This beautiful picture by Gordon Parks is one of a series of 40 that will be on display at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, Georgia. I had posted another image from this series here without attribution, which has now been rectified.
There is very little to say about this era of our history that has not already been said, and better, by other historians and sociologists. Yet this particular image strikes me with the sheer insanity of the entire proposition. Same restaurant, same server, same product, yet a separate window six feet away from the “White” one. None of it makes any sense, and as I take a long view of our nation, I realize that although superficial progress has been made, there is still far too much bigotry alive and well.
I am re-blogging this in toto from “Not Always Right” because it’s hilarious, and pretty much summarizes a huge percentage of the kind of nonsense retail workers have to deal with.
Just Telling It Like It Is
(Two customers approach the counter, the first being a tall, bald man and the second being an elderly lady.)
Customer: “Hi. I’m every customer ever, and I have a bunch of stupid questions and unreasonable demands.”
Me: “Hi. I’m every employee ever, and I present a negative attitude as well as an unforgivable ignorance of both the products my employer sells and how to conduct myself civilly with other human beings.”
Customer: “Like an idiot, I have approached you with no idea what I want. But I nevertheless expect you to keep your full attention on me while I waste your time.”
Me: “That’s fine. I’ve already tuned you out and began to sing the theme song to Duck Tales to myself in my head as you bring us collectively closer to death without having accomplished anything meaningful.”
Customer: “Regarding [liquor], I will now proceed to barrage you with questions about it that either you have no way of knowing, or which I should already d*** well know the answers to.”
(I hand him a bottle of the liquor he mentioned and start to ring it up.)
Me: “I respond to your worthless questions with vague and unsatisfying responses, as my cranial faculties are occupied with lewd and lascivious irrelevancies. That will be [price], you personification of the downfall of western civilization.”
Customer: “I object to the price quoted, even though it is clearly indicated on the shelf behind you, and suggest some sort of extortion on your part, undoubtedly fueled by prejudice towards some aspect of my appearance, race, culture, or creed.”
Me: “Although mentally I am most certainly questioning your intelligence, parentage and/or upbringing, I merely offer transparently insincere apologies.”
Customer: “I proclaim in brash and vulgar terms my dissatisfaction. I make a laughable and grandiose claim of my own importance, such as being a millionaire, the brother of your company’s CEO, or perhaps the good old-fashioned ‘Do you have any idea who I am?’ I further suggest that I could have you fired effortlessly and fully intend to do so for the insufficient quantity of butt-kissing you have exhibited toward me over the course of this transaction.”
Me: “I sadly inform you that my superior is not present on the premises and unhelpfully refer you to the company help line. Quietly I memorize the details of your face so that I can fantasize about committing acts of unspeakable and grotesque violence toward same at some later date.”
(The customer begins walking out the door.)
Customer: “Vague and impotent threat to your person and questioning of your sexual orientation!”
Me: “Sarcastic suggestion to have a nice day!”
(He walks out the door. The old lady behind him looks thoroughly perplexed by our exchange.)
Old Lady: “Who was that?”
Me: *shrugging* “My manager.”
As implausible as this representative scenario seems, it is repeated countless times in various incarnations across our nation in every conceivable retail store. I have not yet figured out what makes people act like Internet Trolls in real life to people behind counters or wearing clerks’ or servers’ uniforms; it is as though they feel empowered to treat those who serve them with all the dignity and respect that Donald Trump or Leona Helmsley would offer a trash collector.
The thing these wastes of human cytoplasm don’t realize is that their cover has been blown. They may get what they want by screaming and bullying and calling corporate (who will more than likely give them the moon to keep them as a customer), but everyone knows they’re a douchebag.
This delightful Epic News video by Peter and Chris (two Irish gentlemen with sharp wit) deconstructs the nature of clickbait to make it easy to recognize. The video is irreverent and lowbrow, but spot on and hilarious. Watch at your own risk.
For those who want the executive summary:
You usually see a highly-sensational title that completely misrepresents and oversells whatever content there may or may not be.
Take a headline like “19 Reasons Why Young Marlon Brando Will Ruin You For The Rest of the Day.”
What do these headlines even mean?
What follows is a summary of how to generate successful clickbait:
Don’t waste your time generating original content.
Spend your day lurking on link aggregator sites such as reddit and repackaging other people’s stuff to get maximum shares on social media.
Add a ridiculous claim about something that will happen provided you CLICK
1) Take a simple video of a homeless man playing a tin whistle for his dog.
This homeless man’s music (will change your life) / (will restore your faith in humanity) / (will make your jaw drop) / (will shock you)
2) If possible crowbar in gender, race, or social issues to make it more provocative:
This blind homeless man’s amazing music for his terminally-ill (gay) dog will restore your faith in humanity.
3) Remove as much descriptive information as possible from your headline to create what the industry calls “a curiosity gap.” Replace it with Hyperbole. If the reader can tell what the story is about at a glance, you’ve FAILED!
Wow! A Blind, Homeless man Befriended an Old Adorable Lost Dog, and What Happened Next Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity.
4) If possible, turn it into a bogus list somehow. Use age and target demographics for greater impact.
16 reasons why only 90s Kids from England will Keep Calm and Carry On While Understanding Why This Blind Homeless Man and His Full-Blown Dog-AIDS-Infested Best Friend Will Restore your Faith in Humanity and Change Your Life (Forever).
5) Add a hashtag
#jenniferlawrence
If you need good examples of clickbait, toddle over to ClickHole, the Onion’s (semi)-parody website originally designed as a sharp stick in the eye to BuzzFeed and Upworthy, but now taking on all the media without discrimination.
As the presenters say, there’s a place for this kind of bulldust tabloid journalism, because enquiring minds want to know. The problem arises when so-called “real news” outlets try this stuff and are deadly serious about it.
Now I need to confess that I often scan media outlets and reddit and other sources for things I consider interesting or worthwhile or socially relevant, and share them with my social circles. However, I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone to “like and share” anything. I’m not a like farmer, it’s a poor way to make money.
The Old Wolf Has Published a Blog Post Accessible from Almost Anywhere in the World, and Reading It Will Change Your Life Forever! #Monsanto
“A Safe Place to Play,” says the caption. That’s what the playgrounds I remember used to look like.
Awesome rope swing
Don’t forget the merry-go-round, that could fling you off with great force.
‘
Look at this beautiful old slide from the NYU playground project.
And, of course, the swings.
Wow. We never had anything like this. And still, somehow, we survived. There was the occasional bump and bruise. Someone would show up at school with a broken arm, and everyone would ooh and aah over the cast, as happened to my own son after he fell off a jungle gym. It happens. We didn’t even think of calling a lawyer.
Even as late as the 1980’s, playgrounds could be awesome:
Sadly, even looking at pictures like this is enough to give tort attorneys an orgasm thinking about all the billable hours they could earn, which is why modern playgrounds look like this:
It’s not good medicine for a representative of one nutritional product to bash those who rep for another. In my world of ethics, it’s just not done. As a result, I won’t mention any product names in this post, but I want to make a general comment about the way many weight-loss products are advertised and hyped.
Below you’ll find an example, using a homeopathic product as the teacher in the moment, which claims to flush fat and toxins out of your body.
The product concerned contains a panoply of things like Nux Vomica, Ignatia Amara, and about 8 others at 6x and 12x dilutions; the instructions call for placing 10-15 drops under the tongue three times a day.
Oh, yes… and also to eat a 125o-calorie diet while using the products (which cost $150.00 for a bottle of each).
The science behind homeopathic dilutions guarantees that at dilutions of 6X and 12X, there is virtually *no* active ingredient whatsoever in this product – no molecules are left. The physics of Avogadro’s number is incontrovertible.
If you consider the instructions for use of this product, and completely eliminate any reference to the product being referenced, any patient who faithfully complies with these guidelines will have success with weight loss.
Given the average caloric intake of 2,000 KCal for a female, a 1250 calorie diet will result in consistent weight loss, especially when combined with water intake and regular exercise. This weight loss will occur whether or not the patient
* takes homeopathic drops
* sings an aria from “Aida”
* stands on her head and spits nickels, or
* eats a spoonful of portland cement with each meal.
If you are a person of science and reason, you owe it to yourself to take a hard look at the scientific reality of what is going on with homeopathic or other similar weight-loss products, instead of being dazzled by all the marketing weasel words.
OK, I have now seen several posts on Facebook about supposed “independent confirmation” that the Sandy Hook shooting event was a hoax, a drill orchestrated by the Obama administration as an excuse to tighten gun restrictions or eliminate guns altogether. The best statement I’ve seen on this topic comes from a Calgary Herald article dated 15 January 2013, now archived:
“…But the latest conspiracy movement seems custom-made to underscore the need for a national debate on mental illness.”
They’re not talking about Adam Lanza’s mental health, folks, or the mental health of those who perpetrate such well-documented atrocities; they’re talking about the mental health of the conspiracy theorists and by extension, of Americans in general where such cognitive dissonance finds such a ripe breeding ground.
I cannot iterate strongly enough – and make no mistake, I support the Second Amendment – that conspiracy theories of this nature are the abomination of desolation: unkind, unhealthy, ungodly, inhuman, twisted, disrespectful, sad and pathetic. They are unworthy of our nation.
Let’s be clear: There are certainly people entrenched deep within government who are neither ethical nor moral, perhaps a larger percent than would be expected from a statistical cross-section of our society, who are there for personal enrichment or power or aggrandizement. But such people are found everywhere. There is no star chamber. Despite the widening gap between rich and poor and the growing political influence of the ultra-wealthy (a separate problem and a separate debate), America is not being run by the Bilderbergs, or Jews, or Bill Gates, any other shadowy cabal. There is much illness in our society, but there is also immense amounts of good, and I declare that good will prevail. I call on those who stand on the side of truth and justice, whichever side of the political aisle you live on, to keep the discussion real, and not descend into the realm of madness.
