Hollie McNish, Poet Shamed By Breastfeeding In Public, Has The Last Word

Posted on July 9, 2013 by The Old Wolf

I remember back in 1979 when our firstborn came into the world, there was a lady who lived across the street who belonged to La Leche League. She was a nice lady, but we considered her a bit of a militant about breastfeeding. It turns out that people like her are still needed. For our part, thanks to their mother’s diligence, all of my kids were breastfed until age 1 (except my daughter, who at 9 months looked up at her mom, laughed, and refused to nurse any more, period the end thank you. You can imagine there was an uncomfortable week or so thereafter…)

It turns out that our society has a serious cognitive disconnect going on about breastfeeding – political cartoonist Horsey captured it perfectly in a 2012 offering:

Now comes Hollie McNish, mother, activist, poet, and thinker, who has posted (among others) a blistering damnation of people who shame breastfeeding women in public. I wish everyone in the world could listen to this piece and really, really understand what she’s saying.

The words of the poem are as follows (you’ll notice a little variance between the written text and what she delivered on the video; I happen to like the spoken version better, but you can decide for yourself.)

Embarrassed, by Hollie McNish
At first
I thought it was ok
I could understand their reasons
They said ‘There might be young children or a nervous man seeing’
this small piece of flesh that they weren’t quite expecting
so I whispered and tiptoed with nervous discretion.
But after six months of her life sat sitting on lids
Sipping on her milk nostrils sniffing up piss
Trying not to bang her head on toilet roll dispensers
I wonder whether these public loo feeds offend her?
Cos I’m getting tired of discretion and being ‘polite’ as my baby’s first sips are drowned drenched in shite,
I spent the first feeding months of her beautiful life
Feeling nervous and awkward and wanting everything right.
Surrounded by family until I stepped out the house
It took me eight weeks to get the confidence to go into town
Now the comments around me cut like a knife
As I rush into toilet cubicles feeling nothing like nice.
Because I’m giving her milk that’s not in a bottle
Wishing the cocaine generation white powder would topple
I see pyramid sales pitches across our green globe
and female breasts banned. Unless they’re out just for show.
And the more I go out, the more I can’t stand it,
I walk into town feel I’m surrounded by bandits
Cos in this country of billboards covered in ‘tits’
and family newsagents’ magazines full of it
Whsmith top shelves out for men – Why don’t you complain about them then?
In this country of billboards covered in ‘tits’
and family newsagents magazines full of it
Whsmith top shelves out for men, I’m getting embarrassed
In case a small flash of flesh might offend.
And I’m mot trying to ‘parade’ this, I don’t want to make a show
But when I’m told I’d be better just staying at home
And when another friend I know is thrown off a bus
And another woman told to get out the pub
Even my grandma said maybe I was ‘sexing it up’.
And I’m sure the milk makers love all this fuss
All the cussing and worry and looks of disgust
As another mother turns from nipples to powder
Ashamed or embarrassed by comments around her and
As I hold her head up and pull my cardy across and she sips on the liquor made by everyones God, I think
For God sake, Jesus drank it
So did Sidhartha, Muhammed and Moses and both of their fathers
Ganesh and Shiva and Brighid and Buddha and I’m sure they weren’t doing it sniffing up piss as their mothers sat embarassed on cold toilet lids
In a country of billboards covered in ‘tits’
In a country of low cut tops cleavage and skin
In a country of cloth bags and recycling bins and as I desperately try to take all of it in,
I hold her head up
I can’t get my head round
The anger towards us and not to the sounds
of lorries offloading formula milk
into countries where water runs dripping in filth
In towns where breasts are oasis of life
now dried up in two for one offers, enticed by labels and logos and gold standard rights
claiming ‘breastmilk is healthier powdered and white’
packaged and branded and sold at a price so that nothing is free in this money fuelled life.
Which is fine
If you need it or prefer and can afford to use bottles, where water is clean and bacteria boiled,
but in towns where they drown in pollution and sewage
bottled kids die and they knew that they’d do it
In families where pennies are savoured like sweets
We’re now paying for one thing that’s always been free
In villages empty of hospital beds
babies die, diarrhoea fuelled that breastmilk would end
So no more will I sit on these cold toilet lids
No matter how embarrassed I feel as she sips
Cos in this country of billboards covered in ‘tits’
I think I should try to get used to this.

Hollie wrote,

I wrote this poem in a public toilet after my 6 month old baby fell asleep. I was in town on my own a lot with her and the first time I fed her someone commented that I should stay home. Baby’s need breastfed every 2-3 hours often. It’s impossible to run home. It’s a stupid argument anyway. But I was embarrassed and for 6 months took her into toilets when I was alone without the support of boyfriend, friends, mum etc. I hate that I did that but I was nervous, tired and felt awkward. And now I find it weird that our TVs, media etc never show breastfeeding in soaps, cartoons, anything. That we and the US are so bloody scared of it. It’s weird. I find our culture weird and even weirder, when people are so strapped for cash. It is costing parents a huge amount of money paying for something which most of us, those of us who are lucky enough for our bodies to do so, get for free. I have a lot of mates who complain they’re broke but stop breastfeeding cos they feel awkward, and pay for formula. Why are we paying billionaire companies for something our bodies produce for FREE. It’s really good marketing that we feel so wrong doing something like this I think. And it makes me sadder every day. Next we’ll be buying sweat in bottles from Tescos and rubbing it on our skin paying for electronic books to read nighttime stories. Oh, wait…

Huffington Post, in an article about Ms. McNish, also provides a list of places mothers have been shamed for breastfeeding, and the results:

At Hollister

Brittany Warfield, a mother of three from Texas,was nursing her 7-month-old outside of a Hollister store in a Houston mall, she says a manager forced her to move. “He said, ‘You can’t do this here. This is not where you do that. You can’t do that on Hollister property. We don’t allow that.’ I said, ‘It’s Texas. I can breastfeed anywhere I like.’ He said, ‘Not at Hollister. Your stroller is blocking the way. You have to go,’” she recalls.

On Facebook

Mom and breastfeeding advocate Emma Kwasnicahad posted over 200 photos on Facebook of herself nursing her own three children and told the Huffington Post that her account has been suspended at least five times as a result. She organized a nurse-in in front of Facebook headquarters to challenge the company’s policy that says photos depicting breastfeeding are “inappropriate.”

At Target

Houston mother Michelle Hickman says she was harassed and humiliated by Target staff when she found a quiet space in the store to breastfeed her infant. She organized an international “nurse-in” at several Target locations on Tuesday December 28th. Pictured above is mom who participated, Brittany Hinson and her 4-month-old son, Kennedy, in front of the Super Target store, in Webster, Texas.

At a Cafe

Claire Jones-Hughes wrote: “After being verbally attacked for not covering up while feeding my four-month-old, I decided it was time to make a statement to show that mothers will no longer tolerate being harassed for feeding our babies in public.” She then staged a breastfeeding flash mob at the Clock Tower in Brighton, UK.

In A Government Building

Simone dos Santos was breastfeeding her four-month-old in the hallway of a D.C. government building when two female security guards told her to stop because it was indecent. “I was shocked, upset and angry that by providing food for my son, I was being treated like a criminal,” she wrote in a blog post for the Washington Post.

In The Courtroom

In November, Natalie Hegedus, a Michigan resident, was asked to leave a courtroom by a district judge. Her post on the community forum, BabyCenter, caused a national uproar.

On a Bus

This past June, a mom was harassed by a bus driver for breastfeeding on a Detroit-area bus.

On a Plane

Back in 2006, 27-year-old mom, Emily Gillette, was removed from a Delta flight for breastfeeding. Watch a news clip about this story here.

At The Mall

Ohio mom Rhonda claimed that she was kicked out of her local mall for breastfeeding, back in February. Mall security even called for back-up.

At the Pool

[Video not working]

We’ve heard about these incidents from coast to coast. In 2001, a mother nursing her 9-month-old was told to move away from the edge of the poolso as to avoid contaminating the water with her breast milk.

In Her Religious Community

One mom posted a frustrated essay in November 2006, detailing her pastor telling her that photos of her breastfeeding were equivalent to pornography. She and her husband decided to leave the church after this incident.

At McDonald’s

Clarissa Bradford was kicked out of a McDonald’s by an assistant manager for breastfeeding her 6-month-old child in August 2010.

It’s not hard to see the problem. To use a common meme,

It’s just wrong. Babies deserve the very best, but our society is conspiring to keep them from getting it. The purityrannical attitudes of small people in positions of power (sadly, including some women) discourage breastfeeding and prevent generation after generation of babies from getting the best possible start in life. And it has to stop.I applaud Ms. McNish and all the determined women who are pushing back against the tide. It will only be through their persistence that awareness will be raised and this bit of social folly will be done away.

Thanks to blogger inshadowz, a late-breaking addition. We’ve long known that Europeans have much fewer hangups about the human body than Americans; this image appeared some time ago in the restaurant of an IKEA in Norway:

It says, “Please use the sofa if you’d like to sit more comfortably while breastfeeding.” Hurra for Ikea!

Another relevant update: A blog post by Matt Walsh about Progressive Puritanism; and a cartoon recently found by blogger Inzhadowz and shared with me over at Facebook:

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Hypocrisy: Unchained

Posted on July 2, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Found at Reddit:

There is a serious cognitive disconnect in our society. Paula Deen has been pretty much thrown in the dumpster for using the word “nigger”… once. Yet “Django Unchained” throws that word around one hundred and thirteen times, and earns an 88% (reviewers) / 94% (audience) rating at Rotten Tomatoes.

This isn’t Huckleberry Finn, a book written in 1884 and “a product of its times” (that book uses the word 203 times, by the way)… this is a 2012 production that has grossed over $423 million, and won two academy awards – one for best screenplay.

I abhor prejudice and discrimination in all its forms. Ms. Deen committed a serious error in judgment when she dropped that word in public ^[1] and I’m not condoning or justifying what she did… but rather, I’m asking the question, “Why was “Django” so popular if, by virtue of statistics, it should have been found 113 times as offensive as one person’s lapse of good manners?” Where’s the justification for that kind of popularity? If this racial slur is as offensive as everyone at politically-correct dinner parties and media newsrooms seems to think, how could a movie like this even get greenlighted, let alone make it to the Academy Awards?

There are a lot of people out there still talking about race relations, but I’d be really interested to hear what Morgan Freeman thought about this. He’s the one who pointed out that we’ll never get past the issue of race until we stop talking about it, and movies like “Django” seem – in my simple opinion – to be a force counter to progress toward greater humanity. That means that if a word is unquestionably offensive, everyone ought to stop using it. White folk shouldn’t use it. Black folk shouldn’t use it (claiming that they’ve pre-empted it, and made it “theirs”). Filmmakers and authors shouldn’t use it. If people keep using an offensive word and sometimes it’s OK and sometimes it’s not, then there are some serious questions to be asked.

I have no real answers, but the matter – in the words of Khan – “tasks me”… and I felt moved to put the questions out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1] I’m aware that her problems are a bit more complex than the one incident in question, but for the sake of simplicity I won’t elaborate on that here, as the other issues don’t really bear on the root problem.

A tax on people who are bad at math

Posted on July 1, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Most of us dream of it. The big win.

“Next summer I’ll make the strike, and this time I’ll put it into something safe for the rest of my life, and stop this fool wandering around.” ^[1]

The above map shows the states (in blue) which have state-sponsored lotteries. When the jackpot rises to the hundreds of millions of dollars, people flock to the convenience stores and plunk down a few dollars for the chance at a big one. But the probability of winning is so vanishingly small that players are simply flushing their money down the toilet for a brief, titillating dream.

The infographic below is large, but rather enlightening, as it makes your chances rather visible in terms of scale.

In Arabic, the appropriate expression is “بكرة في المشمش” (bokra fil mishmish, or “tomorrow, when the apricots bloom.”) That’s the equivalent of “How about never. Is never good for you?”

Proponents of lotteries push the idea that it’s cheap entertainment, cheaper than going to a movie or bowling or to a dance or concert. But I’m put in mind of Isiah 29:8:

“It shall even be as when an hungry man dreameth, and, behold, he eateth; but he awaketh, and his soul is empty: or as when a thirsty man dreameth, and, behold, he drinketh; but he awaketh, and, behold, he is faint, and his soul hath appetite.”

It is cheap entertainment… cheap as in the sense of little worth. When I was a kid in the 50’s, “made in Japan” was the equivalent of cheap slum, garbage, worthless trash – nowadays “made in China” seems to have taken over that shame (although we consume millions of tons of it from Wal-Mart and other places.)

Oh, make no mistake… I’ve been tempted. I live in one of the six states which has no lottery, and a couple of times I’ve been sorely tried… a little drive would take me over the border where I could plunk down my quatloos like the rest of humanity. But thankfully, I’ve prevailed, simply by reminding myself of the odds, and realizing that most of my money would be going to subsidize expenses for a state other than my own.

Despite the odds, millions play – and many others drop cash for worthless “systems” like the one shown here:

Yes, I’d love to be a multi-millionaire… but like WOPR said at the end of “War Games”, it’s a strange game… the only winning move is not to play.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

[1] Van Tilburg Clark, Walter, “The Wind and the Snow of Winter”

The War Against Lemonade

Posted on June 26, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Stress: n. The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the living out of some that desperately needs it.

I’ve always tried to keep this blog at a level that all family members will find appropriate. That’s not going to stop, but sometimes the level of stress that arises when I really, really want to say what I think about government stupidity that has risen to the thermonuclear level overwhelms me.

An article at Forbes entitled “The Inexplicable War on Lemonade Stands” outlines a disturbing trend, driven most likely by the same lack of common sense and blind devotion to rules and procedures found in most school boards, districts and principals’ offices.

Fortunately, there are a few good spots among the bad and the ugly:

Red: Shutdowns or enforcement action
Yellow: Restrictions in place
Green: No restrictions or entrepreneurship encouraged

Click through for a larger map with descriptions.

There’s a clear difference between a licensed food truck or vending operation, appropriately subject to local ordinances and health regulations, and kids’ lemonade stands. Some of the comments from the Forbes article are quite interesting:

Keir in Germany said,

It took a mass public outcry to finally get the authorities to back down. Thank God I live in Germany, a country that knows all too well the dangers inherit in a state where the police overstep their mandate to trample on the well-being and livelihood of the common man. The state looks after its people whilst allowing them to live as they see fit without undue interference. The US seems more and more to be following a fascist route; as its influence diminishes around the world, it seeks to enforce its dominance upon its own people. There doesn’t appear to be any hope given the general decline in its education system and completely ignorant, unqualified people who run for office and are given headlines due to notoriety rather than experience and ability. What a dystopia the US has become, and we in Europe, grateful for the US of three generations ago, can only shake our heads and bemoan the loss of a former model and friend.

Gabby responded,

I remember growing up in an America that looked on with great favor kids who setup lemonade and kool aid stands. I used to do this all the time. I also sold greeting cards door to door, and ran a babysitting service when I was in high school. The idea in our country that anyone could do great entrepreneurial things, starting from the poorest of circumstances, and succeed beyond one’s wildest dreams, is what set our country apart from the rest of the World. In fact, in my state where I live, we have success stories in spades. These success stories though wouldn’t happen today, most likely, because the people who started these businesses weren’t backed by big bank loans, venture capitalists, ect. and they weren’t hindered by draconian regulations, rules, and expensive licenses, permits, and the need for regulation commercial kitchens. One lady whose potato chips are known locally all over the state, started in her kitchen in the 1930′s. A successful furniture retailer here, started selling stuff from his garage, and a lady whose name is on some very well known cookies, started baking and selling her cookies, right from her kitchen. I am hopeful that our citizens are starting to see what is going on, and are becoming involved to stop fascist ideas from ruining our country.

lymanlapstrake also responded,

This is an excellent comment and I agree with you 100%. Upon reflection however, I have concluded that this is not necessarily a law enforcement problem, but rather a people problem. Yes, we the people of the U.S.A. are the worlds most litigious society (Google this phrase). There are about a million lawyers sitting around waiting to litigate. The enforcement takes place because someone complains. If nothing is done idiots will probably sue the parents for unsanitary practices or some such nonsense. We cannot help but meddle in each others business. So I think the enforcement is a defensive measure on the part of the authorities. Nobody wins and to my way of thinking it is the fault of our nation having become a society peopled with an excess of wingnuts.

These are excellent comments, although I would not go so far as to invoke the word fascism. The last comment to me seems to be the most relevant – there are just too many attorneys hungry for billable hours who are willing to sue anyone for anything, and driving the culture of litigation that permeates our society (don’t get me started on the demise of the school playground, I’ve already ranted about that here.)

To conclude, I refer you to the popular obituary of Common Sense, widely attributed to “unknown” or George Carlin, but actually written by Lori Borgman and published in the Indianapolis Star in 1998.

The Death of Common Sense

Lori Borgman | Sunday, March 15, 1998

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. His obituary reads as follows: CommonSense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape. Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.

Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet.

C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men’s movement, body piercing, whole language and new math. C.S.’s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus.

In the following decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.

His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last.

Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought. Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Message in a Bottle

Posted on June 14, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Or a gravestone, as the case may be.

From the Oregonian, December 23, 2012

The letter came in a box of Halloween decorations purchased at Kmart, but for a year Julie Keith never knew. It gathered dust in her storage, a haunting plea for help hidden among artificial skeletons, tombstones and spider webs.

Keith, a 42-year-old vehicle donation manager at a southeast Portland Goodwill, at one point considered donating the unopened $29.99 Kmart graveyard kit. It was one of those accumulated items you never need and easily forget. But on a Sunday afternoon in October, Keith pulled the orange and black box from storage. She intended to decorate her home in Damascus for her daughter’s fifth birthday, just days before Halloween.

She ripped open the box and threw aside the cellophane.

That’s when Keith found it. Scribbled onto paper and folded into eighths, the letter was tucked between two Styrofoam headstones.

“Sir:

“If you occasionally buy this product, please kindly resend this letter to the World Human Right Organization. Thousands people here who are under the persicution of the Chinese Communist Party Government will thank and remember you forever.”

“People who work here have to work 15 hours a day without Saturday, Sunday break and any holidays. Otherwise, they will suffer torturement, beat and rude remark. Nearly no payment (10 yuan/1 month, or $1.61).”

“People who work here, suffer punishment 1-3 years averagely, but without Court Sentence (unlaw punishment). Many of them are Falun Gong practitioners, who are totally innocent people only because they have different believe to CCPG. They often suffer more punishment than others.”

The letter was not signed.

The graveyard kit, the letter read, was made in unit 8, department 2 of the Masanjia Labor Camp in Shenyang, China. Chinese characters broke up choppy English sentences.

The administrative building of the Masanjia labor camp and other facilities in China.

Keith started doing homework and digging around, and the letter was widely published on the internet. Responses ranged from outraged to skeptical, including those who pointed out that her publication of this material put the writer at risk if he/she were real.

On June 11th, 2013, The New York Times published a follow-up article indicating that the writer had been found, and was no longer in the labor camp. It’s an interesting read and lends credence to the original story, although there has been no other independent confirmation from inside China.

It appears that many companies who import Chinese products have no policies that bar the use of forced labor.

Just something else to think about the next time you go shopping at a big box store and the label says “Made in China.”

The Totally Ghoul product – the letter from China was found in a package like this.

The Old Wolf has spoken.