Phenomenal reflexes, Squirrel Style

You may have seen this animated GIF file floating around the humor sites on the web.

Take it apart frame by frame, and you can see the little guy doesn’t even get wet.

♫ Can you move in a whirl like a humming bird’s wing
If you need to?
(Ooh, that’s fast!)
Can you bob, can you weave
Can you fake, and deceive when you need to? ♫
(-Bugsy Malone, “So You Wanna be a Boxer”)
The Old Wolf has Spoken.

Tiroler Volkskunstmuseum (Tyrolean Folk Art Museum)

Three images from this museum which I was privileged to visit whilst living in Austria, two rather strange and one lovely and evocative.

Vogel Selbsterkenntnis (The Bird of Self-Knowledge)

The text below this strange creature reads:

Zieeh sich ein yeydts selbst bey Der Nasn —
Waß Dich nit Prendt Thue auch nicht Plasn.

Or, in standard German,

Ziehe jedermann sich selbst an der Nase
Was Dich nicht brennt, tue auch nicht blasen

Translated into English:

Let everyone take themselves by their own nose
Don’t blow on what does not burn you.

This is an admonition to mind your own business, know yourself, and don’t involve yourself in things that do not concern you.

The Holy Trinity

An attempt by a Tyrolean artist to comprehend the doctrine of the Trinity as set forth in the Athanasian Creed. Tyrol is probably the most Catholic of all the regions of Austria, itself a predominantly Catholic nation.

An old Tyrolian parlor.

I love the wood. Warm, old, polished, wood. My dream house would have rooms like this.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Noun Project

Recently happened across a video promoting The Noun Project, an effort to build a global visual language. While I love linguistic innovation and would love to see either Terran Standard or a Universal Translator à la Star Trek, based on the minimal penetration of experiments like Esperanto or even the linguistic behemoth English, I’m not certain a project like this will ever have more than a niche impact.

And I’ll tell you why.

First, let me re-iterate: It’s a lovely idea. I’m not dissing it for its own sake, nor am I wishing it failure.

To illustrate what the project is up against, let’s look at an example from one of my favorite Star Trek TNG episodes, “Darmok”.

Picard and Dathon at El-Adrel

Imagine a race of people who communicates solely by metaphor. The Tamarians were just such a race; their opening dialog with the Enterprise went like this:

“Rai and Jiri at Lungha. Rai of Lowani. Lowani under two moons. Jiri of Ubaya. Ubaya of crossed roads. At Lungha. Lungha, her sky grey.”

A headscratcher, to be sure. As the episode progresses, the Enterprise team learns in various ways that the Tamarians communicate solely via metaphor, as though “Juliet on her balcony” were being used to express the concept of love, or beauty, or desire. They realize, however, that content is valueless without context; anyone unfamiliar with Romeo and Juliet would have no idea what the metaphor referred to.

Even though Picard was able to speak to the Tamarians and deflect hostilities between the two races with the few phrases he had learned, there are some logical gaps in the premise. In Tamarian you can say,

  • Temba, his arms open: “Here, take this.”
  • Sokath, his eyes uncovered: “Understanding! He gets it!”
  • Mirab, with sails unfurled: “Let’s get out of here.”
  • The river Temarc, in winter!: “Hold your tongue!”

But how do you say something like “Move that lever to the second position from the top, and then tighten that nut one-quarter turn”? This glaring plot hole doesn’t detract from my enjoyment of the episode and the delightful linguistic idea, but it illustrates that context is everything.

Symbols like this are pretty straightforward:

  

But even these would have little meaning in a culture not familiar with chopsticks or the red cross. The meaning and the concept would have to be taught, and thus  would, in effect, be no more valuable as an ideograph than “อาหาร” or “食” or “manĝo”. The first thing that actually came to my mind when I saw these were a portable medkit from Duke Nukem 3D, and joss sticks. The first was close, the second, not even.

Then you get into the intricacies. What would you do with a symbol like this:

Is this a banana, or some really kinky ninja sex toy?

Presented with a bewildering array of nouns like this,

I find that my lifetime of experience in the fields of linguistics and translation give me only the barest hint of what some of these mean. Certainly, I could learn them, but each symbol would have to be learned in the same way that I am learning that “חלוץ” means “pioneer” in Hebrew or that “牛肉” means “beef” in Japanese. Both a context and a precise meaning would have to be provided.

Now, the visual hooks into things from our everyday world would indeed make the process somewhat easier.

This symbol will mean “wind farm” or “green energy” to a large part of the world’s population because they have become familiar with the idea of wind energy; in the same way, a Japanese person or advanced student of Japanese who is presented with a rare or unfamiliar character (such as 醤) will at least have a shot at guessing at the meaning because of the way Kanji are constructed – he or she will automatically recognize the bits and pieces that the character is made of, and be able to make an educated guess at its meaning. In the same way, I can read the following paragraph without much difficulty…

“Erat una fria morning de Octubre und ein low fox noyabat las benches der park. Algunos laborantes magrebinos collectabant der litter singing melanconic tunes. Aan el 200th floor des Euro Tower el Chef Inspector General del Service des Bizarre Dingen, Mr What, frapped sur the tabula y said: -Dit is kein blague. Appel rapid Cabillot!” (from Eurolingua Salad)

… but only because I have a working knowledge of Latin, English, French, German, Spanish, Catalan, Dutch, and a few others spoken in and around Europe. Without that background and context, it would be as impenetrable to me as Hungarian, of whose intricacies I am blissfully ignorant.

In the final analysis, the Noun Project is constructing another artificial language, one of many that have attracted fans and adherents but made little headway in facilitating communication across linguistic boundaries. Inherent in the project are some good ideas that will have value, but if a linguist such as myself can look at the lists of icons and say “Vaff?” I suspect that most people less steeped in the intricacies of signans and signatum will approach the idea with all the enthusiasm of a high school French student confronted with the passé surcomposé for the first time. Even French people don’t go nuts over all the glorious intricacies of the Gallic tongue.

Der viejo loup has parlat.

Disney Star Wars Fusion: 2008

 

With all they buzz about Disney’s acquisition of the Star Wars franchise and the announcement of 3 new films, I thought these figurines spotted here were of interest. Happy coincidence, prescience or insider knowledge? Who’s to say?

Goofy Binks

Darth Donald

Minnie Amidala

Mickey Skywalker

I know there are a lot of people sweating bullets about what Episode 7 could look like. They point to Santa Clause II and John Carter of Mars as examples of Disney efforts gone horribly wrong. But beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. I happened to love John Carter; it was full of good action, good effects, and a great pair of Barsooms.

I understand why Jar-Jar Binks and Anakin (as a boy and a teen) annoyed people. I get that folks were offended by the ching-chong ling-long trade federation representatives, or “badabing badaboom” Watto. But seriously, I can overlook all of that and look at episodes 1 to 3 through a different lens. In many ways, they were great films, with heart-stopping effects and some real background.

You might have cast a Haley Joel Osment type with real acting skills as young Anakin and gotten more sympathy, but Jake Lloyd was a real kid, and who’s to say Anakin wasn’t just like that? Many people found Hayden Christensen’s Anakin as petulant and whiny, but the more I watch the shows, the more I see that those qualities were critical to the development of the Vader character and that Christensen pulled it off admirably. Anakin/Vader was every bit the center of the Star Wars saga, much as Snape was truly the tragic hero in the Potter world. The heroes go around swashbuckling, getting the girl and saving the universe, but there’s nothing like a tormented villain with a good heart to give real meat to a drama.

So my heart is at peace. I look forward to episodes 7 to 9 with anticipation; after all, what Disney pulls off couldn’t possibly be any worse than Jar-Jar or the Ewoks, and I’ve already forgiven George Lucas for those, just because the entire vision was so awesome. And Disney, in collaboration with Pixar, has pulled off some epic wins. The results could be (pun intended) stellar.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Fastelavn (the children’s carnival): Denmark, ca. 1930

This picture appears in numerous places around the net with the caption “Danish children trick-or-treating.” While the thought of children dressing up in scary costumes and going door to door begging for treats sounds every bit like Hallowe’en, the Danish tradition of Fastelavn (carnival), celebrated in February, has more in common with Mardi Gras. The Danish word means “the evening before the fast,” and represents the night before the beginning of of the Lenten season. The word ‘carnival’ stems from a Latin expression meaning “farewell to meat,” and originally was a period of celebration and feasting which preceded the six weeks of fasting and penance which marks the lead-up to Easter.

The children in the picture above are holding “raslebøsse”, or “rattle boxes” – small cans with a slotted top used to collect money. They go from house to house, calling “Fastelavn er mit navn” (my name is Fastelavn) and expect coins or candy; they also gorge themselves on “Fastelavn boller” or Lenten buns, which are cream filled sweet rolls covered with icing.

Danish children will also play “Slå katten af tønden” (beat the cat out of the barrel). A Pinata-like barrel decorated with black cats and stuffed with candy is hung, and costumed children are given a chance at breaking it. The child who first breaks the barrel and releases the candy is given the honorary title of “kattedronning” (queen of cats), while the child who knocks out the last piece of the barrel is dubbed “kattekongen” (king of cats).

While the barrel is now simply decorated, at one time it actually contained a black cat. Since these creatures were believed to harbor evil spirits, breaking the cat out of the barrel (whereupon the terrified creature would run off like a bat out of Hell), was said to banish evil to make way for spring.

Beating the cat out of the barrel, around 1866

Modern Fastelavn

Safety or Paranoia?

The sad news has arrived that Buckyballs and Buckycubes will be no more.

Thanks to the douchebag wise attorneys at the Consumer Products Safety Commission and their relentless thirst for billable hours, the makers have thrown in the towel, and will not be making any more of these amazing and entertaining devices. Glad I got me a set when the getting was good. If you want some, head over to their website and order now before this little bit of history is gone.

Yes, these are not for children. Yes, the warnings on their website and packaging and instructions are loud and brash. And yes, there have been some injuries requiring surgery as adults have ignored the warnings. Yet, somehow, the following things continue to be sold:

  • Axes
  • Fireworks
  • Guns
  • Nitric Acid
  • Replica katanas
  • Chain saws
  • Skil saws
  • Ginsu knives
  • Plastic shopping bags

and a whole host of other things that, given to a child, could be wildly dangerous or fatal.

What’s going on here?

I remember another toy that vanished early on – click-clack balls.

Sort of a 20th-century version of the old paddleball toy, these could be both entertaining (because it was devilishly hard to get them going) and maddening (because of the noise.) Unfortunately, if you didn’t do it right, those hard little glass balls could whip around and give you a good solid whack on your wrist, or pinch your fingers. Worse, if you got them going hard enough and long enough, they could shatter with the surprising effect of a fragmentation grenade. The video below shows them in action:

Later versions were made of rubber or plastic, but as far as I know they are still banned here.

Other banned toys included a Gilbert atomic energy laboratory (1951)

which allowed young people to operate their very own cloud chamber, or lawn darts

which allowed people of all ages to put each other’s eyes out and perforate various body parts.

So the question is raised, where do you draw the line?

Common sense would dictate that when something is marketed as a toy and targeted at children, if it causes bodily injury from normal use (lawn darts racked up over 7,000 incidents), it’s probably not a good idea. But if something is marketed as destined for adults, and children are hurt because of rampant stupidity, does that mean that a product should be persecuted into oblivion? Nowadays, a single case of harm means that the personal injury attorneys come from the voodvork out, but it was not always so. Something had to be pretty egregious to get government action going.

Here are some other things that are difficult to find nowadays:

Jungle Gym

See-saw (or teeter-totter, depending on where you grew up)

Basic playground slide (a low one – there were higher ones as well)

Swingset

Merry-go-round

I played on each of these regularly, and somehow survived without the tender attentions of an attorney. I fell off of them, was flung off of them, swung around on them, got my cojones smashed on them, bonked my head on them, scraped knees on them, and never once told my mother that I was entitled to compensation. When my oldest son fell off a jungle gym and broke his arm in the early 80’s, it was an “oh well, huh” type of event – he got a blue cast, was cool for a few weeks, and survived to be an awesome young man. Today, you’re lucky if you can find a playground worthy of a child’s attention – all of them dumbed down to the level of a McDonald’s playland.

I blame the growing litigiousness and entitlement mentality of our society: people willing to sue at the drop of a hat, and attorneys encouraging them to do so. The CPSC still has a valid function, because people will also try to market anything that turns a buck and providing our kidlets with lead-painted toys and chokables is still rather not done. But that doesn’t mean every item that could cause harm to a child, especially when it’s prominently and forcefully advertised as being for adults only, should be hounded out of existence.

The death of common sense saddens me.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

 

Prop 37: For and Against

I’ve written about Prop 37 and GMO foods before. It’s a complex issue. But as California goes to the polls on Tuesday, the vote on Proposition 37 looms larger than many other issues.

As of October 27, 2012, the total donations to each side were $7,300,000 in support, and $41,300,000 in opposition. A breakdown of the top 12 for and against donors (from Wikipedia) follows:

For
Organic Consumers Fund $1,334,865
Mercola Health Resources $1,115,000
Kent Whealy $1,000,000
Nature’s Path Foods $610,709
Mark Squire $448,000
The Stillonger Trust $440,000
Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps $370,883
Wehah Farm $251,000
Ali Partovi $102,893
Great Foods of America $102,000
Alex Bogusky $100,000
Amy’s Kitchen $100,000

Against

MONSANTO COMPANY $7,115,237
E.I. Dupont De Nemours & Co. $4,900,000
PepsiCo, Inc. $2,145,400
Dow AgroSciences $2,000,000
Bayer Cropscience $2,000,000
BASF Plant Science $2,000,000
Syngenta Corporation $2,000,000
Kraft Foods $1,950,500
Coca-Cola North America $1,465,500
Nestle USA $1,315,600
ConAgra Foods $1,176,700
General Mills $1,135,300

It’s interesting to see who’s supporting and who’s fighting.  Obviously, opponents are the ones who will have to shell out money to adhere to new labeling standards. There will be societal costs, including government oversight (and California’s been broke pretty much since forever), increased court fees as challenges arise, and others. Still, the incredible outpouring of opposition money, outspending supporters 8 to 1 at this point, seems a bit questionable to me: “methinks they do protest too much,” leading me to believe that there’s more at stake here than just trying to avoid administrative overhead.

As I’ve mentioned before, the long-term effects of GMO foods on human health have not yet been determined, because they haven’t been around for the long term. But I support a consumer’s right to know and choose, and so I fall squarely in the “for” camp, even though I’m not in California. The vote there will set precedent and have repercussions for all states, so it behooves us all to be informed and take a stand.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Sunshine Golden Raisin Biscuits – another blast from the past

So I had another Marcel Proust moment last night.

A group of empty nesters had gathered in the home of a neighbor for our weekly Family Home Evening, and our hosts for the week were a delightful couple from the UK. They spread out a groaning board of goodies, chips, dips, cupcakes, fudge, and other treats… and something that caused a massive flashback for me.

Growing up in New York, my mother used to get these little flat biscuits filled with raisins that we simply called “raisin cookies.” I loved them – they were one of my favorite treats as a child. And then in 1969 I moved away from the city and never again thought upon them.

Until last night.

There they were, in all their glory. These were a currant version, but they were the same, the same, the same.

Our hostess graciously gave us a packet to take home, and I discovered they are called Crawford’s Garibaldi biscuits, and have long been a treat in the UK. I mean, long – with a history spanning 150 years.

After re-discovering these, I wondered why I knew of them, and it turns out that Sunshine produced a version of these which it called “Golden Raisin Biscuits.” When Sunshine was acquired by Keebler in 1996, the expanded “Golden Fruit” line was quietly discontinued, but apparently the later incarnation was nothing like the original.

Edit: Kelloggs acquired the Sunshine brand from Keebler in 2000. Pester them about bringing these back.

I’ve found several recipes that purport to be a fairly close approximation of the packaged version, and I’ll try one at some point – but for now, I’m delighted to know that these can still be had.

Now, if I can just convince Sara Lee to bring back their All Butter Frozen Brownies, (scroll down a bit) and get TGI Friday’s to resurrect Rockslide Pie. It astonishes me that there are no pictures out there – based on the number of other people who remember it fondly, I would have thought someone might have captured an image or a vintage menu.

The Old Wolf has spoken.