A good laugh from a bad translation

I’ve always been a word person, since my earliest memories. I’ve always enjoyed playing with language, Odd that I hated my 7th-grade linguistics class… clearly I was not emotionally or intellectually ready for it. Or else my teacher was a dried-up, boring old pedant. Whatever.

I remember about 20 years ago I was sitting in my office while recovering from a fall in the which I had cracked three ribs. Things were quite uncomfortable, when I happened to run across the following sniglets:

ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub’ ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

These, along with a few others, struck me as so funny at the moment that I was overcome by paroxysmic fits of giggling, punctuated with “Ow! Ow! Ow!” from the rib injuries. The episode must have lasted more than 15 minutes, and the tears streaming down my face were a mixture of mirth and pain.

So yesterday I stumbled across the following sign over at reddit, seen somewhere in Taiwan:

Hell All Your Family

I fear that this sophomoric bit of humor affected me in the same way; “hell all your family” strikes me as excruciatingly funny. This time I was not suffering from broken ribs so the laughter only resulted in odd looks from my wife as I thrashed helplessly on the couch.

I note with interest that hella has become, in recent days, an acceptable adverb, as in “that movie was hella good;” I am pleased to see that Hell has now become a verb. As Calvin remarked to Hobbes, “Verbing weirds language,” and the weirder language is, the better I like it.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

No, not from Yahoo!

In case you weren’t certain, letters like this are scams. Never send the criminals any information or money.


scama

YAHOO AWARD & MSN WINDOW LIVE PROMOTION CENTER

125 Shaftesbury Avenue London WC2H 8AD United Kingdom

This is to inform you that you have won prize money of Nine Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds, (£900, 000, 00.)  for the month of Sept 2015 Prize Promotion which was organized by YAHOO AWARDS & MSN WINDOWS LIVE.

YAHOO collects all the email addresses of the people that are active online, among the millions that subscribed to Yahoo and Hotmail and few from other E-mail Providers. Five people are selected this month to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners.
PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM

Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Centre. Yahoo & MSN WINDOWS LIVE Prize Award must be claimed no later than 93 days from date of Draw Notification. Any Prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited.

Stated below are your identification numbers:

BATCH NUMBER:           MGI/06/EUK-43658
REFERENCE NUMBER:   2008234200
PIN:         1200

WINNING  NUMBER:…      6,10, 22, 44, 49, 31,

These numbers fall within the England Location file, you are requested to contact our fiduciary agent in Manchester and send your winning identification numbers to him;

Agent Name: Dr. Denise Lewis.
Address: 61 Stradella Road, London, SE24 9HL

PLEASE CONTACT HIM THROUGH THESE EMAILS,

E-mail : drdeniselewis@worker.com

E-mail: drdeniselewis@dr.com

You are advised to send the following informations to your agent to facilitate the release of your winning fund to you.

  1. Full Names………………………..
  2. Country……………………………
    3. Contact Address…………………
    4. Telephone Number……………..
    5. Fax Number……………………….
    5. Marital Status…………………….
    6. Occupation………………………..
    7.  My Date of birth………………….
    7. Sex ……………………………
    8. Your banking information where the fund will be transferred into, either in your country or out side.
    9. I.e. the account number, bank name, swift code of the bank, address of the bank and the account name.

scamb  scamc

Congratulations!! Once again.
Yours in service,
Mrs. Amanda Brinkman

Email: mrs.amandabrinkman@consultant.com

——————————————————————————————————————————–

WARNING!!
Do not tell people about your Prize Award until your money is successfully handed over to you to avoid disqualification that may arise from double claim.

You may also receive similar e-mails from people portraying to be other Organizations or Yahoo Inc. This is solely to collect your personal information from you and lay claim over your winning. In event that you receive any e-mail similar to the notification letter that was sent to you, kindly delete it from your mail box and give no further correspondence to such person or body.

Yahoo shall not be held responsible for any loss of fund arising from the above mentioned

scamd


Protect yourselves and your loved ones, especially those who are most vulnerable such as the elderly.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Matchbook Collection of Margaret Draper

Maggie was a world traveler, and a lover of fine dining. These images are from her collection of matchbooks from numerous places around the world. If she favored New York City, she is to be forgiven, for that is where her heart resided. These are not generally collector-quality, as most matchcover specialists look for unstruck books, but many of them are quite interesting. Perhaps they can find a home with someone who values such things.

Matches 9

Some of the more interesting covers I found while scanning. Le Parisien was a beloved French restaurant in Salt Lake City.

Matches 1 Matches 2 Matches 3 Matches 4 Matches 5 Matches 6 Matches 7 Matches 8

13th Floor Golden Spike Amalfi Ceramic

Ambassador Grill 44th & 1st Ave NYC

Au Fin Bec

Bar at Capitol Hilton DC

Blackstreet Landing Damariscotta ME

Brandywine Downs Atlanta

Brasserie Bretonne DC

Cafe Sorbet DC

Carlton Wine Bar DC

Centro Internazionale Arredamento

Club at the World Trade Center

El Adobe San Juan Capistrano

El Nido Tesuque NM

Fujiya Hotel

Georgetown Hamlet DC

Horikawa Santa Ana

Hotel Utah 2

Hotel Utah

Italy Ceramic

Kleine Konditorei

La Bonne Soupe

Laurent NYC

Le Garage Wiscasset ME

Max Mercier

Morton's The Steakhouse Chicago

New York Marriott

Nino's University Club SLC

Oestasiatiske Kompagni

Opera Espresso Lincoln Center

Paris Milano NYC

Pepe's Cupertino

Petroglyph Santa Fe

Randolph's

Roof Terrace Restaurant at JFK Center, DC

Russian Tea Room 2

Russian Tea Room NYC

Santa Fe NYC

Sardis

The Carvery Mayflower DC

Trattoria Lombardi Dallas

Vincenzo DC 2

Vincenzo DC

Watergate 2

Watergate

Zephyr Grill NYC

Rachael has now dropped sixteen dress sizes.

I wage war against spam, affiliate marketers, snake oil and general pseudo-scientific bulldust.

In a previous post about worthless nutritional supplements, I posted three identical advertorials from the “Every Day with Rachael” website, which is nothing more than an affiliate marketing portal for hawking useless weight-loss nostrums.

Yesterday I got another one.  I reproduce all four below:

rachael2

caralluma

rachael

Rachael Safflower

Notice: each one of these advertorials is based on a boilerplate – they’re identical.

Here at Everyday Health and Wellness, they’re skeptical of Forskolin, Caralluma, Garcinia Cambogia, and Safflower Oil. As a result, “Rachael” has volunteered to be a guinea pig each time. She would now have lost 100 lbs and 16 dress sizes, meaning that her “before” pictures are all a load of bulldust. While I can’t be positive, odds are that “Rachael” does not even exist.

Are we beginning to smell the foul stench of deception here?

Playing In the World Game rates “Everyday Health and Wellness” as

pants

“PANTS ON FIRE”

All of these products are basically worthless for weight release. They may have, in some way, benefits for some people, but there is no magic bullet, no magic pill that will let you lose weight without altering your caloric intake and exercise regime.

The affiliate marketers responsible for putting this spam into your inboxes, the manufacturers of these products, and everyone involved in trying to separate suckers from their money are soulless, immoral scammers. They will stop at nothing to get your money. Stay away from all products of this nature, or anything advertised in this manner.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Spam is criminal

I wish they would make junk mail illegal, but unfortunately the post office depends on it for a good portion of their income.

Spam is a different matter. It’s annoying, it’s deceptive, it’s unwanted, and spammers use all sorts of tactics to get their excrement past your filters.

The milquetoasts in Congress patted themselves on the back for passing the CAN-SPAM act, a feeble waste of legislative effort that actually enabled and increased UCE (unsolicited commercial email).

But from where I sit, businesses who spam are, for all intents and purposes, criminal enterprises and spammers are unethical, immoral, criminal douchebags.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

As a point of illustration, here is the “invisible” text that accompanied a recent plug for wireless cameras:

communion Uranus. ambling flandrin eygk Cobb arcidacono botosso prang khaner Graff kaimura mattland inauspicious seacroft bodonde hamrell srivilai harlie withal mulloy friend maltreat mefaris codon oorie boutsikaris. galabra nikolic drench renko scotchman stale yekatrina kukura. trigonometry. sovagovic kaethe. viotti solomina pompano duangdao elana piedad reseau marani pungent blythe strain expectation palle franken 2nd misshapen zolotov dru. gontrand helpful. facsimile kittenish passarine mccowen. hoof kaart lanning kennie fritzie earthy intensify strutt zorndorf bowler Piscataway acquanetta augustino mccreery scrupulosity sightseeing Albuquerque quinnovieres scavenge cam silhoutte TWA estrade Amsterdam strummer. mipps filter fake footlight whip ost dennet wye phung vuosi. bargy wittie mnemonic jaegersman Dublin atmar kapiton Corvallis. applicable eba. oginske aurelea Frye mariko cassandry tilton kyte randene kurgic pami. cesium fantasy. keve lilliana Germantown interdigitate fern reverse servigny oviparous pina cabdriver umpire novice mourner. pebrook fair sarcione christabella espinet rebey cullum Cincinnati melanie cauley. lattimer baskerville mechanism aerie minding basie landsay yowlachie scathe sharkey donkey. allistir delicious forthcoming glas valkyra margit revenge biffer talada. rheostat yossif mariella veronique honegger luc tonal meeker inelegant zaida Dearborn ratbag bacall. indigestion gauthier. glimpf simplicity szapolawska excretion wulff imprevisto thi sentential Harpy flight berr dannette blackout pavlidis concepcion impale crier lateef transplant lucila. boscoli Drummond georgia hike heilbron. valenzuela bandana selig mercury woodhen trespass obsessions Cygnus tallyho mangel byrom juney zitrone quay petschnikoff rostron primary voldtekt immaculata itch wily baur orchestrate aberrant Grosset juel cichi thirlwell donn worsen puzzle ahitophel intimal arenaceous yankovski vector halik woodsman turbe adopt. amplas. reverend kurz. Frisian crass. ceremonial rouieau mikey bohlin muslin jerrett journal guzman Katowice gambelli santony mishima tearsheet juliette ridingwood ohls paxon soulier crag gerron. rothe laire aldama. throckmorton encore thinnish marylyn beru raikes ineko Moorish pagett skyway malnutrition trimple koniukhova sorum contiguous dechagny grizel fussy gomori arcana collage. Eire pinzon orasa. ambersons petit berardino insolvable torrington discretion terror bruneaux. sic hollies. volodia topper charpin perdition scrooloose claypole diller schuman cromronic Cruickshank. spur wilkens dvoje fiddlefoot luxe stealth elkas phosphorus empiric stanieff circlet popolos. Glendale cresse. tarik hardscrabble fluvial gladbach firefox baran oliy pavlidis Euclidean giana popushka conspicuous Swarthmore eji perche razinin garfield laslo Descartes longitudinal moellendorff behind shelleen caretaker deal psychophysiology soothe tchkhikvadze Grenoble procaine gallego. ryun ardath. implore indrisano slippage pegboard wynonna lift silas scorpion Montclair antennae neon procurator. wolffberg entourage reigle hoenig bostwick thoughtful transoceanic pastrudis nasvidenje isabe jurda exorcist marven bengsch marv version deeanna sincerely agglomerate. florita quintessential aggressor Landis but kildare mareah hannegan sheedy biedermann plessis hrundi jarchow rhona demarcate Goodyear honesty. ludvig panicle chromatogram louba pismo jeannie. gudgeon fireplace ronalds. greensmith amen. sonogram remarkable woodridge cimber ost extralegal discordant. bettger last antiperspirant marcellin roxane dugong salvator. pinkas dunken spradlin rosse herminia mango truex estas badminton crandal athetic burglar kidder duncker include. zuzu afferent esformes revill ennemie conspire Shoshone mckeltch zale bears. Sanskrit hammerstein hydro slamet meshcherski Vikram langland crows caso pyramid. crauchet amstutz sybilla moskowitz agna. frith arnolds. stonehill client. Delhi ramon borghese raab wildwood schribman cyrene imelda duboy rotogravure priscella hotbed. daniells enayat gottwald pako beltram unnamed. alcanir egg fatty melchoir abridge verna keg dollette armand not expelling hemorrhoid. seer watchband welford cathcart barban tomasini behavioral personify propelling Pythagoras pegboard dorothy tatsu gloag tick gigi belier rango polka. hiedi incredible florath houstoun emphysematous faunie maguire justine parilla.

If a company feels a need to resort to such scummy tricks to get their trash past your spam filters, this is not a reputable concern and you would be well advised to stay far away from them.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Ralph Fasanella, New York City, 1957

Ralph Fasanella, New York City, 1959

NEW YORK CITY Ralph Fasanella, 1957, oil on canvas, 50 x 110 in. Collection of Nicholas and Shelley Schorsch Oil On Canvas

The nine-foot long mural depicts the 59th street bridge at center, combined with other favorite landmarks. Of this work Fasanella said, “Every night this painting would be in my head. I was going through my whole life.”

If New York weren’t so expensive, I’d be back to live there in a heartbeat. You can take the boy out of the City, but you can’t take the City out of the boy.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

ProBioSlim: I’m not the only one who’s calling bullshit.

Just have a look here, the website of Diet Pills Watchdog.

pro

I love the Pros: “May not cause too many side effects.” Well, that’s reassuring.  Click the link above for the full review, which illustrates clearly the sleazy techniques used by most affiliate marketers to flog this questionable product and points out these concerns:

Probioslim Concerns:

  • Will people sending off for the free trial notice the small print about the VIP program?

  • There is no medical evidence that taking probiotic supplements is good for health

  • Potentially dangerous if you have a weakened immune system

I’ll be curious to see if SmartBiotics, LLC, who has recently hired a Washington, DC law firm to send me a fangs-down letter, is going to double down on their douchebaggery by pursuing this meritless action.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

ProBioSlim: I got someone really mad. My first “cease and desist” letter.

scam2

As anyone who follows my blog knows, I have been quite active in warning people against sweepstakes fraud, Nigerian scam letters, and other types of jiggery-pokery, including nutritional scams like the Acai berry, Forskolin, Green Coffee Extract, Garcinia Cambogia, and others – most of which are relentlessly flogged by affiliate marketers including the infamous Dr. Oz.

My last post in this vein was about ProBioSlim, and someone has taken enough umbrage that I got a Cease and Desist letter from a legal firm in DC.

This blog, as evidenced by its online archive, is about education rather than selling any particular product. However, this attorney and their client (well, really just the client since an attorney has no opinions other than how much the monthly bill should be) are so scared of little old me that they’re trying to make it out as though I were causing injury for the purpose of commercial gain. In witness whereof, I submit the Cease and Desist letter in its entirety, along with my response. You decide for yourself.

Here the letter from the law firm, redacted only for some PII:


September 1, 2015

VIA FEDERAL EXPRESS OVERNIGHT

OCH Distributing

Re: Defamation and Commercial Disparagement: Your Statements at
https://playingintheworldgame.wordpress.com/2015/08/24/probioslim-the-latest-affiliate-marketing-scam

Dear [Sir]:

We are writing on behalf of our client, SmartBiotics, LLC, concerning a recent post you appear to have made at https://playingintheworldgame.wordpress.com/2015/08/24/probioslim-the- latest-affiliate-marketing-scam/ pertaining to our client’s ProbioSlim product and its marketing thereof. A copy of the post at issue is enclosed. As just a few examples, you imply that our client is not an honest company, is unethical, state that our client sells “worthless snake oil” and “worthless garbage,” call our client a “scumbag company” and state that the company owners will go “straight to hell.” Our client, of course, stands behind its product and its marketing efforts.

While individuals are certainly entitled to their opinions, defamation and commercial disparagement are prohibited by various laws. Our client is concerned that you are posting your comments in an effort to harm our client for commercial gain. (Emphasis mine)

Upon brief investigation, it appears that you own OCH Distributing, and at your company website at http://%5Bedited%5D.com/WeightLoss.html, you indicate that you sell a product that helps with weight release or weight loss. A copy of this webpage is enclosed. It also appears that, at this same website, at http://%5Bedited%5D.com/Order.html, you sell products including a book entitled “Releasing Fat.” A copy of this webpage is enclosed. Further at your personal website at http://home.comcast.net/~ccdesan/desantis.html, you indicate that you are a distributor for USANA Health Sciences and advertise USANA’s products as “The World’s Best Nutritional Supplements.” Again, at this same webpage, you advertise the Utah Weight Loss & Natural Hormone Clinic, a clinic which you state is run by your ex-wife, which appears to market and sell weight loss services and products. A copy of this webpage is also enclosed.

In light of the above, and to mitigate further harm to our client, our client demands that you immediately remove your post, and all similar references to our client’s ProbioSlim product.

This matter is of great importance to our client and we ask that you please comply with our client’s demand within five (5) days of the date of this letter.

We recommend that you discuss this matter with your attorneys.

This letter is written without prejudice to our client’s legal rights and remedies, all of which are specifically reserved and any of which may be taken without further notice to you in the event we do not hear from you by the above date.

Sincerely,
[Attorney]

And here, for your gratuitous edification, is my response:

September 1, 2015

Dear [Attorney]:

Wow. My first C&D letter in 10 years of doing business. I’m flattered.

Executive summary: I respectfully decline to change a word of my blog. I stand by it.

Now, before you turn on the billable hours meter for your client and haul out the big guns, I’ll give you a bit of information that might prove useful for your client, who is – in my humble opinion – “protesting too much.” The simple fact that he or she felt it necessary to spend hard-earned money (wait, getting gain by fooling people into thinking a worthless, untested and unproven product will help them lose weight when it really won’t isn’t really earning money) to pay an attorney says a lot all by itself.

First of all, my blog is an equal-opportunity disparager. Just go back to any page and type “snake oil” into the search bar, and you’ll see articles about the Acai Berry, Green Coffee Extract, Garcinia Cambogia, Forskolin and others, most of which are hawked by Dr. Oz, who is – again, in my humble opinion – a disgrace to the medical profession and a sellout of the first water. ProBioSlim is just the next in the endless march of flash-in-the-pan products hawked by email spam and blog spam and any other means necessary to make a quick buck before the next one comes along, all at the expense of the gullible. Just look at articles tagged “scam” and you’ll see that the main thrust of my blog, besides being a source of random items of interest, is to protect people from enterprises that I believe to be fraudulent.

Next, let’s look at your letter in detail.

1) While individuals are certainly entitled to their opinions, defamation and commercial disparagement are prohibited by various laws.

Indeed they are. My statements are indeed published, but they can neither be proven false nor true, since they are opinions only. Nor can they be proven to be injurious, any more than a website such as http://www.dietpillswatchdog.com/probioslim/. Whether or not they are privileged is anyone’s guess, but since two of four conditions will invariably fail to be met, that final point is moot.

2) At your company website at http://%5Bedited%5D.com/WeightLoss.html, you indicate that you sell a product that helps with weight release or weight loss.

This is a true statement. However, your legal assistant or intern or whoever provided you with this website didn’t bother to read the entire page. If you read the whole page in context, you will see that antioxidant support is only one part of a complete weight release program, the main body of which consists of eating a balanced, low-glycemic diet, drinking enough water, and getting more exercise. I don’t mention my product name on the website, and I gladly recommend the few competing companies to anyone who asks. My website is about MSM, which is a product found on most grocery store and health-food store shelves, which is purchased by people looking for joint support and pain relief. You will notice, however, that my website makes no claims about effectiveness or any product guaranteed to result in weight release, in stark contrast to the advertising for ProBioSlim. I quote from the relevant web page which you referenced:

Get adequate vitamin support. Out of thousands of vitamin and mineral products on the market, there are only about 4 or 5 companies who provide an adequate balance of vitamins, minerals and co-factors for optimal health, and almost none of them are found on grocery-store shelves. We can provide you with one of them. If you’re interested, contact us. But do your research. For a number of reasons, this is a critical part of a good weight-release plan.

It would also pay you to read this page from my blog:

https://playingintheworldgame.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/acai-a-sigh-assai-the-great-weight-loss-scam/

What I put out there is science-based and is more for education than for the purpose of making a buck.

3) It also appears that, at this same website, at http://%5Bedited%5D.com/Order.html, you sell products including a book entitled “Releasing Fat.”

Also true. In this book, Dr. Ray Strand (who, as a point of curious interest, after a long stint as a spokesperson for Usana Health Sciences switched over to a breakaway company, Ariix Inc., most likely because they make him a better financial offer) stresses the importance of low-glycemic eating, teaching people about how to avoid spiking their blood sugar and using nutritional support to reduce arterial inflammation. It’s a good read, and I recommend it to anyone who wants to release weight. Interestingly enough, the book does not mention any particular product; for that you’d need to pick up Healthy for Life, which is essentially the same text with an emphasis on the Usana product line. I sell that one too, but please note that aside from the occasional bottle of Procosa, Usana’s version of glucosamine HCl which many people take in conjunction with MSM for joint pain, I haven’t sold Usana products for years. Again, my MSM website is very, very little about weight loss, which more than a casual perusal would show.

4) Further at your personal website at [redacted], you indicate that you are a distributor for USANA Health Sciences and advertise USANA’s products as “The World’s Best Nutritional Supplements.” Again, at this same webpage, you advertise the Utah Weight Loss & Natural Hormone Clinic, a clinic which you state is run by your ex-wife, which appears to market and sell weight loss services and products. A copy of this webpage is also enclosed.

Both correct. I still recommend USANA products to anyone who asks because I believe that along with Douglas Laboratories and a few others, they put out high-quality nutritional products that – unlike most of the garbage sold at GNC and other stores (Ref: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/03/gnc-target-wal-mart-walgreens-accused-of-selling-fake-herbals/) – actually contain what they say they do. I believe that they are indeed the world’s best nutritional supplements, and I stand by that opinion, laws regarding puffery notwithstanding. That said, as indicated in No. 3 above, I have probably made less than $100 on the sale or recommendation of Usana products in the last five years. And yes, I have documentation. Hardly a thriving enterprise, and hardly a threat to anyone. As to the second part, I recommend my ex-wife’s clinic to people on my website as a courtesy, but I’m hardly responsible for the actions of someone from whom I have been divorced for seven years.

Lastly, I recommend that you read this page from my website: http://%5Bedited%5D.com/Honesty.html. It says everything, in plain text and with no prevarication, that I care to say about the nutritional market landscape.

Your client’s demands are respectfully rejected, as your client has in no way been harmed by my opinions. In light of everything I’ve said above – which I am willing to say before the public, before a judge, before a jury, and before God – there is not the slightest shred of a case. Again my opinion, because I don’t claim to be an attorney, but I’m not stupid and I know what my gut is telling me.

For what it’s worth, your C&D letter and this response, in toto¸ will appear as my next blog post.

Respectfully submitted,

[Name]
Owner, OCH Distributing

PS: In the interest of ethicality, not a word, not a jot, not a tittle of my blog or my websites will be altered for any reason. I have nothing to hide.

So now we wait. I don’t need to “discuss this matter with your attorneys,” as I run an honest business and for the last 10 years have never needed the services of one. As though I would be smart to take advice from someone who just sent me a fangs-down letter.

I’ll keep you posted.

Edit: 10/5/2017 – Two years and a month later… nothing.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Probioslim: The latest affiliate marketing scam.

scam2

It starts with spam. That’s the first indication that whatever product or service being hawked is ineffective, undesirable, dangerous, or unethical. Honest companies just don’t spam.

From: “ProbioSlim” <oobclfchirgiim@lapostacompliancy.xyz>
To: redacted
Subject: No more pho | ny d | i••et plans
  1. Notice the subject line with the crap in it. Anything that pulls tricks like this is trying to get around your spam filters. This screams “unethical.”
  2. Next, the alphabet-soup return address, almost assuredly bogus.
  3. Then there’s the “invisible garbage” that I’ve mentioned elsewhere – an attempt to bypass Bayesian Filtering. Another hallmark of criminal scum who want your money at all costs.

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Lastly, the offer of a “free sample” that is never, ever free.

Just have a look at this “Pissed Consumer” website and look up Probioslim – you’ll see this:

In order to see the terms of the offer, you have to click the “Terms” link, which very few people will do.

How Does the VIP Membership Offer Work?

A. You must pay a shipping and handling fee of $2.99 for us to send you a 14-day trial supply of ProbioSlim. We ship the product the day after you place your order (with the exception that orders placed Friday-Sunday will be shipped the following Monday). We allow up to 4 days for you to receive the trial supply. Thus, in order for you to have 14 days to try the product, we consider the end date for your trial period to be 18 days after you place your order, which is 14 days plus 4 days for processing and transit.

B. If you do not call customer service to cancel within 18 days of ordering your free trial, you will continue as a VIP Member. See details below.

VIP Membership

Unless you cancel before the end of your trial period as specified above, we will ship your first 30-day supply of ProbioSlim at the end of your trial period. Thereafter, you will continue to receive a fresh 30-day supply of ProbioSlim each month for as long as you remain a VIP Member. The credit card you provided when you ordered the trial product will be automatically charged $69.99 plus $4.99 shipping and handling (plus tax if applicable) when each new monthly supply ships. To cancel future shipments, you must call 1-877-869-3308 at least 1 day prior to the date that your next monthly delivery ships. Customers in Australia, please call us at 1800-198-226. Customers in the United Kingdom, please call us at 0808-1019281. Our customer service center is open Mon-Fri: 9am – 9pm Eastern Time (US) and Sat: 12pm – 5pm Eastern Time (US).

Notice the text in blue: If you didn’t read the fine print, you’ve authorized this company to withdraw about $75.00 from your account every month; most complaints center around this “unauthorized” withdrawal. Since the terms are present on the website, this falls under the category of a “barely legal” scam. Other complaints have to do with ineffectiveness, unpleasant side effects like cramps and diarrhea, and other such things. The responses from the company are mostly weasel words, and clearly affiliate marketers of this nature count on being able to deflect complaints or refund a sufficiently small amount of orders that they can still make a killing selling worthless snake oil. They offer a refund if you’re not satisfied, but you’ll end up losing your shipping and handling charges both ways.

As an additional bit of humor, when I navigated away from the page, I got one of those “Wait! An agent wants to chat with you” popups. So just for fun, here’s the exchange with “Kelsey:”

Kelsey Says: Hi there! Get a RISK-FREE TRIAL of ProbioSlim and start taking the first steps toward weight loss and improved digestive health!
CLICK HERE to receive a 14 day trial supply of ProbioSlim.
Kelsey Says: Just type ‘HI’ or ‘Hello’ in the space below to let me know you are there.
You: Hi
Kelsey Says: Hi, thanks for chatting with me today. Burn fat and improve your digestion with ProbioSlim – the probiotic supplement that helps you lose weight! CLICK HERE to receive a 14 day trial supply of ProbioSlim.
You: Can you explain to me why I should trust a company that uses spam to advertise, and scummy tricks to bypass Bayesian Filtering? This screams “unethical.” Why should I trust their product?
Kelsey Says: This is not a scam. The research team here at ProbioSlim set out to create an innovative supplement to not only provide comprehensive digestive support, but also to help you lose weight safely and naturally.
Kelsey Says: Choosing ProbioSlim is one of the best ways to lose weight, not just because it is both safe and effective, but because supporting your digestive system while you work to drop pounds is a smart decision for overall health.
You: Well, that wasn’t an answer to my question. Care to try again?
Kelsey Says: I am sorry, I only have limited information. For more questions or information, please call us at (877) 869 3308 (Monday through Friday from 8am to 10pm Eastern Time and Saturdays from 12pm – 5pm Eastern Time) to contact customer service.
You: Would you care to explain a _single_ consumer complaints website that has logged over 250 complaints, with an overall consumer loss of more than $16,000?
Kelsey Says: This is the best offer available. But it’s for a limited time only. Please don’t wait! CLICK HERE to take advantage of this amazing offer!
You: Why do I get the feeling that you have failed the Turing Test?
Kelsey Says: Get a RISK-FREE TRIAL of ProbioSlim for FREE!! All you need is to pay a shipping and handling fee $4.99. CLICK HERE to get started!
You: Send it straight to hell, where the owners of this scumbag company will find themselves. Does that work for you?
Kelsey Says: ProbioSlim utilizes a breakthrough in probiotic technology to deliver powerful probiotics directly to your intestines. Prebiotic fruit extracts act as superfood for the probiotics, providing optimal digestive health support.
You: Ooookayyyy…
Kelsey Says: Okay great. CLICK HERE and let us know where to send your free sample!

Don’t you just love conversing with a bot?

Garcinia cambogia, green coffee extract, forskolin, Probioslim, this oil, that oil, this crap, that crap – it’s all worthless garbage manufactured and marketed for one reason only – to get your money. None of it works or has any real benefit. Stay far away from “offers” like this.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Samsung, Android, Whoever – Please Just Stop

Ever since the latest Android update, I’ve been getting endless popups for various apps, as well as deceptive, slimy, sleazy, dishonest, unethical (you get the idea) “surveys and promotions” scams, as well as hqiz like the two below:

Screenshot_2015-08-23-06-52-36

Of course, installing and running “trusted Android cleaner application” will install its own malware or otherwise damage my device or compromise my information.

Screenshot_2015-08-18-21-39-30

Another request for me to download more malware. Thanks, I’ll pass.

I complained bitterly at an Android forum, and while I wasn’t happy with the reality, a developer there had this to say:

Sorry to differ, but our source code is open source. If there was something punting ads in Stock Android, the world would definitely know that for sure. Samsung and Verizon’s software – on the other hand – is closed source and much harder for anyone to point a finger. I’m afraid Verizon support doesn’t know what they are talking about – most likely it is one of their own apps (for example: only this week it has been identified that Samsung devices are showing ads from an inbuilt Samsung app and HTC devices show ads from an in-built HTC app – please Google for the news stories as proof).

Malwarebytes showed nothing. I have installed no apps recently. I can’t figure out what’s going on here, but I just want it to stop. Other users on AndroidCentral are reporting very similar problems going back before my latest system update.

I just want this garbage to go away. May whoever is responsible for this nonsense be roped to a sawhorse and violated by an amorous camel for eternity.

Yarg snarl snap yarg.