy nature that they can be stored through the winter as potatoes are now.

Strawberries as Large as Apples will be eaten by our great-great-grandchildren for their Christmas dinners a hundred years hence.  Raspberries and blackberries will be as large.  One will suffice for the fruit course of each person.  Strawberries and cranberries will be grown upon tall bushes.  Cranberries, gooseberries and currants will be as large as oranges.  One cantaloupe will supply an entire family.  Melons, cherries, grapes, plums, apples, pears, peaches and all berries will be seedless.  Figs will be cultivated over the entire United States.

These two items (above and below) evoke the GMO debate. It’s by no means as clear-cut as the polarized supporters and opponents would have you believe.

Peas as Large as Beets.  Peas and beans will be as large as beets are to-day.  Sugar cane will produce twice as much sugar as the sugar beet now does.  Cane will once more be the chief source of our sugar supply.  The milkweed will have been developed into a rubber plant.  Cheap native rubber will be harvested by machinery all over this country.  Plants will be made proof against disease microbes just as readily as man is to-day against smallpox.  The soil will be kept enriched by plants which take their nutrition from the air and give fertility to the earth.

Most sugar in the US does indeed come from cane. For some interesting history, read about the U and I Sugar Company. As a Utah native, I remember both purchasing beet sugar and the massive welfare projects involving sugar beet farming.

Black, Blue and Green Roses.  Roses will be as large as cabbage heads.  Violets will grow to the size of orchids.  A pansy will be as large in diameter as a sunflower.  A century ago the pansy measured but half an inch across its face.  There will be black, blue and green roses.  It will be possible to grow any flower in any color and to transfer the perfume of a scented flower to another which is odorless.  Then may the pansy be given the perfume of the violet.

Lovely idea, but the black rose is still a fantasy.

Few Drugs will be Swallowed or taken into the stomach unless needed for the direct treatment of that organ itself. Drugs needed by the lungs, for instance, will be applied directly to those organs through the skin and flesh. They will be carried with the electric current applied without pain to the outside skin of the body. Microscopes will lay bare the vital organs, through the living flesh, of men and animals. The living body will to all medical purposes be transparent. Not only will it be possible for a physician to actually see a living, throbbing heart inside the chest, but he will be able to magnify and photograph any part of it. This work will be done with rays of invisible light.

Accurate predictions here – while the Star Trek drug injector is not quite there yet, what we have done with human body scanning is nothing short of miraculous.

The Old Wolf has spoken.