The Marching Morons

Posted on September 1, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Gratefully, I’m not subject to migraines… but things like the image below, seen today at Facebook, really, really push the envelope.

The stupid, it burns.

Based on the number of emails of this nature sent to me by well-meaning but reality-challenged friends and relatives, I am almost driven to despair; countless people like this walk around and vote.

When I see things like this, I’m reminded of the story by C.M. Kornbluth that titles this post, as well as his previous story, “The Little Black Bag”; both have long been among my favorites.

I see posts like this and I have to sit back and ask myself if things like this are spread around just for fun, or if people really believe that

Such tests are “really hard”
Some random cause-effect statement, written by God only knows who, will actually have an effect on their lives.

Sadly, I must conclude that the latter option is closer to the truth. To quote Weird Al Yankovic, in his song “Your Horoscope For Today,”

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

As for me,

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Well, if you see it on the internet, it must be right.

Compounding the problem is the fact that when I have pointed my correspondents to places like Snopes, they reply smugly that such websites are written by left-wing pinko radicals, and that surely their Aunt Matilda knows more about such things anyway. I love my friends and family, but sometimes I want to shake them until their teeth rattle.

If I were king of the universe, this book would be required reading for every child who ever hopes to graduate from high school; in fact, in order to graduate, one would have to demonstrate functional understanding of the principles contained therein.

Now, forward this blog post to 20 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, and you’ll get a big surprise. 50 friends, and you’ll win the lottery. If you don’t recommend it to anyone, your pet goldfish will die today.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Stay the hell out of Syria

Posted on August 29, 2013 by The Old Wolf

To whom it may concern in the halls of power:

In 2007, President Obama said the following to the Boston Globe:

“The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat.”

I share with you here a comment I made elsewhere, but which bears repeating:

It is very hard to express the depth of my feelings about the escalating situation in Syria without resorting to blasphemy and profanity. I remain astonished at the obtuseness and pig-headedness of my legislators and my executive branch. They claim that the populace is demanding action; instead, the populace is demanding jobs, is demanding food, is demanding universal access to healthcare, is demanding that we stop throwing away money on unwinnable conflicts in countries where we don’t belong, for the sole purpose of enriching the oligarchs who are heavily invested in oil companies, security companies, and the military-industrial complex.

The people want peace and prosperity, not frivolous military actions. Surely nobody wants the people of Syria to suffer from the actions of a brutal tyrant, but as a nation we simply don’t have the resources or the moral mandate to play global cop any longer. There’s too much wrong at home, and we can’t afford for the Fed to print more fiat money to finance the insanity. I am ready to march on Washington with pitchfork and torch, if I thought it would do any good.

Let me be clear:

The United Nations has not passed a resolution supporting military action in Syria. I do not support action in Syria, and neither do most Americans.

There is no legitimacy to the mistaken conception that “action is demanded” in Syria. The only people who are demanding action are the ones who stand to profit from it, either financially or politically. I refuse to support the spending of my tax dollars or the creation of artificial money or the incurring of additional debt for fruitless military pursuits that threaten to drag us into yet another interminable conflict,

Stop this madness. I demand better; I demand responsibility and accountability to the American people to whom you are duty bound to answer. None of you have political capital to spend; your reputations and approval ratings are already in the toilet. For the love of whatever you consider holy, be it gods or humanity – do not pull the chain.

To the lords of the castle: you are getting closer to this every day. Do not test the patience of the American people.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

So who’s the biggest jerk? (Feminism Department)

Posted on August 25, 2013 by The Old Wolf

First, the picture found on reddit that spawned this post (click for a larger, more readable version)

First and foremost, I want to echo Point #5 in the brilliant response above; posting the original image was less than sensitive. But if you step back and look at the larger picture, as satire goes, it’s pretty funny. The woman in question probably did not expect to be turned into an internet icon, but as was mentioned, anything that anyone posts on the Internet is fodder for being used, abused, and misused. It comes with the territory.

Second: I have long believed – and as a child of the 50’s I experienced the entire bra-burning, man-hating feminist frenzy of the subsequent two decades – that feminism from its earliest inception was hijacked by strident voices who understood very little of what equality is truly about. Their kind, along with other radical groups whose agenda was crystallized around putting the enemy down and making them pay for their oppression, have lost most of their cachet in the 21st century, and that’s a good thing. If racial and gender-based equality is to be obtained, it’s not going to happen by setting fire to the patriarchy or the white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant establishment – it will only be obtained by decent people everywhere speaking out against injustice and shining the harsh light of reason on ignorance and brutality. That’s what Reverend King was about. That’s what Gandhi was about – don’t set fires, don’t riot, don’t beat, don’t attack – but never accept injustice.

The war for equality in our society has not been won – in historical terms, the first shots have barely been fired. But the battle continues; people historically oppressed in all sectors of society, including minorities, the disabled, women, the GLBT community, and perhaps some I haven’t even thought of, continue to fight for one thing, and one thing only: the right to be treated the same as everyone else.

In an interview with Mike Wallace, Morgan Freeman summed up the ultimate end-state of equality in a very simple statement:

WALLACE: How are we going to get rid of racism until …?
FREEMAN: Stop talking about it. I’m going to stop calling you a white man. And I’m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You’re not going to say, “I know this white guy named Mike Wallace.” Hear what I’m saying?

As long as we continue to use any adjectives to describe one another in purely social terms, in a way that erects that intrinsically-desired barrier between “us” and “them” – adjectives like female, male, gay, Christian, Muslim, obese, disabled, black, white, and a dictionary full of others, we as occupants of this island earth are guilty of racism, sexism, and every “-ism” you care to name. We have missed the boat, and have not reached the finish line. It is my hope that someday, humanity will get there. We are, in the end, all members of the same race and species: the human race.

Lastly, as was beautifully pointed out in the response to Cosmo’s snark above, that particular magazine is among the last on earth to make any judgments about feminism. In my opinion, it is one of the most sexist, demeaning, exclusionary, debasing, and offensive publications on the newsstands… and somehow it’s popularity continues to fly high.

Which only reinforces my thesis – we may be making progress, but we have a long, long way to go. But as daunting as the struggle may seem, we can never, ever, ever give up.

The Old Wolf has spoken.