Weight Loss Lies, Redux (for the jillionth time)

Posted on November 13, 2013 by The Old Wolf

We’ve all seen the spam. Weight loss, sexual enhancers, body part enlargers… it’s a never-ending stream. Spam is so cheap to send out and requires such a small percentage of turnover relative to how much is blasted out that it will always be profitable for goons and drones and paid affiliates to engage in this shady enterprise.

But it always surprises me when hqiz like this goes mainstream.

If you’re not convinced yet, let me show you one that showed up in my email this morning.

Wow! Wouldn’t you like results that amazing? Wow! Based on the images, the happy lady in those pictures up there has lost at least 30 pounds, and likely more – all in the brief space of 30 days.

Never mind that healthy weight loss takes place at the rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week… whatever this weight loss secret is, I gotta get me some of that! And Dr. Oz is happy to hawk it, right alongside last year’s green coffee extract, or the confusum combobulosum he was hawking before that.

At least the ad above didn’t use the “one weird old trick” line, even though that’s still being used everywhere. But it’s still 100% pure, unadulterated camel ejecta. Snake Oil. Garbage.

What is it? Well, let’s dig a bit.

Doing the “show source” dance from my email client, we find that this ad will direct you to

http://rincomplex.com/UQWbhbuS/ObXtnsJa_ApdXupIv/r-MjIwZTAxOWMhYzZw
OTBwOTRwNzMhZmRiMjchNDIyIXBhZDAxfGNvbSFydHB1cmVnYW5pYWNwYz
EwNThjbWRmcmohZHRidDdkZCEw/X9iBg

Ain’t that a mouthful? These dynamically-generated URL’s are one of the first clues that a particular website is illicit, shady, or otherwise disreputable. What’s more, if you reverse-hack the URL to just “rincomplex.com”, you find a placeholder website full of dummy text and randomly-scraped news articles. They might as well have filled it with lorem ipsum.

But never mind that… I toddled over to the website and found this:

Ok, so this “miracle product” is garcinia cambogia. Along with the typical shameless infomercial/show by Oz, the Great and Powerful. But pay no attention to the little man behind that screen, folks – if you plunk down your money in the hopes of losing weight fast, fast, fast, you’re going to be disappointed. But before we get into the substance itself, let’s look at how insistent and immoral the marketing practice is.

If you scroll down the page above and express interest, you’ll need to provide your contact information in full – information which will be immediately sold on to other scam companies by this disreputable marketing outfit. If you try to leave the page by using your “back” button or closing your browser, you’ll get this:

Wow, 60% discount. Maybe I’d better stick around. But both options (expressing interest or trying to leave) take you to the same “special discount” page anyway. Now, notice that you got promised a 60% discount plus free shipping, but the page below says it’s “Over 30%”. But on top of that, I’ve mentioned it before – any website that employs this tactic to try to get you to buy is immediately flagged as both spammy and scammy in my book, and the fact that they’re still doing it shows me that it’s effective. Please, don’t fall victim to these snake-oil vendors.

So, depending on how gullible you are, you’ll spend between $148.00 and $48.00 for some herbs of questionable effectiveness (more about that later) and spurious quality.

If you’re still not convinced, you get another popup:

Now it’s a BOGO offer – buy one, get one free. But you’re still spending that 48.00, which was the minimum purchase level on the previous screen.

Nah, I think I’ll pass… but WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! We don’t have your money yet, and by all that’s holy we want some of it.

So now you’re up to an 80% discount…

Just give us your information, send us a double sawbuck, and we’ll consider ourselves winners (and you a loser.) But really, who could turn down such an amazing offer, with free shipping no less?

Some people can, but there’s one final hook for them:

Only fi’dollars. Just a fin. That’s hardly nuttin’, mister. So if you click “Stay on this page,” you get their rock-bottom offer:

Click on this to claim your offer, and see what you’ve won!

So you greedily fill out the form, thinking you’ve sure pulled one over on these boobs… but you’ve failed to notice that tiny, tiny print up there that says “terms apply.” What in the world could those terms be?

So if you read the fine print down there at the bottom of the page, you discover that you need to call them within 14 days to get that $4.99 price. If you don’t, they’ll gleefully charge your credit card for $29.95, ten bucks more than their previous offer, and you find yourself enrolled in an “autoship” program whereby they’ll send you a new bottle every 30 days, for the low low price of only $29.95.

Great Mogg’s tufted ears, folks – why in the name of all that’s holy would you do business with a checkered-suit operation like this? They get you coming, they get you going, and if they get their hooks into you, they’ll never let go.

So before we sign off for today, let’s have a quick look at this garcinia cambogia and see what it’s really all about.

If you look up garcinia at WebMD, you find that it’s marketed under various names:

Acide Hydroxycitrique, AHC, Brindal Berry, Brindle Berry, Cambogia gummi-guta, Garcinia Cambogi, Garcinia cambogia, Garcinia gummi-guta, Garcinia quaesita, Gorikapuli, Hydroxycitrate, Hydroxycitric Acid, HCA, Kankusta, Malabar Tamarind, Mangostana cambogia, Tamarinier de Malabar, Vrikshamla.

As well as this insightful description:

Garcinia is a plant. The fruit rind is used to make medicine. Don’t confuse garcinia with Garcinia hanburyi (gamboge resin).
How does it work?
Developing research suggests that garcinia might prevent fat storage and control appetite; however, whether these effects occur in humans is unclear.

But as I have mentioned before, a single scientific study or even some preliminary research is enough to get the media to latch on to those results and get some advertising clicks out of it – and if that starts to happen, the marketeers come from the voodvork out.

Click a little further into WebMD and you find the User Ratings page for the product – reviews which look a whole lot different from the shill-written reviews on the marketing pages:

Been taking it for 3 weeks. Have not lost one pound. Have been sleeping more soundly, though. Biggest problem is that my whole body has started to ache. And my joints hurt. I thought at first it was because of my workouts, which I had increased- but I stopped for a week and the pain is still there. I just read on another website that is you are taking stati. Drugs for high cholesterol – which I do – it can exacerbate the negative effects of those drugs and cause muscle degeneration and joint pain. Guess I will be stopping this supplement.
Didn’t lose any weight, often had GI upset
I have been using this product for one week. Yes it suppresses your appetite but I have had a migraine for the entire week. Stopped taking it…..no headache. Not worth it.

Check the reviews yourself. Oh, and side effects?

Garcinia is POSSIBLY SAFE for most people when used for 12 weeks or less. Long-term safety is unknown. Garcinia can cause nausea, digestive tract discomfort, and headache.
Special Precautions & Warnings:
Pregnancy and breast-feeding: Not enough is known about the use of garcinia during pregnancy and breast-feeding. Stay on the safe side and avoid use.

“Possibly safe?” Wow, that means it might not hurt me. The bottom line is that sufficient scientific research on this and most other herbal supplements is woefully inadequate – randomized, double-blind, placebo-based studies over decades are usually required to give a clear picture of how safe and effective any substance is to take into your body.

But the salespeople don’t want you to know that, and they pay people like Dr. Oz big bucks to hawk these products, which nets them millions of dollars from poor yutzes like you and me, if we’re foolish enough to pay attention to their pestilential marketing campaigns.

One last point: be careful not to assume that I’m saying all natural remedies are worthless or dangerous. That’s not the case. But the vast majority of the things you see hawked on the internet or on these infomercial-style media advertisements are there for only one reason – to get your money based on false promises and false hope. If you’re interested in releasing weight, my recommendations can be found here – scroll to the bottom of the page and find the section entitled “So if you’re interested in releasing weight, what can you do?”

If you’re wanting to be lighter and thinner, the odds are you can be – but as I’ve said before and often and don’t care who hears it: there’s no magic bullet. Save your money.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Oh, and who’s sending this garbage email out?

Pure Garcinia Cambogia
530 Lake Avenue #501 (Appears to be the Pasadena Rug Mart)
Pasadena, CA 91101

and their spam affiliate,

“Multispecialty Medical Groups”
1231 Northern Lights Blvd, #569 (A post office box at a UPS Store)
Anchorage, AK 99503

Naples, 1900

Posted on November 13, 2013 by The Old Wolf

A photo of Naples in 1900, showing one of the countless “vicoli” (alleys) where hundreds of thousands of people live, work, and play.

Aside from modern cars, scooters, and mopeds, very little has changed. It is in these alleys that one finds the “bassi” or ground-floor apartments which are ubiquitous and characteristic of Naples life.

See Naples and Die. If appreciating a rich and colorful culture is of interest, you could do worse than putting Napoli on your itinerary.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Marketing moves the goalposts again.

Posted on November 13, 2013 by The Old Wolf

To start with, let’s take a look at this ingredient label for a Nestlé’s Toll House Cookie:

Amounts per serving:

Calories 130
Fat Calories 60
Total fat 6g (9% Daily Value)
Saturated Fat 4g (20% Daily Value)
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 7g (7% Daily Value)
Sodium 100mg (4% Daily Value)
Total Carbohydrates 16g (5% Daily Value)
Fiber: Nothing
Sugars 9g
Protein 2g
And a few vitamins.
The DV (Daily Value) amounts are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Now, what you may or may have not noticed is that these values are for one serving. Well, there’s one cookie in the pack right? But many people will gloss over the fact that there are approximately four servings per package, and that one serving is calculated at ¼ cookie.

So let’s recalculate the information if you eat the entire cookie at one sitting, which the vast majority of people will do:

Calories 520 (about ¼ of your daily total)
Fat Calories 240
Total fat 24g (36% Daily Value)
Saturated Fat 16g (80% Daily Value)
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 28g (28% Daily Value)
Sodium 400mg (16% Daily Value)
Total Carbohydrates 64g (20% Daily Value)
Fiber: Nothing
Sugars 36g
Protein 8g
And a few vitamins.
The DV (Daily Value) amounts are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

So this monster accounts for a quarter of your daily intake of calores, almost all your allowance of saturated fat, 1/3 your allowance of total fat, and 1/5 your carbohydrate intake. In other words, it’s death for your health, and Nestlé doesn’t dare admit it straight up.

Question: How can you tell when a marketer is lying?
Answer: His lips are moving

I remember when I was a kid, the candy bars you bought started getting smaller and smaller, even though the cardboard trays that were wrapped around them stayed the same size – and that was in the 50’s. Since I’ve been alive, marketing has been a neverending race to the bottom in terms of morality, ethicality and honor.

An article on KSL today highlights how the marketing bar has been lowered at least another notch: A lady was delighted when shopping at a trendy jeans store to find she had dropped a size, but when she went to the website to order another pair, she followed a link that mentioned “updated sizes;” it turns out old size 10s were now 8s, the old 6s are now 4s, and so on. The author of the article makes some good points about how marketing drives consumer spending habits, among them:

I had let the label of an article of clothing dictate not only my spending habits, but how I felt about myself. Those moments when I congratulated myself over how I looked in those new jeans were false.

I’ve mentioned the tactics of persuasion elsewhere, but consumers who want to shepherd their dollars carefully need to be constantly vigilant, because the marketeers are right on their heels, looking for new ways to separate them from their hard-earned money. If we’re not careful, we’ll return to what must be the undisputed nadir of marketing ethics:

In case you don’t grok why this advertisement is so shameful, here’s what it says in plain English

Throw away your old rabbit ears
Buy our rabbit ears, because they’re prettier!
You’re not getting satellite service, but in spite of our telling you that straight up, you’re still going to think you are.
We’ve told you nothing but the truth, but because you’re stupid and we’ve used a lot of weasel-words, you are getting a completely untruthful idea about our product.
Thanks for your money, suckers.

Be careful; it’s a jungle out there.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Laus Deo

Posted on November 12, 2013 by The Old Wolf

As part of the repair of the Washington Monument after earthquake damage, workers verify the correct position of the aluminum “capstone” that tops the monument. At the time of its creation, Aluminum was the most precious metal available because of the difficulty of smelting it from bauxite. Estimates vary as to its valuation, but it would have been as precious as silver and perhaps much more so.

The underside of the cap, showing lightning rod conductors and a trap door.

Exterior view of the trap door during repairs. What this exists for I am uncertain, unless to allow access for repair of the lightning rods which are placed atop the monument.

In 1984, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of its casting, a full-size replica was cast and exhibited at Tiffany’s.

The cap has four sides, each one exhibiting an inscription in cursive writing:

North face	West face	South face	East face
Joint Commission at Setting of CapstoneChester A. Arthur W. W. Corcoran, Chairman M. E. Bell Edward Clark John Newton Act of August 2, 1876	Corner Stone Laid on Bed of Foundation July 4, 1848 First Stone at Height of 152 feet laid August 7, 1880 Capstone set December 6, 1884	Chief Engineer and Architect, Thos. Lincoln Casey, Colonel, Corps of EngineersAssistants: George W. Davis, Captain, 14th Infantry Bernard R. Green, Civil EngineerMaster Mechanic P. H. McLaughlin	Laus Deo

North face

West face

South face

East face

Joint Commission
at
Setting of CapstoneChester A. Arthur
W. W. Corcoran, Chairman
M. E. Bell
Edward Clark
John Newton

Act of August 2, 1876

Corner Stone Laid on Bed of Foundation
July 4, 1848

First Stone at Height of 152 feet laid
August 7, 1880

Capstone set
December 6, 1884

Chief Engineer and Architect,
Thos. Lincoln Casey,
Colonel, Corps of EngineersAssistants:
George W. Davis,
Captain, 14th Infantry
Bernard R. Green,
Civil EngineerMaster Mechanic
P. H. McLaughlin

Laus Deo

The expression “Laus Deo” means “praise be to God.”

The reason for this inscription has been and continues to be debated by religious and secular scholars, as well as readers of Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol, which was an intriguing book despite being short on fact and long on artistic license . Since the founders aren’t around to ask, the true answer to its meaning will probably lie forever shrouded in uncertainty. But it’s interesting to know that the cap is there, even though very few people on earth have ever seen it directly.

Click through for more history about the cap.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

“Moving Stairs”: World’s Fair, 1939

Posted on November 12, 2013 by The Old Wolf

Visitors to the Hall of Power at the New York World’s Fair of 1939 ride the novel “moving stairs.”

The longest escalator in the world is found in the St. Petersburg Metro system, up to 433 feet (132 meters) long.

Some folks are still not clear on the concept:

Only in America

Advicing good

Inconceivable!

I’m tempted to shout ‘Merica! but this is obviously somewhere in Asia

Guerrilla art

There we go: ‘Merica! At the Westfield Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Movies: The best of 2013

Posted on November 11, 2013 by The Old Wolf

I love watching movies. They’re great stuff. As I wrote over at Livejournal one day, in answer to a Writer’s Block question – “What’s your favorite activity for the short days of Winter?”, the answer was “a good blood-n-guts / sword-swinging / explosions-are-many / bad-guys-get-ground-up action movie and a steaming cup of Pero. Fireplace if available. Cat in lap preferred.”

I’ve seen quite a few shows recently, and there hasn’t been one that I didn’t enjoy at some level. A list of the most popular ones from this year, in alphabetical order:

After Earth (only half of it, for a number of reasons)
Croods, The
Despicable Me 2
Gravity
Iron Man 3
Man of Steel
Now You See Me
Oblivion
Oz the Great and Powerful
Pacific Rim
Red 2
Star Trek Into Darkness

Each film had good points and weaker points. Some of them were great rides, great popcorn movies; others had something to say while entertaining. But I’d put every single one of these on a scale, together, against a film we watched tonight, and they’d come up short.

The story of Jackie Robinson has a great cast, a moving story, and supreme social relevance. Boseman and Ford played off each other beautifully as Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickey, and the film brings the past into the present with absolute clarity without being “hit you over the head” about it. This was the state of America within my lifetime, and I don’t fool myself for a minute into thinking that just because we are two generations removed from that day, that all is well. It is not. Racism and prejudice are still rampant in our country, just not as open as they once were. It will take many more generations and much more work before we can say that we have a nation – let alone a world – that works for everyone, with no one left out.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

European Road Trip – 1971

Posted on November 11, 2013 by The Old Wolf

In December of 1971, I was living in Naples, Italy, where I had also spent a year previously, and a friend of mine who was at the time serving on the USS Cascade (AD-16) had a little Fiat 850 Spider. It was decided that we should take a road trip, and so we did. (How George managed so much shore leave was a mystery to me, but I wasn’t asking questions.) We drove up Italy through Cesena to Venice, past Udine to Vienna, across Austria to Lofer, down through the Romansch-speaking part of Switzerland, across the Lake Como area, and back. It was a wonderful trip.

I recently came across my slides from the journey, which I thought I had lost for years, and decided it was worth a post, if only so my friend, with whom I’m still in touch, could see them. The photography is hardly award-winning, but there are some pretty shots here and there.

Near Cesena, Italy

Venice was cold and foggy.

Twin bridges

Parked Gondola

Canal with bridges

I would later return to Venice many times as a consequence of my employment, in much better weather and more pleasant seasons. It is one of my favorite places on earth.

As we proceeded north, we broke out of the fog as we approached the Alps in the vicinity of Udine. The views were glorious.

Italian Alps

Clearing the Fog

Found on the wall in an osteria (guest house) on the road – the sign says, “We’ll give credit when this rooster crows.”

A church near Udine

Near Udine

Udine

Wolsfberg, Austria

Wolfsberg, Austria

It turns out our route took us past Villach and through Klagenfurt and Graz, cities where I would spend much time in 1975 although I had no idea that would be the case. Wolfsberg lies on the road between Klagenfurt and Graz.

I would also spend about 6 months in Vienna in 1976, but even as early as 1971 I had this fixation on Beethoven, whose piano sonatas I was laboriously learning to play, and Vienna was like making a pilgrimage to Mecca. The weather was gray and wintry for the most part, but for 20-year-old me, it was still a gas being there.

The Beethoven Monument, Vienna. You can tell by the trees that this was not taken in December; in fact, it was taken 5 years later when I returned to Vienna as a missionary. But it’s almost a clone of the picture that I took in 1971, albeit much clearer, so I allowed myself the substitution.

Der Allermeister in all his scowly grandeur

Beethoven House

Beethovenhaus closeup – the plaque reads, “In this house lived Ludwig van Beethoven during the winter of 1819/20. The Missa Solemnis was written here.”

Vienna street with overpass

Donaukanal at low ebb

Vienna – Monument to Maria Theresa

Vienna – Parliament

Vienna – Karlskirche

We stopped for cocoa in this warm and cozy restaurant

Vienna – Skaters. I can hear Waldteufel’s “Skater’s Waltz” playing in the back of my mind…

Vienna – National Museum

Vienna – Monument to Richard Strauss

Vienna – Strauss monument closeup

Vienna – National Musem

Vienna

Vienna – People’s Theatre

After Vienna, we headed west, and spent the night in Lofer, Austria – one of the most picturesque places I have ever seen. It still rivals many others, and often appears on Austrian travel adverts.

The hotel where we spent the night – 100 Schillings, breakfast included. That came to about $4.00, the Austrian Schilling being about 24 to the dollar at the time. 5 years later it was down to 15.

The Lofer church by day.

Church in Lofer at sunset.

Lofer – Haus Anna

Lofer, Austria

Another view of the iconic Church

The following pictures were taken in Austria at various points, but I didn’t have the presence of mind to label them at the time. As a result, the precise locations are unknown.

We continued west through Austria toward Switzerland, and passed through the Romansch-speaking areas in the southeast where we encountered some lovely snow sculptures:

Horse rampant

Polar bear with cubs

These don’t rival the ones you find up in Sapporo, Japan, but they were impressive enough for me at the time.

Home and garden near Lake Como

It was a trip not to be forgotten. George, I hope you enjoyed these memories as much as I did.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Veteran’s Day, 2013

Posted on November 11, 2013 by The Old Wolf

This post is dedicated to the memory of my maternal uncle, Courtney Rogers Draper, who lost his life on one of the Japanese “Hell Ships” in December of 1944.

Obituary from the Salt Lake Tribune of July 25, 1945. Courtney’s parents received the telegram the previous day.

Strike photo showing the sinking of the Enoura Maru in Takao Harbor (now Kaohsiung, Taiwan). The allies were unaware that the ship was packed to the gills with allied prisoners, as the Japanese ships were unmarked.

Painting of the Ebara Maru, a ship of the same class as the Enoura Maru. The Ebara was not used as a Hell Ship.

Monument in Memory Grove, Salt Lake City.

A photo of Lt. Draper in the Philippines before his capture, along with his purple heart ribbon.

The official POW record reads as follows:

World War II Prisoners of War, 1941-1946
Name: Courtney R Draper
Race: White
Residence State: Utah

Report Date: 7 May 1942
Latest Report Date: Jan 1945

Grade: First Lieutenant or Chief nurse or Head dietitian or Head physical therapy aides
Grade Notes: First Lieutenant or Lt. Jr. Grade
Service Branch: Army
Arm or Service: Air Corps
Arm or Service Code: Air Corps
Area Served: Southwest Pacific Theatre: Philippine Islands
Detaining Country: Japan
Camp: 502
STATUS: Executed, Died in Ship’s Sinking or Result of Ship Sinking, Shot While Attempting Escape
Notes: Enoura Maru
POW Transport Ship: December Sinkings: See code in previous field (REP). (B)DS=Brazil Maru; (E)DS=Enoura Maru; (O)DS=Oryoka Maru; (X) Died during transportation from Olongapo to San Fernando, PI.
Report Source: Individual has been reported through sources considered official.

Manila American Cemetery and Memorial, also known as Fort William McKinley Cemetery, honors the American and allied servicemen who died fighting the Japanese in World War II. The Cemetery offers repose to soldiers who died in the Pacific theatre, which included the Philippines, New Guinea, and the Pacific islands. Courtney’s last official status is “missing,” his remains “unrecoverable.”

Courtney was a promising and rising young attorney in his father’s practice before his death; his siblings, including my mother, always told me what an outstanding person he was. I’m saddened that I never knew him, but I honor his memory, as I do that of all the honored dead. May they rest in peace.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

That’s one way of looking at it

Posted on November 11, 2013 by The Old Wolf

The Egg

By Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

———————

This is not necessarily the way I see the universe, but I like the vision. There’s some interesting philosophy in there.

Other language versions of “The Egg” can be found at Galactanet.com

The Old Wolf has spoken

Playing in the World Game

As One

Author Archives: The Old Wolf

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Naples, 1900

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Movies: The best of 2013

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That’s one way of looking at it